


One Hour

by ihadenoughofthis



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 120,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2357147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihadenoughofthis/pseuds/ihadenoughofthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One hour is a drop in the ocean, but one hour can change a man's life or the life of an entire team, of an entire family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a while ago and posted it originally on fanfiction.net. I thought I could repost it here.  
> I hope you can enjoy it.

**One Hour**

**Chapter 1**

“Man, I can’t believe it’s finally over!” Deeks said, sitting heavily at his desk. A clear sign of exhaustion was written on his face.

“I think I need a month of vacation to get over this last case,” Sam echoed, taking off his jacket and positioning it on the back of his chair.

“Kensi chose the right time to go to DC for that course. When she gets back, she will hear me whining all day…” the cop grinned, “…at least she will know what she missed.”

“And what’s new in that, Deeks? You whine all day, every day!” the ex-Seal teased the other man. A full dimpled smile brightened his tired expression.

“Yeah… right,” Deeks admitted, chuckling.

“When is she due to come back?” Callen wondered, passing a hand over his face as he sank into the couch.

“According to her last text, which was the ninth for the day,” the cop couldn’t stop laughing. It was 8am in the morning and his partner had already sent him nine messages to tell him how bored she was. “She will be back on Sunday… Monday the latest.”

“Nine messages? She must be pretty desperate,” the team leader shook his head, imagining his female teammate stuck in a big room listening to someone talking about stuff she already knew.

“Nah, she misses me too much. She just can’t get enough of my charming personality or my indubitable hotness!” a cheeky grin curved his lips.

“In your dreams, Deeks!” Sam told him, laughing “In your dreams.”

“No way! In my dreams, we do something more…”

“Oh please, Deeks, save us from the details of your sexual frustration…” Callen stopped the cop from going on. “And do it for your own safety, because if Kensi knew what you were going to say, she’d kill you right where you are standing!” He was aware of the tight bond that existed between his younger teammates. Sometimes they were so close that it scared him. For an external eye, they were already a real couple. In spite of all the bickering, of all the teasing, it was clear how they cared for each other, not only as friends, as partners, but as much more. Probably the only ones who hadn’t realized it yet was themselves… or they simply feared to see what was right in front of their eyes.

Deeks was going to reply but Hetty’s arrival prevented him from adding anything else and further embarrassing himself.

“You did a good job wrapping up this case. It’s been tough, but we saved an entire family and probably thousands of people,” the Operations Manager told them firmly, unable to hide a hint of pride. The case had been pretty tough and very taxing for all of them.

A self-professed group of Scandinavian Arians had put some bombs in various buildings where people of different ethnicity regularly met. They took down a mosque, a Somali restaurant and a Chinese bazar, killing, in the process, 39 people. The Arians, though, were starting to think bigger. In order to get some information and help from a Marine who worked on new kind and more effective explosive, they kidnapped his family, consisting of his wife and three children aged 4, 9 and 14 years. Deeks was sent undercover and infiltrated the group so he could keep an eye on the family and gather information about the new attacks they were planning. Callen posed as a financier, a sponsor, while Sam offered support from the outside, especially considering his level of expertise with explosives.

The operation was a complete success. The whole organization had been dismantled, but it almost cost them their lives. During the final burst, Sam had been caught by a stray bullet to his chest and only a big dose of luck in the form of his phone strategically positioned in the internal pocket of his jacket had saved his life. If it wasn’t for the last version of the iPhone, they probably would have been getting ready for his funeral.

Callen and Deeks had a close encounter with a bomb placed under the car they were supposed to drive. Only the cop’s quick mind and Eric’s intervention had saved them from getting blown up along with the car.

Their efforts and near death experiences, though, had been worth it. The faces of the three children, once reunited with their father, were simply priceless.

“Yes, we saved the world again,” Deeks said, unable to suppress a yawn.

“How long has it been since you’ve slept, Deeks?” the team leader wondered, concerned for his younger teammate. They all knew what he had gone through while he was with the Arians. Deeks was trying to gain their trust and trying to protect the Marine’s family from getting hurt. All of this, without getting made. They were all aware that he probably slept very little. A little look at his eyes and at the way he carried himself, was enough to see that he was clearly beyond exhausted.

“I’m fine,” the cop replied, smiling, although he was unable to hide his weariness at the eyes of his friend.

“That’s Kensi’s line,” Sam pointed out skeptically, “and you’re far from fine. You need to get some rest.”

“Mr. Hanna is right, Mr. Deeks. You need to go home and sleep. Don’t let me make it an order,” Hetty gave him a knowing glance, the one that didn’t leave space for a complaint. “You all need to go home. Paperwork can wait. It’s Thursday, so let’s see you again on Monday morning.”

“Wow, three days off? Did Vance offer you his compliments?” Callen smirked cunningly, gaining a silent scold from his boss.

“Director Vance was very pleased with your conduct throughout the whole operation and with the way you did your job,” she remarked while her lips curved into a faint amused smile. “He can be very magnanimous if you treat him with the right manners, Mr.. Callen. Now, back to the previous subject, I want you out of here and I don’t want to see your faces until Monday morning.”

“Hetty, that is the best news in a long time,” Sam got up, stretching his sore back “I will be able to see my daughter’s school play”.

“Really? School play? Why wasn’t I invited?” Callen protested, tilting his head pretty disappointed.

“Because I was not even sure to be there myself… I didn’t want to give her a double disappointment.”

“So I am a disappointment? That is how you see me? After all the times I have saved your ass?” insisted the team leader, standing right in front of Sam.

“I saved your ass more than you have, G…” the ex-Seal clarified, with a teasing tone of his voice.

Deeks got up from his desk, shaking his head and laughing like a little kid who was watching the cartoons on TV “You’re too funny, but I will let you, Laurel and Hardy, fight it all alone. I am planning to go home, take a shower and then enjoy my bed.”

“You better do it, Mr. Deeks,” Hetty smiled at him. A smile that hardly hid a motherly affection. “And you two, when you’re finished arguing, you should do exactly the same. Before I change my mind and tie you to your desks to complete some reports.”

Sam and Callen exchanged a look and silently agreed that it was better to play along with the Operations Manager. “We got the message,” the ex-Seal told her, chuckling amused. It was funny how just a few words from the diminutive woman could put them all in line.

“Ok then, out of here, all of you, so I can finally enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet.” She had a satisfied expression planted on her face while talking.

“Bye Hetty,” Callen said, grabbing his bag and moving towards the exit.

“Goodbye Hetty,” the other two men echoed, following him.

“Goodbye gentlemen and have a good weekend,” Hetty observed them leave, sighing heavily. They deserved some time to blow off steam after this case. They would never admit it, but they had all been affected by it, especially considering the presence of the children. She saw it in their eyes. But fortunately, it was over now and next Monday they would be back to their old selves. Back to be her main source of preoccupation. Smiling and shaking her head, she walked towards her office and instead of pouring herself a cup of tea, she decided to take out a bottle of a precious British Scotch. She slowly sipped a glass of it. “Cheers,” she murmured to herself.

* * *

 

It was just another night in the city of Los Angeles. People were out enjoying themselves, having fun with friends. Families were entertaining themselves in front of the TV or simply chatting. Happy couples walked hand in hand, while sweet words were exchanged. Tourists took pictures of the crowded, famous streets of the City of Angels. It was also just another normal night for Special Agent G Callen, who was lying awake on the floor of his almost unfurnished house, drinking a beer reflecting on the events of the last days that had touched them deeply.

Callen was ready to get up to have another beer when his phone rang. He looked at the ID and smiled as he answered. It wasn’t unusual that his partner called him early in the morning to check on him and to see whether he was sleeping or not. “Sam, your wife must have pissed you a lot if you call me at 5 am!”

“I am sorry Agent Callen but your partner is unable to answer your question at the moment,” a calm but cold voice told him.

Callen sat up abruptly. His attention definitely caught .“Who are you? And what did you do to Sam?” he asked trying to control his anger and concern. He knew he shouldn't show any emotion if he wanted to have a chance to understand what had happened to his friend and to save him.

“Oh don't worry, I didn't do anything to him... yet. But it’s all up to you whether I’ll hurt him or not,” the voice said. Callen could detect a note of amusement in those words. “You killed my son and now, you're going to see someone you care about die.”

The NCIS agent's mind tried to process what he had just heard. He was running through all the cases they had worked to think of who this man could possibly be and how dangerous he was. “Look, maybe we could solve this issue in another way. If you are so mad at me, why don’t you take me instead of Sam?”

A fat laugh resounded in Callen's ears. “That wouldn't be funny enough!” the man paused, but when he started talking again there was no trace of a joke in his voice, just seriousness. “I want you to pay, Agent Callen. I want you to suffer as much as I suffered when you shot my son! I want you to feel guilty for the rest of your life because I'm not going to kill you. I want you to live every day consumed by the remorse.”

Callen felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He didn't know why. Maybe it was the tone the man used or the fact that he sounded so desperate, without nothing to lose. The man gave him chills. “You know that I can get you as soon as this call ends.”

“Maybe I wasn't clear enough, Agent Callen. Call anyone and your friend is dead. Send a text and your friend is dead. Send an email and your friend is dead. Use your computer and he dies. Leave any kind of message to your team and he's dead. We're keeping an eye on you...”

The NCIS agent swallowed hard, he didn't expect to be under surveillance. He moved to the window, looking outside to see if there was someone really controlling him, but he saw no one.

“Oh don't try to look for us, you can't see us, but we can see you,” the man seemed very confident. Very sure of himself. “You will never find us watching out of the window as you just did.”

Callen swallowed not expecting this development. “Ok, what do you want?” He asked, afraid of the answer he would receive.

“Finally,” the voice was even more firm and amused now. “I am sending you something to your phone. Watch it, but don't close this communication”.

A beep signaled to the agent that a new email had been delivered to his inbox. Nervously, he opened the file, taking a deep breath. As he did it, a video started playing. His blood boiled when Sam's face appeared on screen. He was clearly angry but all in all, he seemed alert and unhurt. As the video zoomed out, the NCIS agent had a clear view of the predicament his partner was in. The ex-Seal was tied to a chair with his hands behind his back. He was wearing the clothes he had the previous day when they met for a drink, a sign that he had been abducted before arriving home. Sam was in a dimly lit room with high walls and small windows at the top. It looked like a warehouse. He was conscious and struggling to get rid of his bindings.

“Don't you dare hurt him!” Callen exclaimed, barely containing his anger.

“Oh Agent Callen, you know you're not in the position to give me any order,” the man grinned, very pleased. “Now, why don't you open the other file? I'm sure you'll be surprised.”

Callen hadn't noticed the other attachment at first, but right now he could feel his nervousness, his anxiety growing. He didn't like the surprises this man was giving him. Taking a deep breath, he opened the other file and another video played. He froze at the sight of a very battered, very gagged and very handcuffed Marty Deeks .“Son of a bitch!” he yelled madly. The LAPD detective was clearly unconscious. He was wearing a white t-shirt and pajama pants. There were bruises on his face and he had been gagged. Deeks was sitting on a dusty ground with his hands handcuffed above his head around a horizontal tube. From the close up images, it was impossible to determine where he was.

“I bet you're surprised. Don't worry, your Detective friend is ok. He simply put up a little bit of a fight and my men had to use strong manners and the gag was for their own safety, since he didn't shut up, not even for a second.” The man's voice was cold and calculating and didn't show any kind of emotion.

“You evil bastard! What do you want from me and my friends?” Callen shouted between ground teeth.

“I want you to suffer exactly as I suffered when you killed my son. I want you to feel hopeless and helpless. I want to see you go through everything I went through, consuming yourself with guilt,” the man told him with venomous tone, so full of evil and hate.

“Don't touch any of them or I swear to God, I'm going to hurt you,” the agent tried to hide his concern with anger.

“Believe me, you'll be the one who will hurt them or at least one of them.”

Callen was puzzled, not understanding where the man was going with his talking. “Are you kidding me?”

A fat laugh exploded on the other side of the phone. “Oh no, I'm pretty serious,” the voice returned back to its deep and mean tone. “Your friends are in two different locations. Every place is one hour drive away from your house. I'm going to inject both of them with a lethal dose of poison that will take one hour to kill them.”

Callen's blood froze realizing what the man was telling him.

“I think you know what this means. I will leave a dose of antidote in the rooms where your friends are being held so you can give it to one of them, the one you'll decide to save. But the other one will die,” the man couldn't suppress a noisy smirk. “So Agent Callen, have you lost your voice?”

“You sick bastard! You want me? Take me and leave them alone!” the agent almost screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Ahahahah and where is the fun in that? I told you, you will suffer and you will take the remorse with you to your grave, because you will be the cause of one of your friends' death.” The man paused. It was clear that he felt very satisfied. “Who are you going to choose? Who do you want to see die? Your loyal partner, the brother of all the battles or the young cop who's slowly growing on you? Oh such a pity... such a shame...”

“You're just a son of a bitch!” the agent yelled again, with fury as his eyes glued to the screen of his phone, studying every little detail of the predicament his friends found themselves into.

“Oh shout as much as you want, Agent Callen. Nothing will change,” the man paused, a triumphant note in his hissing voice. “I will send you two addresses and the moment you receive them, your hour will start. I'll give them the poison shot and then it will be up to you. Remember, we're keeping an eye on you. Make a wrong move and I'll shoot them both. Behave and you'll be able to save one of your friends, at least. Have I made myself clear?”

Callen's mind was trying to process everything the man had told him, hoping to find a way out, but sadly he didn't see any. A knot clenched his stomach as he looked at the clock on the phone. One hour. Just one hour. How could he decide who to save? How could he let one of his friends die? He would rather die himself, but the man was not giving him that chance. He had to make a choice. “Yes, I got it.”

“Good boy,” the voice was calmer now but it became grave and deep when the man continued. “Don't worry, they won't suffer until the very end, only the last ten-fifteen minutes will be really painful. I wouldn't like to be them in those moments, though.”

“You're sick! Pray that I will never find you because I will kill you and I will do it slowly and painfully,” Callen held his phone tightly, his eyes glued on the two figures on the screen. Sam was still trying to get rid of his bindings, while Deeks seemed to have come round, finally. The team leader moved his eyes from one man to another. How could he choose? How could he condemn one of them to die?

“What a passion, what a fire, Agent Callen!” the man laughed , mocking the NCIS agent since he knew he was in a very good position. He knew he had a great advantage in this game. “I'm sure you're thinking about your choice. Well, the time for thinking is over!”

A beep signaled the arrival of a new message. At the same time, the two cameras closed up on the two captured men, stopping on their faces.

“What are you doing?” Sam yelled angrily, struggling, before strong arms steadied him and a needle pierced the skin of his neck injecting him with a light green liquid “What the hell is that?” he asked as the camera zoomed out, showing him in his entirety, alone in the room.

In the meantime, in the other half of the screen, Deeks' eyes flashed open. Pure terror filled them as he saw the syringe approaching. He was probably a bit groggy but he wriggled from a strong grip, trying to escape his fate. He kicked with his free legs but a masked man blocked him painfully, discouraging him from moving any further. Callen remembered Deeks' reaction when Hetty gave him the smallpox shot and back then, he knew it was just a vaccine. This time, it was far worse and the cop was not able to hide it. He moaned when the needle was plunged into his neck and Callen was sure that if Deeks wasn't gagged he would have cried out.

“One hour, Agent Callen. You have one hour from now,” the man said with a satisfied tone. “Welcome to my world. Welcome to hell!”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sam struggled, but he couldn't do anything to prevent the man plunging the needle into his neck. He couldn’t prevent the liquid from coursing through his veins. He didn't know what the substance was. For few endless moments, he felt nothing different. Then slowly, a warm sensation pervaded his whole body. It was then that the masked men walked out of the room and left him alone, without saying a single word.

The ex-Seal shook his head trying to re-live the events that had brought him here, wherever here was.

He was driving home after having few drinks with Callen, when a car had hit his challenger in the back while he was waiting for the green. He remembered getting out of the car and then darkness engulfed him before he woke up in this room, tied to this chair, unable to move or to get rid of the bindings.

Doubts assaulted him. These men didn't ask him a single question. They didn't even say a single word. What did they want from him? What if they had his friends too?

“G?!” he called “G, are you here?” But thankfully, no one answered.

“Deeks!” Silence.

If only he knew.... his friends might not be here at all and he would be truly relieved, but what if they were unconscious or worse, hurt?

His mind raced, processing everything that had happened. Trying to figure out a way to get out of here, but his body seemed pretty uncooperative, almost numb; his vision was blurred and everything moved in slow motion.

What did those men give him? What kind of drug? He was not feeling anything that strange or different. After the first reaction, his whole body was engulfed by a warm wave and his sight was a bit affected. Now he was absolutely normal, so he took the chance to look at his surroundings, at the place where he was being held.

The room was not very big. It had high walls with only small shuttered windows at the top. It was impossible to determine whether it was still night or day. A feeble light coming for a small lamp on the high ceiling barely illuminated the almost empty room.

The ropes binding him bit his skin at every movement, getting tighter, making it impossible to get rid of them.

“Perfect Sam, this is just perfect!” he murmured to himself when his eyes caught sight of a little detail, of something he hadn’t noticed until now.

A video camera was pointed at him and it was clearly on, recording him. Why? What was the meaning, the purpose of all of this?

Sam was still trying to figure things out when the door opened and a dark figure, wearing a ski mask, stepped inside. According to the way the man moved, this was not one of the people the ex-Seal had seen before.

“Who are you?” he asked struggling “What do you want from me?”

“From you? Nothing,” the masked man stated coldly. “It's your friend I want to suffer.”

“My friend?” Sam wondered confused.

“Yes, Special Agent G Callen and believe me, he will suffer.”

“Don't you dare hurt him!” the ex-Seal shouted regretting it when his head started spinning.

The man burst out laughing. “I see the poison is starting to affect you.”

“Poison? What the hell are you talking about?” Cold shivers ran down Sam's back. Poison... so this was what they had injected him with.

“Ahahahah, don't worry, there's still time,” the man laid a syringe on the table in front of his captive. “If your friend will choose you, you'll be ok.”

Sam couldn't understand what this man was talking about. “Choose me?”

“As I said, I want Agent Callen to suffer, but there are a lot of ways to do it.” The man walked behind his prisoner. “Making choices is hard. What if his choice will save one of his friends, but it will kill another? How do you think Agent Callen will feel, knowing that choosing to save one of his friends condemns another to certain death?”

“What are you talking about? Callen would never...” the ex-Seal was interrupted by the masked man who pushed his head to one side, painfully. “Two friends, only one can be saved. Two friends, one will live, one will die. Who will Callen save, Agent Hanna? You or...”

Realization hit Sam. He was just a pawn in a bigger game. Callen had to make a choice and it didn't matter which one he will make, because he will regret it for the rest of his life.

“I see you are starting to understand, Agent Hanna. Callen has to choose between you and...”

“Deeks...” the ex-Seal murmured as nausea turned his stomach upside down, while the devilish laugh of the masked man echoed in the room.

 

* * *

 

Deeks had been sleeping soundly in his bed, thanks to a pill he had taken to get some rest after the stressful days. He had felt strong hands grabbing him roughly. Instinctively, he had reacted, fighting back, but he was a bit groggy. He was clearly outnumbered. After receiving several blows, the final blow to the back of his head had sent him into oblivion.

The first time he woke up, he was in the back of a van with two masked men. He started complaining, using his words as a defensive mechanism, but his kidnappers probably didn't appreciate it. They gagged him and injected something into his arm that put him to sleep.

The second time he came round, he was sitting on the dusty and cold ground of a dimly lit room with his hands handcuffed above his head to a metal pipe. A man was towering over him and plunging a needle into his neck.

He wriggled, trying to protest, but it was all in vain. The handcuffs were too tight and the gag was still in its place in his mouth. He panicked when the warm liquid coursed through his veins and a burning sensation engulfed him.

He had never felt anything like that. Fortunately it didn’t last too long. A sense of numbness took possession of his muscles and his whole body relaxed. Now if only he could get rid of the gag that was making it hard to breathe properly. Deeks tried to loosen the gag using his handcuffed arms, but it was in vain. It was too tight and it didn’t move a single inch.

Defeated, he moved his attention to the room he was being held in. There was a chair in front of him, although not close enough to be reached. Nothing else was in the room. The walls were made of metal, with no windows and according to the high amount of various tubes and pipes, it looked like a boiler room or even an engine room of a boat.

He shivered when drops of sweat ran down his back since the room was cold and damp. The light t-shirt and pajama pants he was wearing couldn’t give him enough protection. He didn’t know how long he had been in this place but according by the ache in his strained shoulders, it had been some time.

Who were these people? What did they want from him? The men hadn’t said a single word, so the cop couldn’t even figure out whether they were American or not. Why did they take him? A sudden fear coursed through his veins. What if he had been captured to get to his friends? No… darn, not again or Sam would kill him himself this time. He had tried to follow the ex-Seal’s instruction, he had been cautious lately, but these men got to him in his apartment. They probably had been following him for days, waiting for the opportune moment to break into his apartment. But the question remained the same, what did these people want? And what was in the injection?

Deeks couldn’t hide a hint of apprehension. He had never been too fond of needles, but not knowing what was in that syringe worried him even more.

He was so lost in his thoughts when the door of the room opened and a masked man stepped inside. He was carrying a black box in his hands and was approaching him at a fast pace.

“So… I see you’re awake,” the man finally spoke. These were the first words anyone had said since he had been dragged out of his apartment.

Deeks struggled with his bindings, causing more damage to his already lacerated wrists. He tried to say something but the gag prevented him from saying anything more than some moans.

“Don’t struggle too much,” the man started again, looking at his captive with a pair of dark eyes, “Or the poison will spread through your body more quickly.”

The cop’s blue eyes widened in shock hearing those words. Poison… these people poisoned him! Why did things like this always happen to him? Hell, it’s not fair…

“Oh don’t be scared, you still have an hour to live,” the masked man laughed out loud, moving closer to his prisoner, yanking his hair and tilting his head to one side. “But maybe you’ll live… it’s up to your friend.”

Deeks’ heart started beating madly. He tried to swallow, but the gag didn’t help him in the task and for a moment, he thought he was going to suffocate as a bout of coughing caught him.

“Ahahah, you Feds are not so brave when you’re not bunching together, eh? If it was for me, I would have killed you all for what you did, but my father wants to see your buddy suffer… He wants to see him go through what we went through,” the man tightened his grip on Deeks’ hair. “Do you have an idea of what it was like for us to watch you kill my little brother?”

The cop closed his eyes hoping to hide his clear discomfort, but his mind was trying to process what he had just heard. What friend is he talking about? Sam or Callen? And what about the poisoning? A bait… Once again, he had been used to hurt his friends, this was getting too old, damn it!

The man yanked his hair again, using even more strength this time. “I would have liked to kill you, one by one. But at least your friend will suffer, watching one of his buddies die…” he laughed again, more evilly. “Yes, your buddy, Callen, will choose which of his friends he wants to save, condemning the other one to die. Trust me. Now, you might not feel anything wrong, but soon you’ll be in hell!”

Deeks was sure that his heart had skipped a beat. This was far worse than he had imagined at first. These men had gotten Sam too and he was probably in the same position as he was right now. As a reaction to the news, he wriggled once again. He knew that he couldn’t free himself, but he didn’t want to appear submissive.

The man backhanded him and pain exploded in his already pounding head. “You better behave, because I could even decide to kill you if your friend chooses to save you. I don’t give a damn about his choice… and sadly, for you, I’m not my father…” his voice was cold as ice and didn’t hide all the evilness coming through his words. With a quick movement, the man laid the black box he was carrying on the chair then turned on his heels and left.

 

* * *

 

Callen was driving his car like he was in a F1 race. The traffic at this hour of the day helped him since the roads were not very crowded and most of the traffic lights had been turned off for the night. Once in a while he glanced at his phone and each time his heart clenched tightly. He made his choice and he made it on purpose, not because of a rash act. But this won’t change the fact that his life will be affected by his decision. Forever.

He took a deep breath, not wanting to think about the consequences of his choice. He didn’t want to think about the fact that in less than half an hour one of his friends was going to die. Because of him.

His gaze moved once again to the screen of his phone. Just a few minutes ago both Sam and Deeks received a visit from a different masked man. Both had been manhandled, but both seemed pretty much unharmed, if not a bit agitated. For the moment, they were starting to be a little restless. For sure, the poison was getting to them. Although, according to what the man who contacted him said, the worse was still to come.

Callen’s hands clung to the steering wheel with unexpected strength until his knuckles whitened for the effort. A wave of rage coursed through his body because of what that man was putting him and his friends through. It wasn’t fair. If he was the cause of the man’s anger, the recipient of his revenge, he should be the one who was going to pay… not his friends.

He looked at the countdown. 28 minutes…

His breath was sucked away from his lungs at the idea that in 28 minutes things were going to change drastically. His life and his team’s won’t be the same anymore. He had always been a lone wolf, a very independent person. Forced, by his own life, to count only on himself. But these people, his teammates, had become something more to him. Something he had never had in his whole life. A family. How could he outlive the fact that he was going to destroy his family?

Nell and Eric would be devastated; Kensi would be angry and Hetty… well, he didn’t know what Hetty was going to think. Maybe she would be the only one who could truly understand his dilemma. The one who could truly understand his behavior in this situation.

For the first time, Callen prayed that all of his friends were there with him, helping to go through this situation together. Helping him to get over what he did, to get over the pain he was going to cause his family. For the first time in his life, he prayed that he wasn’t alone.

He cast a glance at the street navigator. He was twenty minutes away from the address the man had given him. From the place where he was going to save one of them, but his mind raced to another address, to another place… to another man and a lonely tear rolled down his cheek.

“Damn it!” he slammed the palm of his hand on the steering wheel in a mix of fury and frustration. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled angrily. “I will make you pay. I swear to God wherever you go, I will find you!”

The following minutes passed too fast. When he took a look at his phone, the countdown said 18 minutes left. His eyes moved from one part of the screen to another as he started to feel a certain amount of discomfort in his friends’ behavior, in the way their eyes blinked more often, in the way their faces wrinkled as waves of pain hit them. Sam seemed to show his stoicism, but it was clear that he was failing. The poison was affecting him deeply. Deeks, on the other hand, moved uncomfortably, as he wanted to find a better position. Callen could see the tense muscles of his arms bulging for the effort he was putting on his task. The position he was handcuffed in, for sure, didn’t help him to reach his goal.

Callen was so intent in watching the video feed that he almost missed what was on the road in front of him. As he realized what was happening, he pressed the brake pedal with all of his strength and, miraculously, his car stopped just a few inches away from the car in front of him. “Damn it! NO!” he shouted with a note of desperation in his voice.

He couldn’t believe what was happening in front of his eyes. A truck had lost its cargo that had crushed three cars that were now blocking the road completely. Fortunately, it seemed that no one was hurt, but it was impossible to get around the accident. “No, no, no…” the blue eyed man repeated, frustrated, as he reversed, hoping to find a way out of this mess. He couldn’t waste time, his friends needed him. They didn’t have much time left.

With a couple of hazardous maneuvers, he managed to find an alternate route. It was busy but still accessible. His eyes were locked on the screen of his phone.

11 minutes.

Sam’s face was sweaty now and he was doubled over due to the pain. He was grinding his teeth, trying not to cry out, but it was getting harder and harder as time went by. In the other half of the screen, Deeks was not doing much better. He grunted under the gag, shutting his eyes as waves of agony coursed through his body. His head tilted back fighting the pain.

Callen swallowed hard at the view, his hands clenched around the steering wheel, trembling visibly. His heart melted seeing his friends’ discomfort, watching hopelessly as they suffered. It was his fault… all of this was his fault. “Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” he yelled angrily as his destination was finally in sight.


	3. Chapter 3

He wanted to scream, the pain was getting unbearable minute after minute. He was sweating profusely, but his whole body was in hell, contorted by flashes of agony that turned his stomach upside down.

Deeks felt the bile rise up to his throat but the gag prevented him from retching, from coughing, making him even sicker. It was like he was on fire but at the same time he was freezing. He was shaking so badly that he could hear the sound of the metal handcuffs scraping against the pipe, biting into his skin at every movement.

He didn’t know how long he was going to last… Pain had been his companion during childhood. When he had been shot he was in agony, but this… this was something he had never experienced before. There was not a single part of his body that was not hurting. It was like his own blood was on fire, burning him from the inside out - consuming him.

Breathing was hard and, of course, the gag was not helping. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. It was constricted, like someone was squeezing it with exceptional strength.

His captor said he wouldn’t have wanted to be in his shoes and he could see now why he had said that.

Deeks tried to breathe through his nose, but a new wave of nausea caught him and this time he coughed behind the gag, retching… almost suffocating.

His back arched because of the intense pain and a feral moan escaped from his lips. Flashes of his life danced in front of his eyes as tears veiled his vision. He knew he was going to die… his body couldn’t take any more of this.

_Kensi_ , he thought, _I am sorry, I’m so sorry_. His partner was a very special person in his life. She was his best friend, the only person he could truly trust and he deeply cared for her. Leaving her was something that hurt him the most, because he knew she felt abandoned by all the men of her life. He was doing the same. He was leaving her alone and he knew this would make her suffer. And if there was something that Marty Deeks didn’t want to see, was watching Kensi in pain.

He saw her smile at him, give him another one of her trademark punches and his heart was filled with sadness at that thought before a stabbing pain contorted his stomach once again, twisting his guts, taking his breath away… slowly taking his life away.

It was over. Callen had made his choice. Sam was going to live and he was going to die. If it wasn’t for the gag, he would have laughed at the situation, because in Callen’s place he would have made the same choice. Sam had a family, a wife, children that needed him. He was alone. No family, no one who truly loved him, well maybe with the only exception of his partner, because deep inside himself, Deeks knew that Kensi, in her own twisted way, cared for him. At least someone will miss him…

A new wave of agony coursed through his body and this time he didn’t fight it anymore. His mind was filled with fog and darkness was engulfing him. He didn’t know whether he was dreaming or not, but in the distance he heard the metal door opening as someone approached him… but it was too late. He closed his eyes and his world went black.

* * *

Sam was still struggling in his binding when the pain, the real one, started coursing through his body. At first it was a burning sensation coming from the inside that engulfed his muscles, numbing them. Then cold shivers took possession of him and even if he fought strenuously, he couldn’t do anything about them.

But it was his stomach that was giving him nightmares. It was like someone was playing with his guts, contorting them, putting pressure on them. Even if he didn’t want to, he cried out as a new flash of agony hit him.

“Aarrggh,” he screamed trying to double over, to ease the pain, as much as his bound arms allowed him.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered between ground teeth as the bile rose up to his throat and he retched dry heaves, shaking his whole body.  

He knew he was being watched. He knew that probably the men who captured him was showing this video to Callen, so he didn’t want to show his clear discomfort. For his partner’s sake. But it was hard and the pain was getting worse minute after minute.

“It’s ok, G” he murmured, hoping his friend could hear him “I’m ok with… whatever you choose,” he panted as air was sucked from his lungs. He was aware that Callen was probably consuming himself with guilt, so he wanted to make things a little easier for him. Too bad that he was in too much pain to sound convincing.

His muscles were burning, but he was shivering badly. His heart was beating madly, almost exploding in his chest that it felt like it was clenched in a tight vice.

“Next time you piss someone…” Sam was still talking when a stabbing pain took his breath away. His stomach was suddenly turned upside down and he couldn’t stop himself from throwing up. “Oh Damn it,” he murmured trying to guide his legs towards his chest to ease the pain. In vain. It hurt. It hurt too much.

This was the worst situation he had been in and the agony was so intense that it blurred his vision.

“Aaaarrrggghhh,” he screamed, unable to stop himself. This was the end. He could feel it.

His mind went to his family, to his wife, his children. He loved them so much that leaving them was the last thing he wanted to do. “Take… care… of them, G… please…” he whispered as a coughing fit hit him. When it ended, he could feel the blood pouring out the corner of his mouth. “Take care… of my… family.”

Dizziness caught him and white stars flashed in front of his eyes. For a moment it felt like he was floating, like time had stopped. But it was just the calmness before the storm.

Fire burnt through his veins and pain exploded behind his eyes. His head seemed ready to blow up. It was over. He was really going to die today. Hot tears ran down his cheeks but they were like daggers cutting his skin. He only prayed that this would end soon, because it hurt too much.

When a new stabbing pain twisted his guts, like a knife sinking deeply, he let go. No more fighting. When darkness engulfed him, Sam welcomed it as he slipped into unconsciousness.

He didn’t hear the door open. He didn’t hear a man rushing towards him… he felt nothing anymore.

 

* * *

 

Callen parked his car then ran, gun in hand, inside the building. His heart was beating madly, pounding in his ears. He prayed that he was not too late. That bloody car accident had slowed him down and now the clock was ticking. One hour was almost gone.

He cast one last glance at the screen of his phone. Both Sam and Deeks were unconscious. At least they were not in pain anymore. Watching them struggle, scream, contort themselves in agony, had been too painful. He only wished they were still alive. He was still looking when the images disappeared and the screen went static.

“What the hell?” he cursed, putting his phone away “You little bastard!”

He ran along the corridors, even more desperate now that he was practically blind, but the place seemed deserted. He opened a couple of doors, but there was no trace of his friend or his captors. One after another he searched another couple of rooms, but again they were empty. Anger grew inside of him as he realized that maybethe man had cheated, sending him fake addresses. The moment he was almost allowing his rage to blind his judgment, he found himself in front of another door. The key was in the lock. Tightening the grip on his gun, Callen unlocked it, rushing inside.

Even though it was only moments ago that he had watched the video, he was not ready for what he saw.

“Sam!” he screamed, running towards his partner. The ex-Seal was clearly unconscious. His head was resting on his chest and a little rivulet of blood was running down his chin. “Sam!” he repeated once he was close enough to check for a pulse. He was relieved when he found a feeble one. “It’s ok, Sam. It’s going to be ok.”

Callen noticed the syringe lying on the table. With a trembling hand he grabbed it and taking a deep breath, he plunged the needle into Sam’s neck. Waiting. Praying that this was not a trick… that this was the real antidote.

Time stopped, as nothing happened. He started untying his partner, guiding him towards the floor. “Come on Sam… come on!” he murmured.

Then all of the sudden, the ex-Seal’s back arched and he started coughing.

Callen raised his shoulders so his head was a little bit higher, sighing in relief. “It’s over Sam. You’re going to be ok.”

The big man didn’t seem to hear him. He was still coughing and shaking.

The team leader supported his friend. At the same time, he picked up his phone and dialed Ops, hoping that Eric was already there, even if it was early in the morning.

One hour had passed. The evil man’s threat was probably over and even if it hurt him too much to admit it, Deeks might be already dead. There was no sense in not contacting his friends, no matter if he was still under surveillance.

“Callen?” a sleepy voice answered him. “Do you have an idea of what time is it?”

“Eric I don’t have time! I am sending you two addresses. Send an ambulance, a team and even LAPD to both of them. It’s urgent! And check the cameras around those places. I want to know who has gone in and out of these places! Every single person!”

“But Callen…”

The team leader could understand the tech’s curiosity, but there was no time. If there was still a chance that Deeks was still alive, he didn’t want to miss it. “Later Eric! Do as I say! It’s a matter of life and death… please!”

Eric had never heard such a desperation in the other man’s voice. Something really bad must have happen to reduce him to such a state. So, it was not time to argue. “Ok, on it.”

“Thank you, Eric and please, let me know what they find… please.” Callen closed the communication, turning his attention to his partner who was slowly coming around. “Come on big guy, talk to me.”

Sam stirred, blinking repeatedly. “G?” he asked with a hoarse voice. His mouth was filled with the acrid taste of vomit and his throat was like sandpaper.

“Yeah, Sam. It’s me.”

The ex-Seal’s eyes widened as realization hit him and his hand clenched his partner’s jacket, lifting his body up. “Deeks!” he yelled as much as his hurting throat would allow him.

Callen bowed his head, unable to look at his friend, eaten by the guilt. He didn’t know what to say, so he simply stood still. In silence.

“G…what have you done? Why… I…” Sam sank back into his partner’s lap. Weariness was catching up with him. His whole body was in pain. His head was spinning, but it was his heart that was suffering the most. Bleeding because of a friend’s loss. “You… you should have…”

Callen was shaking clearly, the wound was still too fresh. “I… the man that took you… he had your phone. I… I thought I could have found him here. That I could get him… that I could make him pay…”

“He didn’t… deserve it, G. Deeks…” talking was getting harder for the ex-Seal and it was sucking all the energy he had left “He didn’t deserve it…” he repeated feebly.

“I know, Sam… I know… but I…” It was Callen’s turn to grip tightly to his friend’s shirt. “He didn’t give me a chance. I… I had to choose.” He never imagined he would feel so bad, to feel so dirty. He had saved his best friend, but another man, another friend had died. Because of him… a young man, with an entire life in front of him, had suffered. He felt the tears forming in his blue eyes, but he held them back. It was not the time to mourn Deeks yet. He had to take care of Sam first. He waited for the ambulance, then he planned to look for the man responsible for this mess.

“I know,” Sam closed his eyes, succumbing to tiredness right when sirens stopped outside the warehouse.

Callen could hear a commotion on the other side of the building. “Over here!” he shouted to get their attention. Soon the room was filled with people. Paramedics pushed him aside and started taking care of the ex-Seal.

“Sir, what happened?” one of them asked checking Sam’s vitals.

“He… he has been poisoned, but I gave him the antidote. When I arrived he was unconscious but after I gave him the shot, he woke up and talked to me,” the blue eyed man reported, still a bit shaken.

“It’s ok, sir. We’ll take it from here,” the paramedic told him.

“Agent Callen, I am Agent Connor. The place is secure. No one’s here,” a young man in his late twenties said, standing in front of him “We have a team checking the area and LAPD has sent a couple of patrols too”.

Callen didn’t even acknowledge the man. He was still lost in his thoughts as he watched the paramedics putt Sam on a stretcher. An oxygen mask covered his face and an IV was already in his hand. Uncaring of everything happening around him, the team leader picked up his phone and once again, he dialed Ops. “Eric, what did you get?”

“I… one of our team reported that they found you… how’s Sam?” Eric asked tentatively.

“He’s alive, Eric what did the other team find?” There was an urge in Callen’s words, a deep concern that he was not able to hide.

“But Callen…” the tech muttered but the team leader stopped him, shouting.

“Damn it, Eric! Tell me what they found!”

“Mr. Callen, I warmly advise you to calm down,” Hetty’s voice resounded clearly through the phone. She could hear that her agent was agitated and was in obvious discomfort, but she couldn’t allow this kind of behavior.

“I am sorry Hetty… sorry Eric,” Callen apologized. “I only need to know about Deeks…” his voice cracked a little saying the name of his teammate.

“Deeks? What happened to Deeks?” Eric wondered a bit puzzled, not knowing what his friend was talking about.

“Eric, it’s a long story and I will update you all as soon as I can, but please, tell me what the other team found at the other place…”

“Nothing. Callen, the place was empty. LAPD is there to collect evidence, but they have found nothing so far,” explained the tech, still lost because of Callen’s reaction.

“Are you sure?” the team leader asked, a note of apprehension and hope filled his words. Maybe… he was still reflecting on the possible scenarios when he heard the distinctive beep of a text reaching his phone .“Eric, hold on a second.” His fingers trembled as they danced on the screen to open the message coming from Sam’s phone. A Few words popped out: _How does it feel Agent Callen? Choosing between life and death? It hurts, doesn’t it? I bet you are feeling guilty. But don’t worry, this is just the beginning._

“Son of a bitch!” he screamed angrily. “Eric, trace Sam’s phone. Now!”

There was an awkward moment of silence at the other side of the communication, until Hetty said, “Mr. Beale, do as Mr. Callen asked.”

“It’s disconnected,” Eric finally say, after a little search.

“Damn!” Callen passed a hand over his tired face. The events of the night were catching up on him. He saw the stretcher that Sam was being treated on moving towards the exit and he followed it. “Where are you taking him?”

“County Medical Center. It has the best poison center in the whole state,” one of the paramedics answered competently. Seeing the blue eyed man barely hiding his concern, he added, “Don’t worry, your friend is going to be ok. His vitals are strong and he seems stable. It’s just a precaution.”

“Guys, did you hear that? Meet me there and I will tell you everything. And Eric tell the other team and LAPD to keep me posted on what they find.” With that, Callen closed the communication. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He was still shaking, adrenaline was slowly leaving his body and he was starting to feel extremely tired. But he couldn’t let go now. He needed to find out what happened to Deeks. He owed it to the cop. “Please, let him be alive… please,” he whispered as he silently prayed as he never did in ages.


	4. Chapter 4

Once the plane landed Kensi couldn’t hide her happiness. She was finally back in LA, one day earlier than expected. The first part of the course had been interesting, but the second one had been pretty boring. She knew everything they were talking about and she had survived boredom only because of her text exchanges with Deeks. Her partner might be annoying, might be a chatter-whiny-box, but for sure, he was great company and he had the ability to make her laugh. They had been working together for three years and sometimes, she was still surprised about how much he cared for her and by the weird ways he showed it. She smiled softly thinking about it.

Deeks always knew what she needed and mostly when she needed it. He was always ready for her, without asking anything in exchange. Who would have said that when they met for the first time? At first, Kensi didn’t take him too seriously, as much as Callen and Sam did, mostly because he was a cop, with no military training. His surfer-like appearance didn’t help his cause that much. But day after day, working with him, side by side, she found that he was much more than a bush of shaggy hair with a witty tongue. Deeks was pretty competent in his job, always having her back, but mostly he was much more than he would let on. Sometimes he was still a mystery to her, but for sure, there was a whole word behind those blue eyes of his. Slowly, he had become her best friend. Probably the only person she trusted unconditionally.

Maybe she should buy him a little silly gift, just to thank him. But she was afraid that, as always, he would read too much behind her kind gesture. He was a little bit too pushy for her own taste, but she was not going to trade him for any other partner.

With a cunning grin curving her lips, she went to one of the shops of the airport, looking for something that might suit him. Her smile grew wider when she finally found the perfect present.

Kensi collected her luggage and then decided to call her partner. He had gently offered to pick her up once she was back. It was time to accept his kindness. She dialed his number but it went directly to the answering machine, so she tried his home. The junior agent was aware that the team had had a tough case. Maybe he was lazing in bed with his cell phone turned off. After a few rings, she heard the familiar recorded message: _Gone surfing. Call me later_.

“That’s weird,” she muttered before trying again. The answer she received was exactly the same.

In her mind, a lot of scenarios formed quickly. Most of them not very good, but then she smiled at her concern. If something happened to Deeks, someone from Ops would have contacted her. They would never leave her in the dark when it came to her partner. They all knew what kind of relationship, _oopps_ partnership, they had. Perhaps she was only overreacting. So a bit reassured, Kensi decided to call a taxi and go straight to his apartment. At least she could insult him directly because he didn’t pick up her calls.

The closer she got to Deeks’ apartment, the more she started to feel restless. She had the clear sensation that something was out of place, that something bad was going to happen. “Can you drive any faster?” the agent asked the taxi driver who looked at her skeptically.

“I’m sorry madam, but I can’t jump above the other cars,” the man replied with a thick Middle Eastern accent.

“Look, I am a Federal Agent and I have to get to my destination as soon as I can,” she couldn’t hide her concern as she flashed her badge in front of the man.

“You could even be Michelle Obama, madam, but we’re stuck in traffic. Once we get to the highway, maybe we’ll be able to go a bit faster, but for now, this is the best I can do.”

Kensi sighed heavily, sinking into the back seat of the taxi. She hated waiting. “You’re going to pay because of this Deeks…” she murmured.

Almost an hour later, the taxi finally got to Deeks’ neighborhood. “About time,” she told herself, before she paid for the trip and climbed the stairs that led to her partner’s apartment. She knocked at the door, but no one answered.

“Deeks?” she called, knocking a bit more insistently. “Deeks, are you there?”

She peeked inside from the window and she froze at the sight that met her eyes. She rushed back to the entrance. With gun in hand, she smashed the door open with a kick. She knew that she should have called for back-up, but this was Deeks she was talking about. She couldn’t wait any longer. “Federal Agent!” she shouted. Silence welcomed her.

The apartment was a mess. It was like there had been a big fight in there. When she walked into the bedroom, her heart was beating madly. The sheets lay on the floor, crumpled to one side. Everything, all the objects that usually were on the bedside table were now shattered on the ground. Broken glass from Deeks’ framed pictures covered the floor.

Kensi put away the gun and took out a pair of latex gloves. She knelt down and picked up one of the pictures that covered the floor. It was a photo of Monty that Deeks had taken at the beach. “What the hell happened here?” she murmured to herself. Something caught her attention, some dark spots staining the carpet. “Oh no, no, no… no!”

Immediately, Kensi grabbed her phone and dialed Sam’s number but once again, she didn’t get any answer. “What the hell?” she frowned, dialing Callen’s this time. She finally had an answer, but the voice that reached her ears only increased her worry level.

“Callen, it’s me… I’m at Deeks’. The place is a mess… there’s blood on the carpet. Something’s happened here!” she told him, pretty agitated. “You should send a team or LAPD. Someone got him… he might be in danger!”

“Kensi…”

She didn’t like the submissive tone in her friend’s voice. “Callen, did you hear a word I said? Someone has kidnapped Deeks! We have to do something!”

“Kensi, you… you better come here,” Callen went on, his words grave.

Kensi now was really panicking, she had never heard the other man like this and this, if possible, made her even more concerned. “Callen, what’s happened?” she asked, trying to keep her emotions under control, but just the look of the apartment and Callen’s strange behavior put her on edge.

“Kensi… I…”

A new voice intervened, calm and steady as usual. “Miss Blye, I warmly advise you to join us at County Medical Center.”

If she was scared before, she was now simply terrified. “Hetty, please tell me what’s happened? How’s Deeks?” her heart was beating madly in her chest, almost taking her breath away. “Is he ok?” _Please, please let him be ok, please_. She thought, clenching her fists. The lack of answers was driving her mad. She needed to know.

“Miss Blye, I think it’s better if we discuss this matter in person.” The Operations Manager stated gravely. Her tone seemed her usual one, but Kensi could hear a hint of uneasiness, something that put her even more on alert. “We’re waiting for you, Miss Blye.”

She closed her eyes and she realized that she was shivering. Her hand holding the phone was shaking violently. “I… I am on my way.” With that she closed the communication. She rushed to the living room and grabbed the keys to his car. A minute later she was racing towards the hospital.

* * *

Kensi didn’t know how she made it to the hospital so quickly. If Deeks’ car had the ability to talk, it would probably insult her right now. She rushed through the corridors stopping only when she was in sight of the ER waiting area. In the distance she saw a group of familiar figures - Callen, Hetty, Eric and Nell. No Sam and, most distinctly, no Deeks. Her stomach knotted remembering Callen’s weird behavior on the phone, his uncertainty. There was something more in the way he spoke, in his words that she couldn’t put a finger on it, but that gave her chills. Cold shivers ran down her spine as she approached her friends.

“What happened?” she asked, without even greeting anyone. Her face was a worried mask.

“Miss Blye, welcome home,” Hetty greeted with a smile, but it wasn’t her usual kind smile. It was like she was hiding behind the smile.

“Thanks Hetty, but would you mind telling me what happened? Why are you all here? And where are Sam and Deeks? Tell me nothing happened to them…” She didn’t care about pleasantries. She only wanted to know what was going on. She was getting a bit tired of this mystery.

“Kensi, why don’t we sit…” Nell took her by her arm and was guiding her towards the plastic chairs in the waiting room, when Kensi wriggled from her hold.

“No, I don’t want to sit down! Tell me what’s going on…” She locked her eyes onto Callen who simply bowed his head, unable to meet her stare. “Callen, what happened? I… was at Deeks’. I saw the state his apartment was in. Is he hurt? Tell me it’s nothing bad…”

“I… I don’t know Kens. I really don’t know…” the team leader murmured, clenching his hands, slightly trembling.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Kensi insisted. This was really getting old “Come on guys, tell me something. Callen? Talk to me…”

“Kensi, maybe it’s better if you sit down,” Eric looked at her with a very sad face, like he was barely holding back the tears.

“Ok, enough! What the hell is going on? What happened?” the female agent asked again with a desperate note in her voice.

“What happened? I probably killed him, Kensi! Deeks is probably dead because of me!” snapped Callen, waving his hands in the air. He stopped abruptly when the words died in his knotted throat. His gaze moved to the ceiling as his eyes closed.

Kensi’s head spun and all of the sudden she felt lightheaded as dizziness caught her. “What… what do you mean? How… Deeks…”

“Miss Blye, I think you better sit down,” Hetty told her with a caring tone, but it was more of an order than a suggestion.

“Come on,” Nell guided her towards a chair “Here.”

“I… I will go get some water,” Eric muttered before excusing himself and walking away. He didn’t want to hear the details of what happened that night once again. It hurt the first time. For sure, the second time was not going to get any better. It still hurt.

“Callen, tell me what happened. What do you mean that Deeks is dead?” Kensi didn’t like the sound of her own words, it was unnatural. The words ‘Deeks’ and ‘dead’ were not supposed to be used in the same sentence, they didn’t get along at all.

Callen passed a hand over his face as he sat down beside her. He rested his elbows on his legs and started describing the events of last night. His voice trembled, filled with guilt. “I… I received a call tonight from Sam’s phone, but it wasn’t him on the line. It was a man who said he wanted to get revenge on me because I killed his son. He… showed me a video. He had Sam… but then he told me he had Deeks too. He injected them both with some sort of poison, telling me that I have only one hour to save them, but I could save only one of them,” he paused looking for Kensi’s eyes. “I couldn’t reach both of them in time, only one of them. They were keeping an eye on me. if I tried to contact Ops or any of you in any way, the man was going to kill them both. I… he made me choose, because he wanted me to feel guilty for the rest of my life… I couldn’t let them both die. I… I had to make a choice.”

“And you chose Sam,” her voice was cold but deep inside herself she was a turmoil of emotions that almost overwhelmed her. “You chose Sam and you let Deeks die.”

“Kensi… the man was using Sam’s phone. He was probably there with him. I… I wanted to get him and make him pay. I… I took that choice with my mind, not with my heart. You have to believe me…” Callen laid a hand on Kensi’s forearm, but she wriggled from his touch and got up. “Where’s Deeks?” she asked almost mechanically.

“We don’t know,” Nell answered her, moving towards her, offering her moral support. She could only imagine what her friend was going through. She knew how close Deeks and Kensi were… She would be devastated if she was in her friend’s shoes. “The team who checked the place where Deeks was supposed to be didn’t find anything. Just some blood, Deeks’ blood, but not much…” she stared at the other woman and taking her hand, Nell added “He can still be alive, Kensi. We don’t know for sure…”

“He **_is_** alive.” Kensi stated firmly, but then her voice cracked a little, “He must be…”

There was an awkward moment of silence broken by the arrival of a female doctor. “Are you here for Sam Hanna?”

“Yes, Mr. Hanna is part of my team. My name is Henrietta Lange and these are my agents,” the Operations Manager indicated Nell, Callen and Kensi then moved her attention to the other woman.

“My name is Dr. Elizabeth Cromwell and I was warned about your… presence here. As requested, we’re keeping a low profile,” the doctor said smiling. She was a slender, tall woman, in her late thirties. Her dark, blond hair was tied in a long braid that ran along her back. She had kind grey eyes, hidden behind a pair of glasses.

“How’s Sam?” Callen asked, shaking himself from his pitiful state.

“He’s resting at the moment and, yes… he’s going to be fine” Dr. Cromwell told them, gently.

“Thank God,” Eric was the first one to reply as he approached the little group. He was carrying a bottle of water that he handed to Kensi, who nodded thankfully.

All of them released the breath they were holding and relaxed a little. Only Kensi remained a little bit too tense.

“The poison didn’t damage any organs permanently, but he will be sore for a little while, with some difficulty breathing. He suffered some small hemorrhages but they are under control and won’t cause any further problems. His stomach is going to be pretty messed up for at least a week. We’re keeping him hydrated with fluids. We’d like to keep him in here for a couple of days to monitor his reaction to the treatment, but you don’t have to be worried. It’s just a precaution,” the doctor explained calmly.

“Do you have an idea of what kind of poison it was?” Hetty wondered curiously, hoping that this information might help them to find anything useful to identify the man who kidnapped her agents.

“We’re still investigating; based on what we found in the antidote syringe. At first sight, it looks like a complex mix of different animal poisons, but I will be able to be more precise after further analysis. For sure, you saved his life giving him that antidote. A few more minutes and he would have started bleeding inside profusely and he would have died very quickly,” the nice doctor said, locking her gaze on the people in front of her. She could tell how close these people were by the way they were affected by her patient’s condition. But there was more… something she couldn’t put a finger on. She shook her head. It wasn’t her job to question people’s reaction. She was here to save lives and today, fortunately, she helped to save one.

“Please Dr. Cromwell, we’d like to have the results of you examinations. They might be really important for our investigation,” Hetty nodded to Dr. Cromwell, slightly tilting her head to one side.

“Of course. It’s no big deal.”

“Dr. Cromwell, can we see him?” Callen wondered, biting his lip nervously.

“Sure, we’re moving him to a private room as we speak. I’ll ask a nurse to come and get you once he has been settled into the new room,” the doctor gave them her best smile then excused herself.

The tension among the team was still very obvious. They were happy for the news they had just received, but there were still a lot of unsolved matters that bothered them all.

Kensi couldn’t help being relieved. Sam was her friend, mostly like a big protective brother, so she could only be glad that he was going to be fine. But Deeks… well, only the thought of her missing partner, just the idea that he might be lying dead and alone in some remote place turned her stomach upside down. No… he was alive, she was sure. She didn’t want to believe that she was not going to see his smile anymore; that she wouldn’t feel his presence beside her anymore. “NO!” she yelled, slamming her fist against the wall, before turning on her heels and running away.

“Kensi!” Callen shouted, moving to run after her, but Hetty stopped him.

“Let her be alone for a while, Mr. Callen. She needs some time…” the Operations Manager’s voice was steady, but her eyes betrayed the sadness she was feeling inside.

The team leader buried his face in his hands. “What have I done, Hetty?”

“You didn’t have any other choice, Mr. Callen. In one way or another, one of your friends was going to suffer… Doing what you did was not easy, making a choice always takes courage,” Hetty told him gently. “Miss Blye is hurt now, but she will understand. Just give her some time to process things.”

“But what if I made a mistake? What if I followed my heart and not my brain?”

“You’re the only one who can answer that question, Mr. Callen. You’re already carrying a heavy burden of guilt… don’t let it destroy you.” With that, Hetty walked away to sit in one of the plastic chairs.

Callen closed his eyes, bowing his head. He hated what that man did to him, what he did to his team, what he did to his family. He felt his body shaking as a wave of pure rage coursed through it. “I will find you and I will make you pay”.

* * *

Sam was lying in bed, resting peacefully. An oxygen mask had been placed on his face. A monitor registered his heartbeat that seemed strong and steady. An IV was still attached to his left hand, pumping fluids into his body to prevent dehydration.

“You don’t look so bad, Sam,” Callen told him as he was sitting at his friend’s bedside. “But damn, you scared me to death.”

He knew that his partner was sleeping and that he couldn’t hear his words, but he needed to talk or he was going to go crazy.

Nell and Eric had just gone to the cafeteria to find something to eat for everyone. Hetty went to check on Kensi who hadn’t showed up yet after her little outburst.

“Kensi is mad at me, Sam, and I can't blame her. I… I left him to die…” his voice was filled with sorrow and his blue eyes were veiled by the tears. “I will never forgive myself… Never!”

Callen’s elbow were resting on the mattress and his face was buried in his hands so he didn’t realize that his partner had started to stir and was now staring at him.

“Stop…” Sam said feebly, removing the mask from his mouth and nose.

“Hey!” Callen greeted him, straightening up, a bit uncomfortable.

“Stop blaming yourself,” the ex-Seal studied his friend’s features intently. He immediately noticed that something was eating him. “Not your fault…” he took a deep breath, cringing in pain a little, before adding with a pleading note in his voice, “Deeks?”

His partner bit his lip nervously, turning his eyes away.

“G, did you find him?” insisted Sam, grabbing Callen’s wrist with all of his strength. The only answer he obtained from his friend was a shaking head. “Good sign,” he muttered weakly. He was tired, his eyelids were heavy but he didn’t want to go back to sleep.

“What? Good sign? Sam how can you say that? Deeks might be dead and… it’s on me!” the team leader protested getting up.

“Deeks is not dead,” a voice said startling both the men.

“Kensi…” Callen looked at his teammate, at her determined stare, at her tense figure.

“Deeks is not dead, Callen. I won’t believe that until I… I see it with my own eyes.” She walked towards the bed where Sam was studying her. Hetty followed her silently, observing the entire scene. “How are you doing, Sam?” the female agent asked sweetly, leaning towards her friend and giving him a light embrace.

“I… I am good, but I still feel that G should have done something different. He should have saved Deeks,” the ex-Seal locked his eyes on Kensi’s seeing the pain into her mismatched orbs.. She was smiling at him, but it was one of the saddest smiles Sam had ever seen.

“No… I agree with Callen,” she turned to face her team leader, nodding in understanding. “I… knowing that the man responsible for all of this was there, with you, I’d make the same choice,” She tried to keep her voice steady, but there was a little crack in it; a hesitation that didn’t go amiss to anyone. “And as I said, I know that Deeks is still alive… he… he’s still too annoying to let a tricky poison kill him. I am sure he talked his way out of it one way or another.” She wanted to sound convincing, but she failed, even to her own ears.

Callen felt a mix of emotions flowing though his body. He was still feeling extremely guilty. If it wasn’t for him, none of this mess would have ever happened. He was also relieved, because he knew that his partner was going to be fine and because Kensi seemed to understand the reasons behind his choice. But mostly, he was scared. What if Deeks was really dead? He was aware that Kensi would never forgive him and that his team would be irremediably destroyed. He was still lost in his thoughts when Nell and Eric stepped inside the room, bringing paper-bags.

“Hey guys, we made a raid on the cafeteria. We have sandwiches, pastries, biscuits and donuts. And of course coffee,” Eric said triumphantly before his eyes landed on Sam’s lying form. “Hey Sam, it’s very good to see you awake. How are you doing?” his voice becoming softer.

“I’m good, Eric, and I am starving,” the ex-Seal told him, trying to sit up in bed, but a wave of nausea stopped him.

Callen rushed to his side, helping him back onto the mattress. “Easy big guy! Sorry, but no food for you. Doc said you need to take it easy for a while and that your stomach is going to be a little messy for the next few days.”

“Hey, but I’m fine!” Sam protested but deep inside himself he was aware that he would not be able to eat anything, even if he truly wanted. Just the smell of the coffee made him sick.

“Oh yes, tell it to Michelle! We called her and she’s on her way to keep you in line,” his partner teased him, smiling for the first time since this whole story had begun.

“Oh heck, she’s going to hate me! She planned this vacation for ages!” It was an innocent comment, but Sam’s words upset his partner. “Hey… G, what’s up?”

“She won’t hate you. She will hate me… all of this is my fault,” without adding anything else, Callen moved towards the window and silently stared outside without really looking at what was happening on the road.

Hetty sensed that things were not moving, so she decided to intervene. “Mr. Hanna, what can you tell us about what happened? Do you remember anything that might help our investigation?”

Sam’s expression became serious. “I was driving home after I left the bar where G and I had a few drinks, when a car hit my car while I was waiting for a green light at 27th street.” While he was talking both Nell and Eric took out their pads and started working frantically. “Then I woke up tied to a chair in the room where you found me.”

“Do you have an idea of who took you? How many men?” Kensi wondered taking mental note of every detail.

“There were two men in the car, but I can’t remember their faces. Then there was the man that told me about his plan, about him wanting revenge on you,” Sam’s glance landed on Callen. “But he was wearing a ski mask… his eyes though were a light blue, icy… they were cold as ice.”

“Here!” Eric shouted catching everyone’s attention. “This is the image of your little car accident,” he showed the others the video feed of Sam’s abduction.

“These men are pros. They wore baseball caps and they never faced the camera,” Kensi stated, with a hint of frustration in her voice. “Plates?”

“The car was stolen more than a week ago. Its owner reported the theft almost immediately,” Nell replied promptly.

“Damn it!” Callen slammed his hand against the wall “There must be something that could lead us to these men!”

“Mr. Beale, Miss Jones, I want you to run a search through all the cases which ended with Mr. Callen killing a suspect. See if any of the dead men might have a father still alive that could plan something like this,” Hetty instructed her two techs. She was aware that it was a hard work, but they needed to start on something and mostly that they needed to focus on something in order to not go to pieces. “Miss Blye, contact LAPD and see what they found at Mr. Deeks’ apartment. Maybe the men who kidnapped him left behind some evidence. Mr. Callen, you go take a look at the place where Mr. Deeks was supposed to have been held captive…”

“But Hetty…” Callen tried to protest but the Operations Manager stopped him immediately.

“I don’t want to hear any complaints, Mr. Callen. Our main goal now is to find Mr. Deeks!” the diminutive woman used her usual calm tone that didn’t leave space for any remark or reply.

“Yeah, right,” the team leader said, not very convinced.

“Problem Mr. Callen?”

“No, Hetty, it’s just that…” he was still talking when his phone started ringing. He took it out of his pocket and stared at the ID, almost in shock “It’s Deeks…”.

Everyone looked at Callen as he put the call on speaker. Kensi braced herself, biting her lips nervously, in expectation, unable to keep her emotions at bay.

“Deeks!” the team leader answered, hoping to hear the voice of his missing teammate.

“Wrong again, Agent Callen!” a sadly familiar voice told him, with a pleased tone.

Callen held onto the phone like he wanted to go through it to get to the man. On the other side of the room, both Nell and Eric started working on their pads hoping to trace the call.

“You, son of a bitch! Where's Deeks?” Callen shouted with frustration, receiving a fat laugh as an answer. “Oh, all of the sudden you care, Agent Callen? You didn't seem to care that much for him when you chose to save your partner, leaving Detective Deeks to die... slowly and painfully.”

Kensi felt a pang in her heart hearing those words and her mind started wandering as images of a very agonizing Deeks lying helplessly in a dusty warehouse flashed in front of her eyes.

“You made your choice, Agent Callen. You showed me where your loyalty lies... but you know what, that was just the beginning.” There was a pause filled with a little laugh. “I have only just started with you and with all of your friends. You asked me where Detective Deeks is... Let's just say that I was very kind with him. He's still alive, but believe me in the next few hours he will wish that I let him die...” This time, the laugh resounded loud in the silent hospital room.

“You bastard!” Kensi yelled angrily.

“Oh I see the lovely Agent Blye has decided to join the party. I bet you're very upset...” the man's voice became low and filled with evil. “I am sure you didn't agree with Agent Callen's choice. I know how you feel about Detective Deeks... you two can't be more obvious!”

“Where is Deeks?” The female agent asked again, her fury growing even more, if possible.

“Ahahah don't worry, Agent Blye. You will find out soon... You all will find out soon what the real pain is!” With that, the man closed the communication.

Callen cast a glance at his tech friends who shook their head in unison. “Hell!” he cursed.

“I am sorry Callen, but he covered his tracks pretty well. The moment we thought we got him, the cell was disconnected,” Nell told him a little guiltily.

“What did he mean about finding out about the pain?” Eric murmured, feeling a cold shiver running down his spine.

“It means that we have to find Deeks as soon as possible...” Sam, who was still barely awake, said as he sighed deeply.

Silence fell in the room; every one of them lost in their own thoughts.

“Mr. Hanna is right, we have to find Mr. Deeks and for doing that, we need to go back to work,” Hetty stated. She could sense the uneasiness growing, clouding her agents' judgment. “You all have something to do, so back to work. You won't be of any help staying here.”

One after another the members of her team left, saying their goodbyes to Sam. The Operations Manager took a deep breath, inhaling a long intake of air. “You have to hold on, Mr. Deeks. We won't abandon you… Ever!”


	5. Chapter 5

Strong hands grabbed him roughly and took him out. Deeks didn't know where he had been until this moment. He still felt sick and his whole body ached. His captors had moved him, that was for sure. He remembered being thrown into a van, but his memories were confused and now everything was dark. You idiot, of course it's dark. You're blindfolded! he told himself as the men were dragging him somewhere else. His shoulders were screaming in pain. They had kept him handcuffed all the time. His arms were above his head whilst he was in the first “prison” but when they moved him, they secured his hands behind his back. Tightly. Too tight. He barely felt his hands due to lack of circulation. I wonder of what they are afraid of... I can barely move...

His head lolled following the pace of the steps of the men holding him. His bare feet rubbed against the ground. Even if he wanted to move, he was too weak, probably due to the poison he had been injected with. He still remembered the sense of desperation that had filled his heart when he thought he was dying. He never felt so hopeless; so helpless like in those moments... He had closed his eyes thinking that it would have been his last minute on Earth only to wake up in the back of that van.

His captors had been kind enough to remove the gag for a while allowing him to throw up and retch. He would have probably suffocated if they didn't do that. But now the gag was back in its place and his stomach was starting to be affected by the movement. No, please... don't get sick, once again he thought.

When he was sure that he couldn't hold on anymore, that his stomach couldn't take it anymore, the men stopped. There was a metal sound of a door opening.

“Take him downstairs and be sure that he doesn’t go anywhere. My father will be here soon.”

Deeks recognized the voice of the man who had given him the poison shot; the angry one. His father was going to be here. Interesting... so maybe it was time to find out what these men really wanted from him. Not that the cop really wanted to know, because he knew things were not going to go very well for him. He could feel it in his gut.

His captors started climbing down a flight of stairs and stopped once again when the sound of another metal door opening reached his ears. They dropped him to the floor and he fell in a heap, unable to move.

“Don't be stupid, cop,” one of the men told him as he removed the handcuffs. “No fool moves or I'll shoot you where you are!”

Deeks was aware that if he wasn't gagged he would have screamed for the sudden pain in his shoulders. He was finally free to change position, but his freedom didn't last long. His hands were cuffed in front of him. He heard the sound of chains rattling and before he realized it, his body was lifted up until his knees brushed the metal floor. Oh heck! he shouted in his mind, moaning behind the gag.

He was hanging down from the ceiling with his strained arms barely supporting his weight. Oh crap... not again! Fighting his own weakness, the cop forced his legs to work and put himself into a standing position to relieve his shoulders of some unwanted pain. But it was hard, he was so tired and his head was dizzy.

“Enjoy your stay, cop,” one of the men who led him inside this cell told him, before the sound of the door slamming shut reached his ears. Once again, he was alone.

Deeks tried to get rid of the gag first and then the blindfold, but those men knew what they were doing very well. They had both been tied so tight that he was not even able to move either of them a single inch. Perfect, he told himself, feeling a sense of defeat growing inside of him.

He thought about his teammates, hoping that they were all safe. He didn't know what really happened; what Callen had chosen, but deep inside he prayed that his team leader had saved Sam. At least that would mean he was the only one in such a bad predicament. If his friends were safe now, then they could come to save him... it was a selfish thought, but he needed to cling onto something. He needed to keep his hopes high or it would be the end of him.

The more time passed, the more he felt helpless. And tired. His legs were starting to be heavy and they were barely holding his weight. He hadn't had anything to eat or drink since he was kidnapped. His throat was dry and swallowing was painful. The gag was not really helping his cause. What the hell did you get yourself into? he silently reflected. It was in that moment that the cop heard the sound of a key unlocking the door and soon footsteps approached him. It sounded like two men. One probably was his old friend, the same one who poisoned him, but he couldn't recognize the other.

“Well, well, well, here you are Detective Deeks.” It was a voice he had never heard before. It had a thicker accent and probably belonged to someone older. “I have to say that I am not surprised to find you here.”

Deeks struggled but his attempt was immediately blocked when a rough hand yanked his hair, tilting his head painfully backwards.

“You know it's useless and the more you struggle the more you hurt yourself,” the man continued, enjoying what he was doing. “You and your Fed friends killed my son, without remorse. So you are going to pay the price for what you did... and your friends will pay, as well, with you!”

The cop didn't want to appear weak in front of his captors. He wanted to show them that there was still fight in him. He couldn't talk, which was his usual weapon, so he used the only part of his body that was free to move. He kicked hoping to hit the man, but he barely brushed him.

“Ahahah such a pitiful attempt,” the man burst out laughing without releasing his hold on his prisoner. “But I like men with such spirit. It will be fun to break you... because I am going to break you Detective...”

Deeks felt something grazing his cheek. Something that looked like a wooden stick. The simply gesture sent cold shivers down his spine.

“Do you know what this is, Detective?” the man asked, moving the wooden object from the cop's cheek down to his neck, stopping on his chest. He didn't give his prisoner time to react. “It's a shillelagh, one of those things that has been created to inflict pain. And trust me, Detective, soon you'll regret the fact that my son didn't let you die because of that poison... and your friends probably will do that as well...” he let the shillelagh dance on Deeks' body, menacingly, teasingly.

The cop couldn't hide his fear. He had heard of the effects of that typical Irish wooden club; something he was not ready to try on his own skin. He attempted to wriggle from the man's and his weapon's touch, but it was impossible. “Now, let's see what you're made of, Detective!” the man hissed with an evil voice full of venom. “You're alone here, with me... facing your bitter fate, because your so called friend, Callen, didn't think you were worth saving. He chose his partner, leaving you there... alone. Letting you die.”

The acrid smell of sweat and tobacco, mixed with the intense aroma of cheap beer and onions, reached Deeks' nostrils, along with the scent of what was probably the worst aftershave of the whole world. It was a very distinctive mix that almost nauseated him. It was true that when some of your senses were incapacitated, the others became more sensitive. And hearing and the sense of smell was everything he had left at the moment. He tried to retreat from the touch, to turn his face away from the unbearable stench, but it was in vain. The man grabbed his chin, putting a lot of strength into the gesture.

“Prepare yourself Detective, because this is just the beginning...” the man whispered viciously. “I will make sure that you won't do any further futile attempts of hitting me”.

Before the cop could move a single muscle, pain erupted at the back of his legs and he had to drop on his knees. The man placed his booted foot on Deeks’ calves preventing him from moving and straining his shoulders and arms even more. But this was nothing compared to the agony that exploded in his whole body as the shillelagh impacted the soles of his bare feet. One, two, three... four times... and again... and again... He wanted to scream, but it was impossible because of the gag. He tried to move, to get free, to escape the pain, but he simply couldn't. His captor was too strong and in a better position that incapacitated him.

Deeks heard the laugh of the man as he continued hitting him. Another blow... and another... and another, until the pain was too much and he finally fell into oblivion.

* * *

 

Callen walked into the bullpen finding Kensi staring at her partner's empty desk, lost in her thoughts. It was clear that she was trying to keep herself together, but her eyes couldn't lie. She was worried, mostly scared for Deeks' fate. The blond cop was a very important person in Kensi's life. Day after day they all had seen the change in her behavior; she smiled more often, she was always ready to crack a joke back at some of her partner's witty and silly comments, she was even more open. It was like Deeks had brought out the best part of her that, until that moment, she was hiding inside.

A wave of guilt gripped Callen's heart at the sight. The woman in front of him was not the Kensi he had enjoyed to have around in the last three years. It was the woman she was before Deeks stepped into the picture. And all of this was all his fault.

“Morning,” he said with a note of uncertainty in his voice.

“Hey,” she greeted him, taking her gaze away from Deeks' desk, unable to hide a bit of embarrassment. “How... how's Sam?” she asked to move the attention away from herself. She had felt Callen's scrutinizing glance on her and it made her a bit uneasy.

“You know him... he's giving nightmares to the doctors because he wants to get out of the hospital,” replied the team leader as a little smile curved his lips.

“It's good that his wife is with him to keep him in line then,” Kensi told him without even looking at him.

Callen sighed deeply; this was not the way he wanted things to go on between them. “Kensi, I... I am sorry. I... I didn't mean to get him hurt, to... I had to make a choice... I...”

“It's ok. I understand why you did it,” her voice was distant, like she didn't really mean what she was saying.

“Why do I have the feeling that you're not entirely honest with me?” he insisted sitting at his desk, right next to her.

“Callen, I said that I understand why you did it and I really mean it, but...” she stopped as her voice cracked a little.

“I knew there was a but,” Callen bowed his head, defeated. He hated this situation. He hated what that man made him do. He hated what he had done to his friends, to his family.

“How would you feel if things were reversed? How would you feel if I had chosen to save Deeks, leaving Sam in that shitty situation?” It was a rhetorical question that didn't need any answer. Kensi took a deep breath and then continued talking. “Look, I really understand why you chose to save Sam, it was the right thing to do knowing that the man was there with him, but... I can't stop thinking about Deeks, about how's he doing... he's all alone out there, Callen. In the hands of people who seem eager to hurt him just to hurt us... what if we...” she couldn't go on as a load of emotions overwhelmed her. She didn't want to cry because Kensi Blye didn't cry, but she was very close.

“Hey, come here,” Callen guided her into an embrace hoping to help her, but to help himself too. “We will find him and we'll get him back. I promise you.”

“How can you be so sure? You heard that man... you saw what he's capable of. What if he has already hurt Deeks?” she wriggled away from the hug. She couldn't show her feelings like that She needed to be strong. She had to. “There was something in that man's voice, Callen that gave me chills. He won't stop, not until he will have his revenge... God only knows what his sick mind has come up with. That little trick with the poison was already bad enough! I can't... I don't want to think what he has planned for Deeks...”

“Kensi, you have to calm down. We're doing everything we can to get him back. And you know what? We will make it. We will save him and we'll catch the bad guys, because this is what we do,” he spoke trying to sound convincing, but it didn't work, not even to his own ears.

“We're not Gods, G... we're not infallible. What if we fail this time?” Kensi sounded so unsure, so different from the self-confident woman she usually was. Damn it, Deeks! She silently cursed recognizing the fact that her partner was slowly becoming her weakness.

Callen didn't know how to reply to this. What if she was right? What if they fail this time? It was not a joke. The life of one of their own was in danger. What if they couldn't find him in time? No, they had to find Deeks, one way or another they had to do that. They couldn't let that man win.

He was going to say something when a familiar whistle reached his ears.

“Guys, Hetty wants all of us in Ops,” Eric said sounding a bit more calm than usual.

Without saying a single word, both Kensi and Callen got up and climbed up the stairs. When they arrived in Ops, Hetty was already there with Nell and Eric who had preceded them.

“Mr. Callen, Miss Blye. I am glad you finally joined us,” Hetty greeted her two agents, studying their features. She didn't need to look twice to see that something was going on between them and that this was affecting them deeply. She only hoped that it didn't cloud their judgment when it came to jump into action.

“Do we have any news, Hetty?” Callen wondered a bit unsettled by the look the Operations Manager had cast him.

“We ran a search looking for a match with the profile you gave us,” Nell started working on her pad “And we narrowed down the list to twenty-five names.” she said a bit disappointed. She knew the team was expecting a little bit more information.

“Twenty-five? Are you kidding me?” the team leader was a bit shocked by the revelation. There were too many names and it would take them too long to check them all out.

“No, I am not,” Nell replied firmly. She hated the fact that she couldn't be of more help in this situation. Deeks was her friend too and she only wanted to be more useful.

“Ok, Kensi said that LAPD didn't find anything useful at Deeks', which means that these guys are pros,” Eric intervened sensing the tension growing in the air. “So I checked the camera outside his apartment...”

“Did you find anything helpful?” Kensi tried to hide her apprehension, but she failed miserably.

The tech pressed a couple of buttons on his keyboard and a video played on the big screen. At first it seemed that nothing was happening, until a black van stopped in front the building and four masked men got out and headed towards Deeks' apartment. Twenty minutes later the same four men, one limping visibly, walked out of the building carrying a very unconscious Deeks. The men threw him unceremoniously into the back of the van that soon drove away without leaving any traces behind.

“He didn’t stand a chance,” Callen murmured between ground teeth.

“The van didn't have any license plates and it simply disappeared once it left Deeks' neighborhood. We tried to track it using Kaleidoscope but nothing has come up as yet,” Eric explained noticing that both Callen and Kensi had their eyes still locked on the image on screen of a very defenseless and battered Deeks.

“Miss Jones?” Hetty exhorted the petite analyst to go on talking.

“We received the report from LAPD about what they found at the place where Deeks has been held. The blood they found it's his,” she said gravely, not liking to be a bad news bringer.

“This means nothing! We all saw that he was wounded when they got him. And that man said that he is still alive...” Kensi gripped on her words, she didn't want to start thinking that her partner was nothing but alive.

“Yeah, the man told me that Deeks put up a fight when his men got into his apartment and kidnapped him. This would explain the blood...” echoed Callen, sending an understanding glance to his female teammate.

Nell nodded, sighing heavily, “Yes, of course.”

“Mr. Callen you should work with Miss Jones. See if you can narrow down the list a little bit more. See if you can find any recording of these men. Maybe you will be able to recognize the voice once you hear it again,” Hetty instructed.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea,” the team leader said passing one of his hands over his tired face.

“What about me, Hetty? What can I do?” Kensi asked feeling like she had been left a bit apart.

“Miss Blye, you may assist Mr. Beale in his task,” the Operations Manager stared at her agent, knowing what was going through her mind. She was not blind, she was aware of the tight bond her female agent had with their liaison officer. For this reason she was a bit afraid of Kensi's reaction; she feared that the junior agent might do something impulsive that could put her life in danger in order to save her partner.

“But Hetty, I...”

“It's not negotiable, Miss Blye,” Hetty insisted with a tone that didn't admit any reply. “Now, if you excuse me, I have some calls to make.” She was walking out of Ops when Callen's phone buzzed, signaling the arrival of a new email.

Reading the name of the sender send cold shivers down his spine “Eric, trace Deeks' phone, now!” he almost yelled, jumping on his feet.

“Callen... I...” the tech babbled.

“Mr. Beale, do as Mr. Callen said!” Hetty ordered him, sensing what was going on.

A few minutes later, few minutes of frantic work and a few curses, Eric looked at them defeated. “I am sorry, it was probably on for just few seconds. I... I was not able to locate it. The GPS on the phone has been disabled too.” He paused, feeling very bad about his failure. “I am sorry guys.”

“You did everything you could, Mr. Beale. It's not your fault,” the Operation Manager comforted him with a kind smile, before moving her attention to her senior agent. “Mr. Callen, do you mind telling us about the message you've just received?”

Callen went through his phone, his fingers were trembling and he felt his heart beating madly in his chest. The moment he opened the email, a wave of nausea rushed through his throat and his blood boiled in anger. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled chilling everyone's bones. His face a mask of horror. “Oh God, no...”

* * *

 

Eyes were locked on the screen, unable to get away from it in spite of what they were seeing. Callen was standing still in the middle of the room. His hands curled into tight fists. His nails were digging deeply into his palms due to the effort he was putting in the gesture, his teeth ground. Hetty was next to him, arms crossed on her chest, sighing heavily.

Eric and Nell stared at the images sliding on the big screen, flinching and barely holding themselves together.

Kensi leaned against the big table. Her legs were shaking at the sight of her partner, beaten, bloodied... motionless.

When Eric had connected Callen's phone to the computer the first pictures showed up on the screen, shocking everyone. They showed a gagged and blindfolded figure hanging down from the ceiling with his arms stretched above his head. They didn't need a closer look to recognize the man as their missing teammate. Other pictures slid rhythmically showing a masked man walking into the same room with Deeks, holding what looked like a wooden club. The following picture made them cringe when they saw the man hitting the cop's bare feet. Another one was a close up of Deeks' face, even though they couldn't see his eyes because of the blindfold, they could clearly see the pain he was in. The last pictures showed the result of the beating on the young man's feet, mangled and bloodied. It was just too painful to look at them, but sadly this was just the beginning. Another picture popped up and this one was a full figure of a very unconscious Deeks, his head leaning forward, his hair covering his face. A few words were written over this image: _Do you like what you see, Agent Callen? This is just the beginning..._ Sadly it was true. There was another file attached to the email, a video.

“Is it really necessary to open it?” the tech said with a feeble voice. Looking at those picture had already made him sick. He was not looking forward to watching what was on the video. He hated violence, especially when it was gratuitous and addressed at someone close to him.

“Sadly, I think it's necessary, Mr. Beale. Please, play the video,” Hetty instructed him. She had a very bad feeling about what they were going to see, but she was aware that all of this might be useful to find Mr. Deeks; that there might be something on that video that could help them identify the men who were holding him and the place where he was. As the images played on the screen, there was a big intake of breath from everyone. There was no audio, but it spoke for itself.

The same masked man was circling around Deeks' hanging form, brandishing the club, playing with it menacingly. He was probably saying something to his prisoner who once in a while shook his head or struggled as he wanted to get rid of the bindings. In vain.

After what looked like ages, the man hit Deeks with the club. First in the chest, then on his back, then on his leg... the last time on his face. “Oh God!” Nell exclaimed, watching the damage just one blow did to her friend's face.

The man went on delivering more blows to his prisoner, who was clearly in agony, but who tried with all of his efforts, using his remaining strengths, to find a more comfortable position. Once again in vain. Pain transpired from every gesture and every movement he attempted to do. Even though they couldn't hear a sound, they were sure he would have cried out, if allowed.

“Can I turn it off?” Eric pleaded, unable to watch any longer, but no one seemed to hear his feeble words. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and he found Nell looking at him with teary eyes.

“I am sorry Mr. Beale, but we need to watch it entirely,” Hetty reaffirmed but even her voice cracked a little. Her past experience, the long years in this job, had toughened her, but she was not insensible, especially when it came to see one of her men in pain. On the other hand, she knew that, sadly, this was necessary.

Kensi felt her stomach turn upside down and she grabbed the desk with both hands, tightly, until her knuckles whitened for the effort. She couldn't stand seeing her partner in that situation. She couldn't stand seeing him in such pain while she was unable to do anything to help him. Deeks was out there somewhere in the hands of a psycho and they were here with nothing that could lead them to him. She watched as another blow was delivered to her friend's face and this time she had to bow her head... it was too much, even for her.

Callen hadn't move a single muscle since the first picture had appeared on the screen. He was swallowing hard at every blow, flinching like he was the one receiving it. Even if there was no sound on the video, he could hear the echo of the club hitting the bones, cracking them, as much as he could hear Deeks moaning in pain behind the gag. He bit his lip trying hard to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes.

The man hit Deeks once again in the chest and he watched his prisoner's body go limp, hanging loose. Then, all of the sudden, the audio of the video came on.

“So, what about this, Agent Callen? What about your guilt?” an evil laugh resounded in Ops sending cold shivers down everyone's back. “Your friend here doesn't seem to enjoy my company that much. This wounds me a little... but maybe after he has spent some quality time with me, he will appreciate me a little bit more,” the man moved closer to Deeks, positioned the club under his chin and lifted his head so everyone had a clear and closer view of the damage the cop had sustained. A rough hand grabbed his hair as the shillelagh danced menacingly on Deeks' bloodied cheek. “This is nothing, Agent Callen. Nothing!” the voice was loud and clear, filled with pure evil. “I told you that you were all going to pay for what you did to my son. This is just the beginning!”

The screen turned to static and a heavy silence engulfed the whole room. Nell and Eric where sitting side by side at their desks. Eric was barely holding the tears while Nell was trying to comfort him and herself as well. What they had just witnessed was enough to turn their stomachs upside down.

Hetty stood, stone faced, but it was pretty obvious that she was shocked as much as the rest of her team. She hated seeing a scene like the one they had been forced to watch just few seconds ago, but mostly, she felt responsible. Mr. Deeks was one of her men, so he was her responsibility.

Hundreds of different emotions were running through Kensi's mind but the last image of Deeks' bloodied face was stuck in her brain. It was too vivid, too real. This was not a movie, this was the cruel reality... and that was Deeks, her partner, her friend. At first she had been shocked, unable to move a single muscle, but a few minutes later, the shock had left and was replaced by pure concern, as well as feral anger. She was furious at the man who was hurting Deeks. She was mad at Callen because he left her partner in that situation. She was mad at the situation... she needed to vent her frustration, to release some of this fury or she would go crazy. She couldn't stay in the room any longer. Every time her eyes landed on the screen, she could see Deeks' face... no she had to get out of here, she needed to breathe. There was not enough air inside here. So without saying a single word, she stormed out of Ops, without looking back, not even for a single second.

“Kensi!” Nell shouted, attempting to run after her.

“Let her go, Miss Jones,” Hetty told her, sighing heavily. “Miss Blye needs to be alone for a while. I'll go talk to her once she is calmer.”

“Eric, play it again!” Callen's voice took everyone by surprise.

“But no, Callen... I... I can't... I don't want to. It's...” the tech protested. Just the idea of watching the whole thing again, made him sick.

“I said, play it again,” the team leader repeated, even firmer.

“Callen, maybe it's not the case...” Nell intervened. She didn't expect the reaction she got from the other man.

“Play it again!” Callen yelled in a mix of anger and desperation. His voice was clearly shaken and his hands were trembling violently.

“Miss Jones, Mr. Beale, why don't you go downstairs to continue with your research,” Hetty suggested, making it perfectly clear that she wanted to be alone with Callen.

The two techs stepped out of the room. The tension was so thick that they could cut it with a knife.

Callen moved to Eric's desk and tried to make the video play again, but a small hand stopped him.

“No,” the Operations Manager said firmly.

“Hetty, I need to see it again. I need to look for everything that could help us to find him!” There was an anxious note in his voice, something unusual for the normally controlled man.

“I understand Mr. Callen, but you are not in the right mental state to do that now. May I suggest you go to the Gym, just as Miss Blye has done.”

“NO!” he screamed almost desperately. “Hetty, I... I need to do something to get him out of this situation. It's my fault... if... if that man will... if he.... it will be on me.”

“Mr. Callen, as I previously said, none of this is your fault. You were forced to make a choice and in doing so, you saved Mr. Hanna. I am sure that not even Mr. Deeks blames you for that.” The Operations Manager started moving towards the center of the room. “That man wanted you to feel guilty. Guilt is a very bad sentiment because it makes you act irrationally. It makes you do things that you might regret in the future. Don't fall for his mind game or he will win...”

“Oh yes, tell that to Deeks, Hetty!” Callen couldn't go on, too angry, too guilty, too worried.

“Would you feel any better if it was Sam in Mr. Deeks' place? Because this would have been the other option...”

“No... yes... I.... I don't know! Sam is an ex-Seal, he can take it, he...” he said without conviction, regretting immediately when the words left his mouth.

“You're making a big mistake here, Mr. Callen. Underestimating Mr. Deeks... You and I know that he's not as weak as everyone might think he is... and maybe that man will make the same mistake.” Hetty paused hoping that her words got through to her agent .“Get out of here, Mr. Callen. Get a breath of fresh air. You need it.”

“What I need is to get Deeks back.” Callen moved towards the door, stopping before stepping through it. “You know, I'd pay any amount of money to be in his place right now...” he murmured, with a feeble voice.

“I know, Mr. Callen. Sadly we can't change the past, but maybe we can do something about the future...” she stated, closing the conversation.

“Yeah, right...” Callen walked out of Ops, not really convinced. His hand moved over his tired face.

Hetty watched him leave, then she sat in front of Eric's computer and pressed the enter button. The screen took life and the gruesome video played again…  



	6. Chapter 6

_They are coming, they are coming._ Deeks repeated these words over and over in his head, forcing himself to believe them. He needed to believe them, because right now, this was everything he had. This was the only thing that kept him going.

All he could feel was pain. Everywhere. Excruciating. Consuming.

Breathing was getting harder and harder, minute after minute. Every intake was just pure agony partly due to the broken ribs that bloody club had caused him, but mostly because he was hanging down from the ceiling, unable to stand on his own feet. This position was making his chest feel like it was compressed in a tight vice. The gag, still in its place, was just adding even more discomfort.

Everything hurt. The handcuffs had torn the skin and flesh around his wrists and his arms and shoulders were strained for the effort of barely holding the dead weight of his whole body. Every time he tried to make a single movement to find a more comfortable position, the pain was simply unbearable and made him sick. _You better not get sick while you're gagged or you'll choke yourself to death,_ he thought bitterly, fighting a new flash of pain.

His head was pounding like there was a rave party inside and man, it was killing him. There was the constant drumming behind his eyes that was driving him crazy.

He could only imagine what his face looked like, but he was aware that it might be swollen and bloodied. He could sense the blood sticking to his cheeks. Just the mere attempt to cringe or smile or move a facial muscle sent him to hell.

Deeks tried to move his legs, but this just aggravated things. His legs were on fire and didn't even respond to his will. But the agony spreading through his feet was what was giving him nightmares at the moment. It seemed that the man had found particular enjoyment in tormenting the soles of his bare feet. That had become his favorite target to release his frustration. _Nice way to piss off people_ , the cop told himself as he felt tears forming in his eyes. _Stupid, don't cry... NO!_ he screamed to himself, but he found himself sobbing, aggravating his breathing even more.

After what was an endless moment, he regained control of his shaken body, but it lasted just one second because the sound of the key unlocking the door froze him and a sense of dread coursed through his whole body, making him shiver. _No, not again..._ he thought.

“Hello, Marty...” the man greeted him. During the last couple of visits he had started to use his prisoner's first name, instead of his rank, and Deeks hated it. It gave him shivers every time the man said his name with such a hissing tone.

The distinctive scent of the man pervaded the cop's nostrils. He had started to hate that smell. It was nauseating, but mostly it reminded him of pain. It was weird how the mind worked when under stress. Right now, Deeks was more terrified by the man’s scent rather than of the deadly weapon in his hands. _You're crazy, Marty... just crazy..._ He chuckled in his head at the absurdity of the situation. Without realizing, he made a sudden movement that didn't go unnoticed by his captor.

“Oh, don't tell me you're scared, Marty. We're friends now... you don't have to be scared of your friends.” The man stepped closer to his prisoner. The shillelagh moved over his face then onto his chest. Playfully, teasingly. Menacingly.

Unconsciously, Deeks shivered and tried to get away from his touch.

“Oh no, Marty... you don't need to be afraid,” the man whispered viciously in his ears, “I am your only friend.”

The cop shook his head, uncaring of the pounding inside of it. “ _NO!_ ” he wanted to yell, to shout out his desperation, his frustration. “ _My friends will come..._ ”

A rough hand grabbed his hair as the scent of his captor became even more intense as his sweating got more noticeable. “You are still thinking that they will come for you. Such a fool. They abandoned you. They left you here, to me, because you're not worth saving. Don't you think that such skilled men as your so called friends would have already found a way to get you out?”

Again, Deeks tried to shake his head, but he couldn't move with his hair yanked so tightly. “No, you're lying...” he murmured behind the gag, but it came out just as a pitiful moan. Incomprehensible.

“You're such a fool Marty. Look at you... you've never meant anything to them. They are the super agents and what are you? Just a cop... not even a great one, I have to say. They always saw you as a joke; like someone to mock, just for fun.” The man talked with a calm voice, steady and firm, but full of hate that went through Deeks' brain like a knife.

The cop tried to wriggle, struggling using what little energy he had left. Waves of stabbing pain engulfed his whole body, taking his breath away.

An evil laugh reached his ears. “See? They don't care if you're suffering. You're not worth their help, their intervention. I bet that they are enjoying the fact that they managed to save one of their own... and you? You're here, suffering for them...”

“ _No, that is not true. They... they are coming. I know they are coming..._ ” he silently said, but something was starting to crack into his certainties. What if this man was right? What if the others didn't care at all for him. Suddenly, flashes of memories danced in front of his eyes. Of all the times Sam and Callen made fun of him; all the times they had doubted him and his abilities. _Don't go there... don't go there. It's his game. You know that they will come. Kensi won't stop until she will find him.._. The seed of doubt had been planted in his mind and he was not as sure as he was just a few moments ago.

“So, no more struggling? No more fighting? Oh you're starting to see that...” With a rapid movement, the man moved behind his prisoner. The shillelagh was pressed on his chest horizontally and he pulled it towards him.

Deeks felt a strong pressure on his already constricted chest. His breath became ragged and laborious, while air didn't get to his burning lungs.

“How does it feel, Marty?” To obtain an even more satisfying result for himself, the man put his knee on the cop's back and pushed while he was still pulling the shillelagh towards him. “Are you still sure about the people you call your friends? Wouldn't they come to save you from all of this pain if they saw this? Think about it, Marty.... maybe they don't care for you as much as you do for them...”

The words barely reached Deeks' mind. He was too focused on getting a bit of air to stay alive, but it was hard. His whole body was getting numb, but his lungs were burning. No, it couldn't end like this... no...

When he felt like he couldn't resist any longer, his captor let him go. He coughed as much as the gag allowed him, but he was almost choking. His already dry throat hurt so much. How long had it been since he had something to drink? He was going crazy... he couldn't breathe and he was thinking about drinking some water! _Through your nose, breathe through your nose!_ he ordered himself, but it was hard. He was hyperventilating. Deeks felt dizzy and he was sure he was slipping into unconsciousness... when a wave of pure agony coursed through his already weak body when the shillelagh impacted the back his legs, then on his side, then on his already mangled feet.

He felt tears wetting his eyes and an evil voice, hissing few dreadful words, echoed in his head, _they are not coming... they are not coming_.

* * *

The punching bag oscillated under the heavy blows. One, two, three, then again. And again. The sound echoed in the empty gym.

Kensi's body was covered by sweat, her arms ached for the effort and for the strength she was putting in every punch, but she didn't want to stop. She simply couldn't. She couldn't take away from her mind the image of that bloody video. Every frame replayed over and over in front of her eyes and all she could see was Deeks' tortured body.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks at the thought.

“Damn it!” she cursed, hitting the bag again, stronger than before, but the anger and the fear didn't go away. She didn't feel any better. It didn't matter how hard she punched, nothing changed. She was still mad and Deeks was still in the hands of that sadistic bastard.

Drained of all of her energy, she finally stopped, leaning her sweaty forehead against the punching bag. “Damn it!” she yelled again, before she re-started delivering more blows, in a more random way, just out of desperation.

“I bet you're imagining my face instead of that punching bag,” a familiar voice told her. It was the first person who had dared approach her since she had arrived at the gym. Everyone had noticed how angry she was, so whoever was in the gym, training, decided to give her some privacy and got out.

Kensi ignored the comment and moved to the bench to get something to drink. With a quick movement, she wiped away the tears signing her face. No one was allowed to see her like this.

“Kensi, please. Talk to me!” Callen insisted walking closer. He could see the distress in his friend's expression, even if she hid it behind a stoic mask. Typical Kensi. But he understood what she was going through. He was mad too, but mostly he was feeling terribly guilty. Deeks was in this situation because of him, because of the choice he made. “I am sorry, really... Forgive me, if you can.”

“I don't have anything to forgive you for, Callen. I am not the one who has been beaten to pulp at the moment.” It hurt her saying those words, thinking about her partner in that way, but she knew that it hurt Callen too.

“And do you think I am happy about it? Do you think that I'm not mad? Kensi, Deeks is my friend too. I did not want to put him in this situation. I... I'd take his place immediately, if I had the opportunity, but I can't and, man... this is killing me,” his voice cracked a little and he trembled while talking. “I can't stand seeing a friend of mine being hurt, because of me. It twists my guts...”

Kensi could see the pain in her teammate's words; in his blue eyes that sparkled with unshed tears and she felt sorry for him. And she felt an idiot because she was not the only one suffering here. Callen was hurting as well and the guilt was consuming him. “I... sorry, I'm an idiot,” she started, sitting on the bench whilst removing the gloves from her hands. “Rationally, I know that you did what you had to do. You were forced to choose. Hell, probably I would have done the same in your shoes. You acted following the first rule, catching the bad guy, but...” she paused, swallowing hard, as once again the image of Deeks hanging almost lifelessly by his arms; of the blood covering his face; of the shillelagh impacting on his defenseless body, flashed in front of her eyes. “Watching that video and those pictures was... it was too much...” she lifted her head, staring straight into Callen's blue orbs. “We have to find him. We have to get him before it is too late. I can't... lose another partner. I don't want to lose my friend...”

Her last words were just a whisper and touched Callen deeply. He knew how important Deeks was to Kensi, how close they were and he was sure that losing him would send her to pieces. He sat next to her on the bench, putting his hand over hers. “I promise you that we will find him and that we will save him,” he looked at her, fierce determination burnt in his eyes.

“I just want to believe that myself, but after watching that video... what if... oh damn it!” She jumped to her feet sensing that she was breaking down and Kensi Blye couldn't show her weakness. She was tough, she was bad-ass...

Callen hated this. He hated seeing Kensi hurt. He hated seeing her in pain. And he hated even more the fact that he was the one who caused her this pain. His fist clenched tightly until his knuckles whitened for the effort. “Kensi, look... I caused all of this mess. I will find a way to solve this. I promise you!”

She looked at him, surprised to see such raw emotions coming from her friend's expression. Callen was usually controlled. Sometimes, he seemed even insensible because of how stone-faced he could be, but this time, there was something in his eyes that worried her. It was the guilt and it was all consuming. “No... no... don't go there Callen! This is what that man wants!” she almost yelled. “Don't you dare! This is exactly what he wants... don't let him win!”

“It's easier said than done. How can I not feel guilty after watching... that? After knowing what that son of a bitch is up to?” The more he thought about it, the more unsettled and uneasy he felt.

“Look, I'm sorry for what I told you. I know it's not your fault... that it wouldn't be easy if it was Sam in Deeks' place. I was stupid... mostly furious and I had to unleash my anger towards someone. You were simply the easiest target...” Kensi told him, uncertain of what she could do. She wasn't a very emotional person; she was not someone who could show her feelings openly and Callen was not that different. She couldn't deny the fact that the situation was a bit awkward. She only hoped that her words got through to him. They needed to be focused if they wanted to save her partner.

The sound of footsteps took them away from the embarrassment. “Guys, you better come back to Ops. Now!” Eric told them with a hint of a smile curving his lips.

“Did you find something?” Kensi asked hesitantly, but full of hope.

“I think Nell got him!” the tech said triumphantly. His smile was now a full one.

“You're not kidding, are you?” Callen exchanged a nod with Kensi, they both knew what this might mean.

“Have I ever made a joke when it comes to such important matters?” Eric scolded him, but with his usual kind voice. He was aware that this situation was particularly hard for Callen and Kensi. For one reason or another, they both wanted Deeks back as soon as possible, but mostly they wanted to get the man responsible for all of this. The tech couldn't stand any form of violence; he was a peaceful person and sadly in his line of work, he had seen too much evilness. He would never get used to it, especially when all this evil was directed towards one of his friends. “So what are you two waiting for? Nell and Hetty are already in Ops!” Eric added with a smirk.

Kensi grabbed a towel from her bag and followed Callen who was already climbing the stairs. She could feel her heart beating madly in her chest in expectation. They had something; finally they had a lead... she only hoped that it was not too late.

* * *

“So, what have we got?” Callen asked anxiously, stepping into Ops. He was trying to hide behind a calm appearance, but he was pretty nervous. If Sam was here, he would have probably noticed it; sadly his partner was not here, but stuck in a hospital bed.

A second later Kensi and Eric walked into the room and Hetty signaled Nell to start her explanation.

“Well, as I told you before, we have narrowed down the list of the suspects to 25. After watching the video, only two names were still on that list...” the petite analyst said as she worked on her computer. An image of a wooden club appeared on the big screen.

Kensi shivered at the sight, recognizing it immediately. It was very similar to the one that the mysterious man was using on Deeks.

“This is a shillelagh, a wooden walking stick, typically made from a stout knotty stick with a large knob at the top. It is usually associated with Ireland and Irish folklore. Shillelaghs are traditionally made from blackthorn wood or oak. The wood would be smeared with butter and placed up a chimney to cure, giving the shillelagh its typical black shiny appearance. They are commonly the length of a walking stick and most have a heavy knob for a handle which can be used for striking, as well as parrying and disarming an opponent. Let's just say that they are lethal weapons, if someone knows how to use them,” Nell continued.

“Nell, sorry... we have seen what kind of... damage that thing can do! You said that you had two names...” Callen was losing the bit of patience he had left. He needed to know who they were dealing with. And he needed to know sooner rather later.

“Mr. Callen, please. I can understand your rush, but Miss Jones is getting to the point. Give her time,” Hetty intervened to calm him down, but even her words didn't seem to work.

“Hell Hetty, Deeks might not have enough time!” his voice rose, getting a little bit too loud, silencing everyone in the room. “Look, I am sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, but... we need those names. And we need them now...”

Nell took a deep breath before going on talking. “According to the fact that the man was brandishing a shillelagh, knowing that this particular kind of walking stick is typically of Irish culture, we came up with the idea that we were dealing with an Irishman. No one else would ever use anything like that. So, these are the two names we came up with,” she worked again on her keyboard and two mug-shots appeared on screen. “The first one on the left is Conor Walsh. He was involved in the death of a Marine two years ago. His father Stephen is still alive and has been in and out jail for the last twenty years for a long list of different crimes. Conor was an only child. The second one on the right is Liam O'Rourke. His brother Damien and he were involved in a traffic of military material that we stopped six months ago. Their father James is the owner of one of the most important pubs in the Irish neighborhood, but it's just a cover up for his trafficking. He is considered one of the most influential bosses of the Irish mafia. And one of the most feared, I have to say.”

“We ran a background check and we found that Stephen Walsh is still in jail at this moment. So this takes us to James O'Rourke,” Eric told them as the picture of a man in his late fifties with piercing blue eyes and grey-sandy hair showed up on screen. He looked very intimidating. His expression was cold as stone. “Damien O'Rourke got out of prison three weeks ago, because of some bureaucratic mistakes that had been made during the trial. He's a free man, now...”

“Three weeks ago. They had the opportunity to plan all of this,” Callen's expression hardened as he stepped closer to the screen to stare at the man. “It must be him! I can feel it.”

“Do we have an idea of where we can find them? Some place where they could hold Deeks prisoner?” Kensi asked, biting her lip nervously, memorizing every detail of the man's face, every line of his features. If this was the man responsible for all of this, he was going to pay for that. “I don't think that they are so stupid to take him to their pub...”

“Well, actually, the O'Rourke family had a cover company, an import-export business that is based in a warehouse, not far from their pub. We checked the cameras in the area and we found something interesting...” Eric was still playing with his pad when a video feed of a traffic cam played on the big screen. It showed a black van stopping right in front of the warehouse owned by O'Rourke. “These images were taken one week ago”.

“The black van! It can't be a coincidence!” Callen exclaimed, as he was already moving towards the exit.  

“Mr. Callen, wait!” Hetty stopped him, sensing the turmoil going through her agent's mind.

“What, Hetty? We need to go to that warehouse. Deeks is there and he needs our help!” the team leader said, barely keeping his anger at bay.

“Mr. Callen. First, you cannot go in there all alone. I am alerting a support team to meet you there. Miss Blye will go with you,” the Operations Manager instructed him.

“Good, so let's go!” he murmured, not understanding where his boss was going.

“Mr. Callen, I would like to remind you that this is a very delicate operation. It's not a personal vendetta. If you let your emotions cloud your judgment, it might become very dangerous for you, for your team and even for Mr. Deeks...”

“Hetty, are you afraid that I can't do my job?” Callen narrowed his eyes, studying the diminutive woman in front of him suspiciously.

“I only want to be sure that you are very focused and that your mind is right where it should be,” Hetty spoke calmly but her words were sharp like a razor.

Kensi observed her teammate. She had never seen him like this and even though she couldn't wait to walk into that warehouse and get her partner, she could understand what Hetty was afraid of.

“My mind is right where it should be, Hetty. It's thinking about a way to get Deeks out, as soon as possible. The rest doesn't matter!” Callen's blue eyes sparkled in the dim light of Ops. They were filled with hatred and with blind determination.

“Mr. Callen, I...”

“Don't worry Hetty. I will keep him in line,” everyone turned around to see the man stepping through Ops' sliding doors.

“Sam!” the two techs and Kensi shouted in unison.

“What the hell are you doing out of the hospital?” Callen wondered, a bit puzzled by the sudden appearance of his partner.

“I knew you were getting into some trouble. I couldn't leave you alone any longer.” Sam gave Callen a full dimpled smile, but his eyes were serious, realizing that the situation was grave.

“Mr. Hanna, it's good to see you. Are you sure you're up for this operation?” Hetty looked at him intently. She couldn't be more proud of her team for the way they had come to get so close to one another; for the way they stuck up for one another, but she couldn't hide a hint of concern too.

“I am not up to date with all the details. Eric was too shocked to give me all of them when I called him, but if being up for this operation means bringing Deeks back, well... I'm more than ready!”

The Operations Manger sighed heavily. She was aware that when her agents had something in mind, it was impossible to change their mind. She cast one last glance to all of them, nodding. “Ok. Let's do it. I will alert LAPD to take a look at O'Rourke's pub while you check the warehouse. Go now!” she exhorted her men who rushed outside the room. “And bring him back!” she told them, closing her eyes, “Bring him back alive...”


	7. Chapter 7

James O'Rourke observed his prisoner from the little observation window. He couldn't deny the fact that the cop had surprised him. The guy had more grit than he imagined at first. A smile curved his thin lips “This is going to make things even more interesting, Detective,” he murmured, tightening the grip on his omnipresent shillelagh.

The wooden club had belonged to his father and to his father before. It had served more than one purpose in the past and it was serving him very well right now. O'Rourke was aware of more sophisticated ways to inflict pain, but he simply enjoyed the sound of broken bones too much when they impacted with the tough wood. He loved the sight of the blood oozing copiously from the wounds the shillelagh opened. It gave him power towards the poor men in his hands. He savored in the fact that it terrified them. The pain the club inflicted was brutal, almost primeval, but it was continuous and it lasted long after the blow was delivered. It reverberated over and over for hours through the broken bodies.

O'Rourke knew that Detective Deeks was in hell right at this moment; a long and intense agony was eating every muscle, every bone, every nerve of his wrecked body, but he was not satisfied yet. He simply wanted to break the cop and doing so, he knew he would destroy the rest of the NCIS team. This was his main goal. Destroying them first, then when they were weak, whilst licking their wounds, he was going to kill them all. One by one.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the arrival of his son, Damien. James could sense the anger and the hatred emanating from his son, even at a distance.

“I don't get it, Dad. Why haven't you killed him yet? That bastard didn't deserve to live any longer... he's one of the animals who killed Liam!” Damien said, walking closer to his father and casting a cold glance at the hanging figure inside the cell. “You said you were going to kill them all, but you're not even closer to killing this one!”

The last word hadn't left his mouth yet when he found himself against the metal wall with the shillelagh pressed on his neck, strangling him.

“I said I was going to make them pay and this is what I am doing!” James shouted at his son's face. His blue eyes were cold as steel and were locked on his son's dark ones, something Damien had inherited from his mother, a Spanish gipsy. “You and your brother haven’t learnt anything that I have taught you and that has already cost Liam his life. Patience, my dear son, is one of the strongest weapons in the whole world,” he was putting enough strength in his gesture to choke his son.

“D...ad...” Damien tried to say but he couldn't breathe. Air was sucked from his lungs. When he thought that he was really going to suffocate, his father let him go. He fell to his knees, coughing.

“You still haven't understood the art of killing people, Damien. It's something you have to enjoy and mostly you need to give yourself time to enjoy it. Killing someone in cold blood can be quick, can be conclusive, but it doesn’t give you the power. And power is what makes you stronger than the other people. Power is to look at your enemy in the eyes and to see the fear in them. A long and painful agony, before the final demise, can give you immense pleasure, something incomparable. It takes you to heaven and your enemy to hell.” James grabbed his son by his shoulders and put him on his feet. “This is still the difference between me and you, son. This is why I am the boss and you're not. People fear me and I don't need a weapon in my hand to be feared. When I walk into a room, people shiver. I can see it in their eyes. I can see the way they try to look away from me, the way they are ready to do everything to please me. When you walk into a room, everybody ignores you... because you don't have any power over them. Your power is your gun, but you need to frighten them, to instill terror into their minds just with a simple look or even with a simple smile. This is power, son...” he spoke calmly but his words were heavy as stones.

“But that bastard and his friends deserve to die for what they did to Liam...” insisted Damien, holding his throat that carried the sign of the abuse the shillelagh inflicted upon him. “They shot him, Dad. One second he was alive, a second later, he was lying in a pool of his own blood. Dead!”

“And they will pay for that!” the older O'Rourke yelled with unexpected rage, pushing his son again against the wall. “They will die regretting it! They will regret that they crossed paths with my family. But their death will be long and painful... I want them to beg me to put an end to their existence and even when they do, I won't give them this satisfaction. Their death will be a long endless agony...”

Damien swallowed hard. His father was scary and when he was that mad, he was even scarier than usual. For James O'Rourke, the family was sacred, inviolable.

Damien O'Rourke was still a little kid when a man abducted his mother, raped her and then killed her, but he remembered what his father had done to that man. James had forced his sons to watch how he destroyed that man, for days... a long agony that lasted weeks. The evil light in his father's eyes was something that still hunted Damien's dreams and that was still stuck in his mind.

“Don't you want to see them pay, son?” James said regaining a bit of his calm composure, releasing the hold on his son.

Damien was only able to nod, still too shaken to speak.

“Good,” the older O'Rourke patted his son's cheek, smiling. “I knew you would understand. Now go... I have to prepare myself, because I have to pay another visit to our dear guest.” He cracked his neck, closing his eyes. His hands clenched tightly over the shillelagh. It was like he was in a trance. “Time for another round, Marty...” he whispered to himself, as he walked towards the metal door.

* * *

Nell was working frantically at her computer. Her eyes were locked on the screen as data and folders slid quickly in front of her. Eric was sitting right beside her, but she was so immersed in her job that she almost didn't even notice his presence.

“Oh come on. This is impossible...” she muttered while pressing another couple of buttons on her keyboard. Her fingers moved like they were dancing on the keyboard.

“Any problem?” Eric wondered, a bit puzzled, but he didn't get any reply. “Nell? Is everything ok?” he insisted. Again, she didn't answer him. A bit concerned, the tech grabbed her wrist and stopped her from going on typing. “Nell, what's up?”

Nell hesitated, looking at her friend like he was an alien just landed on Earth. Then, shaking herself, she said, “I... there's something weird... and I can't figure it out.”

“Maybe if you talked about it instead of releasing your frustration on your keyboard, you'd feel better,” winked the tech, smiling at her kindly.

“I was trying to find some information about this James O'Rourke, just to know who exactly we were dealing with, but it's a dead end!” Frustration was obvious in her words.

“What do you mean it's a dead end?” Eric frowned, curiously.

“Well, according to the information we got so far, James O'Rourke and his two sons Damien and Liam arrived in the US from Ireland seventeen years ago.”

The tech nodded acknowledging what his friend was telling him.

“But if I go back, before they came here, I can't find anything!” she exclaimed, indicating the screen of her computer.

“Wait a minute... you mean that they didn't exist?”

“Yes, there's no trace of any James O'Rourke or his sons until they put a foot on American soil and every time I tried to check any of the Irish databases, I found a closed door. Like someone is trying to cover their tracks...” If possible, Nell's frustration was getting even more evident.

“Do you mind if I... if I take a look into that?” Eric offered and before she could even answer, he was already working on his own computer. “Yes, you're right. Someone did a very good job here, but maybe I can find my way through the Immigration Office site. Once I get there, maybe I can go backwards through the Irish files...” he was talking but his mind was already concentrating on the job.

Minutes passed slowly and the echo of the keys being pressed repeatedly was the only sound audible in Ops. Eric's eyes were locked on the screen and Nell couldn't take her own stare away from him. Once in a while, he furrowed his brows as he reached a probable dead end, but a second later a smile brightened his face. His tongue played with his lips, then suddenly, he flashed a cunning grin. “And I am in!” he said triumphantly.

“Are you really in?” she asked rhetorically. She knew that if there was someone who could hack almost everything, well that person would be Eric.

“Yep. Just take a look...”

Nell started opening all the files she could find, she looked like a little girl opening her Christmas gifts. She was still smiling when something appeared on screen and she froze. “Oh no. This is not good...”

“What? What did you find?” the tech asked, a bit confused, as he cast his eyes on the screen. “Oh crap! This is not good at all!”

“What exactly is not that good, Mr. Beale?” Hetty startled the two techs stealthily showing up behind them.

“Hetty, hey...” Eric straightened up in his chair a bit embarrassed.

Nell didn't wait any longer and got up, moving towards the big screen with her pad in her hands. “After we found out that James O'Rourke is the man we are looking for, I decided to do some digging, just to have a clear view of who we were dealing with.”

“And... Miss Jones?” the Operations Manager pressed. She had sensed that she was not going to like what her two techs had found. She could read it on their faces.

“And I found myself in front of a black hole. O’Rourke and his family arrived in the US seventeen years ago. Nothing was out of place, their documents were regular and absolutely by the book. But there was one thing that didn't convince me,” the petite analyst looked at her boss who tilted her head pushing her to continue. “When I tried to look for information about them before their arrival, I wasn't able to find anything. It was like they never existed. So Eric helped me to hack into the files of the Immigration Service and of the Irish Consulate... and this is what we found out.” Several images appeared on screen, none of them were very pleasurable to see.

“According to what we found in those files, James O'Rourke's real name is actually Shane Kelly. Officially he is a former cop, but after doing some digging he turned out to be a member of a secret task force formed by the Government to fight against the IRA. His main job was to interrogate the prisoners and extort from them every kind of secret and information,” Eric swallowed unable to look at the screen and at the pictures that slid one after another. “He has a degree in psychology and in medieval history...”

“...and according to the files he was very interested in all forms of torture of the medieval age.” Nell continued, when she noticed Eric's clear discomfort.

Hetty stared at the screen; even her trained stomach couldn't stand the view of some of the pictures she was looking at. She sighed heavily, closing her eyes. She didn't want to start thinking about what kind of man James O'Rourke or Shane Kelly was, but her mind went immediately to the video they received and to those few words: _This is just the beginning_. A cold shiver ran down her back, shaking her usual composure.

“Kelly's wife was raped and murdered when the kids were very young. He found the man responsible for that, captured him and tortured him for three weeks before the man eventually died. When the police found him, it was almost impossible to recognize him. All of his bones had been literally shattered... and this was the least of his injuries. No one was ever able to connect Kelly to the homicide.”

“You said that they arrived here seventeen years ago. Do you have an idea of the reason why they moved in the US?” the Operations Manager asked, unable to take her eyes away from the screen.

“It seems that there was an investigation about Kelly's conduct since half of the people he interrogated ended up dead and the other half sustained permanent disablement. One day he was in his house with his sons, the day after he disappeared, only to show up in the US under the name of James O'Rourke,” finished Nell, taking a deep breath.

“Hetty, we need to tell Callen and the others about this. They need to know what kind of man O'Rourke is,” Eric said. He couldn't shake himself from the horror he had just witnessed in those pictures. The idea that Deeks was in the hands of such a monster, made him sick. “The man is a psycho!”

“And a very smart one,” Hetty reflected out loud “Mr. Beale, Miss Jones, I don't think it's safe to share this bit of information with the team. Not right now. I warmly advise you not to contact any of them.”

“But Hetty, I think that they deserve to know...” protested Nell, exchanging a wary glance with Eric.

“Miss Jones, this would only increase the sense of guilt in Mr. Callen and probably would unsettle Miss Blye and Mr. Hanna. They are already too involved... I don't want them to be distracted. They need to be focused on one thing, on one goal, which is to save Mr. Deeks. Knowing what kind of man O'Rourke is, can only be counterproductive,” her words didn't leave space for any complaints. Hetty could be pretty convincing, even without raising her voice. “Please, I know that you only want to help, but keep this information for yourself. For now...”

“Ok,” the two techs murmured, not very convinced.

“Now if you two would like to get a better look at the map of that warehouse, it might be very useful when the team gets there,” the Operations Manager told them, standing in the middle of the room unable to take her gaze away from the screen. Her eyes were captured by the horrible images showing what James O'Rourke was capable of. Since the moment Callen received the file, Hetty knew that the situation was serious, but what Eric and Nell had just found out worsened, even more, the bad feeling she had since the beginning. O'Rourke was not just a desperate father seeking revenge. He was a trained assassin, smart and determined. Probably the worst enemy they could find themselves against in this kind of situation. She closed her eyes, sighing heavily. “Hurry up, Mr. Callen. And be careful.” she told herself.


	8. Chapter 8

He could hear the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the distant echo of people playing on the sand. The salty air reached his nostrils as he rode another wave. He was free, like he felt when he was in the ocean. It was the most beautiful and fulfilling sensation, something that filled his heart with peace, with calmness. Something that made him feel good like nothing else in the whole world. Too bad it was not real.

Deeks hated his mind that was playing tricks with him. There was no ocean, there was no wave, no salty air... here there was only pain.

He didn't know how long he had been in this place, but it didn't matter too much when your whole body was on fire, when everything hurt and every minute was just a long endless agony. He would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation, but even that simple gesture caused him excruciating pain. No one had given him anything to drink in what felt like days. His throat was like sandpaper and the gag had become one thing with his lips and tongue, caked with blood, saliva and vomit.

Breathing was almost impossible with his arms still stretched, strained painfully above his head. His chest was compressed under an invisible and constant strength that didn't allow any air into his burning lungs.

Cold shivers shook his whole body which had been weakened by the raging fever. He couldn't bear the stench emanating from his own body, anymore. It made him feel sick... it made him feel even dirtier than he really was.

He couldn't even think straight. His mind jumped from one place to another, from the remote part of his own existence to another... man there was too much pain. If only he could have just a little bit of water but at the simple thought his throat became drier and it hurt even more.

“Stop... don't think about it...” he tried to tell himself, but it was impossible. Every breath was a painful reminder of where he was. Every little movement caused excruciating agony.

Where were the others? They must be looking for him. They couldn't leave him in this place any longer. He was one of them, part of the family.

_They are not coming. They abandoned you, because you're not worthy._ The words echoed in his head, like a dagger twisting in his brain, over and over.

“NO!” he silently yelled, desperately, as a new wave of pain coursed through his body like an electrical discharge. He slightly arched his back fighting the sudden agony, but his arms couldn't bear his weight anymore; it was like they had been ripped apart from the rest of his body. “Where are you guys? Please, I need you now...”

He tried to smile, but he regretted immediately when his encrusted lips started to bleed. His mind went again to his team; to the people he considered his friends, his family. He could hear their voices in the distance, Sam and Callen mocking him; Eric and Nell explaining him things he didn't get at all; Hetty... well, Hetty was being Hetty with him. And Kensi... God, he missed her. But she was in DC and maybe she didn't even know he was missing... because Kensi would never abandon him. She was his best friend; she was his partner...

He swallowed and it hurt, man, it hurt so much. Water... just a bit...please. He tried not to think about it, but all he could see was water, the ocean... and tears rolled down his face, burning him as once again those words resounded in his head _They are not coming, you're not worthy._

“Where are you guys? This would be a nice moment to show up...” he chuckled, feeling the air being sucked out of his lungs once again. “Please...” the last word sounded so pathetic, even to himself, and he felt like a ten year old boy begging his father to stop, begging him not to hurt him anymore.

“Aaarrgghh!!” he moaned. He tried to get rid of the chains, of the handcuffs, with one last effort as his body protested vehemently, as his mind drifted away... In the distance, he could hear people talking and footsteps approaching.

Fear gripped his heart in a tight vice and cold shivers ran down his spine, chilling him to the bones. “Please, let it be them... please let it be my team. Please not him again... not again...”

The key moved slowly with a metal sound, the lock clicked... and the door opened.

“Please, please, please...” Deeks murmured unconsciously behind the gag, unable to control his fear, to control his body anymore. He wet his PJ's pants once again and the acrid smell of urine reached his nostrils, nauseating him... He hated this. He hated feeling so scared, so dirty. He didn't want his friends to see him like this. He felt ashamed of his condition, of the pitiful and miserable state he was in, but he prayed with all of his strength. He prayed that his friends were here to save him.

His heart was beating madly, almost exploding in his shattered chest, as the door slowly opened...

* * *

The whole trip towards the warehouse was spent in silence. None of the three agents wanted to talk, all of them lost in their own world. Kensi was driving with Callen sitting in the passenger's seat and Sam behind them. She was trying to keep her mind focused. She needed to be if she wanted to save her partner and get the man who was hurting him, but it was not easy. Not when the bloody images of that horrible video were stuck in her mind and flashed in front of her eyes every time she blinked. It was like re-watching a horror movie, but sadly, this time, it was not fictional. It was too damn real. “Come on, Deeks. We're coming... hang in there. We're coming to get you.”

She didn't know since when her partner had become so important to her, but she knew that her life would not have been the same without him around. She needed him... and mostly, Deeks needed her now. After all the times he had saved her, it was her time to do something for him. “Don't you dare die on me, Deeks. Don't you even think about it, because trust me, I am going to chase you everywhere!” a bitter smile curved her lips at the thought. He couldn't die... she was not ready to lose him.

The sound of Callen's phone buzzing took her away from her thoughts, from her introspection. Everyone froze as a sense of dread hit them all.

The team leader picked up his phone with trembling hands. “It's him...” he murmured feebly.

“G, no!” Sam said firmly “Don't!” during the car trip his friends had updated him about everything, telling him about the video and the images O'Rourke had sent them.

“I have to, Sam,” Callen replied, closing his eyes in apprehension. He didn't want to see what was in the message, he knew it was going to hurt, but he had to. He needed proof that Deeks was still alive.

“G, this is going to make you feel even guiltier. This is exactly what O'Rourke wants. Isn't it already enough what you saw in that video? Isn't it too much?” the ex-Seal prayed that his partner would listen to him, but he knew how stubborn Callen was. He knew how hard it was to get through to him.

“I... I am sorry Sam, but...” he didn't even finish talking. Callen worked on his phone and opened the email. Once again there was an attached file. “It's an audio file...” he pressed the play button and immediately his blood boiled.

No one was talking, not a word had been said, but the swish of the club twirling in the air reached their ears. It was already enough, but it was what followed that made them shivers. The echo of the shillelagh impacting on a human body, the creepy sound of bones breaking, the rattling of the chains and the pained moans of a tortured man broke the unnatural silence in the car.

“Son of a bitch!” Callen exclaimed, slamming his fist on the dashboard. He was shaking badly, jerking every time he heard the club reaching Deeks' body. Beads of sweat adorned his forehead.

Kensi clenched tightly the steering wheel, pressing even harder on the accelerator as she wanted to get to the warehouse even faster. She barely held the tears forming in her eyes.

“Turn it off, G!” Sam yelled, hoping to take his partner away from the hole he was burying himself into, but mostly because the sounds horrified him too. “This is his game. O'Rourke wants us blinded by our rage and eaten by the guilt. Turn it off, G...”

But Callen didn't want to listen to his friend. He was lost somewhere, like he was there in the same cell with Deeks, watching him suffer because of his decision.

After what seemed a lifetime, the horrible sound stopped and a chilling laugh filled the air. Loud and clear. “So Agent Callen, how does it feel? I am having so much fun, but I think Marty is not enjoying it as much as me... I have to thank you, though. He's a very good toy to play with...” the laugh became even louder and then there was only silence.

Callen took the phone and moved it towards his forehead, shutting his eyes. His teeth bit his lips nervously. His breathing was getting heavier, but he forced himself to regain the control. “Kensi, how long?” he asked, swallowing hard, taking long breaths.

“Ten minutes. The team Hetty sent is waiting for us,” Kensi answered, happy to be able to take his mind away from what she had just heard and to focus on something else.

“Good,” the team leader sighed as a strong hand squeezed his shoulder.

“We will get him, G. We simply will…” Sam whispered.

As Kensi had predicted, ten minutes later they arrived in sight of the warehouse. Three black SUV’s were waiting for them.

They got out of the car and the other agents did the same.

“Agent Callen, we're ready to follow you orders,” a man in his forties greeted him, offering his hand to shake.

“Thanks, Benson,” Callen was putting on his vest while Sam and Kensi were doing the same. “I need four men at the back entrance, three on the left side and three on the right. Two men on the roof of those buildings to cover us. The rest will come with us through the front door.”

Agent Benson spoke into his comm and soon the other already geared up men were moving towards their assigned position.

“Are we ready?” Sam asked, sensing the turmoil going through his partner's mind.

“Yeah,” Callen nodded gravely.

“Eric, do you have eyes around here?” Kensi wondered, tightening the grip on her rifle.

“We've got cameras on the back entrance, but everything is clear,” the tech updated them. “But we have a thermal body detector monitoring the inside. It seems that there are at least eight people inside and all of them are in the main space. But there's a blank area that can't be detected...”

“Thanks, Eric. Keep us posted if there are any changes,” Sam stated, patting his partner on the back. “Come on, G. Time to get Deeks...”

“Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, Miss Blye, I don't want to repeat myself, but be careful,” Hetty intervened with her steady voice.

“We're always careful...” Callen answered, but there was something different in his tone, something the Operations Manager never heard before. “Let's go!”

They approached the entrance of the warehouse, all of them feeling the adrenaline pumping into their veins. Their hearts were beating in unison as they stopped at the door. “Ready?” Callen asked again.

Both Kensi and Sam nodded sensing the presence of the rest of the team behind them.

“Let's do it then!” the team leader said a second later, smashing the door.

Commotion exploded in the warehouse. “Federal Agents!” different voices screamed.

There was a group of men gathered around a big table, filling boxes with beer bottles. They looked pretty surprised, at first, but then someone took out a gun, followed by the others and gunfire erupted in the warehouse.

“Take cover!” Sam shouted pushing Callen behind a wooden crate. “Kensi?!”

“I'm good!” she answered, peeking out of her cover and shooting at their opponents.

“Lower your weapons, you're surrounded!” Callen yelled, but the men shot at him as an answer. “Well, I don't think they're so eager to let us win too easily...” he lowered his head not to get hit.

“Benson, where are your men?” Sam was trying to see if their back-up was coming, right when he heard gunshots exploding from the opposite side of the big warehouse.

“Federal Agents!” other voices screamed.

For a few minutes it was like being immersed in the final scene of a spaghetti western with bullets ricocheting right and left, people shouting while the men hit by the shots fell to the ground. Then finally, someone yelled desperately “Please, don't shoot! We... we surrender...”

The NCIS agents got out cautiously from their cover places, aiming their weapons at the three still standing men who had already knelt with their hands on their heads.

Callen rushed towards them, grabbing the closest one and pulling him to his feet. “Where is he?” he asked with a loud and trembling voice.

“I... I don't know what...” the man babbled, shaking like a leaf, clearly terrified by the agent shouting at his face.

The team leader took out his gun and pointed it under the man's neck “Don't let me ask you again, where is our friend?” his blue eyes were filled with hatred.

“Please, sir, I... I really don't know what you're talking about... please...” the man was weeping, shaking his head. Fear was overwhelming him.

“G...” Sam moved towards his partner.

But Callen didn't seem to hear him. “I said, where is our friend? This is your last chance...” his voice was cold as ice.

“Please... I don't know...” the man's legs were buckling and he was barely able to stand.

“G, let him go,” the ex-Seal insisted, but it was not working.

“Over here!” a distant voice called, “I found something!”

Callen let the man go without any care and ran towards the voice, followed by Sam and Kensi.

A NCIS agent was standing in front of a metal door that had been padlocked. There was a key hanging near the doorstep. Sam grabbed it and put it in the lock.

With their heart pounding in their ears and their chest exploding in expectation, the agents aimed their weapons towards the door, while Sam opened it slowly...

* * *

The sound of the door opening slowly chilled his bones as fear gripped his heart. Deeks desperately wanted his friends to walk inside the room and get him out of this place. He didn't know how long he could hold on, how long he could resist all of this. Unconsciously, he forced his body to attempt to straighten up, but his legs hurt too much to move and his arms couldn't support his weight without any help. _Damn it!_ he cursed in his mind, moaning.

His heart skipped a beat as he heard the sound of a boot connecting with the metal floor and the sadly familiar smell reached his nostrils. “NO!” he cried out behind the gag, sensing the tears forming in his eyes.

“Hi, Marty!” James O'Rourke greeted him with his vicious voice as he approached his prisoner. “I thought you would be happy to see me... well sort of, since you can't see me at all...”

The nauseating smell of the aftershave mixed with tobacco and beer filled the air and as much as O'Rourke got closer, Deeks felt his stomach turning upside down. It was something he had started to hate and, sadly, associate with his own inner fears. Every time he smelled that distinctive mix, he knew he was going to suffer. And every time it was worse... He struggled with his bindings trying to escape from the man's touch that was going to come for sure, but his body was too broken and he couldn't move a single muscle without screaming in agony.

O'Rourke was now standing in front of his captive, enjoying the fear he could read in the cop's body language. This was a nice sensation. It gave him power. Slowly, he moved his shillelagh against Deeks' body, feeling him shiver at the simple touch. “You don't have to be scared of me, Marty, because I am your only friend. The ones you called ‘friends’, the ones you called ‘family’, abandoned you... They left you here, alone, facing all of this. But I can make it stop. I can ease your pain,” he paused, passing a hand though his prisoner's hair, matted with dried blood and sweat. It was not a kind gesture but just a possessive one, that once again showed who was in charge, who had the power. “I know what you want Marty,” he hissed in Deeks' ears. “I know you're thirsty, that you're craving for some water...”

The cop felt his throat became even drier at the man's words, but deep inside of him, he knew that he needed to be strong, to show him that he was not breaking him, that he still had some pride. So he shook his head, moaning.

O'Rourke tightened the hold on his hair and in doing so, he pulled him down, stretching his already strained arms even more. “Don't lie to me, Marty, I don't like it when people lie to me. I know that you'd die for a bit of fresh water, running down your throat, just a bit...” With a sudden move, he took out a bottle of water from his pocket and shook it so the cop could hear the sound.

Deeks felt himself shudder and swallowed hard. He needed the water, he needed it. Please just a little bit... please.

“Come on Marty, you just need to give me a sign and I will give you a taste of it. I am your friend, you know that I can help you. I am here to help you.” James shook the bottle again. “Tell me, Marty. Do you want a sip?”

Defiantly, Deeks shook his head again even if the inner voice inside his head wanted to scream, to yell at his tormentor to give him that damn water.

“Oh well, since you don't want it...” O'Rourke let his prisoner's hair go, uncapped the bottle and spilled the liquid on the floor.

When he heard the noise of the liquid hitting the metal ground, the cop wriggled as a sense of desperation grew inside of him. It was like someone had killed all of his hopes.

James stopped what he was doing, a satisfied grin curved his lips. “What? Did you change your mind? Do you want a sip?” he passed the wet bottle's neck on Deeks' face letting a few drops run down his cheek. _No, you can't let him win... don't do this.._. The cop was fighting an inner battle. He wanted to resist, but when the few drops of water touched his flushed skin, he knew that he had lost and with tears in his eyes, he nodded. _Please, just one sip... please..._   

The grin on O'Rourke's face widened. “So you changed your mind... you know I am your friend. Your only friend,” he walked towards the winch that controlled the tension of the chain supporting his prisoner's body and working on it, he slowly lowered the man down.

Pain erupted in Deeks' whole body as he felt the tension leave his arms and shoulders as he was slowly lowered to the ground. He cried out behind the gag when he found himself on the cold floor, shaking like a leaf.

“I know it hurts, Marty... but this is your so called friends' doing. They left you here...” with a delicate movement, O'Rourke lifted Deeks' head and wet the gag with the water “Grind your teeth, Marty. Come on, do it...”

And Deeks did exactly what the man told him. He ground his teeth and a few drops of water started flowing down his throat. First, slowly, then a bit more intensely. When he was getting used to it, when he was finally savoring the taste of the water, the flow stopped. _No please, this is not enough!_ he screamed in his head. _More, please!_ he begged attempting to move to reach the bottle of the water, in vain.

“I am sorry, Marty, but this is all I can give you... your so called friends have been very bad to me and they have to pay for what they did.” O'Rourke moved away from his prisoner's body and worked again on the winch.

Deeks heard the sound of the chains rattling and then his arms were pulled above his head. “ _God, no!_ ” he murmured as pain exploded in his shoulders as he mercilessly hung down from the ceiling. This time his bloodied feet barely scratched the floor.

“I am sorry Marty, but I am doing this because of them. I am doing this because they don't care for you enough to come and save you. They don't think you are worth saving...” James repeated over and over as he worked on the winch again, lifting Deeks' body up until his feet were dangling at least one meter and half above the floor.

He had never felt anything like this. His whole body was strained at its maximum length, he couldn't breathe and his heart was beating so madly that it was almost exploding in his chest.

Suddenly O'Rourke let the winch go and his prisoner's body fell towards the ground, but he stopped it right before the cop's feet touched the ground.

For a moment, Deeks thought the man wanted to let him crash against the metal floor, but right when he was preparing for the impact and for the obvious pain, his falling body stopped as the chain tensed. His body oscillated left and right. His arms felt like they were ripped apart and the creepy sound of a shoulder popping out reached his ears. The agony was excruciating and he wanted to scream, but what came out of his still gagged mouth was just a guttural groan. White stars danced in front of his blindfolded eyes and air was sucked away from his already burning lungs. This was too much... this was just too much. His breathing was getting more labored... he couldn't breathe.

The pain was simply unbearable.

“This is your so called friends' doing, Marty. If they thought you were worthy, they'd have already come to save you. You are paying the price because of them. You're suffering because of them...” O'Rourke continued approaching his captive, slamming his shillelagh on the palm of his hand.

The sound terrified Deeks, he knew what was coming next. His heartbeat accelerated as he braced himself, waiting for the pain to come. Sadly he didn't have to wait too much.

The shillelagh impacted his chest first, then his face. Another blow reached the cop's legs, then everything went black and oblivion mercifully engulfed him.


	9. Chapter 9

“Nothing! There's nothing here!” shouted Callen, unable to hide his frustration and delusion. They had burst into O'Rourke's warehouse but besides some men smuggling something with the beers, they didn't find what they were so badly looking for. Deeks was not here. The team leader kicked a wooden crate letting its content spread all over the floor.

“G, calm down...” Sam tried to get his friend under control, but it was impossible since Callen was releasing all of the tension accumulated in the last few days.

“How can I calm down, Sam?” the blue eyed man yelled in the other man's face. “Do you know what this means? Deeks can be...”

“You're not helping yourself here, G. You need to stay focused if we want to find him, if we want to save him,” insisted the ex-Seal grabbing his partner's arm, tightly.

“What if it's too late? Damn it, Sam, you didn't see what that man was doing to him. You didn't watch that damn video! What if he is already dead?”

“We have to believe that he's still alive. We can't lose hope,” Sam spoke firmly, even if inside of him, he was aware that Callen's fear might be true.

“It's been five days... do you know what O'Rourke could have done to Deeks in five days? Do you have an idea of how bad he could have hurt him? He was... he was already hurt so much in that video. How long do you think he can resist after such a beating?”

“Stop it!” Kensi's voice resounded in the silence of the room “You have to stop it...” unshed tears veiled her mismatched eyes.

“Kensi, I...” Callen bowed his head, closing his eyes. He had completely forgotten about her, too lost in his concern and guilt. “I... I am sorry...”

“Deeks is alive,” she said firmly, biting her lip nervously “I know he's alive and I know that he is waiting for us to save him.”

“Kensi, I know that you want to believe it. You saw that video, you heard that... maybe you should start thinking that...”

“Callen, NO!” she wriggled from her team leader's touch. Her eyes full of blinded determination. “He. Is. Alive! And I'm going to turn this place upside down in order to find something that might help me get to him...” with that Kensi rushed out of the basement, without turning around.

“Kensi, wait!” Callen wanted to follow her, but Sam stopped him.

“Let her go, G. She needs to process all of this in her own way,” the ex-Seal told him gravely “We all do.”

The team leader passed his shaking hand over his face. “I screwed up, Sam. I really messed things up this time. I was not careful enough. I allowed O'Rourke and his men to catch me unprepared and now Deeks is paying the price, if he has not already paid with his life. I will never forgive myself, Sam if... if it's too late, I...”

“It's not entirely your fault, G. I lowered my guards too and I allowed them to capture me. They kidnapped Deeks in his apartment... these men are good, they are not newbies. They are professional and they knew what they were doing from the beginning,” Sam paused putting a comforting hand over his partner's shoulder “But we're better G. We have to show them that we're better than them, that we are not going to let them win.”

“Do you really think that he's still alive?” Callen wondered with an almost pleading voice. He needed to be reassured.

“Do you want an answer coming from my mind or the one coming from my heart?” the big man sighed heavily, before continuing. “I truly hope he is. I want to believe he is...”

“I know, the odds are not in his favor,” the team leader shared the same sentiment of his friend. “It's on us to change the odds, don't you think?”

Sam nodded in understanding. He knew that they had to cling on to the hope that Deeks was not dead, but the memory of the vicious sound of the shillelagh impacting on a human body was still too fresh in their mind, too vivid to be forget so easily. “I think we better check on Kensi. I don't know about you, but I fear that she might kill someone over there,” he flashed a smile, just to give his partner a semblance of normality.

“Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't like to be any of the men who might cross her path at this moment,” Callen smiled back, but it was a very bitter smile. “And sincerely, I don't blame her.”

The ex-Seal patted, once again, his partner's shoulder and walked out of the room.

Callen buried his face in his hands, feeling all of the sudden, very tired. “Damn it, Deeks. Where are you?”

* * *

“What do you mean there's nothing here?” Kensi's voice resounded in the warehouse as she was questioning one of the NCIS agent who helped them in the bust.

“I mean exactly what I said. There's nothing here that can help you find the cop,” the young man said selflessly, causing the ire of the female agent.

“The cop, as you called him, is my partner. I've been working with him for three years and he is one of us!” she snapped, hating the tone the other agent was using. “You should show him a bit of respect!”

“Agent Blye, I know that... I didn't mean to...”

“You didn't mean what? I heard the way you talked about him, the way you said ‘ _The cop_!’” she moved closer to the man, pressing her finger on his chest. “Deeks is one of us and he deserves your respect!”

“But... I...” the agent felt cornered and he couldn't deny the fact that this woman scared him.

“Wilson, Agent Blye is right,” Agent Benson intervened, appearing behind Kensi's shoulders. “Why don't you go check the other side of the warehouse, and look for something useful?”

Wilson wriggled away from the woman's touch and soon disappeared from her sight.

“I am sorry, Agent Blye, I don't want you to think that what Wilson said is what all of us are thinking,” Benson's voice was calm and caring. He was a tall man with short cut, black hair. He had deep dark eyes that couldn't hide his embarrassment. “We know what Detective Deeks has done for NCIS in the last few years.”

Kensi took a deep breath, realizing that maybe she overreacted a little. “I am the one who is sorry, Agent Benson. I am just...”

“Worried for your partner. I can understand,” he smiled, revealing a couple of cute dimples. “And you can call me Daniel, please...”

“Thanks, Daniel. I am Kensi,” she said as her eyes scanned the area. “Wilson is right though. There's nothing useful here, just these frakkin' boxes full of beer!”

“Yeah, I know. And the men we arrested don't seem to know anything, but we're taking them in to be interrogated,” Benson told her, shaking his head a bit disappointed. He knew everything about Callen's team and he couldn't stop admiring these men for their job. There was no trace of envy in him, just admiration. So if he was able to do anything to help them, he would do that without thinking. And he truly didn't care too much if Detective Deeks was a cop and not a full agent. In his book, he was one of them.

Kensi didn't reply immediately, she was lost in her thoughts. She had hoped to find her partner here. She prayed that they could save him. She truly believed that for a while, but now, she felt at a loss. They were at the starting point again, but the clock was ticking for Deeks. She buried her face in his hands trying to shake herself from this bad sensation that was gripping her whole body.

“Are you ok?” Benson asked, putting a hand on her shoulder, to check on her.

“Yeah, I'm... I'm fine,” she murmured, attempting to smile.

“Don't believe her, Benson,” Callen told him approaching them along with Sam. “She is not fine when she says she is fine.”

A sudden pang in her heart almost took her breath away, remembering when it was Deeks who told her those exact same words.

“What have you got?” Sam wondered, moving his eyes from Benson to Kensi, noting that she was a bit too shaken.

“Nothing very useful,” Agent Benson updated him. “We searched this place and there's nothing that could lead us to where Detective Deeks is. This place is pretty much clean...”

Callen picked up his phone and contacted Ops, “Eric, do you have any word from LAPD? Did they find anything at O'Rourke's pub?”

“They found nothing too. Everything was perfectly in order over there. The bartender said that neither his boss or his son have showed up there in the last week, but that was not unusual. It's been a while since O'Rourke has been physically in charge at the place. He delegates a lot. According to the pub's manager, James has other more important stuff to take care of,” the tech explained, gravely.

“Yes, I have a slight idea of what kind of business he was taking care of,” Sam craned his neck as cold shivers ran down his spine, remembering his abduction and his close encounter with death.

Callen bowed his head, knowing what his partner was referring to and his fists clenched instinctively. “Eric, do you know if O'Rourke has other properties, other places where he might have taken Deeks?”

“We checked, but besides his house, the pub and that warehouse, there's nothing registered under his name or his son's,” Nell intervened. “And before you can ask, we checked even under Shane Kelly's name. Nothing.”

“Damn it! Where the hell are you, son of a bitch?” the team leader snapped angrily, unable to contain himself anymore. This man had kidnapped his friends and hurt them. He had played with him, with them all, making a fool of them all. He needed to find O'Rourke and stop him before it was too late.

Kensi was not listening to a single word her friends were sharing. Her mind was simply wandering and right now, it was not in a nice place. Too many dark thoughts were assaulting her. She had walked away from the rest of the team, looking around, not really paying too much attention to what her eyes were seeing. She didn't know how she even got here, in what looked like a little office. Four glass walls, a desk and a chair. No computer, no personal papers, just few documents scattered here and there. Without even thinking, she sat in the chair finding herself looking at a photograph mounted on the wall. It was the image of a boat, an old one, all rusty and dusty. She didn't know what caught her attention exactly, but something clicked in her head.

Kensi jumped on her feet and rushed towards her friends. “Does anyone know the name of O'Rourke's wife?” she asked, almost out of breath.

The three NCIS agents looked at her like she was a bit of her mind. In fact, her eyes were a bit twisted.

“Kensi, what are you talking about? What has O'Rourke's wife have to do with this?” Callen studied her intently, seeing her trembling in expectation.

“Just answer the question!” she almost shouted, silencing everyone.

“Kensi...” it was Sam's turn to try to calm her, but it didn't work at all. It made her even madder.

“Just answer me!” she insisted.

Callen couldn't give her any answer, so he took the phone and contacted Ops, putting the call on speaker. “Eric, would you mind checking the name of O'Rourke's dead wife?”

“Yes, of course... give me just one second...” They heard the sound of keys being pressed rapidly until finally the tech spoke, breaking the awkward silence. “And here it is. Her name was Mirela.”

A light sparkled in Kensi's eyes, brightening her whole expression “Eric, check the Marinas, all the docks, all the piers and look for a boat called Mirela!”

“Kensi, do you mind explaining us what all of this is about?” Sam furrowed his brows, not really following where his friend was going.

“I was sitting in that little office and there was this big photograph on the wall... of a boat named Mirela. If that's his wife's name, maybe that is his boat and maybe it's there that he's keeping Deeks!” She was hardly containing her excitement. She could feel that this was the right lead, that this was what they needed to save Deeks. “Eric? Come on, come on...” she asked again, even more anxiously.

“Here it is. It's at the LA Port, dock 23! It's registered under a company named Shamrock Enterprise!” the tech finally exclaimed triumphantly. “I am already checking the area for possible camera feeds,” he said before anyone else could ask.

“Let's go!” Callen shouted. Talking directly to Benson, “I need you to leave a couple of men here, just in case, you and the rest of your men are with us!”

“You can count on us, sir,” the younger agent told him. He instructed his men and some moved outside towards their SUV.

Sam put both of his hands on Kensi's shoulders, comforting her. “You did good, Kensi... you did very good.”

“Thanks,” she murmured, closing her eyes, sighing heavily. “Let's just hope we are still in time.”

“Deeks is just too much of pain in the ass to give up so easily,” the ex-Seal stated, flashing a little smile. “Come on, let's go get him.” He slowly walked away to join his partner outside.

Kensi nodded casting one last glance at the little office, with the big picture of the rusty boat. “We're coming Deeks. Just hang in there... we're coming to get you!”

* * *

A flash of pure agony woke him up, taking him away from a nightmare, only to bring him back into a living hell. Deeks' body was consumed by fever now. He was shaking uncontrollably and every tremble was just the source of another stabbing pain. He couldn't even think straight anymore, but he knew. He knew he was dying, that he didn't have much time left.

Breathing was getting harder and harder as the time passed; he was simply suffocating. His chest muscles and lungs were trying to expand, to get some air, but due to the fact that his strained arms were not able to support his weight, this was causing a great compression and he was having trouble inhaling. Soon, it will drive him to his death. Slowly and painfully.

A bitter chuckle escaped from his gagged mouth as he remembered reading about crucifixion in history books; now he knew what the men subjected to that form of torture were feeling. Sadly, he was having a taste of it himself.

This was weird; the mind could really play with you. How could he think about crucifixion right now? How could he possibly remember his history teacher, when the faces of his friends were so blurred?

_They are not coming, because you're not worthy!_ Once again, the vicious words resounded loudly in his ears... no, no, no. They wanted to come. If they were not here yet, it would be because they were not able to locate him. He trusted his team; he trusted Callen and Sam; he trusted Eric and Nell; he trusted Hetty... but mostly he trusted Kensi.

A new kind of pain, stronger and subtler, hit his heart, clenching it into a tight vice at the idea that he was not going to see her again; that he was abandoning her. He had promised her once that he would never leave her, because he was different from the other men, because he was her friend, her best friend. “I am so sorry, Kensi. I am just so sorry. I didn't mean to make you suffer... Forgive me if you can,” the words formed in his mind as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Kensi was there, right in front of him, smiling at him. Her deep mismatched eyes were locked on him. He wanted to walk towards her, to touch her, to feel her skin under his fingers, just for once. One time. One more time before the inevitable end, but he simply couldn't do it. He couldn't move a single muscle without being consumed by an excruciating agony. The more he tried to reach her, the more he felt the pain as he sensed a presence behind him, as the acrid smell he had sadly learnt to know filled his nostrils. _She doesn't care for you, Marty. She didn't come to save you. You're nothing to her._ The words were like knives sinking in his heart.

“No, she cares... I know she does,” he thought, as he watched Kensi's image slowly disappear. “I am sorry, Kensi. I wish you didn’t have to suffer... Please forgive me. I didn't want to leave you... Please Kens forgive me, if you can, because I can’t keep my promise...”.

Without even realizing it, the sound of the door opening brought him back from the restless slumber he had fallen into. Panic spread throughout his whole shattered body when he heard the echo of the boots touching the metal floor and the man getting closer. Deeks could feel his breathing becoming labored; every intake was just agony.

“I see you're awake. It's time for a new game,” the man told him evilly. He worked on the winch and lowered the cop's body to the ground until his knees rested on it. Then he moved towards his captive.

Deeks sensed something touching his face but this time, it was different. It was not the shillelagh. Well, actually, it was not a wooden object at all. His heart skipped a bit when he recognized the object as the barrel of a gun.

The man felt the prisoner shivering and couldn't suppress a laugh. “I see you're lucid enough to know what this is,” he whispered with a venomous voice “So maybe this can give you an idea of what kind of game we're going to play...”

The terrifying sound of the cylinder of a revolver spinning echoed in the room and the cop's breath got even more troubled. The moment the barrel of the gun was pressed on his temple, he knew he was hyperventilating.

“Your so called friends will be so happy to watch this. I am sure they will enjoy it as much as I am enjoying it,” the pressure increased causing the pain to explode in the prisoner's head.

“No!” Deeks' brain yelled desperately “Please, no... don't let them see this. Please... no...” in his confused state he didn't know he was struggling, hurting in this way, his already broken body. He didn't know why, but there was something that he couldn't place this time, why the man was using a gun... why changing the modus operandi right now? He didn't have time to think though, because he heard the creaking of the trigger been pulled and instinctively he closed his eyes behind the blindfold, waiting for the gunshot to come.

_Click!_

“Oh, lucky guy, you are!” the man exclaimed, pressing the gun with more strength on his captive's temple.

Deeks tried to get his breathing under control, uncaring of the fact that he had probably wet his pants with the little liquid his body still had inside and that he was crying. He was tired of this sick game. His tormentor had finally won. He had broken him, physically and mentally.

“Let's see how long the luck will assist you...” the man pulled the trigger again.

_Click!_

Deeks' heart was beating madly in his chest and every beat was just a painful reminder of the pitiful state he was in; of the shitty situation he was confined in. With a hint of pride, he tried to wriggle from his captor's touch, but this just angered the man even more.

The barrel of the gun was digging into his skin as the trigger was pulled again.

The cop held his breath. He was sure that this time he was really going to die. _Click!_

“Son of a bitch!” the man yelled as he dug the weapon deeper in the prisoner's temple.

Pain erupted in Deeks' head and white flashes danced in front of him. He was slipping in and out of consciousness, unable to breathe anymore. This was too much... In the distance, like it was just something coming out of his dreams, he heard the sound of the trigger been pulled once again... and then he knew that this was the end. He was dying.


	10. Chapter 10

“Federal Agents!” Sam's voice resounded as he stormed inside the hold of The Mirela, O'Rourke boat.

“Drop your gun!” Callen shouted at the masked man holding Deeks' hanging and motionless body at gunpoint.

“Move away from him and maybe you'll get out of this place alive,” Kensi spoke calmly but deep inside, she couldn't control her emotions. She was shocked by the sight of her partner. There was blood everywhere but what worried her the most was the stillness of his body. “Deeks!” she called, hoping to see a movement coming from him. Something that could tell her that he knew they were there for him. But Deeks didn't even stir and a pang hit her heart. They were late... they were too late. Tears formed in her eyes, but then something happened - something unexpected. At first, she thought she was dreaming, Deeks' head moved. It was just a small gesture, but the feeble moan that followed filled her heart with hope. He was still here. He was still alive.

“Stop!” the man ordered them with a little trembling in his voice. “Or I'll shoot him!” he pressed the gun on the cop's temple making him moan again.

Sam tightened the grip on his gun, biting his lip. He was aiming his weapon at O'Rourke, but Deeks was in his way. He couldn't risk the shot. His eyes landed on his friend's beaten body and his anger grew even more. Deeks looked terrible. His hair was plastered to his forehead, matted with blood and sweat. His once white shirt was stained with blood and his PJ's pants had completely lost their original color. There was something odd in the way he was hanging, like something was wrong, but he couldn't place it. “Step away from him and drop your gun!”

“You know that you don't have a way out of here. We can take you down any minute!” Callen told the man. He was trying not to look at Deeks. He was trying to take the image away from his eyes, because it hurt too much. His friend was in this situation because of him, because of his choice. _Focus G, Focus!_ he repeated in his head, trying to concentrate on O'Rourke only, but it was impossible. It was impossible to ignore the damage Deeks had sustained, the stench emanating from his body filled the air and it made him sick... sick because of what the cop had been forced to go through; sick because of what this man had done just to punish him; just to get revenge. Sick because every blow that O'Rourke had delivered to Deeks' body was because of him. It was his fault.

A fat laugh resounded in the room. “Oh yes, go ahead, shoot me! But if I die, he dies with me!” the vicious voice said with a triumphant note. His fingers were dangerously dancing on the trigger.

The three agents realized that shooting O'Rourke was a risk. Before dying the man could easily pull the trigger, killing Deeks in a second. Beads of sweat adorned their forehead as they exchanged a concerned look.

“I see that you got my point,” the masked man told them, pressing the gun once again on the cop's temple “Now, why don't you toss your guns on the floor and get out of the room?”

“No way,” Callen replied firmly, swallowing hard. His mind was trying to form a plan, but right at that moment, nothing was coming to mind.

“Deeks, can you hear me?” Kensi asked suddenly, out of nowhere, but her partner didn't seem to acknowledge her presence. He was too lost in his oblivion. “We're here, Deeks... we're here to get you out,” she continued, praying that somewhere in his agonizing mind, her words could reach him.

“Shut up!” O'Rourke yelled, disturbed by her talking. “You know, it's too late for you, cop... your friends couldn't save you...” he whispered in his prisoner's ears.

“We'll get you out, Deeks... you know we will,” Sam noticed that the man was getting nervous. It was a risky move, but at this point, this was probably their only option. Pushing him a little further so that he could get mad enough to lose control, giving them an opportunity to take him down.

“Yes, we're here to take you home,” Callen followed his partner's lead, understanding what he wanted to achieve.

“I said shut up!” the man screamed, his eyes behind the mask moved from one agent to another, shifting his position so Deeks' body could shield him from his enemies. “Shut the hell up or I will shoot him! Right here, right now... is this what you want? Do you want to have his death on your conscience?” The gun dug even deeper into the cop's temple and this time the moan coming out of Deeks' gagged mouth was louder. His whole body reacted as an electrical discharge coursed through him.

Sam observed the gruesome scene and finally got what he was missing about the way Deeks was hanging. His shoulder was in an unnatural position... it was dislocated. “Son of a bitch!” he murmured. He could not even imagine how much pain his blond friend was in. They needed to take him down, now... he couldn't stand seeing the cop like that, not anymore.

Callen saw the little change in behavior in his partner; he knew him too well. The ex-Seal had probably noticed something that had made him very furious. His eyes followed Sam's gaze and he saw it too. It was weird. Deeks' whole figure was bloodied and a clear manifest of excruciating pain, but just a _little_ detail, like a dislocated shoulder, sent him on the edge. His rage grew exponentially. “Kens?”

Kensi was still trying to get her mind focused, ignoring all the emotions that were overwhelming her, but just the use of her shortened name put her back on track. “I got it!” she replied, firmly.

“Sam?” the team leader wondered again. He didn't need to add anything else. He was aware that his partner knew what he was thinking.

“On it, G...” the ex-Seal stated, tightening the grip on his gun.

“You... you better watch out what you do,” the masked man said but his voice cracked a little. Cold shivers ran down his spine, feeling cornered. “He's going to die!” he cried out, out of desperation.

“Oh someone is going to die, but it's not Deeks,” Callen said firmly, moving a little step forward.

“Don't move! Don't move or he's dead!” O'Rourke shouted.

“You are going to die if you don't drop your gun...” Sam insisted, sensing that the man was losing his composure.

“No way...” O'Rourke chuckled.

Kensi simply observed the whole scene, waiting for an opportunity. Waiting for the right chance.

“Drop. Your. Gun.” Callen repeated, moving another step forward.

“Shut up!” the man yelled, not realizing that, in doing so, he had loosened the grip on his prisoner and the gun had slightly moved away from Deeks' temple.

This was what the NCIS agents were waiting for. Three shots resounded in the air. Kensi's reached O'Rourke between the eyes, Callen's and Sam's straight in the chest. He didn't stand a chance. The man fell backwards, dropping to the metal floor in a heap. Dead.

“Deeks!” Kensi shouted, rushing towards her partner.

“G, the winch! We need to get him down,” Sam instructed, moving as fast as he could to support his teammate's weight. “Slowly, G. Easy...”

The ex-seal held Deeks' body, careful not to hurt him any more during the process. “Kensi, watch for his shoulder. It's dislocated...”

Kensi did what she had been asked, supporting her partner's still handcuffed hands to ease the tension on his shoulder whilst Sam lowered him gently to the ground.

“Benson, send the paramedics inside. Now!” Callen ordered through the comm as he frisked O'Rourke’s body looking for the keys to the handcuffs. He found them and handed them to Kensi, who quickly unlocked them. The blue eyed team leader turned his attention to his friends when he felt the need to take away the ski-mask and see the man's face. He needed to look at the man who caused all of this. He removed the mask... “Oh Crap! NO!” he yelled, angrily.

“G, what's up?” Sam asked as he was trying to lay Deeks' body in a more comfortable position.

“It's not him! This is not James O'Rourke... this is his son!” the team leader stated, passing a hand over his tired face. “The bastard is still out there!” He spoke through the comm once again, “Benson, check out the area. James O'Rourke is on the run. Maybe he's still around. Eric...”

“On it Callen. Cameras...” there was a pause on the other side of the communication. “Callen, how's Deeks?”

Callen watched as his partner was taking care of the cop, he closed his eyes and sighed “Alive... but it's bad. Really bad...”

Kensi couldn't contain her anger at the sight of her partner's broken body. Hearing the little whimper coming from his still gagged mouth every time they touched him, affected her greatly. “Sam, can we take these things away?” she indicated the gag and the blindfold.

“Not so soon... we need some water. This bloody thing is encrusted with his lips... and his eyes are too sensitive to the light after being so long in the dark. We need to be careful...” the ex-Seal said.

“Here, water,” Callen handed him a bottle of water and immediately Sam started pouring it on the caked gag until it was wet enough to be removed without causing any more damage.

As the fresh liquid reached his dry and bloodied lips, Deeks instinctively swallowed a little.

“Good, slowly...” the ex-Seal passed his hand through Deeks' hair in a very fatherly way “It's ok, Deeks. You're safe now... it's over.”

Kensi was holding her partner's hand, massaging it, doing slow circles with her thumb. Her eyes were veiled with tears that she was trying to hold back as much as she could, but it was very hard. “I'm here, Deeks. You're going to be fine...” she told him, but her own words didn't sound too convincing, not even to her own ears.

Callen was observing the whole scene, unable to go any closer. If anger was the emotion that had kept him going during the strike to save Deeks, now it was completely gone and all he could feel was guilt. He couldn't take out of his head that his friend was here, that he was suffering like this only because of him. It was a consuming sensation, something that gnawed at his stomach, something that ate him from the inside.

Sam wet Deeks' lips a little bit more and observed the room. It was dark inside, but not dark enough to remove the blindfold from the cop's eyes. “G, please, turn off the light...” Once his partner had done that, the ex-Seal slowly removed the blindfold. “Easy, Deeks. Slowly... open your eyes. I know you can do that...”

“Come on, Deeks. Please, do it for me. Open your eyes...” Kensi added, caressing his hair. She wanted to touch his face, but there was too much blood and it was too swollen that she feared she could hurt him even more.

At first, nothing happened. The cop seemed too lost in his oblivion to respond to their plea, but then slowly his eyes fluttered open.

“There you are,” Kensi told him, looking straight at his blue orbs she had missed so much. Her relief though, lasted only a minute.

Deeks' body tensed, his back arched and his eyes were filled with panic.

“What's happening?” she asked putting a hand on her partner's good shoulder “Sam, what's wrong with him?”

“He's going into shock!” the ex-Seal exclaimed, unable to do anything to help his friend.

It was then that the paramedics finally showed up “Please, step aside!” one of them told the agents. “Let us take care of him!”

Kensi stood up, side by side with Sam, almost leaning on him, bracing herself, as she watched the paramedic frantically work on her partner.

“Oh, no, no, no... he's crashing!” a voice resounded clear and loud in the metal room.

The three agents froze hearing the words, paralyzed by the fear. Kensi tried to get closer, she needed to see. She needed to be with her partner. “Deeks!” she cried out desperately, but Sam stopped her.

“Let them do their job,” he said with an uncertain voice himself.

Kensi wriggled from his hold right when one of the paramedics shouted. “He's not breathing!” Those were the last words Kensi remembered clearly. After that, everything became just a blurred memory. She couldn't lose him... Deeks was not supposed to die. He was not supposed to leave her... She couldn’t recall whether she collapsed or not; the pain in her heart was simply too much.

* * *

Wendy Addison walked into the hospital room and couldn't suppress a shiver. She had been working in this hospital as a nurse for almost twenty five years, but she had never seen anything like this. She had never seen such brutality against a human being. When the young blond man was admitted five days ago, no one could ever imagine how he could have survived. He was in horrible shape, with extensive injuries that covered the better part of his body. He was not breathing by himself and he was in cardiac arrest. The doctors managed to bring him back, but it took a team of doctors hours to work on his extensive injuries. The first couple of days had been the worst. A raging fever, caused by his infected wounds, was burning him, consuming him from the inside. In addition, the extremely high temperature had caused several seizures. The doctor had been worried about possible brain damages, but now they were optimistic. During the fourth day, the fever finally broke and the young man had even started breathing on his own, so they had removed the ventilator, substituting it with a nasal cannula. It was a miracle. Wendy couldn't be happier to see the improvement in her patient..

She didn't know why, but she had immediately felt a connection with the young man, even if she didn't know anything about him. She admired his courage and, for sure, the blond man had a lot of it, surviving what he went through and still fighting to stay alive.

The nurse was not surprised to see the young woman at her patient's bedside. She had been a constant presence during the past five days, along with the intimidating back man and the scary little woman who usually spent some time with the blond man. They seemed pretty close, even if they were not exactly a family.

Wendy had seen another man once in a while, with sparkling blue eyes, that never stepped into the room but that observed everything from the glass wall, checking on the young man, with apprehension. Wrinkles adorned his forehead and his expression was very troubled.

Taking a deep breath, the nurse approached the bed, ready to do her usual check-up of the young patient's injuries. A job that took a long time since the task list was extremely long. “Hey, Kensi,” she greeted the young woman. “How's he doing today?”

“Wendy, hey...” Kensi was holding Deeks' hand and her eyes couldn't hide the fact that she had probably been crying.

Wendy gave her a gentle smile, feeling bad for the other woman. “He's a fighter; he is not giving up. You should do the same...”

“Am I so easy to read?” the NCIS agent said, wiping away a tear from her cheek.

“Sweetie, I've been doing this job for so long, I've seen so many people here that I can be a good judge of character and I can read people pretty well.” The nurse laid a hand over Kensi's shoulder in a very comforting gesture, “and I am sure that our friend here has more than one reason to wake up.”

Kensi bowed her head, timidly. “Do... do you need some help?” she asked, casting a glance at her partner's still form.

Wendy looked at her, noting how tired she was. The young woman had been spending her nights here, sitting in the armchair they had provided her instead of a sterile plastic chair. She left her partner's bedside just for a few hours to go home, take a shower and get some food. “Look, you know it will take me quite some time, why don't you go out and get some fresh air? You look like you need it...”

“No, I... I am fine and I... I don't want to leave him alone. What if he wakes up, all alone, after what happened to him? I...” the agent was shaking, clearly bothered by the idea of leaving her partner.

The nurse sighed heavily, smiling bitterly. She could see how much this woman cared for him. It was written all over her face, in her eyes, in the way she moved around him. There was something between them, something unsaid, that went beyond the friendship, the partnership. Wendy could imagine that doing such a tough job as these people did, risking their lives on daily basis, they could form a tight bond, but this was different. This was very different. It was more profound, deeper. “Ok, stay, but I still think that you need a break and when your other friends get here, you and I are going to hit the cafeteria, get something to eat and maybe talk a little while. How does that sound?”

Kensi smiled, touched by the older woman's affection. “Sounds like a plan,”

“Good then, time to take care of sleeping beauty,” the nurse said kindly, moving towards Deeks' bedside.

* * *

Kensi watched the nurse working skillfully on Deeks. Changing the bandages, checking the monitors and IV connected to his broken body. She still remembered the moment when she had stepped into the hold of that boat and had seen him hanging down from the ceiling, bloodied and so still. She had been terrified by his motionless figure because right then, she had truly thought that they had been too late. Kensi could still feel the pang in her heart every time that thought crossed her mind. It was such a deep pain, something that went into her soul. In that moment, she had felt like someone had taken away from her a very important part of herself.

“Damn it!” she silently cursed. This was not good. This should not be happening. It was too dangerous and she didn't want to suffer again.

“Are you ok?” Nurse Wendy asked her, probably noticing her rigid posture and her internal struggle.

“I... I am fine,” Kensi replied promptly, cringing as she looked at Deeks' mangled feet as the nurse was checking on them. It was an awful sight even for her trained stomach. The damage that bloody shillelagh had done to the soles of her partner's feet was so extensive, it had been one of the main causes of concern for the doctors. Infection had set into the wounds and the doctor had feared, for a while, that they might not be able to save them. Fortunately antibiotics had worked fine, the infection had regressed, but it was still a gruesome sight.

Wendy saw where the young woman's eyes had landed and she sighed heavily. “I know it's bad, but trust me, it's not as bad as it was yesterday. He's healing fine. Of course it will take time, but as I said he's a fighter and he won't let this thing beat him.”

“Yeah, but I... I would like to see him wake up. I... I kind of miss him,” Kensi paused closing her eyes, fighting the turmoil of emotions running inside of her. “He is the kind of guy who never shuts up. He's always up to something and I can't stand seeing him so still, so silent. It's... it's not him. I know I might sound pathetic, but I miss his smile...”

“You're not pathetic at all, sweetie. It's normal. He's your friend. You care for him and there's nothing worse to see the people you care for, suffer.” There was a crack in Wendy's voice, completely unexpected.

Kensi noticed that. “Are you speaking from experience?”

The nurse gave her one of the saddest but sweetest smiles the NCIS agent had ever seen. “I lost my daughter almost ten years ago. I watched her consume herself day after day, unable to do anything to help her. Unable to say anything to get her back in line... and trust me, there's nothing worse than that.”

Kensi felt sorry for this woman. She felt closer to her. She didn't know why, but Wendy's presence had been reassuring and calming during these past days. The older woman always had a kind word for her, an encouragement, even during the worst part of Deeks' ordeal. She didn't give her false hopes, just a big dose of faith. Kensi felt that without Wendy's help, probably she would have already broken down. Without the nurse's strength she would have probably gone to pieces. “I am really sorry for your loss.”

“Lizzy chose her path, chose the way that led to her death. Our friend here, didn't... and no one deserves to suffer like this because of the evilness of sick people,” Wendy told her, replacing the bandage on Deeks' foot.

“That doesn't change the fact that I am sorry for you,” insisted Kensi, sensing that she had to say something to the older woman, repaying her for her kindness.

“Thanks,” the nurse replied, clearly touched “Now, I need to check his face, then it will be done. Do you mind helping me lift his head a little?”

“Yes, of course” the NCIS agent moved towards her partner, doing what she had been asked to do. Her hands went through Deeks' hair and her eyes landed on his bruised and swollen face. “Does... do you think that this would...” she couldn't go on, her throat knotted.

“Scar? Maybe a little but a plastic surgeon can repair the damage,” Wendy sensed Kensi's uneasiness like she could read her mind easily. “Don't worry, sweetie. You're not selfish thinking about this”.

This time Kensi could not stop herself from smiling. “You'd make a good agent, Wendy. Reading people so easily is a gift...”

“This place is a good training field, but trust me, it's one of those few places in the whole world where it is impossible to hide your real emotions. You can't lie in front of the suffering or the pain.”

“And you are very smart too,” the agent took a deep breath. She liked this woman. There was an instinctive connection. “Thank you. For everything. For being so nice with me, with Deeks... for everything. Really, I... I truly appreciate it.”

Wendy blushed. She was a small woman, with deep hazel eyes, with an expression tempered by years of experience, but she was really touched by Kensi's words. “I am just doing my job,”

“Who's lying now?” the younger woman teased.

The nurse chuckled, “Touché,”

Kensi could not stop herself from laughing out loud; the first real laugh in days.

“What? What did I do to make you laugh like that?” Wendy wondered, puzzled, not understanding the weird and unexpected reaction of the other woman.

“You should ask Deeks when he wakes up. He will be able to lecture you on the meaning of the word, ‘Touché’!” Kensi became suddenly serious and her eyes were veiled by unshed tears. “It's a... game between us...”

“And you will play that game again. Don't worry.” The nurse approached Kensi, touching her arm slightly. The simple gesture brought tears into the NCIS agent's eyes. She hugged the younger woman, guiding her into an embrace. “It's ok, sweetie. It's ok... He'll be fine. Soon he will wake up and he will come back to you.”

Kensi felt comforted in the other woman's arms. “I am sorry. I... usually I'm not so emotional. I don't know what came over me...” she wriggled away, wiping away the tears. She hated it when her weakness showed up and people could see it.

“You're tired and worried. It's a bad combination...” Wendy understood what the agent wanted to do. She understood that to do a typical masculine job as the one she did, Kensi needed to be tough, maybe tougher than her male teammates. But all in all, she was a woman, with feelings. A woman who was worried about a person that was very important to her. The nurse wiped away the tears from Kensi's face. “But crying is not a sign of weakness in this situation. Never regret to show your emotions, they make you human.”

“I... I simply want him to get better. Damn it! He's my best friend... he's... hell! When did you start being so important to me, Deeks?” Kensi almost shouted turning her attention to her partner's still form. “Why do I have to care for a shaggy haired chatterbox, who spends half of his life surfing and the other half walking with his dog, chasing women in bikinis at the beach?” she paced up and down moving away from the bed. “Why do I have to miss you so much?”

“Charm...ing perso...nality...” a hoarse voice replied, weakly.

“Deeks! Oh my God... you're awake!” Kensi rushed towards her partner who was still with his eyes closed but was wetting his lips, clearly in pain.

“I... I'll go call the doctor!” Wendy said as a big smile brightened her face.

“Too much... light...” Deeks murmured as he tried to turn his head away from the feeble light coming from the window.

“Wait a second,” she closed the shutters and turned off all the lights, except for a small lamp. “Come on, now you can open your eyes.”

The cop's eyelids trembled and his eyes finally opened for a brief moment. “Hurts...”

Kensi leaned towards him, gently caressing his hair. “Come on, don't be such a baby. Open your eyes. Look at me...”

Deeks forced himself to do as he was told, even if it truly hurt.

“There you are,” she smiled at him, unable to suppress her happiness that was clearly evident. “How... how are you feeling?”

“Like... I've been... beaten to... pulp...” he managed to curve his lips into a grin, but he regretted immediately when a wave of pain coursed through his face. His hand looked for hers and squeezed it to fight the sudden agony.

“It's ok, you're safe now,” Kensi couldn't stand seeing him in pain, but she put on her most stoic mask, for him. “You're safe...”

A doctor and a couple of nurses walked inside the room, with Wendy at their tail. “Please, you should leave now,” the doctor told the NCIS agent.

She was leaving, but Deeks was still holding her hand. “I have to go out for a little while. The doctors need to check on you. But I will be back soon...”

He didn't let her go, tightening the hold on her wrists.

“Deeks, it's ok... you're in good hands,” Kensi looked at him in the eyes and was shocked to see the mix of different emotions filling his blue orbs - pain, fear, panic... sadness. It was what he said and the way he did that unsettle her though. Two words that weighed like stones.

“You came...” he murmured like it was something he had never expected. Like the fact that they came for him was a surprise. Like he didn't expect it at all - to be saved.

As Wendy guided her outside, Kensi couldn't stop thinking about those two words. “Of course, we came...” sighing deeply, she added hoping that he could hear her talking, “We would never abandon you...”


	11. Chapter 11

The man slowly walked into the hold. The sound of his boots touching the metal floor resounded in the enclosed space. His fists clenched tightly until his knuckles whitened for the effort he put into the gesture.

James O’Rourke couldn’t take his eyes away from the bloodstained ground where his son’s body had landed after the Federal agents killed him. Damien was gone, as Liam before him, and now he was alone. Alone, with his hate and his thirst for revenge that has consumed him from the inside. He was furious; his heart was filled with rage. Common people would scream in a situation like this. They would vent their frustration, breaking stuff, punching someone or something, but James O’Rourke was not a common person. His anger made him focus even more. His fury made him controlled, cold and calculating. His rage made him even more dangerous.

His plan was working fine, until a few days ago. He had Agent Callen and his team in his hands. He was playing with them, using his prisoner as a toy to hurt them, minute after minute. Using their fears and their guilt, as a weapon to weaken them. Preparing himself for the last strike; for the final well delivered blow that would send them to pieces, before he could kill them all while their defenses were completely down.

But now, things had changed. The Feds had found his boat, saved the blond detective and killed his son, mercilessly. Damien had been an idiot. Sadly, he was not the smartest of his sons, but this didn’t make him less angry. Actually, it made him extremely mad.

Fortunately, for O’Rourke, he still had an ace up his sleeve. It was just a matter of power, the power he had gained on his former captive, the power that the fear gave him. He could still use that power to destroy Detective Deeks and with him, the rest of Agent Callen’s team. He remembered how scared and desperate the young man was when he was playing with him. James remembered feeling him shivering at his simple presence, at his touch, at the sensation of the shillelagh brushing against his skin. But mostly he remembered the sense of possessiveness that came out of that.

He had enjoyed, so much, the time he had spent in this room with his prisoner, who had been deprived of most of his senses and probably of most of his dignity. O’Rourke could still hear the creaking sound of the bones breaking under his blows; the muffled moans of the defenseless man as he tried to resist; the echo of his crying when he knew that everything was lost; when he realized that no one would come to save him from this nightmare, from the unbearable pain. He owned the man in that instance. Part of Deeks’ soul belonged to him after he had forcefully stolen it and he was going to use this at his advantage.

James O’Rourke was going to use this power on the detective to destroy the whole team. It was his mission and he didn’t care how long it would take him to achieve his goal. He was going to make them pay. Well, reflecting on it, he could make it longer, prolong their suffering, turn their whole lives into a living hell. Killing them all, could be easy, but it wouldn’t give him the same satisfaction as torturing them slowly.

A creepy smile curved his lips as the plan formed in his mind. Now, he only needed some information and he was very good at getting it. Gathering information had been his job for a long time.

He walked out of the hold and moved to another part of the boat where a couple of his men were standing guard over a man tied to a chair. He was clearly terrified. O’Rourke danced around the captive twirling his shillelagh in the air, menacingly.

“Well, officer. I want to know a simple thing. If you tell me, you can walk out of this place on your feet. If not, you end up like your partner.” He put the wooden stick under the cop’s chin and turned his face towards a crumpled figure with a slit throat lying on the ground.

“But we were just here to guard this place… we… I… I know nothing… I…” The scared officer tried to speak, but a well delivered blow to his legs stopped him immediately.

“You’re a cop, so I am sure you know very well what I want to know,” O’Rourke hit the officer other couple of times, then he paused, straightening his jacket. “Now, I am going to ask you one more time and you are going to give me a simple answer. Do I make myself clear?”

The captive cop hesitated just a second before nodding and this gained him another couple of heavy strikes.

“Maybe I wasn’t clear enough,” James said with a calm and controlled voice as he hit his prisoner again.

“Please… please…. Stop…” the tied officer begged. “I… I will do… everything, but… please… stop…”

O’Rourke tilted his head, flashing a cunning grin. “That is better.” The shillelagh lifted, once again, the prisoner’s head. “Now, tell me, officer. Where is Detective Deeks?”

* * *

His eyes were locked on the glass window that offered a clear view of the room where Marty Deeks was lying in his hospital bed. The cop had just woken up after almost a week of unconsciousness and the doctors were positive on his recovery.

He observed the coming and going of nurses and doctors checking on their patient, who was resting peacefully at the moment. At his bedside there was the omnipresent figure of his partner, watching over him. She had almost never left his side since the cop had been admitted in the hospital, barely resting herself.

A silent figure approached him from behind. “Isn’t it time to go inside and pay him a visit?”

“Not yet,” the man with blue eyes said with a distant voice. “Not yet, Sam…”

“You should stop, G. This is not helping yourself… you know that you didn’t have a choice and I bet Deeks doesn’t blame you for what you did!” Sam replied, moving in front of his partner, looking at him straight in the eyes. “It was not your fault and… and it’s over now. He’s going to be fine.”

“And thank God for that, but… but I still think that I could have done something different, that I could have found a way to save him from O’Rourke and from all of…. this!” Callen almost shouted, unable to hide his frustration.

“Oh yes and what would you have done? I don’t think you can be everywhere at once! You’re human, G… not superman. Sometimes we can’t save everyone, even if we want to,” the ex-Seal’s voice sweetened, hoping to reach his friend. “We were lucky to reach him in time. You should be happy for that!”

“Happy for what, Sam? He almost died… you, you heard the doc. If we hadn’t showed up when we did, he’d probably be dead!” This time Callen snapped, trembling a little. “How can I be happy for this? I put him in this position. He is suffering, because of me! It’s all my fault…”

Sam’s hands grabbed his partner’s shoulder, squeezing it. He wanted to shake him from this self-consuming guilt. “Don’t you see it, G? This is exactly what O’Rourke wanted. This is what he has planned since the beginning. Making you feel guilty… but you know what? If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his, not yours! Never forget that. You did your job when you shot his son, hell he was shooting at us. You did what all of us would have done in the same situation. Don’t blame yourself for this man’s evilness…” Sam spoke calmly, but his eyes couldn’t hide his anger. “I am mad at him and I’m mad at myself. I feel guilty, too, because I was so stupid to lower my defenses and get myself captured… If I was a bit more cautious, things would have been different. But I can’t stay here thinking about that all day. I can’t stay here thinking about all the _what if’s_ of this situation. What’s done, is done… but we are all still here. That’s the important thing.”

“Yeah, we’re all still here, but that doesn’t change the fact that I left him there in the hands of that man. I can’t stop thinking that if O’Rourke didn’t have the twisted mind that he has, that if he didn’t like too much making people suffer, Deeks would be dead because of that bloody poison. I can’t stop thinking that Deeks is alive because of O’Rourke, not because of my help!”

“Are you insane G? O’Rourke was going to kill him!” Sam couldn’t believe what his friend was saying. “How can you think that! The man is a sick bastard, a psycho…”

Callen stared at his partner, unable to look away. He felt a sense of void growing inside of him. “Oh no doubts about that, but I allowed him to get Deeks and to hurt him…” His eyes moved to the still figure in the bed. The cop was sleeping, but it was obvious that he was in pain. There was not a part of his body that hadn’t been abused or broken. “It was my choice that caused all of this. My. Choice.”

“This is what you don’t get… it wasn’t your choice. It was O’Rourke who forced you to choose! That was cruel and trust me, I wouldn’t have liked to be in your place back there. He forced you to make a decision and you did it with rationality…” the ex-Seal paused, bowing his head as a sudden thought came to him. “How do you think I feel, knowing that you saved me, instead of him? I feel guilty myself, because I spent two days in this hospital due to a bit of poison, while Deeks is going to spend months here probably. How do you think I feel about the fact that you saved me and left him to die? Every time I look at him I think that right now he should be here talking to you, safe and sound instead of being in that bed, suffering. It’s bad for me too, G, but I don’t want to give O’Rourke the satisfaction to feel like he has won. I want him to see that we’re stronger than he is… that he can’t win against us, so please don’t do that. Don’t drown yourself in sorrow… it’s not worthy. It would only make O’Rourke stronger. Is this what you want?”

“No, damn it… NO! But… I… I can’t do that… not yet… I still feel too bad,” the team leader admitted, closing his eyes and playing nervously with his hands.

“You know what you can do?” Sam asked, knowing that he would never receive an answer from his partner. “You can move your sorry butt and go inside, talk to him, let him know that you’re there for him, because he is going to need our help to get back on his feet. He is going to need all of us…”

Callen sighed heavily, inhaling deeply. “I am not ready, Sam. It’s… It’s too soon. Maybe one day I will be ready, but for now… no. Not at all.”

The ex-Seal could understand his partner’s struggle. He could understand what was going on inside his head. He was aware that the whole experience had been traumatic for Callen. Hell, he could not even imagine what it had been like to make a choice. But the sooner his partner would accept that it wasn’t his fault, the better was for all of them, because this was going to tear the team apart. And this was what O’Rourke wanted. “You better get ready, quickly, because Deeks needs your help. And he needs it now.” With that, Sam walked away, leaving his friend alone with his haunting thoughts.

Callen watched him stepping into Deeks’ room and talking to Kensi. His stomach turned upside down. Why was it so difficult? Why couldn’t he simply follow his partner’s advice? “Damn it, O’Rourke!” he cursed, before turning on his heels and heading outside.

* * *

Sam walked into the room finding, as always, Kensi sitting in the armchair at Deeks’ bedside. He placed his hand over her shoulder, smiling at her gently. “You should get some rest, Kensi,”

She straightened up, a bit startled by the sudden appearance of her teammate. She couldn’t deny the fact that even without realizing, she had dozed off. She knew she was tired, but she didn’t like the idea of leaving her partner alone. Finally, Deeks woke up the previous day and since then, he danced in and out consciousness. The doctors said that he was going to be ok, but she simply needed to stay here. With him. “I’m fine, Sam. I will leave when he is better.”

“How’s he doing today?” the ex-Seal asked, observing the sleeping figure in bed. In spite of all the doctor’s reassurance, Deeks still looked horrible. His face was swollen, thanks to the broken cheekbone. Bruises and cuts adorned his still pale skin. His left arm was in a sling, due to the surgery to repair his dislocated shoulder. Heavy bandages covered his mangled wrists, right where the tight handcuffs had bit his skin and flesh, cutting them open. These were the only visible wounds, the rest of them were fortunately hidden under the blanket, covering his body, and Sam could only be thankful for that. What he saw, angered him enough.

“Pretty much the same. He can’t stay awake for too long and I bet he’s in pain, but he hasn’t managed to stay conscious long enough to tell me about it,” Kensi told him, releasing the hold on her partner’s hand, as she was embarrassed, but when she saw the ex-Seal’s eyes on her, she added, feebly, “I… I can’t stand seeing him like this, Sam. What O’Rourke did was… damn it Sam, how could he do something like that? He almost broke all of his bones for God’s sake! And…” her eyes veiled, remembering the way they found Deeks in that cell, an image that still hunted her dreams.

“Kensi, it’s over. He’s safe and he will be fine. Before you’d realize, Deeks will be the usual pain in the ass we know,” the big man told her, taking her hand in his, to comfort her.

But Kensi was not someone who liked to be seen in need of comfort. She wriggled her hand away and stood up, pacing back and forth. “Yeah, but that bastard is still out there! After what he did to you, to Callen… to Deeks, O’Rourke is still out there, ready to hurt people, ready to hurt us again!”

“Kensi we’re doing everything we can to find him, but the man is smart and he probably has some solid connections. Nell and Eric are working on every hunch to find him.”

“Yeah, I know… but I can’t stop thinking that he is still free to do whatever he wants. What if he is working on another one of his plans? What if he still wants to get us… or wants to get Deeks while he’s here, practically defenseless?” She released a bit of her frustration and the tension that has accumulated over the last few days.

“See? This happens when you’re tired. You can’t think straight!” Sam told her guiding her back to the armchair. “There’s one of ours outside guarding this room day and night and once he is moved to a private room, it will be even easier to keep an eye on him. You’ve been here all the time and Callen and I can take care of ourselves. We didn’t expect him before and he took us by surprise, but now we’re ready for him. O'Rourke won’t catch us unprepared this time!”

Kensi passed a hand through her long hair. “I know! But I have this bad feeling, like something is going to happen, like something bad is going to happen!”

“I can imagine you have this bad sensation. Sometimes I worry myself. It's not easy to forget how close... it was...” the ex-Seal hesitated and his voice cracked for the first time. “It was a close call...”

The junior agent stared at her teammate and silently cursed. She had been so worried about Deeks that she didn't realize that maybe Sam needed a bit of support too. He had found himself in a dread situation, heck, he almost died, himself. How could she be so stupid not to see that? Since he came back from the hospital, the ex-Seal had been nothing but supportive to all of them, but what about him? “Sam, how... how are you feeling? And don't tell me you're doing great, because I know it's a lie...”

Sam smiled, weakly. “I will be fine, Kensi. I am just trying to focus on one thing at a time.”

“That is not what I asked you, though,” she insisted.

The big man gently caressed her cheek. “Thank you, Kensi.”

She understood this was his way to tell her that he appreciated her concern. He appreciated the fact that she asked about his well-being. “You're welcome.”

“I would be even better if I was able to convince G to come and see Deeks. You know how stubborn he has his mind set!” He sighed heavily, remembering the conversation he just had with his partner. “I tried, but he doesn't want to listen!”

“Give him some time. It was hard for him and I think I... I didn't help him to feel better. At first, I was so mad at him, not because he chose to save you, but because he decided not to save Deeks. Then, when the first video arrived, I... I yelled at him. I was so mean.” Her eyes were veiled with sadness. She had not been fair with Callen, at first, and in doing so, she probably hurt him. They had talked and probably set things right between them, but this didn't change the fact that she had blamed him for everything Deeks was going through. “I was so stupid...”

Right when Sam was replying to her, trying to reassure her, Nell and Eric walked into the room.

“Hey guys,” Eric greeted them, avoiding Deeks' lying figure. He simply couldn't bear the sight of his friend in such a poor state.

“We figured that you might be hungry,” Nell intervened as she laid a paper box on Kensi's lap.

The female agent opened it and her expression brightened up at the sight of her favorite sweet treats. “Nell, Eric, I'd hug you for this! Thank you!” she almost shouted in happiness.

“Smart move, Wonder Twins!” Sam couldn't suppress a chuckle at his teammate's reaction. Kensi was like a child when it came to sweets and junk food.

“We always know the way to her heart,” Eric winked at his partner-in-crime and the whole room was filled with laughs.

“You better stop screaming...” a distant and hoarse voice interrupted them. “...someone's trying to sleep.”

“Deeks!” Kensi was the first to rush to her partner's bedside. She gave him one of her best smiles. “Hey,” she added, softening her expression.

Sam could not miss the sudden change in her behavior and nodded in acknowledgment. “Hey, Deeks! How are you doing?”

“Thirsty,” the cop murmured, wincing as he tried to move.

“Hey, take it easy,” Kensi admonished him, as she put a straw on his lips and helped him drink from it. “Slowly...”

After a few sips, as the fresh liquid ran down his throat, a bout of coughing hit Deeks, who almost doubled over, in agony. Pain erupted in his whole body and for a while he really thought that he was not able to breathe.

His partner helped him, making soothing circles on his back, talking to him softly. “It's ok, Deeks. Just breathe and it will be over soon.”

The fit finally ended and the wounded cop sank into his pillow, clearly exhausted, closing his eyes to fight the pain. He was still so weak that even the smallest gestures or movements were taxing for him, tiring him, almost instantly. When the pain finally subsided a little, he re-opened his eyes, finding his friends staring at him with apprehension.

“Are you good?” Sam wondered, putting a comforting hand on his good shoulder.

Deeks didn't reply, his blue orbs sparkled with fear. “Where's Callen?”

His friends looked at one another. Eric simply bowed his head, unable to look at the cop. Nell crossed her gaze with Kensi, who bit her lip nervously. It was Sam who took the courage to answer.

“He... he has some reports to fill...” the ex-Seal lied.

Deeks inhaled deeply before grabbing Sam's wrist, ignoring the agony reverberating in his hand and arm. “He didn't hurt him, didn't he? Callen is fine, isn't he?” he stared at the ex-Seal with bloodshot eyes, shaking like a leaf.

“Callen is fine, Deeks,” Kensi told him to reassure him, gently brushing his hair, not even realizing how caring and tender the simple gesture was.

“Good,” the cop said slightly relieved with a feeble voice. “Don't let him consume himself... with guilt. This is what he wanted... what the man wanted... help him... You have to help him,” the hold was released and once again Deeks fell into oblivion.

Sam watched his friend slip out of consciousness and shook his head “Damn it! What a mess...”

“Do you want me to go talk to Callen?” Nell offered. “Eric and I saw him outside. We wanted to approach him, but his body language was yelling at us to stay away. So we didn’t...”

“No, he needs to process some things on his own. Just give him another couple of days. If he doesn’t change his mind, I will drag him in here myself!” the ex-Seal nodded towards Kensi. Then he flashed one of his dimpled grins. “Now, weren't we eating some sugar concentrates?”

They all laughed again. They knew that they were far from ok. As a team, there were a lot of things that they needed to fix, but at least they were still all together. That was a good starting point.


	12. Chapter 12

“Oh come on, Kensi. Give me a break!” Deeks said a bit exasperated after her umpteenth reprimand because he was trying to move a bit too much in bed. Ten days had passed since the moment he had woken up and finally, he had been moved to a private room, quieter and more relaxing than the one in ICU. His whole body was still an encyclopedia of bruises and healing wounds, but at least his face was not as swollen as it was before and he could talk easily. Moving was another story. Even the most simple gestures were still the cause of excruciating agony, but the cop was starting to be very restless and this was mining his partner’s sanity.

“Deeks, you heard the doctor. You have to take it easy if you want your body to heal properly. Jumping up and down in the bed is not on the ‘taking-it-easy-list’! So shut up and get comfy!” Kensi scolded him, pushing him to a more comfortable position in bed, with his head sunk in the pillow.

“Wow, I can hear a little concern in your words,” the cop teased, flashing a grin, as much as he could, at least. Smiling was something that his broken cheekbone didn’t take very well. “I can almost think that you care.”

“I only care for you, because I don’t want to go through the hell of training another partner!” she told him, pretending to be very serious. It was just a façade to cover her deep concern for him. “And believe me, I am going to shoot you myself if you don’t stop fussing around!”

“I would listen to her if I was in you, Marty!” Nurse Wendy intervened as she walked into the room, carrying a tray with a medications’ kit and some pills.

“Wendy, my savior… do you mind telling Kensi here that taking it easy doesn’t mean lying still in this frakkin’ bed all day?” Deeks greeted the older woman with a sincere, faint smile. He liked her and he was sure that the sentiment was reciprocated. During his stay at the hospital, the two of them had engaged in a lot of interesting conversations, like two old friends. It was weird, but Deeks had felt an instant connection with the woman, like they had known each other for ages.

“Oh yes, I can do that. I can talk to her, but Marty dear… she’s right. You can move in that frakkin’ bed, as you call it, but trying to get up is forbidden! Or you will answer to me…” the nurse raised her finger pointing it menacingly at the young man. “Now, it’s time to change your bandages and to take some pills…”

“And here I thought you were offering pizza and beer…” Deeks’ tone was cheeky, as usual, but his eyes couldn’t hide a hint of sadness that didn’t go unnoticed by Kensi .

The NCIS agent felt sorry for her partner. She knew he was still hurting, that the pain was probably unbearable sometimes, even if he tried to deflect it by using his humor. His expression couldn’t lie though and she was able to read him too well. “Don’t be such a baby, Deeks. And you know that beer is against hospital policy.” She played along, reckoning that he knew what she was doing. He was able to lecture her as much as she could do it to him.

“And since when has this stopped you?” he asked, locking his blue eyes on her mismatched ones, nodding thankfully.

Wendy observed the whole conversation between the two partners and couldn’t hide a chuckle. She shook her head in disbelief. These two were so close that they didn’t even realize it. They cared so much for each other that it was almost embarrassing to witness their exchanges. Their silences and glances were clearer than hundreds of empty words. “I am sorry to interrupt you two, but I have a job to do,” she stated, knowing how much the young man hated this whole process. She could read it in his eyes.

“I thought you were a nice woman…” Deeks sighed heavily, mentally preparing himself for the pain that was coming. It wasn’t the pain that scared him the most, though, it was the fact that when Wendy was taking care of him, he couldn’t hide his weakness, his fears. He felt exposed, without dignity and all of this because of what that man did to him. Every time the nurse or any of the doctors touched one of his wounds it was hell. Every time they touched him anywhere, it was like O’Rourke was touching him again. A shiver ran down his spine, reminding him of all the times he trembled in front of the man when his bloody shillelagh danced on his skin.

“Marty?” Wendy asked him as her hand gently laid on his shoulder.

He jerked while a whimper escaped his lips. He looked at the nurse with a terrified expression. Kensi’s heart melted at the scene. Deeks was trying to appear strong and collected, but she knew that deep inside he had a turmoil of emotions that was almost overwhelming.

“Hey, it’s ok, Marty. It won’t last too long…” the nurse said, removing her hand from his body, sensing how much the tender gesture unsettled him. She felt so bad for him, because no one deserved to suffer like he was suffering. No one needed to be so scared of a simple human contact. Silently, she cursed the man who had hurt the cop so deeply. “We’ve already been through this, together. Do you remember?”

Deeks tried to steady his breathing and gave the nurse a hint of a smile that didn’t reach his eyes though. “Yeah,” he managed to say, swallowing hard.

“Do you think I can begin?” Wendy asked, not wanting to force him. It was something that she had to do, but she needed him to be ready for it or it would be even more traumatic.

He nodded “The sooner, the better,” he attempted to say, but without too much conviction.

“Good, let’s do it then,” the nurse wore a pair of latex gloves and started working on her reluctant patient.

Kensi observed the entire scene, unable to control her heartbeat. She hated seeing her partner going through this entire process and mostly she hated looking at those ugly wounds, but she didn’t want to leave him. She needed to stay here with him, helping him as much as she could, with a gentle word, a joke or her simple presence.

Deeks braced himself from what was coming. Wendy was very gentle and attentive to his needs, but this didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

“They are healing pretty well, Marty and quicker than even the doctors imagined,” she reassured, trying to take his attention away from her work and from the agony she was sure was spreading through his body.

He winced at every touch. His ribcage and his chest hurt like hell, as much as his face or his legs and arms, but it was his feet that truly gave him nightmares. Just a simple graze was excruciating, the whole process of removing the bandages, treating the wounds and re-dressing them was a torture.

Kensi studied his face intently, watching his forehead wrinkle and become sweaty. His breathing labored and his eyes shut to fight the discomfort. Her gaze landed on the soles of his feet when Wendy took away the dressing and she held her breath at the sight that could turn everyone’s stomach upside down. Heck, it made even her almost sick. She couldn’t even start imagining how much pain Deeks was in right now, but mostly, it was almost impossible to think what he had endured when he was in O’Rourke’s hands. She wanted desperately to touch her partner, to hold his hand during this taxing process, to comfort him, but he was clenching his fists so tightly around the blanket covering him, it was like it was his only saving source, his lifeline.

Wendy sensed the tension gripping his muscles and nerves whilst her hands worked on her patient. He couldn’t suppress a pained moan while she cared for his feet. “I am almost done, Marty,” she smiled kindly, but the young man was somewhere else in his mind. The nurse was a peaceful person, she never wanted anyone to suffer, but whoever did this to Deeks couldn’t be considered a man; the man responsible for this was a monster. In her line of work, she had seen a lot of terrible injuries and awful wounds, but the first time her eyes had landed on this young man’s soles, she almost threw up. “And we are… done,” she murmured after she finished dressing the mangled feet.

The cop didn’t react, didn’t even open his eyes. It was like he had shut everything out to detach himself from the reality and from the pain.

“Deeks, it’s over…” Kensi told him, gently grazing his hand.

When her fingers brushed against his skin, Deeks almost jumped in bed. He released the breath he was holding and his eyes opened widely as he was in panic.

“It’s over, Marty,” Wendy echoed, offering him a glass of water and a pill to take. “Here, this will help you with the pain.”

The cop gulped the pill and the water avidly, sinking into the pillow, exhausted. “Thanks,” he muttered, almost incoherently.

“I am sorry…” the nurse apologized, gaining a big grin in response.

“It’s ok,” Deeks panted as he had just run a marathon. “You just did what you had to…”

“Next time I’ll bring you an ice cream,” Kensi intervened to ease the situation and to distract both nurse and patient.

“What? No ice cream today? And I thought you loved me!” the cop exclaimed smiling, glad for his partner’s quick mind.

“In your dreams, Deeks!” the agent scolded him, tilting her head pretending to be annoyed by his remark.

“Oh come on, Kensi… admit it. You can’t resist me,” Deeks winked at Wendy, who burst out laughing.

“Oh this is getting too serious. I better go. I have some other more entertaining patients to take care of!”

“Wendy, I know you have fun only with me… I am so your favorite!” the blond man joked, his breathing was slowly getting back to normal, as he relaxed.

“Oh God, save me please!” Wendy collected her stuff and headed towards the door. Before walking out of the room, she turned to face her patient. “That painkiller will knock you out pretty bad. I think it’s time you get some rest.”

“Thanks, mom…” Deeks winked cunningly.

“Don’t mock me young man! I can come back there and kick your sorry excuse of a butt!”

A fat laugh exploded in the room and probably was the first real laugh from all of them in a long time.

“Thank you, Wendy. That would be a pleasure…” the cop said, unable to stop laughing. Man, he needed that…

Kensi observed him, watching him relax and finally she released the breath she was still holding, sitting in the omnipresent armchair.

“You should get some rest too, Kens,” Deeks murmured, yawning. “I know I am irresistible, but it’s getting late and you need to sleep in a real bed.”

“But I am comfy here,” she protested, winking. It was true, she was very comfortable here and she had the chance to keep a closer eye on him.

“Kensi, I know what you’re doing, but there’s an agent outside, one at the entrance of this area and one downstairs. I’m safe…” he prayed that he could be convincing, that she would listen to him. He could read the sign of exhaustion on her face and he felt guilty because of that. Even if he was terrified to be left alone and even though he would never admit it, he reckoned that his partner needed some rest as much as he did.

“But… I… I don’t want to leave…”

“Look Kensi, staring at people while they are sleeping is a bit creepy, don’t you think?” he received a wary glance from her but he went on talking. “Let’s do it this way. You can stay here until I fall asleep, then I will ask Wendy to drag you out of this place and send you home.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” the nurse agreed with his plan.

Kensi sighed heavily, taking a deep breath, then nodded reluctantly. “Ok.”

Deeks flashed one of his best smiles. “That’s my girl,” he muttered closing his eyes, still smiling. “I know you can’t live without me… but you need to rest…” he barely managed to finish the sentence. His eyelids were too heavy… his eyes closed.

Wendy observed the scene, knowing that Kensi needed a moment alone. “I’ll wait for you outside,” she told her before walking out.

The NCIS agent took her partner’s hand in hers, kissing it sweetly. “Have a good night, Deeks,” then she leaned towards him, kissed his forehead and then headed out.

Once she stepped through the door, Deeks’ lips curved into a foxy grin. “Good night, Kens…” and this time, he truly fell asleep.  

* * *

Nights were always hard for him. Most of the time, even if painkillers were pumping through his blood, literally knocking him out, his sleep was troubled, filled with nightmares and bad memories. The darkness reminded him of the days of his captivity; of the blindfold covering his eyes; of the lack of control; of his defenselessness in front of his tormentor. A man without a face, without a name. A man he wanted so desperately to forget but whose voice, whose scent, was stuck in his brain, like an indelible mark, impossible to erase.

And this night was no different from the others. He had fallen asleep the moment Kensi had left his room, but soon he had woken up in a bead of sweat, suppressing a scream like he was still gagged, like he was still in that hold, hanging down from the ceiling as his body was ripped apart. It took him an eternity to regain some control, to get his heartbeat to slow down, his breathing to become regular again, to realize where he was and that he was safe, alone in his hospital room.

With a great effort, he forced his arm to stretch so his hand could grab the paper cup of water sitting on the bedside table. He needed to have a sip, to send a clear message to his mind that he was really in control and that this was real. Most of the times waking up, he feared that this was one of his dreams where his friends had found him and saved him from the man. Most of the times, waking up, he had the clear sensation of the man’s presence beside him, he could hear the hissing sound of the man’s voice whispering in his ears, telling him that he was not worth saving.

Sometimes reality caught up with him relatively soon after. Other times, getting out of the haunting memories was harder and he felt trapped in his own nightmare. Fortunately he couldn’t fight too much against the meds the doctors were giving him; usually he managed to go back to sleep and get some rest that his healing body needed.

A particularly intense flash of pain at his feet woke him up with a start, disorienting him once again. An agonized cry came out of his mouth the moment his eyes opened and was welcomed by the darkness.

_Relax, it’s ok. You’re safe_ , he told himself, panting heavily. His hair at the back of his head prickled, putting him on alert. Deeks didn’t know why, but he felt like something was different, like he was being watched. There was a sense of void, a sense of evil that was growing inside of him, making him shiver. It was like his soul was engulfed by a cold sense of darkness that was eating him, consuming him. He wanted to move, but a gripping feeling of dread was blocking his limbs, paralyzing him.

_It’s just a dream, just a dream. Stop it!_ Once again he was having a conversation with himself trying to get some control back, but he knew he was losing it. His heart was pounding in his heart, ready to explode. _Come on, Deeks. Don’t be such a baby,_ he mentally repeated the words Kensi usually told him to tease him, to joke with him, hoping that her image forming in his mind could calm him. Sadly, it was not working. His anxiety and his fear were getting stronger and he could feel that he was panicking.

_The light, turn on the light and everything will get back to normal. Just turn on the light!_ He ordered himself but the switch was a little out of reach. Taking a deep breath and collecting all of his energy, Deeks sent a message to his brain in order to shout at his body to move, to shift enough so his stretched arm could finally reach the switch.

And it was then that he sensed it. A presence. There was someone in the room. “Who are you?” he asked hoarsely, but no one answered.

You’re crazy. There’s no one here. This is just another of your dreams. Calm down, calm down!

The cop pushed with his hand, fighting the wave of nausea that caught him when pain exploded in his broken wrist, to allow his stretched arm to get to the switch. He could feel it with his fingers. The tough plastic was just a breath away from his nails, when a familiar scent invaded his nostrils. _No… no, it can’t be. He was still dreaming. Wake up Deeks. He’s not here. You’re alone._

But the distinctive smell of musky aftershave, mixed with cheap tobacco and beer filled the room, nauseating him, taking his breath away. He was so scared and in a panic that he completely forgot the emergency call button. All he wanted to do was to scream, asking for help… he was inhaling deeply to do that when something was pushed on his face, covering it completely so he was not able to see or to talk. Or to breathe. A muffle sound came out of his mouth but was blocked by the pillow pressed on his face.

“Hello Marty, did you miss me?” a sadly familiar voice greeted him, sending Deeks on the edge of a breakdown. The cop struggled, trying to use his hand to push the pillow away, but the man was too strong while his whole body was in agony.

“I missed you a lot, Marty… because I enjoyed playing with you,” continued the vicious voice as it came even closer to the pillow.

Using the last bit of energy left in his system, Deeks kicked with his leg to hit the man, missing him completely.

“Why do you do this, Marty? I am your friend. Don’t you remember? Your only friend. The only one who could stop the pain.” O’Rourke used his body to prevent the cop’s legs from doing any movement, pinning him down to the bed. His free hand grabbed a familiar object that moved, deliberately, slowly on Deeks’ chest.

_No, this is not happening. Not happening…_ repeated the cop over and over in his head. Breathing was getting harder, minute after minute, and he was feeling the little bit of strength that he had was leaving his body. Cold shivers shook him, uncontrollably, every time the shillelagh danced on his exposed skin, chilling him to the bones.

“You’re so called friends, the ones you call a family can’t even protect you, Marty. I am the only one who can do that,” the man whispered with a teasing note in her voice. “They left you alone... again...”

_“NO!”_ Deeks yelled, but the sound that came out of the pillow was just a muffled moan. _They are my friends, they care for me_.

“You know Marty, I am very angry. You’re so called friends did something bad, something very bad…” O’Rourke’s rage was mounting, but his tone was still cold and calculating. The shillelagh stopped on Deeks’ broken ribs, just a second before it was pressed down, twisting to increase the sensation of pain.

The cop screamed behind the pillow, at the top of his lungs as the agony coursed through his chest, his broken ribs protested vehemently. He tried to escape, to get away from this, but he simply couldn't. His muscles were paralyzed, moving was impossible.

“Don't fight it, Marty. The more you fight, the more you suffer. I thought you learnt your lesson the other time.” The man applied even more pressure on Deeks' chest and the distinctive noise of a rib breaking reached his ears. “See? Stop fighting. It's not worthy. They won't come for you!”

An electrical discharge shook the cop's body as the pain engulfed him, but unexpectedly the new excruciating agony made him focus. He tried to concentrate on breathing, slowly, one breath after another, taking advantage of the fact that to put pressure on his chest, O'Rourke loosened a bit the hold on the pillow placed on his face. Disconnecting his mind from his body, hoping to forget the pain, Deeks collected all of his strength and with a desperate gesture pushed the man away from him with both of his arms.

James O'Rourke couldn't hide his surprise, he didn't expect the blond man to react and this enraged him even more. Before Deeks could get rid of the pillow still placed on his face, the older man launched himself against the cop, blocking him again with a knee pressed on his sternum, his strong hands pinning Deeks' arms to the mattress. “You didn't get it yet, did you? I will finish what I started. I will destroy you and I will drag the people you consider your friends with you. You all will suffer a long endless agony before I decide when to kill you,” his voice was cold as steel, dangerously low. “You won't know when your end will come, but trust me, it will be a never-ending suffering, long and extremely painful. You will beg me to kill you quickly.” the man moved even closer to the cop and his scent pervaded the blond man's nostrils. “But don't worry... you're not that much fun to play with now. I will patiently wait for you to get better...” O'Rourke increased mercilessly the pressure with his knee on Deeks' chest making him cry out. The pain was so intense, so excruciating, that everything went black and the cop slipped out of consciousness, succumbing to darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

It was early in the morning when Nurse Wendy Addison walked through the sliding doors of the hospital. She was not supposed to start her shift for another few hours, but when she woke up, she had felt the need to come here early and to check on one of her patients, one Detective Marty Deeks. She couldn’t deny that she had a soft spot for the young man, mostly because of the tragic circumstances that had brought him here. But Wendy liked spending time with him, she enjoyed his humor, his wit and of course she loved the way Marty and his partner, Kensi, danced around each other.

“You’re getting too old, Wendy,” she told herself walking into the locker room. “And mostly you’re getting too soft.” She couldn’t suppress a smile at her silent remark.

The closer she got to her patient’s room, the more agitated she became. The nurse didn’t know why, but since she had opened her eyes that morning, she had a clear sensation that something was not right, like a chill that ran down her spine and that unsettled her, making her suspicious.

“Good morning, Luis,” she greeted the NCIS agent guarding the door and then she got inside. The sight that welcomed her eyes was nothing she expected.

“Marty!” she yelled, rushing to the young man’s bedside, unable to hide her apprehension, her fear.

Deeks was curled into a ball in bed, as he wanted to protect himself, his arm was stretched on one side of the bed dangling in the air. But it was the condition in which the bed was that put Wendy on the edge. The blanket was rolled into a ball on the floor and the sheets were crumpled partially covering his body. It was like there had been a battle that the poor man had probably lost.

The nurse touched him sensing the intense heat emanating from his skin as the fever was raging, gripping him in a tight embrace. His breathing was labored and it looked like he was lost in one of his nightmares. “Marty? Come on, Marty… wake up!” she told him gently, helping him into a more comfortable position. The only answer she got was a soft whimper. “Come on, son. Open those eyes…” she insisted, her own words surprised her. Son? She called him son, so this was that how she saw him? _Don’t be stupid, Wendy. Don’t go there,_ she silently thought.

Deeks’ eyes fluttered and slowly, blinking repeatedly, he came round. His unfocused gaze fell on Wendy, but there was no sign of recognition. All he saw was someone touching him, someone over him, again. “NO!” he yelled terrified, trying to struggle, to get rid of the hold of the other person. “No…” he repeated, with a broken voice.

Wendy was shocked. She had witnessed some of the young man’s worst after-nightmare-moments, but this was different. He was not here, but somewhere else. Somewhere scary… terrifying. “Marty, it’s me, Wendy. I am not going to hurt you. You know it…”

Hearing her voice, Deeks blinked and a hint of acknowledgement filled his teary blue eyes “Wendy?” he murmured, still very confused.

“Yes, it’s me…” she tried to touch him again, but he escaped from her hands. “Marty… I am…”

“He was here…” he muttered, almost incomprehensibly. “He was here.”

“Marty, what… what are talking about? Who was here?” she asked puzzled. Probably the blond cop had a very vivid nightmare and he was finding it hard to re-connect with the reality.

“He was here… he… was here and he was over me… he was here…” he was shivering violently as he mumbled over and over the same words.

“There was no one here, Marty. It was a nightmare… you’re safe here…” she caressed his hair making him jump as an electrical discharge had been released through his whole body.

“No!” he cried out, desperately trying to get into a sitting position.

It was then that Wendy noticed the blood staining the bandage on his chest “Oh my God, what have you done to yourself?” she pressed the call button and immediately a doctor and another nurse ran inside.

“What happened?” the doctor wondered, observing the weird scene in front of his eyes.

“I found him like this. He’s confused, probably because of a nightmare. He probably pulled some stitches apart… and he’s got a rising temperature…” Wendy explained, without breaking eye contact with her patient.

The doctor instructed the nurses. “We need to sedate him if we want to check on him. He’s too agitated.”

A second later a syringe with a sedative was emptied into the IV line still connected to Deeks’ hand and as soon as the medicine started kicking in, the cop relaxed and fell asleep. The doctor worked on the bandage on his chest finding that the stiches had been actually pulled apart and needed to be re-done. He was still checking on that when his forehead wrinkled. “What the hell?” he wondered, slightly confused.

“Doctor Lassiter, what’s wrong?” Wendy asked unable to hide her concern.

“These… these bruises are… they are new and there’s even another broken rib. How did he manage to procure them himself? It’s impossible…” the doctor continued his job, but Wendy’s eyes moved along Deeks’ body, looking for other recent wounds that could give her a clue of what happened during the night. Her heart skipped a bit when she noticed something clenched in his hand. It looked like a piece of paper wrapping up something. She needed to use a bit of strength to retrieve the object from the cramped hand and when she saw it, her blood froze. Just few words came out of her mouth “He was here…”

* * *

Kensi rushed along the corridors. Her face distorted by the deep concern, reminding her of another sudden rush she had to make to the hospital, two weeks ago. Wendy had called her asking to come to the hospital as soon as she could because something happened during the night. Something happened to Deeks during the night. Those few words had been enough to send her to craziness. She had barely managed to contact Sam before dressing and driving like a mad woman towards the hospital. Her heart was pounding in her chest. “What happened?” she asked, as she stormed into the room. She found Wendy sitting in her armchair, holding Deeks’ hand. Deeks who was sleeping with his hand hooked to an IV, his face flushed and sweaty. “Wendy, what the hell happened?” she repeated, moving to the other side of her partner’s bed, caressing his hair, softly. She shuddered at the heat emanating from his skin.

The kind nurse got up and moved towards the NCIS agent. “When I got here, I found him and the whole bed in a terrible state. It was a mess. I thought he was sleeping and that he was fighting one of his usual nightmares, but I soon realized there was more. He continued repeating ‘ _He was here, he was here’_ , but I couldn’t understand to whom he was referring to. Then I saw the blood on his bandage, so I called the doctor because I feared that he had pulled apart some stitches whilst struggling during his troubled sleep…” she paused, knowing that Kensi was not going to like the rest of the story.

“Wendy, what happened?” the junior agent insisted. She was starting to lose her patience. Something happened to her partner and she needed to know what.

“When the doctor checked him out, he found some… some new bruises on his chest, signs like something was pressed forcefully on it. And he had a broken rib… a new one,” the nurse explained, closing her eyes and breathing heavily.

“Wait… are you telling me that someone was here? Tonight? That someone attacked Deeks while he was sleeping?” Kensi was finding it hard to control herself. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Anger was taking possession of her whole body.

“Kensi, he’s going to be fine… the doctor said that…”

The young agent was blinded by the fury and turned on her heels to go outside and question the man standing guard. How could he be so stupid to let someone sneak inside and hurt Deeks? She was already at the door when Wendy’s voice stopped her.

“Kensi, wait! There’s something more…” the nurse took out something from her pocket “I… Marty was holding this.”

Kensi slowly moved towards Wendy’s extended hand and took the piece of paper the other woman was passing her. A cold shiver ran down her spine, like she could feel an evil presence in the room. She opened it up with trembling hands and silently read it. _Be warned, Agent Callen. Soon I will come back and you and all of your friends will pay for what you’ve done to my family._ “O’Rourke!” her eyes moved to her partner’s sleeping figure. O’Rourke had been here hurting Deeks again. “Damn it!” she cursed, grinding her teeth.

The nurse moved a bit closer to the younger woman who was barely holding herself together. Anger, guilt, fear were filling her eyes. “Sweetie, that piece of paper was not the only thing that Marty was holding in his hand,” another object appeared in her hand. “There was this wrapped up in that piece of paper…”

Kensi felt her stomach turning upside down at the sight of the object Wendy was giving her. She recognized it immediately and she felt sick. It was a torn, rolled cloth, stained with blood. Deeks’ blood. “Son of a bitch…” she murmured, clenching her fingers around the filthy cloth.

“What’s up, Kensi? What is this thing?” Wendy wondered, sensing the tension in the younger woman’s posture.

The NCIS agent cast a tender glance at her partner, biting her lip nervously. She then walked towards the bed and sank into the armchair. As one of her hands held the object, the other hand passed over her face. “It’s a gag, the one that man used on Deeks for all the time he was held prisoner…” her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

“Oh my God! But how can you be so sure it’s the same, maybe it’s just that man’s way to play with you,” the nurse said, a bit shocked. When she had been assigned to take care of the blond Detective, they had told her everything about what happened to him. She knew he was a cop working for a Federal agency and who had been kidnapped and tortured for days. It had been Marty, himself, who had revealed to her some details of his imprisonment. Every time he mentioned the fact that he had been gagged, she had seen his disgust, his inner fear for that object. Finding herself in such a close proximity with the filthy thing that had caused so much pain to the young man that had become more than a simple patient to her, made her sick. “Dear God,” she refrained disgusted.

The door of the room opened and Sam and Hetty joined the two women.

“Kensi, what happened?” Sam asked, obviously worried.

“How’s Mr. Deeks?” Hetty approached the bed and watched the young man’s shaking figure.

Both Kensi and Wendy explained everything they knew about the events of last night and at the end of their explanation, the ex-Seal snapped.

“How did he manage to get inside? We have guards watching the room and the whole area!” He could barely contain his anger.

“I don’t know, but this is exactly what I am going to find out!” Before anyone could stop her, Kensi stormed out of the room. When Sam, Hetty and Wendy reached her in the corridor, she was already pinning the other NCIS agent against the wall. “Come on, tell me!” she shouted “Tell me how O’Rourke got inside!”

“I… I don’t know. I allowed inside only the nurses that needed to check on him and a janitor who was called to clean the floor,” the young agent muttered, clearly scared to death by the enraged woman who had attacked him like a fury.

“Liar! That sick bastard managed to sneak inside under your nose! What the hell were you thinking? You didn’t leave your position, did you?” Kensi insisted, putting even more strength in her gesture, releasing on the young man the tension she had accumulated.

“No… I never left my place at the door. I swear…” the young agent told her, in an apologetic tone.

“Wait, you said someone called a janitor?” Wendy asked.

“Yes, he said that one of the nurses called him because she had spilled some water on the floor while she was checking on the patient.”

“During night shifts there are no janitors available. If something happens, we do all the cleaning,” the nurse said, feeling bad for the young agent, who clearly made a mistake that would have cost Deeks’ life.

“Damn it!” Sam cursed, clearly disappointed. “Let him go, Kensi!” Then he took out his phone and showed a picture to the shaken agent. “Is this the man you let go inside?”

“I know who this man is, Sir, and I would have never allowed him to go anywhere near Detective Deeks. The man who showed up here was wearing a baseball hat. He had a black moustache and black hair and was wearing glasses.”

“James O’Rourke is a very smart man. He would never show up here without altering his appearance. He knew that we might stand guard. The fact that he managed to fool us so easily proves how dangerous he is,” Hetty stated, gravely. She didn’t like this situation, not even a little bit.

“Yes, but how did he find out which hospital Deeks was in? It’s not like we put up advertising posters all around…” the ex-Seal pointed out, massaging his chin, as he reflected.

“That is a good question, Mr. Hanna. Something worth investigating,” the Operations Manager sighed heavily. She hated feeling like she was a step behind and O’Rourke, sadly, was always ahead of them. “Miss Blye, you better stay here and keep an eye on Mr. Deeks. Try to find out what he remembers about the events of last night, but don’t force him to do anything that could hurt him anymore than he already is.”

Kensi nodded. Everyone knew she was not going to leave Deeks’ bedside, especially not after what happened tonight. She felt bad because she left him alone, allowing O’Rourke to hurt her partner again. It won’t happen again.

“Mr. Hanna, you will go back to Ops and start working along with Mr. Beale and Miss Jones to find out why in the seven hells, everything went so horribly wrong!” Hetty’s voice was determined, but mostly she was upset. No one messed with her team and her men. No one.

“And what about you, Hetty?” Kensi asked, curiously.

“I have a mission to accomplish. One of the toughest…” she said, sighing heavily. “I better go then. Keep me posted on Mr. Deeks’ condition.”

“I will,” the female agent stated firmly as she watched her boss walk away. She cast a glance at Sam, asking, “Is she going where I think she’s going?”

“You bet,” Sam murmured. “Let’s hope it works.”

* * *

Sam couldn’t stand the fact that O’Rourke had fooled them again. Not only could they not find him anywhere, but he even managed to walk into the hospital, literally undisturbed, and get inside Deeks’ room, hurting him once again. His mind wandered to his younger teammate, fearing that this new encounter with his tormentor might have mined his sanity, pushing him into a deep hole of depression.

“Don’t think about this,” he murmured to himself as he stepped through the door of the Mission. “Deeks is a survivor. He’s stronger than we all give him credit for. He won’t let this beat him.”

The ex-Seal hadn’t reached the bullpen yet when he was assaulted by two worried techs who bombarded him with questions.

“What happened? Is it true that O’Rourke was there?” Nell’s voice reached his ears.

“How’s Deeks? Did O’Rourke hurt him again?” echoed Eric, unable to hide his growing concern.

“Hey, calm down you two!” Sam almost shouted to silence his two friends. “One at a time, one question at a time…”

“What..?” “How’s?” the two techs spoke at the same time, again.

The big man lifted his eyebrow, skeptically.

“You first…” Eric said.

“No please, you first,” Nell replied.

“I am a gentleman, so ladies first,” the blond tech insisted, casting a wary glance at his partner in crime.

“And I am no lady… well, technically I am a lady, but, well I meant that I don’t need you to be a gentleman, so you go first…” the petite analyst babbled, embarrassed.

“But, I…”

“Ok, stop. Enough of this game!” Sam stopped them, a bit disoriented by their bantering. He was absolutely not in the mood for this. “O’Rourke fooled the guard standing at the door of Deeks’ room and managed to get inside. He threatened Deeks, well, a little bit more than threatened…”

“But is he ok?” Eric asked again, in need of reassurance on his friend’s condition.

“The bastard broke another rib, putting pressure on his chest and pulling some stitches apart. The doctors are keeping his temperature monitored because the fever has spiked… but they think he is going to be fine,” the ex-Seal explained, barely managing to stay calm. He hated the man for everything he was putting them through and for everything he had done to the blond cop.

“What did he say? Deeks… I mean…” Nell pressed, studying Sam’s expression.

“He is still out. The doctors are keeping him sedated because, when the nurse found him, he was in shock,” the big man’s voice was low and grave.

“But he will be ok, the doctors said that he is going to be ok… if they feared that something was wrong with him, they’d tell us, right?” Once again, Eric couldn’t hide his concern. He couldn’t stand the idea of Deeks being hurt again and not able to cope with what had happened to him.

“Eric, he’s strong and he has all of us. We won’t let him down, not for a single second,” Sam grabbed the tech’s shoulders with both of his hands, looking straight at him. Exchanging a nod with Nell, he continued talking, “He will get through this, but right now, if we want to start helping him, we have to find a way to locate O’Rourke and to determine how he found out where Deeks was.”

“I might have an answer to this question,” the petite redhead analyst intervened, moving towards the big plasma screen in the bullpen. “We received this file from LAPD this morning.” She worked on her pad until the screen took life and some gruesome images showed up.

“What are we looking at?” Sam furrowed his brows at the sight.

“Officer Lance Krieger and Officer Mark DeLano. Their bodies have been found in a gully near the docks. Someone sliced Krieger’s throat after using him as a punching ball. DeLano was beaten to death then shot with a bullet between his eyes. According to the coroner’s report, he was already dead when he was shot”. Nell explained, calmly.

“And how is all this related to O’Rourke?” The ex-Seal was trying to find a connection to their case, but he couldn’t think of any.

“Krieger and DeLano were the officers standing guard on O’Rourke’s boat, The Mirela. LAPD assigned them to the task in case O’Rourke decided to go back to the boat,” Eric continued, moving closer to the screen. “Six days ago, the other two cops who went to take over from them found the boat unguarded, while Krieger and DeLano were nowhere to be found.”

“Why didn’t LAPD tell us about this before?” Sam had a bad feeling about this and he didn’t like it at all.

“It seems that DeLano had gambling issues so at first they thought that their disappearance first and death later were related to those problems. The way their bodies have been found was very execution-style,” the petite analyst indicated on the plasma as she pointed to the pictures of the two dead bodies.

“I still don’t know how this can be connected with O’Rourke, though…” insisted the ex-Seal.

Eric took a deep breath, then he worked on the keyboard and more images appeared on screen. Images of two beaten, bruised and very mangled chests. “The one on the left is DeLano’s chest…” he paused, sighing heavily. “The one on the right is Deeks’,” his voice was nothing more than a whisper.

Sam shivered, trying not to think about what he had just heard, trying to be objective, even if it was extremely hard, almost impossible. He had known that the damage inflicted on Deeks had been extensive, but he never imagined it to be so bad. “I see a pattern here…” he managed to say, cringing.

“Yeah, according to the ME who examined DeLano’s body, the wounds were inflicted with the same object as both DeLano and Deeks,” Nell admitted gravely.

“The shillelagh…” was all the ex-Seal managed to say.

“LAPD thinks that Krieger and DeLano were tortured by O’Rourke to find out where Deeks had been taken after you saved him.” Eric was still working on the keyboard unable to look at what was on the screen, it was too disturbing for his stomach.

“Stupid idiots! If they told us about this in the beginning, we’d have kept our defenses up a little bit more and O’Rourke would have never gotten to Deeks,” Sam slammed his hand on the table, releasing his frustration.

“We managed to get a camera feed from the outside of the boat and we got this,” a video played on the plasma as the tech pressed a couple of buttons. Three men got out of a car before walking towards the boat. “This is all we’ve got, since they… disabled the camera…”

“Images are a bit blurred, but we’ve been able to get a couple of numbers of the license plate. We’re working on it, but we haven’t found a match as yet,” Nell sounded very disappointed. She hated when they couldn’t find something useful for their investigation.

“Keep looking. We need to find something…” the ex-Seal stated, clenching his fists tightly. “We need to find O’Rourke!”

“On it,” the two techs said in unison, moving towards the stairs that led to Ops. Eric stopped half way up, turning to Sam and looking at him hesitantly.

“Sam, where’s Callen? We called him but he texted back that he wouldn’t show up… Is… is everything ok with him?” the young tech asked, deeply worried. He could feel that this case was tearing the team apart and he simply didn’t like that. These people were his family and he couldn’t stand seeing his family going to pieces.

The big man closed his eyes. He could imagine what his partner was going through. He could even understand it, but giving up was nothing like Callen. Something was eating his friend, consuming him… Guilt was a nasty beast. _Damn you, O’Rourke!_ He silently cursed. Sighing, he cast a glance at the expectant tech. “Just give him some time, Eric. He… he will be fine… He simply needs a bit of time to get himself together.” Sam inhaled deeply, watching Eric join Nell upstairs. “Come on, G. Don’t let him win,” he whispered before opening his laptop and working on it.


	14. Chapter 14

When he was a little kid, Marty Deeks thought that monsters had three heads, long fangs, red eyes and a long tail. Growing up, his perception of monsters changed and they took on the resemblance of a man corrupted by alcohol, who released his frustration through his anger on his wife and his kid. It was his own father. When he became a lawyer, first, and a cop later, Deeks met so many monsters that had committed the most atrocious and heinous crimes against innocent people. He still remembered every face, every expression of the men he arrested, the monsters he had stopped. But now, it was different. The monster didn’t have a face and this terrified him. This increased the sense of dread, the gripping fear, the panic that spread throughout his whole body, paralyzing him. These were emotions he had buried deep inside of himself, hoping not to feel them anymore, not to feel so lost or hopeless in front of anyone.

“ _You’re stronger than this,_ ” he told himself, starting another conversation in his mind. “ _You’re not alone facing the monster this time. Not alone._ ” Deeks knew that he had friends that cared for him; that would be at his side, but once in a while, there was this hissing voice echoing in his mind. The little seed of doubt that bugged him, that made him uncertain, hesitant.

_You’re not worthy, you’re not worth saving._ Those words were like a punch in the gut. Like a little bug that mined his sanity, his belief.

“No, no… no…” he started to say, not realizing that he was coming out of his unconscious state, that he was slowly waking up. He felt someone touching him, a hand pushing him and he panicked.

“NO!” he shouted as he woke up abruptly attempting to sit up in bed, to escape from the touch.

“Deeks! Calm down, it’s me…” Kensi’s voice told him, scared to death by his reaction. She was keeping an eye on him when he started thrashing in bed, muttering incomprehensible words. She had tried to calm her partner down, shaking him lightly to wake him up; to take him away from another one of his usual nightmares, but she didn’t expect him to jerk in the way he did. She didn’t expect to see such terror in those gentle blue eyes she liked so much. “It’s ok, it’s just me…”

Deeks blinked to get the image in front of him on focus, still very confused, still so much in pain and consumed by the fever. “Kensi?” he murmured, trembling visibly.

“Yes, it’s me. It’s ok, just relax,” she told him with a gentle voice, passing a hand through his hair.

He turned his head away, scared by the simple touch. His mind was still very foggy and he couldn’t discern what was real and what wasn’t. Then like a bolt from the blue, his eyes widened open and his hand clasped desperately the sheets covering his body “He… he was here!” His words were filled with pure horror.

“Deeks, everything is fine now. You’re safe now. I’m here, with you…” Kensi hoped that the guilt she felt towards her partner didn’t show. She still couldn’t forgive herself because she had left him alone during the night, allowing O’Rourke to walk undisturbed in the room and hurt Deeks again. Traumatizing him more than he had already done. “No one will hurt you, not anymore… I am here.”

The cop looked at her like he was looking at an alien. Then slowly, his expression softened as the realization came over him. “Kensi… you’re… you’re here…”

Noticing the little change in his behavior, Kensi relaxed herself, smiling openly. “Of course, I am here. Where do you think I would be?”

He smiled back, it was just a faint smile, that didn’t reach his eyes, but it was something. “I always knew you’d miss me too much,” he tried to straightened up, but the pain exploded in his chest, taking his breath away.

“Hey, take it easy…” she rushed to help him, afraid to touch him after his last reaction. “Let me help you.”

“I’m fine Kensi. I’m just fine,” he mumbled, still panting. Color had been drained from his face, but in spite of the constant pounding of his chest and of his head, he forced himself not to show his weakness.

“Tell it to someone else, Deeks. You know you can’t lie to me.” Her hands passed behind his shoulders as she helped him into a more comfortable position. She was glad that he didn’t flinch when her fingers touched his sensitive skin.

“And you too,” he told her sweetly “You’re… worried. I can see that…”

Kensi cursed herself. How could her partner know her so well? He needed just a few seconds to read right through her. “I… well, you…”

“Is it that bad?” Deeks trembled as an intense shiver ran down his back, chilling him to the bone.

She lowered her gaze, not wanting to meet his eyes because she knew she was not able to lie to him. “You’re temperature spiked up, they are pumping antibiotics in you to fight the infection.”

A flash of pain hit his chest at her words and images flashed in his mind. His hand moved to his ribcage instinctively, in a protective gesture, as he sat up. “Damn it!” he cursed between ground teeth.

“Hey, do I need to call a doctor?” Kensi hated seeing the agony written on her partner’s handsome face. It hurt her, more than she could ever imagine.

“No, it’s… I’m good. Give me just a moment…” he panted heavily attempting to get his breathing under control. “Just a moment,” he added sinking his head into the pillow. Exhausted.

“Better?” she wondered, lifting her eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he simply said. His eyes locked on hers, going deeper through her soul. “He was here, Kens…”

Her heart melted because of the sadness that filled his voice that made him sound so vulnerable. “Yeah, I’m sorry…”

“For what? Because he’s a psycho?” Deeks spoke calmly, but the turmoil inside of him was so easily written in his eyes. He paused, inhaling deeply. “He… he scared the shit out of me Kensi. I… I felt so helpless, so… I tried to react but…” He couldn’t go on, a tight vice knotted his throat and the words didn’t come out.

Kensi held his hand, squeezing it to make him feel her presence, her support “Hey! Don’t do this, Deeks. You’re still hurting physically. He took advantage of that, he’s just a coward and you’re not. You resisted him…”

The cop stared at his partner, blinking to fight the tears that were trying to find their way out. Man, he was such a mess “I did?”

“Yeah, because you’re stronger than him. You’re a better person than he will ever be, Deeks. Don’t think you’re weak, don’t go there. Because you’re not weak… not at all. Or you wouldn’t be here if you were. You would have already succumbed to him and his evilness…”

Deeks bit his bottom lip, nervously. “Thanks,” he muttered, meaningfully.

“That’s what partners are for? Who would keep you in line if it wasn’t for me?” Kensi winked playfully in order to distract her friend from his dark memories.

“I am the one who keeps you line, Fern…” he flashed a grin that finally reached his matted, feverish eyes. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d spend your whole day eating junk food in front of the TV… If it wasn’t for me, you’d die of boredom!”

“Wow, hold yourself back, Shaggy Boy!” she protested, stopping herself from hitting him as she usually did, not wanting to run the risk of hurting him. “You’re not that awesome!”

“Liar. I know you can’t resist me,” he was slowly falling asleep. His whole body was in need of some rest. “You were the one who sent me nine messages in just half an hour because you were bored. Confess it Kensi, you’d be lost without me…” he hadn’t finished the sentence when a soft sound of light snoring filled the silence of the room.

Kensi sighed deeply, reflecting on Deeks’ words. She knew he was joking, but deep inside of her she was aware that he was right. She didn’t know exactly when, but she felt very dependable on her partner. She missed him when they were not together and in spite of all the bantering, she enjoyed the time they spent together. She looked at him, studying his features that were slowly relaxing. Sighing, she went back to her armchair, sinking into it. “Yeah, right…” she murmured, nodding.

* * *

Hetty was aware of the fact that if he didn’t want to be found, it would be impossible to find Callen anywhere. He was such a good agent who could simply melt among a crowd and disappear. On the other hand, she knew that if she really wanted to find him, there were only a couple of places where she could go. This was one of them.

She smiled when she caught a glimpse of her agent standing in front of his sister’s grave. With small but steady steps, she approached him, knowing that he could notice her presence even without turning round. So she wasn’t surprised at all when his voice resounded clear in the surreal silence of the cemetery.

“I should start looking for some other places to hide from you. This one is getting a bit too predictable,” Callen told her, still giving her his back.

“I think that deep inside yourself you wanted to be found, Mr. Callen,” Hetty told him, stopping by his side. “I see you brought her fresh flowers. I liked them more than the ones I brought myself.”

The agent chuckled. Just receiving the confirmation of what he suspected for quite some time; that the diminutive woman took care of his sister’s grave when he didn’t do that himself. “I always knew you liked the yellow flowers…” he told her, slightly amused, before becoming more serious. “It must be really bad if you came here looking for me.”

“Oh it’s bad when you don’t answer your phone and you don’t show up when your team needs your help, Mr. Callen,” Hetty’s voice was hard, but there was a hint of concern that didn’t go unnoticed.

“My team is doing just fine without me. Actually they might do even better if I don’t show up anymore…” The words came out almost unexpectedly. Since the moment he received O’Rourke’s phone call, things had started to get worse and worse. His friends had been kidnapped, hurt, almost killed because of him. He was the cause of all of their suffering, so maybe if he simply disappeared they would be safe. He had been thinking about this for quite some time, but he had never dared to say it out loud, until now.

“Are you really thinking about retiring? Do you really think that giving up is the right choice? Mr. Callen, you’ve never been a man who escaped from his responsibilities. Why start now?” the Operations Manager asked, skeptically. She didn’t like where the conversation was going and she didn’t like to see her agent so hopeless.

“I am not escaping my responsibilities. Well actually, it’s quite the opposite! I am responsible for every man and woman on my team and if their lives are at risk because of me, it’s my responsibility to protect them… even if this means giving up everything…” Callen’s shoulders were hunched under an invisible weight. His eyes had lost their usual sparkle.

“You know that by doing this you let O’Rourke win… But you know what? He won’t stop, because that man is looking for revenge, in one way or another. He wants to destroy you and your team… this is his only goal. Do you really want him to achieve that? Do you really want him to do his dirty game without fighting back? Because this is not what the Agent G. Callen I know would do. He would fight for what is right. He would fight for his friends…”

“Fight? Hetty, O’Rourke almost killed Sam… He almost killed Deeks, damn it! Did you see what that bastard did to him? O’Rourke tortured Deeks for days just because he wanted me to feel guilty. How sick is that? What if he… what if Deeks didn’t make it? I… I would have never forgiven myself…” the agent was at first angry, but then as the words came out of his mouth, he became more distressed, more agitated.

“But Mr. Deeks is alive and he’s still fighting. Even last night, he fought against O’Rourke and his own demons because he wants to live. You should do that as well…” Hetty put a gentle hand on her agent’s forearm. “And you should go talk to him. Believe me or not, he was worried about you, because he feared that you wanted to give up; that you had let O’Rourke win…”

Callen was shocked. He didn’t expect to hear anything like this. Deeks was worried about him? How could that be possible? After everything the cop had gone through, Callen believed Deeks should hate him; he had put him in such a bad position. “He… he really said that? I thought he would have… blamed me… for what I had done to him.”

“Mr. Callen you didn’t do anything to him. O’Rourke did. You should give Mr. Deeks a bit more credit,” Hetty smiled, faintly “After all of this time, I thought you knew him better than this. How many times have you seen Mr. Deeks hold a grudge against someone? How many times have you seen him being mad at a friend?”

Callen looked at the diminutive woman and couldn’t find anything to say to reply to her. She was right. Sometimes they all tended to underestimate Deeks because of his cheerful behavior and his endless talking nonsense, but the man was very good and he was a very good judge of character. The team leader never saw him mad for more than a few seconds and even when he was angry, he always tried to fix things, talking or making a stupid joke.

“I am pleased to notice that you have started to see things in the right perspective,” the Operations Manager continued, looking at her man straight in the eyes. “Mr. Callen, your team needs you and, most of all, Mr. Deeks needs you. He’s hurt and vulnerable at this moment, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Most importantly, he needs to be reassured that you are not succumbing to O’Rourke’s sick game, because if you do, it will make him feel more like a victim, which is something Mr. Deeks doesn’t need, at all. O’Rourke mined his body and his soul. It was O’Rourke who did it, and him alone… He’s a fighter. He’s strong, but if he sees his friends give up, he might think that it’s no longer worth fighting anymore and he might give up on himself. This is something he can’t allow himself to do, if he wants to get better…”

“But how can I face him, Hetty? Every time I look at him, I can’t stop thinking about those bloody videos, and those images and… I… and this gnawing feeling is eating me from the inside. It is consuming me! I can’t stop thinking that he was in that situation because of me…” insisted Callen, passing a hand over his face and closing his eyes. If only he could re-open them and realize that all of this had been just a bad dream…

“Go talk to Mr. Deeks, Mr. Callen,” Hetty told him, steadily. “Don’t let me make it an order…” She squeezed his arm before turning on her heels and walking away. “And you should have bought some more yellow flowers. You know, I love them!” her words resounded in the distance.

He smiled at her words, shaking his head. Then he sighed, reflecting on what the Operations Manager had told him. Maybe she was right. Maybe he needed to talk to Deeks; to solve this situation that was driving him crazy. If he didn’t want to do it for himself, at least he could do it for his friend, who deserved closure, as much as he did. Callen cast one last glance on his sister’s grave, then bowing his head, he turned around and moved towards the exit of the cemetery. He had something to do.

* * *

When Deeks woke up, he felt there was something different. He could sense a presence beside him, but it wasn’t Kensi. There was something that this whole experience had left him with, and it was an increased sensitivity in the sense of smell. He was able to recognize a person only by the scent, even without opening his eyes. And the smell reaching his nostril right now was not Kensi’s. It was definitely not. It was something more masculine, but not Sam’s or Eric’s, something he didn’t remember.

He cracked an eye open, only to find one G. Callen sitting in the armchair, staring at him with his piercing blue eyes.

“I thought you were going to sleep the whole day…” the team leader told him, smiling faintly.

Deeks could see that his teammate was nervous and clearly on edge, like he was sitting on eggshells. “How long have you been here?”

“Enough to see you fight against the sheets…” Callen indicated the sheets partially covering Deeks’ body, crumpled at his feet. “I put them in place at least five times, than I gave up…”

“Oh so that is why I felt so cold,” the cop flashed a cunning grin, regretting it when his face protested. The broken cheekbone was healing well, but it still gave him nightmares when he laughed. He tried to straighten in bed, stretching his good arm to get to the glass of water on the bedside table, but his teammate preceded him, picking up the glass and handing it to him.

“Here,” the NCIS agent said, feebly.

“Thanks. You’re a better nurse than Kensi,” he smirked. “But don’t tell her or I won’t hear the end of it… Where is she, by the way? I hope you sent her home… she needs to get some rest.” the cop winced as a sudden movement he made caused a new flash of agony to spread through his body. Pain had been his faithful companion for quite some time lately, but it was hard to get used to it, especially when it hit at unexpected moments.

“You ok? Do I need to call anyone?” Callen’s face hardened seeing his friend in pain.

“No, it’s ok. Just give a second,” Deeks noticed his teammate’s tightened jaw, the coldness in his eyes, his rigid features and he knew that something was still bothering him. “Come on Callen, spit it out…” he said, as he regained control of his breathing.

The team leader was taken by surprise by the other man’s direct approach and bowed his head, ashamed, unable to find the right words to say.

“Tell me you’re not feeling guilty… please,” the cop said with a cold expression. “Callen? Tell me you don’t think all of this is your fault…” he was getting a bit too agitated and his body didn’t take it very well. A coughing fit hit him in full force and he had to bend holding his chest because of the intense pain.

Callen rushed at his side, feeling the anger growing inside of him. “Deeks! Let me call someone!” he almost shouted, concerned for his friend’s well-being.

Deeks grabbed his shirt, tightly. “No, it’s ok…” he muttered between a cough and another. “It’s ok,” he panted, sinking in the pillow when the fit finally ended.

“Damn it!” the team leader snapped, turning around and burying his face in his hands.

“It’s not that bad…” the blond cop stated, still breathing heavily. “I’ve had worse than this.”

“And do you think that this might reassure me? Damn it, Deeks! You’re here because of me, because I was so stupid to let O’Rourke catch me by surprise, because of the choice I made! How can you say it’s not that bad? Hell… I’m not blind…” Callen’s voice raised along with his fury. “You almost died… because of me!”

“Thanks for reminding me of my close-to-death experience…” a faint smile curved Deeks’ lips.

The other man couldn’t suppress a chuckle, amazed by his teammate’s reaction. “How can you do that? How can you joke about it?” he muttered, before adding, “Hetty was right… we should give you some more credit…”

The cop locked his still pained blue eyes on his friend’s. “Don’t let him win, Callen. This is what he wants… this has been his plan since the beginning.” He paused, collecting himself, still a bit shaken by the recent fit. “Everything happened because of him, not because of you… you were not the man who captured Sam and me, you’re not the one who poisoned us, you’re not the one who made you choose… Callen, you didn’t beat the shit out me…”

Callen heard a note of sorrow in his teammate’s voice, an uncertainty. Something was troubling Deeks and it was not only the obvious physical discomfort. It was something more subtle. Something that went deep into his soul. Silently, he chuckled, _How would you feel if someone hung you from the ceiling and beat you to pulp for days?_ Callen asked himself, realizing his stupidity. Of course something was troubling Deeks. What the cop went through couldn't be forgotten in a blink of an eye. It didn't happen every day, to be tortured by a psycho, and no matter how strong you might be, it will affect you. Deeply. For the rest of your life.

“But I could have done something more, something different… I could have found you sooner and then you would not be forced to go through all of this… not to mention that I could have gotten O’Rourke so he would not be able to hurt you again, like he did last night.”

Deeks shivered, remembering his last close encounter with his tormentor and instinctively, he braced himself, mentally preparing himself for the flashes of the events of the night that were going to assault his mind. He closed his eyes trying to shut them off, in vain. His hands clenched the sheets with so much strength that his knuckles whitened.

“Deeks?” the team leader asked, worried. It was like his teammate had fallen into a trance. Like he was not there, but lost somewhere else, in his personal hell. “Deeks, look at me. Come on, open your eyes…”

The cop shook his head, his eyes were tightly shut and his whole body was tense. Unmoving, almost paralyzed.

“Deeks, hey. It’s ok… relax. He’s not here,” Callen reassured him, using his most calming voice, but deep inside the fire of rage was burning. He hated what had been done to his friend. Seeing the usual cheerful man, shutting everything off like this, was scary and almost disturbing.

Slowly Deeks’ breathing got back to normal and his muscles and nerves relaxed.

“Good, very good,” the team leader told him, as one of his hands found its way to the cop’s shoulder.

The blond man lifted his head, locking his tired and sad eyes on Callen’s blue ones. “I’m sorry… I… I didn’t mean to… to react like that, but…but it’s… it’s scary…”

Callen couldn’t hide his surprise hearing those words, not expecting an honest admission from the other man. If Deeks admitted so openly about his fears, he might be more messed up than he wanted to admit. “It’s understandable, you’ve been through a lot…”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m not scared because of the beating, of the pain. It’s… it’s just that…” the cop’s throat was suddenly dry and not even a sound came out of it.

“Hey, you don’t need to talk if you don’t feel like doing it… there will be time…”

“NO!! I… damn it!” Deeks’ gaze moved to the ceiling, frustrated with his inability to open up and say what was eating him. “Have you got a picture of him?”

Callen looked at him puzzled, confused by the request. “Picture? Why… I don’t understand, why do you need to…” he stopped, abruptly, when he saw the tension in his friend’s posture and he started to understand. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Callen, do you have it?” Deeks insisted, his eyes were as cold as ice now and a blinded determination was taking possession of him.

“But, I am not sure…”

“Damn it, Callen! I wanna see him!” the cop yelled, clearly upset. Then his voice softened, “I need to see him… please…”

And then Callen understood. During the days of his imprisonment, Deeks had always been blindfolded. According to what Eric told him, about last night attack, O’Rourke had placed a pillow on the cop’s face, not allowing him to see. Again… Deeks needed to give a face to his fears, to the demon haunting his dreams, to the monster who traumatized him. He deserved it. With a slow gesture, the team leader picked up his phone and searched through the pictures until he found the one he was looking for.

The cop’s heart was beating madly when the face of the man responsible for all of this appeared in front of his eyes. He bit his lip nervously, before saying with a crack in his voice, “Monsters are not so scary when you know their faces…”

Callen’s admiration for his friend grew exponentially. Watching how Deeks took his fears by their horns, facing the man who had almost killed him. It took some courage to do that. Instinctively, the team leader put a hand behind the cop’s neck, in a brotherly gesture. “No, not at all,” he paused, as he wanted to reflect on the right thing to say to his friend, “We will get him, Deeks. I promise you. We’ll get him!”

The cop smiled bitterly. “Thanks,” it was just a simple word, but full of meaning and it filled Callen’s heart with strength and determination. “Now, why don’t you go back to sleep? Your doctor said you need to rest. A lot. And your nurse friend, Wendy, said that she’s going to take care of you in you won’t follow the doctor’s orders…”

A sincere smile brightened up Deeks’ expression. “Oh crap! You better not end up on Wendy’s wrong side, my friend, because that woman is scary. Scarier than Kensi…”

Callen burst out laughing, imagining someone who could scare Deeks more than Kensi. The image he had of Nurse Wendy, of a peaceful and caring woman, didn’t match the picture the blond man was painting at all.

The cop grinned. “She fooled you too, didn’t she? That woman is a little devil in the body of an angel…”

“Oh well, in that case, you better get some sleep if you don’t want to end up under her ire!” the team leader insisted, knowing himself that his teammate needed to rest if he wanted to regain his strength. He didn’t need to finish the sentence because Deeks had already succumbed to exhaustion. Callen tucked him in and then sat into the armchair, observing his friend sleeping. “Well, that went well better than I expected.” he murmured, feeling a little bit lighter for the first time in days, as if a heavy burden had been taken away from his shoulders. “Sleep tight, Deeks.”


	15. Chapter 15

When Eric arrived in Ops that morning, he didn't expect to find Nell already there working at her computer. But mostly, he didn't expect her to be doing what she was doing. A video was playing on the screen of her desktop, a video he easily wanted to forget about it.

"Hey, what… what are you doing?" he asked, trying to look away from the computer, even if his eyes were sucked in by the gruesome images. It still hurt just as much as the first time he watched it.

"LAPD sent us all the videos they had found at O'Rourke's boat. All the videos he recorded while… while he was holding Deeks. Maybe… maybe I can find something that could give us a clue as to where the man is right now," Nell told him, sighing heavily. She hated every second of what she was doing. She couldn't bear watching one of her friends going through that hell over and over. Seeing him in pain, defenseless in front of O'Rourke's evilness, simply broke her heart. "How… how can a man think to do something like this to another human being? Look at the way he moved, the way he behaved around Deeks," Nell indicated the masked figure walking in circles around Deeks' hanging body on the screen. "He was enjoying it. O'Rourke was feeling a lot of pleasure in hurting him…" She watched as the masked man delivered another series of blows to her friend and she couldn't suppress a shiver.

"Please, stop," Eric said with a trembling voice.

"But Eric, I need to do it. I need to find him… I don't want him to come back and hurt any of them," she moved her eyes to the screen, as her fingers moved flawlessly on the keyboard.

"Nell, stop!" the tech's voice raised as his hand landed on his friend's in order to stop her from continuing. "You're not helping yourself by doing that… and there's nothing other than evilness in those images…"

"But… I…" tears formed in her eyes as she looked at her friend. "I can't stand the idea that he's still out there and that he can come back to hurt us again… What if he comes back looking for Deeks again? How do you think he might react? He's been through a lot. I don't think he can take much more. You heard Kensi. You heard about the way he reacted when O'Rourke got inside his room… And how about Callen? I… I have never seen him like this. The guilt is consuming him, even if he says that everything is fine and that things between him and Deeks are good now…"

"I know, Nell. But you won't find anything in these videos. O'Rourke is smart enough to have left them there for us to find them, only because he wanted to hurt us, only to let us know what he's capable of. A man who managed to breach Sam's routine, to get Deeks in his apartment, to keep an eye on Callen without him even notice it, is too good to make a stupid mistake," Eric spoke calmly hoping that Nell would listen to him. He could see how badly she was reacting to those videos. How close to a breakdown they were sending her.

"But how can we find him? We scanned the whole city, inch by inch and we didn't get anything. Not a single clue! There must be something we can do to get him… darn, all of this equipment should be useful for something!" There was clear frustration in the analyst's words. Usually she wouldn't lose her patience like she had just done, but this case was too personal. It had touched her on something she valued very much, her friends and the people she considered her extended family. And she truly couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand to see her friends suffer, physically or emotionally.

"And we're going to go through the entire process again. We're going to scan the whole city again, until we find something. Until we get him," the tech smiled behind his glasses, his own sweet smile. "We have to believe we can do that… and we will do that. This is what we're good at. This is what we will do to help our friends…"

Nell bowed her head, ashamed for her little outburst, so uncharacteristically for her. "I'm sorry, I… shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But… I knew I had to do something and watching those videos sounded like a good idea at first, but as the first video started playing, I couldn't focus on anything other than Deeks, other than his pain, other than all of his suffering," she paused, biting her lip nervously. "How… how could he do it? How was he able to survive all of that? It was… brutal. It must have been a real hell…" she was not able to go on anymore.

Eric took her hand, a bit embarrassed. "Hey, it's over now. Deeks is safe and soon he will get better. He… knew we were going to get him out; that we were going to save him…"

The petite analyst closed her eyes, a bit disturbed, like something was bothering her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, puzzled.

"I… I heard what O'Rourke was telling him. He was trying to convince Deeks that we didn't care about him, that we were not looking for him…" she stated gravely, a knot clenching her stomach.

"What… no. I mean…" Eric's muttering was interrupted by Sam's arrival into the room with Callen at his heels.

"Eric, check LAX's cameras. We received a warning from LAPD that a man corresponding to O'Rourke's description has been seen at the airport less than one hour ago," the ex-Seal said, stopping behind the tech's back.

Without saying a single word, Eric started working on his computer, tapping on the keyboard. After what seemed a lifetime, the tech finally exclaimed, "Here!" indicating a figure approaching a check-in line. "He's boarding a flight to Rio!"

"Damn it!" Callen picked up his phone and called LAPD, starting an agitated conversation with someone on the other side. He then closed the call, saying, "They are sending someone to get him before he leaves…"

The team leader hadn't finished his sentence when Eric's voice filled the air "No, no… no… this is not good, not good at all!"

"Eric, what's up?" Sam wondered leaning towards the tech.

"These images…" the tech mumbled pretty frustrated "They were supposed to be live, but they are at least half an hour old! The flight took off ten minutes ago!"

"Son of a bitch!" Callen cursed, slamming his hand on the desk.

"Mr. Jones, please put me in contact with Interpol. Now!" Hetty ordered, stepping into Ops. "We know the number of the flight, we know the supposed time of the landing. They can't miss him!" she stated, but everyone in the room had a weird feeling, like they had just lost an important opportunity.

The Operations Manager exchanged a few cold words with the head of Interpol, then turned her attention to her team. "You can't do anything at the moment. Why don't you get out of here? All of you, Mr. Beale, Miss Jones, you two, too. You've been working very hard lately. You all need a break".

"Hetty, we would like to wait here," Sam said, voicing everyone's feeling.

"Mr. Hanna, I appreciate your zeal, but I can't bear to see all of you here for the next 13-14 hours! You will drive everyone's crazy!" the Operations Manager looked at her team with scolding eyes. "So you better get out of here. Get some fresh air before I tie all of you to your desks to get some paperwork done!"

"But Hetty…!" Eric protested feebly, but stopped abruptly when Hetty's eyes landed on him. "Yeah, right. Out of here…" he got up and, while beckoning to his partner in crime, he walked out of the room. Nell followed him silently.

Sam shook his head, clearly disappointed, but decided to follow his boss' instructions.

"You too, Mr. Callen. I thought I was clear enough," she said firmly.

Callen's expression was hard and determined. He needed to know that Interpol got O'Rourke, he simply needed it. "Just keep me posted," he murmured before heading out.

Hetty observed him, sensing the heavy burden that was still weighing on his shoulders. She sighed deeply, then she sat in Nell's chair, pressed a couple of buttons on the keyboard until something showed up on screen. Flight TAM 23367 from Los Angeles to Rio De Janeiro landing in 13h06m24s… 13h06m23s…

* * *

The message arrived almost fifteen hours later. When Interpol showed up on the plane looking for James O'Rourke, they were not able to find him. The man never boarded the flight. Once again he fooled the Police, he fooled NCIS and now he was probably free somewhere where no one was able to trace him.

They had lost him and sadly they were back to square one.

* * *

He was standing next to the bed, on his shaking legs. His hands were clenching the crutches tightly while he instinctively tried not to put too much pressure on his feet. Three months had passed and Deeks was finally ready to be discharged from the hospital. In spite of all of his protests, the doctors decided not to send him home until he was able to stand on his own, without the help of anyone.

He still remembered the first time he put some weight on his feet, the sense of nausea that had caught him, made him sick. The pain had been almost unbearable. Although the broken bones had healed relatively quickly, the soles of his feet, where O'Rourke's shillelagh had done the worst damage, had taken a long time to heal. An infection which had scared everyone, was the most worrying. The doctors had been thinking of amputating at least one foot. It had been a tough couple of days, with the cop consumed by the raging fever and unable to react to his fate. Fortunately, things started to get better and two weeks later, Deeks made his first steps.

From that day, he never stopped, with the help of a lot of PT he was now able to do some short walks, even if he still tired very easily.

And today was another milestone. He was finally going to get out of this place and start living again. Everyone here at the hospital had treated him very well. Everyone had been nice to him, but he needed a bit of privacy. He needed to go back to his apartment, to take care of Monty, to go back to a normal life. He needed to feel normal again, after such a long time.

"You know you shouldn't stand too long on those feet, Marty," Wendy's voice took him away from his thoughts. The kind nurse had been a constant presence during the long months of his recovery. When Kensi or the others were not able to keep him company, because they were busy with the job, she had sat with him, talking to him, playing cards or simply being there for him when he needed someone to listen to him, someone to comfort him in moments of despair. The nurse realized that the young man had become very important to her; he was not a simple patient to her, not any more. They had clicked immediately, since the first time they had a real conversation. Right now, she saw him more like a son or at least a close nephew, and deep inside her, she was aware that he felt the same towards her. "Or they are not going to discharge you today. I know you are going to miss my daily presence in your life, but you can find another way to see me." She joked playfully, teasing him.

"I thought you were happy to have me around. I don't think it happens that often that you have such a charming, handsome and hot patient to take care of," he played along, enjoying every second of this game.

"I'd add annoying, troublemaker and a bit disrespectful patient…" she added, smirking cunningly, as she watched him sitting on the bed. At least she achieved her goal, but it was not a tough task. The blond cop was not able to stand too long. His legs were too weak and he ran the risk of falling. "And I forgot, royal pain in the ass."

Deeks flashed one of his infamous, trademark smiles that brightened his whole expression "I know you're going to miss me. Well, I think you'll start missing me the exact moment I get out of this room!"

"In your dreams! I will finally be able to breathe!" Wendy scolded, approaching him and sitting next to him. She gently caressed his face first before ruffling his hair, in the kind of motherly gesture she had done so many times during the last months. "You know I am going to miss you, Marty… as much as you're going to miss me!"

"Missing you? After you gave me nightmares for three long months? No way!" he pretended to be horrified, but then he took her hand in his, their fingers entangled. "I miss you already, Wendy, and… I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you did for me."

"Don't be stupid, I just did my job…" she blushed, a bit embarrassed. "And you did a lot of the job yourself. You worked hard on yourself, Marty. I have never seen anyone working so hard and get on his feet so quickly after what you went through. You should be proud of yourself," she paused, losing herself in those blue eyes she had come to love so much. "I am proud of you, son".

"Oh heck, are you going to make me cry? If the others show up right now, I would never hear the end of it…" He held the happy tears forming in his eyes.

"Don't be stupid, Marty… Come here," Wendy sniffed, engulfing him in a tight embrace. "Promise me you'll call me, ok? Promise me you won't disappear…"

"You have my word," his voice cracked a little. Man he was really going to miss Wendy and her calming presence. Without her at his side, he probably wouldn't have made it, especially during the long nights when the nightmares got him pretty hard. She had consoled him, massaging his back, holding his hand or stroking his hair. She had made him feel safe and protected, as he hadn't felt in ages.

Kensi chose that moment to step into the room and could only smile at the sweet scene. She liked Wendy because she was a wonderful person, but she loved her even more for everything she did for Deeks. And she could not be more grateful for that. "Hey, I think someone needs some Kleenex in here," she greeted them both with a smirk planted on her face.

Embarrassed, Wendy and Deeks broke the embrace, turning to face the female agent.

"Hey Kensi," the cop told her, jumping on his feet, using the crutches as a support.

"Ready to go home, partner?" she asked, gently. She could only imagine how much her partner wanted to get out of the hospital. She couldn't even start to think what spending three months in the hospital was like, especially for someone like Deeks. He was such an active person, unable to stand still for more than two minutes, straight.

"You can bet on that!" he said, pretty excited.

"Wait a moment, Marty. You can't simply leave like that. There's a policy… and you can leave the hospital only in a wheelchair," Wendy intervened, getting up herself.

"Oh come on, I've been using that thing for too long. Can't you make an exception? Just for me?" the cop used his mellow voice, doing his best puppy eyes, hoping to convince the unmovable nurse, who was firm on her principle.

"I am sorry, Marty, but it's the rule. Or you are not going to get out of here… your choice!"

"You're just evil!" he muttered, a bit disappointed.

"Good boy," the nurse smiled at him. "Let me get one so you can go home, ok?"

Once they were alone, Kensi cast her partner a scrutinizing glance, studying him intently. She was happy to finally see him smile and to be more relaxed, but she was sure she could still see a dark shadow veiling his blue eyes, like something was still bugging him, even if he didn't want to admit it. "Hey, you ok?" she asked, watching him sigh heavily.

"Yeah, why shouldn't I be ok? I'm finally getting out of these four walls… I was going crazy!" he stated, giving her a smile, but Kensi knew that it was a fake one.

"If you say so… but I feel like you're not telling me the entire truth."

"Kensi, I'm fine, really. I'm going home, finally. I am going to take care of Monty and to sleep in my own bed," his voice trembled a little while he said those last few words. He shivered a little, remembering the last night he spent in his apartment, in his bed, before his abduction.

She lifted her eyebrows, aware that he was hiding his fears behind a smile. She knew him too well, more than he could even imagine. She knew how he always used humor to hide his real emotions. "Oh yes, but I'm staying with you today. Hetty's order, just in case you need something…"

"Kensi, I don't need a babysitter!" Deeks protested, a bit harsher than he wanted. "I am capable of taking care of myself!"

"Sorry partner, I know that you are, but it's not negotiable…"

It was then that Wendy appeared, pushing a wheelchair. "Your chariot is ready to take you home," she joked.

"Oh perfect!" the cop shook his head, very upset, but slowly he sat down. "Let's do it. The sooner, the better."

"Oh come on, Deeks. You're acting like a baby! It's just a short drive towards the exit and since I will be your driver, I'm sure you're going to have a lot of fun!" Kensi teased him.

"The joy of life," a cunning grin brightened his expression.

"Watch your tongue, young man! You're not being fair to Kensi… especially after all the time she spent here taking care of you!" Wendy scolded him like he was a little child.

"But…" he tried to protest, but the older woman stopped him again.

"I don't want to hear any complaint!" The nurse leaned towards him and gave him another hug, passing him a little note with her phone number. "Just take care of yourself and call me, anytime you want. Ok?"

Deeks hugged her back. "I will. Thanks, Wendy,"

"Oh, you're welcome! And you…" Wendy moved towards Kensi, engulfing her too in another embrace "…don't let him drive you crazy," she said loud enough for the cop to hear, then she whispered in the NCIS agent's ear. "Keep an eye on him, he doesn't want to admit it, but he's going to need some support and comfort."

Kensi was touched by the woman's affection and by her concern. "Don't worry. I will," she simply told her, nodding in understanding. Then she moved her attention to her partner, she spoke cheerfully. "So, ready to go?"

"I can't wait…" he murmured with lack of enthusiasm.

"Such a baby…" she laughed out loud before pushing the wheelchair outside.


	16. Chapter 16

By the time Kensi's car reached the main road headed to his apartment, Deeks was already sleeping with his head leaning against the car window. She couldn't stop observing him, noticing the wrinkled forehead and the not-so-peaceful features of his face. She could imagine that going home, to the place where everything started, must be a bit stressful for him, considering that he was not even in perfect physical condition. She knew that his feet were still hurting and his legs were not as strong as he wanted them to be.

Once the car was parked outside his apartment, Kensi gently woke him up. "Hey, sleeping beauty. We're home," she told him, regretting immediately her use of words.

"So this is your secret dream - sharing the house with me? Interesting," he slurred, still with his eyes closed.

"This is your dream, Deeks," Kensi protested, giving him a light punch on his shoulder, hoping she didn't hurt him.

"Hey, you have to be careful with me, I'm still recovering…" he opened his eyes, smiling. He barely felt the punch, but he silently thanked Kensi for that. It was the first shade of normality after such a long time.

"Do you think you can manage to get out of the car? Then I will help you up the stairs." She couldn't hide a bit of concern. She didn't think about the fact that his apartment was on the first floor and that he had to climb a flight of stairs to get inside.

"I… I can manage, don't worry," Deeks got out of the car laboriously, grabbed his crutches and started his ascent to his apartment. His arms and shoulders ached just after few steps, but he made it relatively well. When he finally arrived at the front door of his apartment, beads of sweat adorned his forehead and his breathing was a bit ragged. The sound coming from inside his apartment melted his heart. It was Monty. He truly couldn't wait to see his dog after such a long time. Thanks to Hetty's intervention, they managed to take Monty to the hospital when the cop was outside in the garden, but it was not the same as being at home. Once the door opened, the cop was almost thrown to the floor as the dog rushed towards him, happily barking, wagging his tail in excitement. Deeks allowed himself to sit on the ground and played with Monty, petting him, scratching him behind the ears, knowing that his loyal friend enjoyed that a lot. "Hey, easy buddy…"

Kensi couldn't suppress a chuckle at the nice scene playing in front of her eyes. During the last three months, she had taken care of the dog and she had seen how affected he was because he missed his master. Seeing Monty and Deeks together now was simply refreshing, for both of them. They both needed it. "Are you going to spend all day on the floor or are you going to get up?" she wondered, unable to take the cheerful smirk away from her face.

"I'm good where I am Kens. I think I can stay here all day," the cop said jokingly.

"Come on, let's get you to the couch. It looks like you need some rest and maybe you should take one of your painkillers. That climb didn't help you for sure."

"Nurse Blye is worried about me, buddy. We better do what she asks or she will get mad," Deeks talked to the dog, lowering his voice, pretending she didn't need to hear him.

"Indeed. Here, let me help you," she put him on his feet, seeing the wince of pain forming on his face as she did it. "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I simply got up too quickly…" he leaned against her as she guided him towards the couch. He sank into it, his head resting on the back of the seat. Monty was immediately at his side, protectively.

"I'll get you some pills. You just stay here and relax," Kensi moved to the counter, picked up a glass of water and rummaged through his bag to find the painkillers the doctor prescribed him, but when she went back to the living room, Deeks was already dozing off, clearly exhausted. "Come on, Deeks. Take this, then you can go back to sleep." She forced the pill in his mouth, he gulped the water and then, almost without acknowledging her presence, he went back to sleep. She helped him into a more comfortable position and covered his body with a blanket.

He slept for the better part of the day and every time he woke up he found Kensi in the armchair, staring at him. They talked a little, mostly bantering as usual, and watched some TV.

"Hey, what about pizza? I bet your craving for something more than hospital food," she asked him, as dinner time was approaching.

"I could kiss you, Kensi. That is the best offer ever!" he exclaimed, with a big smile brightening his face. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Easy, Lover boy!" she told him, pinching his side playfully. She was getting up when the doorbell rang. "Were you expecting someone?" her hand moved instinctively to her gun.

"No, but Monty is too quiet. Usually he senses when there's a stranger at the door," he stated, straightening up on the couch.

Kensi moved toward the window, casting a glance outside and her features relaxed. "I think your pizza is already here," she opened the door finding Callen and Sam standing at the doorstep with a pizza box and a six pack of beer in their hands.

"I hope you are up for some company," the ex-Seal said, grinning.

"Come on in," she allowed them in and moved towards the living room.

"Well, well, well… and here I thought you were already out surfing," Sam greeted Deeks, smiling but casting him a scrutinizing look. The younger man looked much better than the previous days, but he was still pale and clearly tired. Dark circles were evident under his blue eyes. His hair shaggier than usual.

"Just give me a couple of days and you'll see," the cop replied, offering his teammate his hand to shake.

"In your dreams!" Kensi remarked, shaking her head.

Callen was observing the exchange, standing a bit apart. Even if they talked a lot during the past three months, he couldn't stop himself feeling bad for the blond cop. "How are you doing, Deeks?" he wondered, narrowing his eyes.

Deeks' expression turned serious for a moment. "I'm good," then he flashed one of his infamous grins. "And I will be even better after a slice of pizza and a beer."

"You're dreaming again, Deeks! Pizza is ok, but beer… no way! Not while you're taking those pills…"

"Oh come on, Fern! Don't be so bad with me!" the cop protested, voicing his disappointment.

"No way. Kensi's right," Sam echoed, his expression grave.

"Oh hell…" the cop cursed.

The three agents laughed at his obvious discomfort and soon even the detective joined them, happy to be finally back to a normal life.

The night passed in a very friendly way. They joked, they laughed and told anecdotes until Deeks started to feel very tired. He was not able to suppress yawn after yawn and his eyelids were getting heavier, minute after minute.

"I think Shaggy here needs to get some sleep in bed," Sam stated, putting a hand on the cop's shoulder.

"Yeah, we better go," Callen added, standing up "Kensi, call us if you need anything."

"Don't worry. We'll be good." She cast a glance at her partner, sensing a hint of uncertainty in his behavior. She suspected the reason of his tension, but decided to ignore it for now. "Have a good night, guys."

The two senior agents left and the two partners were alone. Deeks was biting his lip nervously. His breath accelerated. Kensi sat next to him, taking his hand. "Hey, it's ok." She told him, showing that she was there for him, without embarrassing him, telling him that she knew he was afraid of going to bed.

"No, it's not…" he admitted, squeezing her hand. "I… I am an idiot. It's just my bedroom, my bed… my house, but…"

"Hey, you're not an idiot. You're human and everyone is allowed to have fears. You're not alone, Deeks. I am here, with you," she comforted him, speaking kindly.

"Yeah… right…" he said, not very convincing.

"Let's do it this way. You go to your room, now. Get yourself ready to go to bed, then I will join you and I will keep you company until you fall asleep…"

"You're making me look like I'm four years old," he joked, but the light smile curving his lips didn't reach his eyes. He stared at her, embarrassed, ashamed, upset. "Do… are you going to do it, for me?"

Kensi's heart melted, seeing the uncertainty in his expression, seeing him so defenseless. "Of course. You're my partner, my friend…"

Without thinking too much, Deeks leaned towards her and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you," he whispered before he forced himself to get up with the help of his crutches and to move towards the bathroom first and then his bedroom.

Kensi sighed deeply as her hand moved toward her cheek, where his soft lips had brushed her skin. "Stop it, Kensi. He's your partner… it's Deeks, for God's sake!" Then she got up and started cleaning the room to keep her mind busy.

* * *

The night didn’t go as Kensi had planned. In spite of all the good intentions, Deeks was not able to sleep in his own bed. At least, not without having nightmares. He was clearly embarrassed and ashamed of himself, but in the end, he gave up and decided to spend the night on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a feeble voice as she looked at him from the armchair where she was sitting. “Why don’t you take the bed? It doesn’t seem I can… I can use it tonight.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. Just give yourself some time. It’s your first day at home…” she tried to comfort him, but she knew it was not working very well.

“And what if… if I won’t be…” he stopped talking, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

Kensi got up and sat on the couch herself, holding his hand. “Hey, I understand that you are scared, but I am here and I will be here anytime you need me.”

Deeks stared at her, unable to reply, to say anything. He was lost in his own world. He closed his eyes and she felt him shivering. “It started here. Here, in my apartment, my place. I… feel violated, Kensi and every time I close my eyes, I can sense his presence here, his smell all over me and… and it’s like I’m there again. I’ve never… I haven’t felt like this in ages and I hate it. I hate myself for being so weak, damn it!”

She felt the urge to hug him; to make him feel safe. She had never imagined she would see him so terrified, to see so much pain in those blue eyes that were usually filled with joy. This was all because of James O’Rourke. The man had almost destroyed all of the certainties Deeks had built during the years, taking him back to when he was a child, scared of his own father. “You’re not weak, Deeks. You’re stronger than you can even imagine. Just give yourself some time. Things will go better soon.”

He didn’t seem convinced by her words. He couldn’t shake the sense of dread engulfing him every time he closed his eyes. Every time, darkness surrounded him.

“I… I have something for you,” she said, getting up and smiling at him “I almost forgot about it. I bought it for you at the airport when I came back from DC.” She rummaged through her bag and found the wrapped present. “Here, open it.”

Deeks lifted his eyebrow skeptically. “You actually bought a present for me? Do I have to be… flattered or scared?” he tried to use a bit of his usual humor but it was lame, even to him.

She appreciated his effort and she only hoped that the silly little thing might cheer him up a little.

He unwrapped the small parcel and once he saw what it was, his lips curved into a cheeky smile. It was a Shaggy, from Scooby Doo, action figure, wearing a silly floral swimsuit, grinning in his typical goofy way. “So, this is how you see me?” he wondered, unable to suppress a smirk.

Kensi relaxed, seeing him smile, finally. “No, I think he is more charming than you,” she winked cunningly, punching his shoulder lightly.

Deeks held the little present in his hand, then nodding, he told her, “Thank you.” Two simple words, but that meant a lot to him and to her.

“You’re welcome,” she bowed her head, unable to sustain his deep gaze. It was Monty who decided to break the awkward moment, jumping on the couch, licking his master’s face. “He’s so happy to see you. He missed you.”

“Yeah, I missed him too.” He petted his dog, gently, but his mind was still somewhere else.

Kensi sighed. She was not used to see him so silent, so pensive, but it was normal after everything her partner had gone through and was still going through. “Look, I think Monty needs to get out for a walk. Do you think you can manage to stay on your own for a little while?”

“Yeah, I think I can. Shaggy and I will keep each other company,” Deeks flashed one of his infamous smiles, reassuring her.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” she questioned, not very convinced by his behavior.

The cop bit his lip nervously, showing his insecurity, but managed to shrug it off. “I… I’ll be fine, Kens. And you need to get some fresh air as much as Monty needs it. You’ve been stuck with me for too long.” His eyes couldn’t hide a hint of sadness. He tried to hide it behind a faint smile.

“Ok then. But I won’t be gone for too long and call me if you need something. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Kensi didn’t want to leave him alone, especially after the rough night he had, but Monty truly needed to go out and probably Deeks was right. She needed a bit of morning air too. At that moment, she wished Granger hadn’t revoke the protection detail since he felt that with O’Rourke out of the place, they were all safe. “Just try not to do anything you will regret, ok?”

“You have my word,” he winked, finding a more comfortable position on the couch. Going to bed would be the perfect solution, he would be more at ease, but only the idea made him sick, giving him nightmares.

“Why do I have the feeling that you’re lying to me?”

“Wow… what do you mean, you don’t trust me?” He pretended to be upset because of her remark.

“Don’t be an idiot! You know I trust you. It’s just that… that I am worried about you,” she lowered her voice, almost whispering.

“Don’t be. Shaggy, here, will protect me,” he murmured waving the little action figure in the air. “Look at him, he’s so damn scary!” he laughed this time, a real laugh.

Kensi moved so her eyes could look straight in the action figure’s eyes, talking directly to little Shaggy. “You better keep an eye on him or you’ll pay for it”.

Deeks snorted, slightly amused. “Man, I should have taped this. Sam and Callen would have been excited to see that!” a light punch reached his shoulder. “Oh come on, Kensi. I was just joking…”

“Oh yes, I know… but it felt good punching you.” She couldn’t suppress a real laugh. “Ok, I better go now. I don’t want Monty doing anything out of place in the apartment.”

“Monty is a trained dog. He will never do anything like that, would you Monty?” He talked directly to his dog, who simply licked his face again as an answer. “Gah… I wonder why you like to embarrass me so much.”

Kensi shook her head in disbelief. This was another thing that she loved about Marty Deeks. He might be hurt, he might be upset, but he always ended up cracking a joke, lightening the mood. “Come on, Monty. Your master, here, needs a bit of peace and quiet. She put the leash on the dog and a minute later she was out the door.

Deeks watched them leave, inhaling deeply. He didn’t like being alone, but he knew it was just an irrational fear. He took a few long breaths, then closed his eyes. Without realizing it, he soon fell asleep.

* * *

Deeks didn’t even realize that he had dozed off, but he knew, very well, when a new nightmare started. It was not very different from the others that usually caught him. The first thing that usually assaulted him was the smell; the nauseating smell of his tormentor that reached his nostrils; the intense scent of his aftershave that usually made him sick. The more he tried not to think about it and the more he tried to forget about it, the more the memory came back, haunting him, taking his breath away. He had told Callen that once you knew the face of your monsters, they were not so scary anymore. Well, he lied. The cop had seen O’Rourke’s face. He had looked at those steely blue eyes of his, but the man still terrified him. The monster was still the faceless man that had tormented him for days in more than one twisted way. The evil, venomous voice still hissed in Deeks’ mind, twisting like a knife inside his brain.

_You are not worthy, they don’t care about you._ The words weighed like stone on his heart.

“No, it’s a lie!” He wanted to scream but the words didn’t come out of his mouth, still gagged, as the taste of his own blood, of his own vomit filled his senses. “No, no… NO!”

The man was in front of him, but this time he was not hanging anymore. His friends were in his place. O’Rourke was twirling his bloody shillelagh, playing with it before lifting it and preparing himself to hit Kensi.

“NO!” His own desperate scream woke him up as he abruptly sat up on the couch. Beads of sweat adorned his forehead and his heart was beating so madly that his chest was hurting. His labored breath resounded in the silence of his living room when he finally realized that it had been a nightmare; just another nightmare. This one had been different, but not any less scary than the others. Just the idea of his friends in the hands of that sick, evil man, twisted his guts. “Just a dream,” he muttered with a feeble voice. “It was just a bad dream.”

Deeks passed a trembling hand over his face, unable to regain a bit of control over his body. He thought that once he came home, things would start to go better, but sadly, it was not the case. “Calm down. Just calm down,” he told himself, grabbing the Shaggy action figure hoping that it could relax him. And slowly, it worked. His breathing got under control, slowing down and his heartbeat was not as accelerated as it was just a few minutes before.

“Good, very good.” With great effort, he shifted his shaky legs so he was in a sitting position with his back to the back seat of the couch. He reached for his crutches and pulled himself to his feet. Deeks’ throat was dry and it hurt, like scratching sandpaper. “Come on. Time to get something to drink.”

The cop was slowly moving towards the kitchen when something caught his attention. There was something lying near the door. Something he didn’t notice before. Thinking that maybe it was something Kensi lost while heading out with Monty, he managed to pick up the yellow envelope, with a strain, but in the end, he achieved his goal. An alarm bell rang in his head when he saw his name printed on the envelope, Detective Marty Deeks, no address, no sender. Nothing else. Taking a series of deep breaths and forgetting about the drink, Deeks sat back on the couch twirling the yellow envelope in his fingers. He had the feeling that this could only lead to something bad. When had an anonymous parcel ever been good news to the receiver? Never. But on the other hand, there was something that pushed him to open it, an unhealthy curiosity that yelled at him to do it.

With trembling hands, he took his courage by its horns and opened it. His blood froze when the content slipped out, landing on his lap. “NO!” he cried out as a wave of nausea turned his stomach upside down. Pure horror could be easily read in his terrified blue eyes at the sight of the pictures of his own body hanging down from the ceiling in the filthy hold of O’Rourke boat. Bloodied. Shattered. Mangled. Broken. A few words had been printed with the appropriate bleeding font on one of the images _I am coming to get you, Marty._ The bile rose up through his throat and he had to rush towards the bathroom, forgetting the crutches, forgetting about the agony radiating from his feet, the pictures still clutched in his hands. When he finally stopped retching dry heaves that contorted his stomach, his eyes fell on another photo where other words had been printed, _Say something to your friends and I will kill them all, starting with your girlfriend. Keep it quiet and I will save them._

Panic coursed through his whole body that he was not able to control anymore. He was shaking badly as the words echoed in his head like a pneumatic drill. For a moment he thought that he was going into shock. He couldn’t breathe and his chest hurt as it was constricted in a tight vice.

It was then that a voice reached his ears. “Deeks? Deeks, where are you?” Kensi was back and he couldn’t let her find him like this. Without thinking too much, Deeks hid the pictures in his medicine cabinet, then he tried to stand but without the crutches and with his still trembling legs, it was an impossible task.

“Deeks?!” Kensi’s voice was getting more agitated and very concerned and mostly, was getting closer.

_Think, think!_ He shouted in his head. And finally something came up to him, it was not the smartest of the ideas because he knew what was going to be thrown at him, but he could make it work. “Over here!” he yelled with a hint of embarrassment.

“Deeks!” Kensi repeated again, showing up at the bathroom door. “What happened? And what the hell are you doing on the floor? Please give me an explanation why you left your crutches in the living room…”

“Nature was calling and… I… I thought that I couldn’t make it if I had to use my crutches, but I think I overestimated my strength,” he gave her his puppy eyes, hoping she could be fooled by that. “I am a bit ashamed to say that I fell on the floor and I was not able to get up anymore…”

“You’re an idiot! You could have hurt yourself. What if you bumped into something while falling? You… you…” It was clear that she was exasperated. “Why do I spend my time talking to you? You’re incorrigible, Deeks! Can’t you see the consequences of your silly moves? I should leave you there for the rest of the day!” With an angry expression planted on her face, she passed her arm under his shoulders, helping him to stand up. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” he groaned as he was put to his feet “Can we… go back to the couch? I… I feel a bit… dizzy…”

Kensi saw the paleness on his face, the sweat adorning his forehead, feeling him shivering. “Are you cold? You’re shaking like a leaf…” but it was the smell coming from his mouth that put her on alert. She cast a look at him and noticed the embarrassment in his features, so she decided to let him be for a while. She didn’t want to take away from him the bit of pride, of dignity he had left. There will be time to find out why and what had made him sick. “Hey, what do you think if I make you a cup of tea? You look like you need one.”

Deeks took a deep breath. She had bought it. His little act worked perfectly. “I… yes, I… you might be right.”

Kensi guided him to the couch, helping him to find a comfortable position on it. Then she picked up the discarded blanket on the floor and tucked him in. “I’ll be back in a moment.” From the kitchen, she observed her partner, burying himself under the blanket, shivering and bracing himself. She didn’t know what happened during her absence to unsettle him so much, to make him sick, but she decided to give him some space. The more he felt cornered, the more he shut everyone out. Sooner or later he would eventually tell her. This was how their friendship worked. They were very reserved people when it came to personal matters, but they trusted each other. That was enough for now.


	17. Chapter 17

The man in the silver, anonymous car lit himself a cigarette, inhaling deeply and rhythmically, emitting puffs of smoke. He was pleased with himself; proud of how he fooled everyone, avoiding capture from all the Federal agencies looking for him. His plan was starting to come along and soon he would have his revenge against Agent Callen and his whole team, but first, he needed to play again with his favorite toy, with one of the few men who really gave him a challenge, resisting him, putting up a fight. He had promised Marty Deeks that he would have broken him, but sadly he had been interrupted. Now, it was time to restart his game, right where he left it. It was time to finally finish what he had started.

James O’Rourke watched on his tablet the live feed coming from the cop’s house. It had been so easy to plant the micro cameras in the cop’s apartment while everyone was at his bedside in the hospital. He had enjoyed seeing Deeks’ panic the moment he opened the envelope. Watching him empty his stomach because of the fear, because of the horror those pictures had instilled in him. Good. He still had power over the blond detective and he was going to use it in any way he could think of. To destroy him completely. O’Rourke smiled cunningly. There were so many ways to destroy a man without even killing him and this was what he was going to do. He didn’t know how or why he was so obsessed with the detective. At first O’Rourke had seen the cop as just another weak man who would have begged for his life, but this never happened. Marty Deeks had exceeded his expectations. He had resisted him longer than any other of his prisoners did. But every man had his weakness. James had done some research during the last months and now he knew how to hurt him. He knew how to send him on the edge of craziness. He cast another glance at his tablet, grinning evilly. “I’m coming, Marty. Be prepared because this time no one will be able to save you!”

* * *

Kensi arrived at the bullpen and sat immediately at her desk, almost without looking at Sam and Callen who were already there working on their computers.

“Good morning, Kensi,” Sam greeted her, furrowing his brows. He couldn’t deny the fact that his younger teammate’s behavior was a bit strange and out of character.

She didn’t answer but simply stared at Deeks’ empty desk, lost in her own thoughts. Her expression couldn’t hide a deep sorrow.

“Kens, you ok?” Callen asked as he got up to enter her field of vision to gain her attention.

“Hey, sorry… I’m fine,” she muttered, unable to look at her friend.

“Ok, now I know that something is bothering you since you said ‘you’re fine’,” the team leader stated seriously, his voice grave.

“Did anything happen to Deeks? Last time I saw him, he looked like he was on the mend. He was even walking without the crutches…” Sam intervened, exchanging a wary glance with his partner.

“No, he’s doing good. Physically, at least… His physician even said that soon he might be able to come back to work for some light desk duty.” Kensi sighed deeply, a clear sign that something was worrying her and according to the fact that she was very affected by that, it was obvious that it was something about her partner.

“But…? Come on Kensi, what’s up? Is there anything wrong with Deeks?” Callen couldn’t hide his concern. He hadn’t yet overcome the guilt for putting his younger teammate in this situation, for getting him hurt, and in the last period he had become very protective towards the detective.

“I… I don’t know. He’s… he looks fine, on the exterior. He cracks all of his stupid jokes and he’s annoying as ever, but I… I think something is eating him,” she paused, absorbed in her own words and trying to clear her mind as well.

“Sometimes he’s distant, like he’s in another world. One minute, he’s completely fine, the next minute, he’s on edge, he’s nervous… scared. But when I ask him about it, he tells me that everything is good. He gives me a smile and he’s back to being his own self.”

“Kensi, Deeks has been through a lot. Give him some time. It’s not easy to get over what has happened to him…” Sam tried to reassure her, but with poor results.

“Believe me, I know that and I can understand it. But this is something different and it’s eating him alive. I don’t think he’s been sleeping much lately. I know he still has nightmares, but…” she stopped talking as if she was trying to recollect something through her memories.

"Kensi, ok. You’re starting to freak me out,” Callen told her, puzzled because of her behavior.

“I was there when he first came home from the hospital. I saw him go through those nightmares. They were scary and all… but they have changed now. They are different. At first when he woke up, he was shaking like a leaf. He was scared, but you could see in his eyes, that he knew they were just nightmares. Now, when he wakes up, he’s simply terrified and it takes him time to understand that none of it was real. It’s like he’s reliving the nightmares over and over, even when he is awake,” she explained, inhaling deeply.

Kensi’s words weighed on Callen as heavy stones. He felt a pang in his stomach. A clenching sensation that took his breath away for a moment.

“G, you ok?” Sam caught his partner’s expression; saw him get paler after hearing Kensi’s words.

The team leader buried his face in his hands. “It’s my fault. Damn it!” he slammed his fist on the desk. “Idiot!”

“G, no! We have already had this conversation… and you know what Deeks thinks about that,” the ex-Seal tried to comfort his partner, but he realized that it was a hard job. “It’s not your fault. It’s O’Rourke’s!”

“Oh hell, Sam! I know we talked about it and I know what Deeks told me, but nothing will change the fact that everything he’s going through, is my fault. I have caused it…,” he looked straight into Sam’s eyes. “I am responsible for all of you. I should keep you safe, but I allowed O’Rourke to catch me unprepared and you and Deeks paid the price. Heck, he is still paying it because of my inability to do my job. I am a trained agent, I shouldn’t make this kind of mistake! Maybe… I… maybe I am not cut for this. Not anymore…”

“Callen, I… I am sorry I didn’t mean to bring this subject up to make you feel like this. I…” Kensi excused herself. She hated seeing her teammate like this.

“It’s not your fault, Kensi. You are simply worried for your friend, but… it’s just that… ah hell!” Callen passed by Kensi and walked out of the bullpen, headed out of the Mission.

“Callen!” she shouted.

“G, stop!” Sam rushed to follow him, but Hetty’s voice stopped him.

“Let me handle this, Mr. Hanna. I think you and Miss Blye have some work to do.” The Operations Manager told them in her usual calm but steady tone that didn’t leave room for a reply.

“But Hetty…” the ex-Seal protested.

“No, Mr. Hanna. I will take it from here,” Hetty said, firmly. “And Miss Blye, I need to talk to you after I’ve finished talking with Mr. Callen.”

Kensi nodded, imagining what the diminutive woman wanted from her.

The Operations Manager was walking away when Sam called out to her. “Hetty, make him reason, because I think we’re losing him…”

Hetty inhaled deeply. “I will do my best, Mr. Hanna.” And with that, she disappeared from their sight.

“Do you really mean it?” Kensi asked her friend “That we’re losing him?”

“I hope I’m wrong, Kensi, but G has not been himself lately. After the O’Rourke incident, something broke inside of him and knowing that Deeks is still living in a nightmare doesn’t help him at all.” The big man passed a hand over his face. “What a mess…”

* * *

Hetty found him sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall in the little backyard outside of the mission. His hands were supporting his head that seemed to weigh like hundreds of stones due to the many thoughts going on inside his mind. The Operations Manager couldn’t hide her concern. She had never seen her senior agent so torn, so distressed as he was right now, and sadly, she shared Sam’s worry about his mental state.

The whole incident with O’Rourke had affected him and the whole team deeply. Laughs and jokes had been reduced to a minimum. Everyone was always on edge and ready to snap, even over the smallest things. Hetty silently cursed James O’Rourke whose dark shadow still lingered in the air, affecting all of her agents in different ways. Sam was keeping his emotions bottled inside, trying to be the rock of the team, but deep down he couldn’t take his mind away from the memory of the poison spreading through his body or from the sense of hopelessness that had gripped him during those terrible moments when he thought that he was going to die. Kensi, on the other hand, was too worried for her partner and she was spending every moment she could with him, trying to get him through all of this. This was almost fully consuming her in the task. The cop was, in fact, still far from recovered, physically and emotionally. His wounds were taking time to heal due to their extent, but it was the scars in his soul that were even harder to heal. The Operations Manager sighed thinking about the blond detective, thinking about everything O’Rourke had put him through. A wave of anger coursed through her body. Her attention moved to the man in front of her and if at all possible, her rage increased even more, growing exponentially.

“I truly hope you don’t mean what you said in there.” She stood right in front of her agent, studying him intently. “Because I’d be very disappointed.”

“Well, it’s not the first time I have disappointed you,” Callen replied, without even moving or looking at her. “So what’s new in this?”

“You have never disappointed me. Maybe drove me mad, but disappointed? Never,” she said firmly. Her voice, as steady as ever, knowing that getting him back in line was going to be a hard mission.

He lifted his head, slightly, narrowing his blue eyes, veiled with sadness. “But I disappointed my team. I allowed him to hurt them. I was not able to protect them, which is my main goal, my duty… and now everyone is paying the price for my ineptitude.”

“Aren’t you a bit too hard on yourself?” The diminutive woman slowly walked towards a bench and sat down, waiting for her agent to join her. She knew he was going to do it.

Callen sighed heavily, closing his eyes, but then got up and moved towards her, sitting next to her. “I failed them, Hetty. I was careless and they are all paying the high price. They think I don’t notice it, but I know that they are all struggling, not only Deeks, but Sam and Kensi too. And you know what? It hurts. It turns my stomach upside down every time I look at them in the eyes. I see their pain and I can’t stand it, because I am the one who caused them all of that suffering. I am the only one responsible for it…”

“I thought we already had this conversation…”

He looked at her skeptically, lifting his eyebrow, silently.

“Have you ever told them all of this? Have you ever told them how you’re feeling?” Callen chuckled bitterly.

“Oh yes, but they assured me that they were good. That they were not holding any grudges… that…” He paused, unable to go on because of the knot in his throat. “But I know that they are only trying not to make me feel guilty. Deep inside, they knew that I…”

“You what, Mr. Callen?” She turned to look straight at him; to go through his soul with just a gaze. “You were forced to make a tough choice and every choice has consequences, even the easiest ones. O’Rourke put you in the middle of a hard situation. He wanted you to suffer and consume yourself. You know? His plan worked. Look at you… You can’t think straight anymore. You’re allowing him to have this power on you. He’s controlling you even if he’s not here and this is killing you.”

He bit his lips nervously, fisting his hands tightly, until his knuckles whitened. Words didn’t come out of his mouth, from his clenched throat.

“Tell me, Mr. Callen. What would you have done differently to change things? I assume you’re feeling guilty because of Mr. Deeks’ situation, because of what he has been put through. But do you really think that making a different choice would have changed something? Saving Mr. Deeks and leave Sam in O’Rourke’s hands would make you feel better?” Her words weighed like stones.

“But Sam is more… he’s strong and Deeks is...” He stopped knowing that he was walking into a mine field.

“So this is what you’re thinking? That Mr. Deeks is weak and he can’t take it? Whilst Sam would have coped better? Are you still seeing Mr. Deeks as the weakest link of your team?”

“No! This is not what I meant,” Frustrated Callen buried his face in his hands. He didn’t like where this conversation was going. “It’s just that… that… oh hell, I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore! I know nothing…”

Hetty was shocked by the hopelessness in his voice, the defeat coming out of his words. Something she was not used to hear from her usual confident agent “It’s not that you don’t know anything anymore, Mr. Callen. You know it very well… because you know that nothing would have changed if you chose differently. One of your friends would have suffered. Immensely, but not because of you. Because of O’Rourke. He is the only responsible one here. The man is evil and sadly for us, very smart. He is used to take advantage of his enemies’ weakness and fragilities. It was what he did for work back in Ireland. He had been trained to do that and experience taught him even better. You should blame him, not yourself… Tell me, Mr. Callen how do you feel about him? What are your feelings towards the man?”

“I… hate him, Hetty. I hate him for what he did to my friends. For what he did to… my family!” He ground his teeth trying to control his anger. “I hate him because he should have gotten me, instead of them, because he was such a coward not to face me! And you know, Hetty, I can’t wait to find myself face to face with him and kill him!” his voice raised, surprising even himself with the vivid emotions raging through his body, overwhelming him.

Hetty’s lips curved into a thin smile and nodded before speaking as her hand lay on Callen’s arm. “Use this anger, Mr. Callen. Channel it towards him, not towards yourself. Use it as a stimulation, not as a weapon against yourself or you’ll be a victim of his power. Because this is what it is. A power game. Show him that he doesn’t have any to use against you; that you’re stronger than him. Turn your anger and your concern for your friends, for your family, as your power against him. Remember that love is a sentiment stronger than hate. Use the love for your family against the hate he has for you…”

Callen remained silent, reflecting on what she told him. For the first time he was starting to see things from a different perspective. He still needed to process them, but maybe there was something true in Hetty’s words. Maybe he was not the only one responsible… maybe he could share the blame with O’Rourke.

“And Mr. Callen, I have some advice for you,” She paused to give more emphasis to her speech. “Talk to your friends, to your team. To all of them. They care for you as much as you care for them. Don’t let all of this destroy what you have.”

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” Callen remarked, dryly.

“It’s my job to take care of my men, Mr. Callen. Especially when they are behaving like stubborn mules!” Her smile widened and her whole expression brightened. Then becoming serious again, she added, “I can imagine how you’re feeling, but it’s not shutting your friends out or quitting where your feelings would change. It’s been a while since I’ve told you this, but you have to trust your team and count on your teammates. Remember that you’re not alone in this… and they need you as much as you need them. Not being there for them would be the real failure.” Hetty put her hand on his shoulder, giving him an understanding nod. Then she stood up and walked away.

Callen watched her disappearing through the door. Closing his eyes he reflected on her words. What if she was right? What if he was making the worst mistake of his life? His head leaned against the wall and let his mind wander as a few words echoed strongly in his ears: _Show him that he doesn’t have any power to use against you, that you’re stronger than him_. He didn’t want to be a victim of O’Rourke power. Not anymore.

* * *

He couldn’t hide a certain amount of nervousness, because today he was going back to work. OK, light desk duty and not even full time, but it was a big step. Deeks took a deep breath, looking at his image reflected in the mirror as he dressed. The scars on his face had faded away, thanks to the natural passage of time and to a couple of plastic surgeries. With a hand he caressed his chest, touching the sensitive skin where O’Rourke shillelagh had done a lot of damage, and he couldn’t stop himself from shivering. But it was what his eyes couldn’t see that hurt the most, and he was not referring to the marks on his legs and feet. It was the scars that went deep into his soul that still troubled him.

Taking a long breath, without even bothering to button his shirt, he moved his attention to the cabinet where he kept his medicines. Recently, though, it had become the place where he kept something else, something much more sinister. Something that terrified him. With trembling hands, he opened it and picked up the last yellow envelope he received. His heart beat madly in his chest as his fingers grazed the photographs. Don’t do this, don’t go there. But it was like an evil force that was attracting him, like something stronger than himself that pushed him to touch the pictures, to look at them. There was the usual series of shots showing him, alone, helpless, mercilessly hanging down from the ceiling. His body broken and bloodied. If that was not enough, this time, O’Rourke had sent him something more. Some other photos of his friends, hanging out at a bar, smiling and drinking beers. The date printed on them showed they were taken two months ago, while he was still confined in a hospital bed, fighting his demons and the pain.

Deeks picked up one of the pictures and read loudly what was written on it “See? They don’t care at all about you. You are suffering and they are laughing. Do you think they are laughing at you? They pity you, Marty… because you’re not worthy. You mean nothing to them.”

The words hurt him. He didn’t believe those words. He knew that his friends cared for him. They had told him over and over again, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from those smiling faces, comparing them to the painful memory of the agony that had consumed his body for months and that sometimes still was his daily companion. Rationally, he was aware of the game O’Rourke was playing with him, but unfortunately, a part of his subconscious was still stuck in that hold. It was still stuck in the man’s evil hands and it was finding it hard to discern what was real and what was not, what was true and what was false.

A knock at the door brought him back to reality. Without thinking and still a bit shaken, he rushed towards the entrance of his apartment, afraid that his partner, worried by his lack of response, might step inside finding him looking at the pictures. Deeks hadn’t said anything to anyone, afraid of O’Rourke’s threat regarding his friends’ safety. But deep inside he was too scared of being judged and the idea of talking with the rest of the team about this, unsettled him.

“Kensi, hey…” he muttered, opening the door.

Kensi noticed his disheveled appearance, his ragged breath and, mostly, his unbuttoned shirt that showed the still healing scars on his chest. She was a bit surprised by this, because, in spite of all the time they had spent together during his recovery, he was almost ashamed of showing his body to her. She could understand it, she would probably be the same in his place, so this little slip, this little lapse of memory, caught her unguarded. Unconsciously, she cringed a little at the sight.

Deeks caught her eyes studying his bare chest so he turned around immediately and hurried to fix his shirt. “You’re… early,” he said, trying to sound nonchalantly as he moved towards the kitchen. “I was having a cup of coffee, do you want some?”

She closed her eyes, biting her lip, swearing to herself because of her stupidity. “Deeks, I’m… I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to react like that. It was insensitive.”

“It’s… ok. It’s fine, Kens,” his voice was nothing more than a whisper and Kensi could see that he was still fighting with the buttons because of his trembling hands.

“Deeks, please… let me…” She couldn’t finish.

“Let me what, Kensi? Let me help you? I’m not a kid. I can dress without help!” He turned to face her and Kensi was shocked by how dark his eyes were. How angry he seemed. “Or do you want to see them? Do you want to have pity on me?” With a rapid movement he opened his shirt and walked towards her. “Come on, go on… here they are! Are you enjoying what you see?”

“Deeks, no. Please… That is not what I meant…” her eyes were veiled with tears. She never expected a reaction like this one. She was aware that today must be tough for him, that the last period had been very stressful for her partner, but this was so un-Deeks. So uncharacteristic for him. It was absolutely out of character, and, frankly, it terrified her. Deeks stood still. His eyes locked on hers; his whole body barely holding itself together.

“You know that I will never have pity of you, Deeks. I’m your friend. You should know that by now,” she told him, gently, moving a step towards him. She started buttoning his shirt, fixing the collar at the end. “If you feel like I… like I offended you, forgive me, because it was not my intention.” She took his hand in hers, forcing herself not to look at his wrists that still carried the signs of where the handcuffs had torn his flesh and skin.

He stared at her for a moment, then he wriggled away from her, passing a hand through his hair, a gesture she had started to recognize as something he used to calm himself. _I don’t know anything anymore_ , he thought without voicing what was in his mind. “It’s ok…” he murmured with a feeble voice, sounding not very convincing.

Kensi sighed heavily, knowing that it was far from ok. “So, weren’t you offering me a cup of coffee? I think I could use one…” She tried to use her most natural tone, to give him a sense of normality, hoping to get him back in line. And fortunately, it seemed to work.

Deeks’ shoulders relaxed and he even managed to look at her, giving her a genuine smile. “I don’t have any sugar treats, though…”

This time she couldn’t suppress a chuckle, seeing a flash of her partner, the real version of him. “Oh never mind, you’ll offer me breakfast at the cafe around the corner. As you said, I am early… and I am early for a reason.”

He laughed at her statement and the tension between them was definitely broken. “You will never change, Fern.”

She moved closer to him, taking him under his arm. “Isn’t that the reason why you like me?” she winked, cunningly. “Oh yes, you’re too my type…” He winked back but he was welcomed by a light punch on his shoulder. “Hey! These were your words, not mine! I had them recorded…”

“You better not go there, Shaggy Boy… if you don’t want to walk to the Mission!”

“Aren’t you cruel? I’m here, still recovering and you threaten me physically. You’re not fair, sweetheart!” he talked, theatrically.

“Call me sweetheart one more time and I will show you how unfair I can be!” she pointed her finger to his chest, without touching it though, mindful of his previous reaction, but he didn’t seem to notice it this time.

He lifted his hands in sign of surrender. “Ok, ok. You win!” he curved his lips that turned into a foxy smirk “So, can we go, Sunshine?”

“Deeks!” Kensi tried to hit him again, but he managed to escape her revenge. “Gah, sometimes I hate you!”

“Don’t lie to me, Kensi. I know you love me.” And without waiting for her reply he walked out of his apartment.

The NCIS agent watched him leave, reflecting on his words and on what had just happened. Why was life so complicated? Shaking her head, she followed her partner, closing the door behind her.


	18. Chapter 18

In spite of his fears, the day went on better than Deeks expected. Everyone had been nice to him, welcoming him warmly and giving him great support. He knew his teammates were keeping an eye on him, studying all of his movements, getting ready to send him home if they saw that he was showing any sign of tiredness. But, all in all, it was good to feel part of something and he enjoyed the sense of belonging that their insisting mothering gave him. He had never had a real family and sometimes he found it strange to be a part of it, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he could get used to it.

After more than one hour neatly stacking the paperwork that had accumulated haphazardly on his desk, the cop threw the pencil he was holding on a folder lay in front of him and leaned on the backseat of his chair, stretching his back. Immediately, he felt three pairs of scrutinizing eyes on him.

“You ok, Deeks?” Sam was the first to ask, preceding his partner. Kensi simply cast a concerned glance towards him.

“You want an honest answer?” Deeks replied, stretching his long legs too. It was a rhetorical question because he continued immediately. “No, I’m not ok. Seriously guys, a man can’t take a little vacation without you filling his desk with a stash of… paperwork that will last for at least another year. Or two! This is not fair!”

“Life is not fair, Deeks!” Callen said shaking his head, smiling at the annoyed face of the cop.

“Oh don’t tell me…” Deeks remarked. Suddenly his expression darkened but he tried to cover it with a smirk that probably fooled both the senior agents, but didn’t go unnoticed by his partner.

Kensi locked her eyes on his, seeing the hidden pain behind those few words. Before she could say anything, Sam intervened.

“Oh yes, you can say that since we’re stuck listening to you whining all day about paperwork. That’s pretty unfair!” the ex-Seal joked

“I can feel the love,” the cop stood up a bit laboriously, flashing one of his grins that didn’t brighten his eyes, as it normally would.

“Where are you going?” Callen wondered, curiously, then winking, he added, “Do you need help?”

Pretending to be offended Deeks stated, “I think I can manage to go to the restroom by myself…” and slowly he walked away, fully aware of a pair of mismatched eyes following him. “But I wouldn’t mind your company, Fern.” His voice couldn’t hide a teasing note and his words were welcomed by a series of chuckles coming from both Callen and Sam.

“In your dreams, Deeks!” she scolded him, literally incinerating with her deep gaze. She knew him too well. She knew what he was doing and she didn’t like it. Her partner was a master when it came to deflecting attention; to hiding behind his humor that he used as a shield to protect himself. And this was what he was doing, so she decided to play along a little. “But you know what? I will accompany you. I wouldn’t want you to lose yourself…”

The cop’s lips curved into a smirk, but again his eyes were dark. “Sounds good.”

Kensi followed him and when they were out of their teammates’ scrutinizing glance, she went straight to the point. “Come on, Deeks. What’s up? There’s something bothering you. I can see it.”

“Wow, if I didn’t know you so well, I’d say you’re worried about me,” he remarked, playfully.

“I’m serious, Deeks. Don’t do this to me. Don’t pretend everything is fine when it’s not. You can fool them, but not me.” She insisted, grabbing his arm and turning him so their eyes crossed.

For a moment he had to break contact, unable to sustain her mesmerizing gaze. His tongue played with his lips, clear sign of his nervousness. “I’m… good, Kens. Really. I… just need some time to get back into the rhythm.”

She narrowed her eyes, not convinced. “Deeks, I…”

“Kensi, please. I’m fine… Just give me some time. It’s my first day and I… I…” He wanted to say more, but he was afraid that if he started talking he was not able to stop anymore. And sadly, he couldn’t tell her everything. It was too dangerous. He didn’t want his friends to get hurt because of him. Even if he didn’t want to show it, O’Rourke’s ghost terrified him, more than he ever imagined. A cold shiver ran down his spine just thinking about the man.

Kensi was conflicted. She could see how torn her partner was, even if she was not able to understand why, but on the other hand, she wanted to give him time and space, as he asked her. She trusted him enough to do that. “Ok,” she whispered, nodding. “But if you need anything…”

With a tender gesture, Deeks took her hand in his. “Thank you.” Then he turned on his heels and stepped through the door of the men’s restroom.

She took a deep breath and even if a part of herself was telling her to stay here and wait for him, she decided to go back to the bullpen. She sat at her desk and stared at an undefined spot in front of her.

“Kensi, is everything ok?” Sam asked her, furrowing his brows in apprehension. It was never a good sign when she was so silent and lost in her thoughts. “Did Shaggy say something to offend you? You know better than me that there’s no filter between his brain and his mouth!”

“Guys, how… how did he seem to you?” she wondered, almost out of nowhere.

The two senior agents exchanged a puzzled look, but it was Callen who answered first. “Considering everything, he seems fine. I noticed that once in a while he zones out, but I think it’s… it’s understandable, after… well, it’s his first day.”

“Yeah, but all in all, he seems the usual pain in the ass.” The ex-Seal echoed, his eyes locked on Kensi. “Why are you asking? Is there something we don’t know?”

“I… I don’t know. Just… just a feeling. It’s like he’s hiding something from me,” her voice was low and feeble, like she was talking mostly to herself.

“Look, give him some time, maybe he just needs to get back on business gradually. You can’t pretend he’s 100% after so much time away from this place,” Callen explained, avoiding deliberately the reason why Deeks had been away for so long. It still hurt him too much.

Kensi sighed, shaking herself. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Maybe I’m just a bit paranoid…”

“Kensi, it’s normal to be worried. Deeks is one of us. I am worried too, but we’re not doing him any good treating him like a kid, like he’s made of crystal,” Sam said, standing up and stopping in front of her. “He’s your partner and your friend, we understand that.” There was no judgment in his words, just understanding.

“Yeah, I know…” she paused, inhaling deeply. “But don’t tell him anything about this.”

“Afraid he might… get mad at you?” Callen smirked, teasing his friend, but the reaction he got from her was not the one he expected.

Kensi tensed, remembering the awkward moment at Deeks’ apartment, when he had snapped, almost yelling at her. The dark shadow that had matted his blue eyes was still stuck in her mind.

“Kensi?” the team leader called, sending a questioning glance to his partner who shook his head puzzled.

“Yeah, sorry. I was just… reflecting. You’re right, I need to give him some space,” and with that she went back to the report she was filling, considering the discussion over.

Once again, Sam and Callen engaged themselves in a silent conversation, then when they realized that Kensi was not convinced at all and that something was seriously bothering her, they decided to drop the subject for a little while, waiting for her to be more relaxed.

“Yeah, let’s see how it goes,” the ex-Seal finally said, moving his attention to his own computer.

Callen, unconsciously, cast a glance at the corridor that led to the restroom. Kensi was usually right when it came to Deeks, she knew him better than anyone. A little knot started forming in his stomach. _What the hell is wrong with you, Deeks?_

* * *

He washed his face with cold water, hoping to shake away the gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach. “Come on, everything is fine,” he told himself, looking in the mirror. His hands were trembling as he dried his face with the paper towels. “Don’t be stupid… they care for you,” he added. He didn’t know why he felt the need to convince himself of this; that he needed to repeat these words loudly.

He took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself, and an intense scent reached his nostrils. His blood froze as the smell filled the air, pervading every cell of his body. Panic coursed through him, stopping his heartbeat. It couldn’t be, it’s impossible. He couldn’t be here. “You’re dreaming. It’s just a dream. It’s just your mind playing with you, tricking you…” he thought as his eyes started scanning the room. There was no one here, the place was empty. He was alone…

Beads of sweat formed on his wrinkled forehead and his breathing became troubled, ragged…. Labored.

He splashed again his face in the mere attempt of waking up, to get away from this new vivid nightmare, but sadly nothing happened. The intense scent of a sadly familiar aftershave pervaded his nostrils, inebriating him, making him sick. “Not real… not real…”

Deeks knew that he was hyperventilating; that fear was gripping his heart in a tight vice; that he had to shake himself from this state, but he felt paralyzed, unable to move a single muscle. His head was pounding and in his ears he could hear that voice that was still tormenting his nights. _You’re alone, once again they left you alone. They abandoned you… and now you’re mine, Marty._

His vision blurred and suddenly everything was engulfed by the darkness. And he was back there. He was back in that hold of O’Rourke’s boat, alone with him, and all he could sense was that scent, the nauseating stench of aftershave mixed with tobacco and beer. It engulfed him and suffocated him.

“No! Please, not again…” but the words didn’t come out of his throat. It was like something was preventing him from talking. _Not real, not real, not real._ Deeks forced himself to think but it didn’t work. It was too real.

He shivered as he felt something touching him, something dancing all over his face, down to his neck, stopping on his chest. Everything was so real that it took his breath away; his ribcage felt constricted and pain exploded in every cell, in every muscle, in every nerve. “No… not again, please…” he mumbled incomprehensibly.

The cop sensed a presence beside him, circling him as the venomous voice whispered in his ears, reverberating in his brain, making his head explode _They left you alone, Marty. They don’t care. They simply don’t care, because you’re not worthy. They are having fun and you’re here, alone, suffering. You’re nothing to them._

All of the pictures he received in the last period slid in front of his eyes like painful reminders. “No… no…” Hot tears formed in his eyes and rolled down his cheek, burning his face.

_You’re not worthy… not worthy. You are nothing to them._

“Nothing… I’m nothing…” a few words escaped from his dry mouth, hurting him, as the pain engulfed his whole body when someone touched him. “NO! STOP!” he cried out, desperately.

“Deeks!” Someone said his name, trying to grab his wrists, but he wriggled, fighting with everything he had against an invisible enemy, against his personal demon. “Deeks, stop!”

“No, no… please… no…” He mumbled incoherently as the hold on his wrists tightened causing him an excruciating agony like when an electrical discharge coursed through his veins.

“Deeks, stop. I’m not going to hurt you… please stop!”

“Stop, it hurts…” Deeks’ legs buckled and he collapsed on the floor, but a pair of arms prevented him from falling in a heap.

“Come on, man… you’re safe here. It’s just a dream…” the concerned voice told him, almost cracking up. “Deeks, please. I’m not going to hurt you, please…” it repeated.

Deeks’ breathing slowed down just a little bit. His eyes blinked several times and a hint of recognition brightened them up.

“Good, very good. Look at me… everything is ok,” the caring voice continued as firm arms still held the cop’s shaking body.

“Eric?”

“Yes, it’s me… thank God…” Green concerned eyes stared straight into horrified blue ones. “Are you all right? You scared the hell out of me..” the tech spoke gently, supporting his friend’s back, unconsciously making soothing circles to calm him down.

Deeks was clearly confused. He was still shaking like a leaf. His face was pale like a white sheet, but at least he seemed to be breathing a little better. His heart was still beating madly, though, pounding in his ears. “What… what happened?”

Eric looked at him in a mix of sadness and confusion. “I was passing by the restroom when I heard you screaming, but when I walked inside you were… lost somewhere else,” he paused, biting his lip. “Are you ok?”

Memories of what he had just experienced assaulted the cop in full force and he felt sick. Without saying a single word, he rushed towards the toilet and emptied his stomach. When he had finished, he sat there, on the cold floor, shivering and resting his head on his bent knees.

“Deeks, are you sure you’re ok? Maybe I need to go and call the others…”

“NO!” Deeks yelled, more desperately than angrily, but immediately his tone softened. “Please no. I’m fine… I just need a minute,” he lifted his head, locking his teary blue orbs on the tech. “I don’t want them to see me like this…”

Eric sighed heavily, but nodded, sitting in front of his shaking friend. “That was a hell of a nightmare…” he started with trembling voice, not wanting to push Deeks to talk. He had never witnessed anything similar and, frankly, it had terrified him. The tech couldn’t even imagine what had been like for his friend, living it directly.

“Yeah, pretty much…” Deeks’ breathing was now under control and his heartbeat was slowly getting back to its normal rhythm. After a few moments of silence, he said with a weak voice, “Do you mind keeping this between me and you? Please…”

“But they are your friends. They deserve to know and between me and you, you need to talk about this with someone, because man, it spooked me. It was like you were somewhere else… I never… I have never seen anything like that!”

_They don’t care. They left you alone._ Trying to forget about the hissing voice, the cop inhaled deeply, glad that the scent of his tormentor was gone… if it had ever been there. “It’s gone…” he muttered, closing his eyes. Was he hallucinating? Was he going crazy?

“What? What’s gone?” Eric couldn’t hide his worry as looked at his friend with a puzzled expression.

“Nothing…” the cop sighed, passing his hand through his sweaty hair. “How do I look?” he asked, smiling lightly.

“Can I lie to you?” the tech tilted his head apologetically.

And Deeks finally laughed, “That bad?”

“Worse.”

“Can you do me a favor? Can you tell the others that I received a phone call and that I’ll be there soon? I fear that they will come looking for me any minute now.” There was a begging note in his voice and Eric couldn’t resist it.

“Ok, but I can’t assure you that they are going to believe me. Those three can read me like an open book.”

“Just smile and think about something they don’t know anything about,” the cop winked, cunningly. “That is one of my secrets… to be a good undercover agent.”

“Yeah, like it’s that easy,” the tech got up and moved towards the door. He stopped and stared at his friend, not liking what he was seeing. This was not the Deeks he knew. “Promise me you’ll talk to someone about this.”

The blond cop buried his face in his hands “Eric, I…”

“Please, Deeks… whatever it is, don’t let it destroy you.” And with that Eric walked through the door and left.

Deeks rested his head on his knees, exhausted. Eric’s words echoed in his mind. _Don’t let it destroy you._ His shaking hand went through his hair once again. “I can’t Eric… I can’t. It’s too much… it’s just too much.” _You’re not worthy. They don’t care for you. They left you alone._

* * *

It was late evening and Nell was getting ready to go home. Eric had just left, muttering a quick goodbye. She didn’t know why, but she had the distinct feeling that he had something going on in his head. The tech had been distracted the whole day, like his mind was not focused on what he was doing. It was a strange thing as Eric was one of the most focused people she knew.

She shrugged, trying not to think about it. The last period had been tough for all of them. The entire team hadn’t recovered completely from the O’Rourke ordeal. In one way or another, they were still very much affected by what had happened.

Nell sighed heavily, hoping to shake off the bad memories. She was sitting at her desk whilst she worked on her computer to shut it down. She was pressing the Enter button, when something popped up on screen.

“What the hell is happening here?” she wondered, removing her jacket and straightening herself in the chair.

Her eyes read through the files, skimming through it. When a familiar name showed up on screen, she stopped, holding her breath. “This is not good, not at all.”

Grabbing her tablet, Nell rushed downstairs, sure to find Hetty still there. The Operations Manager was always the last person to leave the building, waiting for all of her agents to leave, before leaving herself.

“What put you in such a rush, Miss Jones?” she asked curiously, but with a calm voice. It was rare to see her lose her composure, even in the worst moment.

“I was heading home, when something came up. After O’Rourke escaped, fooling us with that plane trick, I put out some alerts, just in case something out of ordinary happened…” Nell paused, playing with her pad “… and something unusual has happened.”

Hetty narrowed her eyes. She was aware that if the petite analyst was here, right in front of her at this time of the night, it would be something really important. “Please, Miss Jones. Go ahead. Tell me.”

“Well, a man matching James O’Rourke’s description has been seen boarding a plane at Mexico City International Airport, with a destination of Vancouver. His tracks have been lost after that, again, but we might have a problem…” the analyst said, gravely.

“Miss Jones, would you mind telling me the entire story, please? Without further interruptions?” The Operations Manager exhorted filling herself a cup of tea to dissipate the tension.

Nell sighed heavily before going on talking “40% of the passengers of that flight took a linked flight to Europe, to Spain actually. 30% internal fights through Canada,” she paused knowing that the other woman was not going to like what she was going to say “More than half of the remaining 30% took a flight to US or… rented a car…”

Hetty put down the cup of tea she was slowly sipping. “Miss Jones I want you to run a search through all those people who came back to the US by plane and on the ones who might have crossed the border by car!”

“Hetty, I fear that we may have a bigger problem, though…” the analyst said unable to hide her disappointment.

“What is that, Miss Jones?” the Operations Manager replied, a bit frustrated by the fact that her analyst was not telling her everything she knew.

“All of this information is two and half months old…”

“Oh bugger!” Hetty exclaimed. “This means that O’Rourke might be on American soil for more than two months and we didn’t know anything about it!” she closed her eyes, reflecting on what they could do. “Go ahead with the research, Miss Jones, and please contact Mr. Callen’s team. I want them on alert.”

Nell hesitated a moment before speaking again. “Do… do you think he’s up to something? That he… that he’s back to finish what he started?”

“It might be, Miss Jones. It might be, but this is why I want everyone here in an hour.” Hetty’s voice was steady as usual, but there was a concerned note in it that she tried to hide as much as she could. She was sure that O’Rourke’s return was simply bad news. Her team was still trying to cope with what had happened a few months ago. She was not sure they would be ready for another round. “We have to stop him before he can even think about hurting us again!”

Nell nodded and walked away, heading back to Ops.

When she was alone, the Operations Manager poured herself another cup of tea, sipping it even slower than before. She had a very bad feeling about this. It was like there was a bomb ready to explode and it was going to take her whole team with it. “Where are you O’Rourke? What are you planning this time?” She sighed heavily, she sipped her tea, closing her eyes, thinking about her future moves.


	19. Chapter 19

James O’Rourke’s eyes were stuck on his tablet that was showing the inside of Detective Marty Deeks’ apartment. He couldn’t be more pleased of the effects the new envelope he delivered to the cop was having on him. A big smile curved his thin lips at the sight of the blond man, clearly on the edge of a mental break down.

During the last month and half, he continued sending pictures and messages instilling the doubts in the delicate psyche of the damaged cop, reminding him over and over of all the pain he had been put through and of the power James still had on him. Day after day O’Rourke had witnessed how Deeks was becoming more edgy, scared by even small insignificant things and he was extremely proud of himself.

His plan was working. The blond detective was almost dominated by James’ hidden presence lingering over him and mostly, he was losing his trust in his teammates. Exactly, what he had wanted, since the beginning. His main goal was to destroy Agent Callen and his team after what they did to his family; after how they killed his two sons like animals. They didn’t give Liam and Damien any chance and he wanted to do exactly the same. O’Rourke was aware that he could have killed them all already, but he wanted more. He wanted them to suffer, to be desperate and guilty, just as he had been feeling since Liam’s death. He wanted to see them destroy themselves, day after day. It would take him a lot of time, but the satisfaction and the pleasure would be more fulfilling.

No one touched his family and left unscathed. No one.

His steely blue eyes, cold and filled with hate, fell on his tablet as he took a sip of beer and continued smoking his cigarette, enjoying every draw. He saw the cop put on his jacket, say a few words to his dog and walk out of his apartment; a venomous grin curled his lips. Maybe it was time to move a little further into his plan.

Being careful not to be seen, O’Rourke got out of his car and followed the blond detective at a safe distance. He was sure that his target was completely unaware of his presence, probably too lost in his thoughts and still too shocked by the new gift he received. It was better to be safe than sorry, so he took all the precautions to stay out of sight.

“Where are you going, Marty?” he murmured, taking another draw of his cigarette.

He stopped, hiding behind the corner of a building, when Deeks walked into a convenience store. O’Rourke was starting to feel a familiar sensation coursing through his veins, the rush of adrenaline that preceded an explosion of all of his anger, of all of his hate. He took a couple of long breaths, hoping to keep his mind in focus. He needed to channel his rage, he needed to control it and release it at the proper time and in the right way. His complete plan would fail if he lost control of his emotions.

He brought the cigarette to his lips, filling his mouth with the acrid smoke, then when Deeks walked out of the store, he knew what he had to do. With a controlled and slow movement, he threw the cigarette to the ground, stepped on it to put it out and then followed the cop, closer and closer.

Excitement spread through every cell of his body at the idea of having again some fun with the blond detective. He had enjoyed seeing him going crazy because of the pictures he had sent him. He couldn’t wait to see the terror in his body just because of his presence, to feel him trembling under his hands. The sense of power coming from it was simply impossible to describe. It gave him such immense pleasure and pure satisfaction.

O’Rourke’s hand slipped into the pocket of his jacket, touching the rough fabric of a filthy cloth with his fingers. He licked his lips in expectation as he followed his target down the little alley. “I’m coming, Marty…” he grinned evilly when he realized that this was the perfect place to jump into action. A devilish smile brightened up his whole expression as he got closer and closer…

* * *

He felt a cold shiver run down his spine the moment he turned into the deserted and feebly lit alley. His instinct screamed as an alarm bell rang loudly in his ears. Since the moment he left his apartment to get some treats for Monty, but mostly to get a breath of fresh air to clear his mind, he had the distinct feeling of being followed. Actually, he couldn’t deny the fact that the same sensation was accompanying him almost every day. It was like someone was observing him, studying him. Someone he didn’t want to think about, because the simple thought of it terrified him, sending waves of panic through every cell of his body. Maybe he was paranoid, but it was hard not to be when a psycho was sending him pictures every day, threatening him and his friends, pushing him on the edge of craziness. He was destroying his self confidence and trust. He knew that the man was simply playing with him, toying with him, but the more he tried to ignore it, the more the clenching feeling and knotting in his stomach became tighter. He was scared. He had tried to live side by side with the fear, but he couldn’t take it anymore. It was consuming him and he hated what the man had made him become. Insecure, mistrustful, afraid, easily frightened… lost. He was not the man he was before and in spite of the fact that he couldn’t stand living like this, he was not able to find a way out. The fact that he couldn’t talk with his friend about it, for the fear that O’Rourke might hurt them, was another source of stress… but what if the man was right? What if his friends didn’t want to have anything to do with him? What if all of their concern was just an act?

_NO_! he shouted in his head, but this time he had trouble convincing himself. _You’re going crazy… you need to talk to someone!_ He continued his silent conversation with himself.

Unconsciously, his hand went to his phone in the back pocket of his jeans and he dialed a familiar number. The call went directly to voicemail. “ _Hey, it’s Wendy. I’m not at home, just leave a message and I will call you back. Bye_!” the kind voice reached his ears.

Deeks sighed heavily, he would have enjoyed a conversation with the gentle nurse. They had been seeing each other quite often since he had left the hospital. Talking to her usually had a calming effect on him. He could escape from his memories and his demons when he was with her. Wendy never talked about his job or subjects that she knew that could put him into a self-defensive manner. Slowly, day after day, she had found her way through him and now she was a very important presence in his life.

A little smile escaped his lips thinking about Wendy. She had this effect on him, making him feel loved like he had never felt in ages. It had been a long time since he had someone who truly cared for him. The relationship he had with his teammates was good or, at least, it was before this damn story had begun, but with Wendy there was something different. He felt protected, like only a mother could make her son feel protected. He shivered at his ingenuity. How could he so stupidly think that Wendy could feel like this towards him? She had a daughter, once. A daughter she loved and missed more than anything. He could never compete with her… never.

Deeks was so lost in his thoughts, his mind wandering, that he didn’t realize someone was approaching him from behind, until it was too late. Until the sadly familiar stench of tobacco and beer, mixed with aftershave, assaulted him… His hand looked for his gun tucked inside his pants, but he didn’t make it in time. The fear paralyzed him, making him slow. Before he could do anything, a dirty cloth was placed over his face, covering his eyes, nose, and mouth. His whole head was pulled backwards with extreme strength.

“Hello Marty! Long time no see you…” The hissing voice of his tormentor went through his brain, twisting like a knife inside of it. “Did you miss me, Marty?”

Just hearing his name being said by the man who had become his worst nightmare gave him chills. Deeks shivered, unable to move, as the cloth was pressed tightly against his face. He found it hard to breathe. His lungs already burnt for the desperate effort to get some air. His hands tried to reach the hands immobilizing him, but he simply couldn’t move a single muscle and his attempt came out lame and pathetic.

“What, Marty? I thought you were stronger than this…” O’Rourke pushed him towards the wall, pinning him against it, slamming his face against it.

Pain exploded in Deeks’ head and shook him a little from his, almost, catatonic state. The cop waved his hands frantically towards his face attempting to get rid of the cloth, but the other man didn’t give him time to react.

“Oh this is the Marty I remember,” O’Rourke hissed venomously. A rapid movement pulled the detective’s head towards him. “So, tell me, Marty… where are your friends now? The people you’re so eager to protect… they left you alone again. They left you in my hands the other time and they are doing it again… right now!”

Deeks moaned behind the cloth, breathing as much as he could. He wanted to scream, to protest, but he couldn’t move a single muscle. The scent of the man pervaded his nostril, sticking to him, making him sick. Flashes of memories danced in front of his eyes, triggered by the smell reaching his nostrils. Beads of sweat adorned his already flushed face. _Breathe, just breathe!_ He ordered himself, but it was easier said than done.

“They left you alone, again, because you’re nothing to them. You’re not worthy. They knew how much you wanted to belong and for a little, while they made you believe you were one of them, but when it was time to choose… they chose to ignore you. Because you’re not worthy…,” the man continued knowing that his words hurt more than anything he could do to the cop. He had found out how much the sense of belonging, to be part of a family, was important for the young man. Making him believe that he was alone, that no one really cared, that everything his so called friend told him was just a lie, was a very important part of his sick plan. A big smile curved his lips, enjoying the conflict, the inner battle that he could read in the cop’s body language. “You’ve never been anything to them. Nothing more than a clown… Tell me Marty, who is your only friend? Who is the only one who can stop all of this pain?” With a sudden move, O’Rourke started twirling the cloth around his wrists so it tightened around the Detective’s face and at the same time one of his hands was free.

Deeks struggled a little, looking for some air. The cloth was getting tighter and he couldn’t breathe. His chest moved up and down, painfully when air didn’t get to his lungs, but it was something else that literally sent him into panic. Something brushed his neck, running down his back. His legs buckled and only O’Rourke’s strong grip kept him on his feet.

“You remember my little friend, Marty, don’t you? You remember what it can do to you…”

The cop was shaking, unable to control his body anymore. He knew he was at the mercy of the other man, that no one could save him. Once again, he was alone… and the simple thought terrified him. Tears started rolling down his cheeks as he could feel every blow he received from the wooden stick during the days of his imprisonment like O’Rourke was delivering them right now… Right here and for a moment, he was transported back in the hold of the boat, without hope. Alone with his pain.

James sensed the tension in the other man’s posture. He felt his body stiffen and smiled, pleased. “Oh I see you remember…” he said triumphantly, laughing out loud. Without any warning, he hit the cop’s legs with all of his strength.

Deeks cried out desperately behind the ragged cloth. Agony engulfed him and he didn’t even realize that the man let go of the hold on him. Without O’Rourke’s support, the cop slid down to the dirty ground and instinctively he curled into a ball to protect himself.

The man leaned towards him, letting the shillelagh dance over Deeks’ face, stopping on his chest, right at heart height. “You know, I could kill you, Marty… but I haven’t finished with you yet.” He grabbed the cop’s hair, yanking his head back. “Are you still sure you want to protect them? Are you still sure that they care enough for you to save you? Just reflect Marty… where are your friends now? If it wasn’t for my magnanimity, you’d be dead. If it was for them, you’d be dead Marty, because once again, they left you alone… Alone.” He paused gravely to give more emphasis on his last words. “You are nothing to them, Marty.” He lifted his stick in the air and then delivered a strong blow to the cop’s back. Then, without adding anything else, he turned on his heels and walked away.

Pain erupted throughout Deeks’ body, coursing like electricity through his veins. But nothing hurt more than his heart as O’Rourke’s words echoed like daggers in his mind. He was alone… Once again he curled up into a fetal position, bracing himself, hoping to shut the rest of the world off, hoping to separate his mind from his body, to ignore the pain. But it was impossible, the agony was overwhelming.

Tears flowed freely from his eyes and unable to control himself anymore, he started sobbing. His whole body was shaken by unstoppable shivering as he cried himself to a restless oblivion.

* * *

It was 1.30am when Wendy Addison stepped through the door of her apartment. She was beyond tired. Her shift was supposed to end at 11pm but right when she was ready to go home, there was an emergency in the form of a car accident with multiple victims and injured people. At that point, every doctor and nurse had been summoned and she simply couldn’t leave.

But now that she was finally home, her only desire was to have a quick shower to take away the taste of medicine and blood from her whole body and to hit the bed and sleep until the following afternoon. But as always, things never went as you expected them to go.

Her phone rang, startling her a little.

“Hello?” she answered suspiciously not recognizing the number.

“Hello, is it Wendy?” a male voice she didn’t acknowledge asked gently.

“Yes, Wendy here. Who’s speaking?”

“Oh hello. I’m sorry to call you at this time of the night but… my name is Dave and I am the bartender of the Grey Gull. There’s a man here. He says his name is Marty…” the man continued, sounding a bit embarrassed by his intromission.

“Blond shaggy hair, blue eyes, loud mouth?” she asked unable to hide a little smile at her description of her younger friend.

“Yes, that’s him,” Dave paused as voices could be heard in the background. “Look, I need to close the bar and… he… I fear he’s not able to go home on his own. I checked his phone, I am sorry for this, but your number was the last one he called so…”

“Dave, is he ok?” Wendy started to be a little alarmed by the uncertainty in the bartender’s voice.

“I think he had a little too much to drink. I reckon he can’t even stand on his own. I wonder if you can come and take him home safely.” There was something in the man’s voice that put the nurse definitely on edge. Something that made her feel uneasy.

“Did he… do anything bad… or has he said something he shouldn’t have to anyone?” She couldn’t hide her worry anymore and while talking on the phone, she was already walking out of her apartment, heading towards her car.

“No, not at all… but he looks crashed, if you know what I mean…” Dave sounded genuinely concerned.

“Ok, I am on my way. Can you tell me the address of the bar, please?” she was definitely worried now. _What the hell happened to you Marty?_ She asked herself.

“Of course,” the man replied promptly, giving her all the information needed.

Half an hour later, Wendy Addison walked through the door of the Grey Gull. The place was quiet, almost empty, except for a couple of loving birds busy kissing each other at a table in one of the corners, an old man playing solitaire and a man sitting at the counter, well more slumped over it. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight. She knew that her friend was going through a rough period, but this was something she didn’t expect to see. “Marty!” she almost shouted rushing towards the counter. The stench of alcohol invaded her nostrils as she got closer. Deeks was resting on his stretched arm while his other hand was playing with an empty glass. His hair partially hid his face. She was shocked by his appearance. Even in the worst days of his recovery, she had never seen him so beaten, so hopeless like he looked right now. “Marty…” she repeated sweetly, gently caressing his hair, moving it aside from his face.

“Cavalry… arrived…” he slurred trying to straighten up, failing miserably.

“Wendy?” A man in his early thirties, with piercing green eyes and dark hair greeted her. When he received a nod from the older woman, he smiled, sighing heavily. “I’m Dave. I called you. I’m sorry I disturbed you, but I didn’t feel like sending him home on his own…”

“Thanks, you did good. How long has he been here?” she wondered without losing contact with her friend.

“Well, I… I don’t know. This place was crowded tonight and I noticed him only when people started going home,” the man said apologetically. “I tried to give him some coffee, but he simply refused…”

Wendy studied the bartender’s face realizing that he was not telling her the whole story. She tilted her head, closing her eyes, “I’m sorry for whatever he told you. He… usually, he’s not like that…”

“Don’t worry, I’m used to that. He was not that particularly rude. He simply made it clear that he didn’t want to be bothered,” Dave cast a glance at the blond man. A hint of sorrow veiled his green eyes. “He… He looked pretty down. I… I thought he needed a friend tonight…”

The nurse nodded, thankfully, rummaging through her purse looking for her wallet.

“No, please, madam. It’s ok. There’s no need…” Dave smiled, stopping her hand. “Do you have a car outside? I will help you to get him to it…”

Wendy studied Dave’s features. She was sure, his concern came from something he probably touched first hand, not from his experience as a bartender. His eyes were too gentle and too sad at the same time, in spite of the fact that Deeks was a stranger to him. “Thank you.” She only managed to say.

“You’re welcome. I only wish you can… you can help him. He looks like he… like he needs it. For real…” Dave moved to the cop’s side and passed an arm around his shoulder. “Come on, buddy. Time to go home…”

“Aarrgghh, I… I don’t… want… to go… home…” Deeks slurred again. He paled as he stood up and a wave of dizziness caught him. “I hate that place…” his voice softened and became nothing more than a whisper.

“Oh Marty, Marty… don’t say that,” Wendy took one of Deeks’ arm over her shoulder, supporting his almost dead weight. “Monty might be very disappointed…”

The cop stiffened. He stopped moving his feet, looking at Wendy with a lost expression. “Monty? I left him… alone… all night…” tears formed in his blue eyes and started running down his cheeks.

“Hey, what’s up?” she was trying to understand his reaction. She was not ready to see him like this. “Marty, you know that Monty is fine. He would probably be sleeping on the couch. You know him…”

Dave stared at them with a puzzled expression, not understanding what they were talking about.

The nurse gave him an apologetic smile “Monty is his dog,” she whispered.

“Oh… got it…” The bartender couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.

“Monty is my… friend,” Deeks continued, finding it hard to string his words together, “And I… left him alone… like they did…”

It was Wendy’s turn to be confused now. “Marty, what are you talking about?”

The cop tensed even more and his expression hardened. “They don’t care… so they… left me alone. And he came…” he muttered almost incomprehensibly. “Oh God… I’m going to get sick…” he wriggled from Dave’s and Wendy’s hold and ran out of the bar, as fast as his inebriated state allowed him, and once he put a foot outside he fell on his knees, throwing up and emptying his stomach.

The nurse was immediately at his side, supporting his head, wiping away the vomit from his mouth with a Kleenex. “Here, let me help you,” she told him tenderly, then when she felt Dave’s eyes fall on her, she added, “Don’t worry, it’s ok. I am a nurse. I can take care of him.”

The bartender sighed with relief, realizing that the man was in good hands. “Do you think it’s safe getting him in the car?”

“I think there’s no other way. I need to take him home. Can you give me a hand?” she asked quietly in order to get Deeks on his feet. Dave didn’t wait too long to help.

They slowly and gently put the cop in her car. His head leaned heavily against the car window, his eyes closed.

“Why everybody… leaves me?” he murmured softly, with a child-like tone that broke Wendy’s heart. “Why don’t… they care? Not worthy… nothing… I am nothing…” His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he drifted off to sleep.

The nurse felt the tears forming in her eyes. She hated to see him so broken. “What happened to you, Marty, to reduce you like this? Who hurt you so badly?”

She thanked Dave once again, promising him to let him know about her friend. Then after paying for everything Deeks had drunk and leaving a large tip for the kind bartender, she started the engine and drove her car to Deeks’ apartment. Her eyes couldn’t leave the slumped figure in the passenger’s seat and her heart melted at the sight. Her hand moved towards his face, gently caressing his cheek, stroking his hair. It had been a while since she had someone she cared about so much. She cared so much for this young man that seeing him in pain, consumed by the sorrow, simply hurt too much. Her mind wandered to years ago, when she had watched her daughter consuming herself with drugs, alcohol and medicines. She didn’t want to go through anything like that another time. She was not ready to give up on Marty. Not at all. “We’ll get you through this, Marty. Together we we’ll get through it. Don’t give up. You’re a fighter… so fight.” Her eyes moved towards the road, but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling… so she let them fall, freely.


	20. Chapter 20

Sam was sitting at his desk losing himself in front of his laptop. He was watching with the corner of his eye his partner walking towards him, who was checking his phone, his expression concerned. “Morning, G,” he greeted him. “Everything ok? You look worried.”

“No, it’s just that I found a missing call from Kensi, but I tried to call her back and she didn’t answer. This is a bit weird…” Callen frowned, sitting at his desk, phone still clenched in his hand.

“Have you tried to call Deeks? Maybe she’s with him. She’s spending a lot of time with him lately,” the ex-Seal suggested, but he couldn’t deny the fact that his friend’s concern was starting to get to him as well. Kensi was not someone who left her phone turned off when she was not on duty. She was too dutiful to do that.

“Well, actually no. I… I didn’t mean to… well, I…”

“G, don’t tell me you’re still feeling guilty about what happened. I thought you two sorted out things,” Sam studied his partner’s body language. He didn’t need to hear an answer from him to know what Callen was thinking about. “Oh hell, G!”

“I tried, Sam. I talked to Deeks and even though he told me we’re ok, that he doesn’t hold any grudges, I still think that I failed him. That I failed all of you. I’m your team leader, you’re all my responsibility…”

“Ok, you stop right now! You said that Deeks is ok with it. I am ok with it. Hetty is ok with it…”

Callen interrupted, preventing his partner to go on. “I don’t think Kensi is ok with it though,” there was a lot of sadness in his words.

“You know Kensi. When it comes to Deeks, she’s a bit over sensitive, but she knows that everything you did was right, that you couldn’t have acted differently. So stop blaming yourself and being so hard. You’re just hurting yourself.” Sam wanted to get through his friend. He hoped that what he said might go through Callen’s brain, but on the other hand, he was aware of how stubborn his partner was.

“Yeah. Right…”

“Why do I have the feeling that you’re not that convinced by what I’ve just said?” a full dimpled smile brightened the ex-Seal’s expression. “What do I have to do to make you reason?”

Callen didn’t have an opportunity to reply due to Nell’s rushed arrival.

“Guys, we have a problem…” she started, almost out of breath.

“Good morning, Nell,” Sam greeted her, furrowing his brows.

“Sorry guys, but this is far from a good morning,” she went on, still panting.

“Wow, you look like you just ran a marathon,” the team leader told her, approaching her, gently touching her shoulder. “Now, calm down and tell us what’s going on.”

“Eric and I were running some crossed research because of a tip I received last night and…”

“Wait, you received a tip last night about what?” Callen interrupted her, trying to understand what she wanted to tell them. “And why weren’t we informed about it?”

“G, let her talk or we will never get to the end of the story,” then turning his attention to the analyst, the ex-Seal nodded, “Please, Nell. Go ahead.”

“A tip about O’Rourke,” she stated gravely, sensing the change of posture of the two men in front of her. A shiver ran down Sam’s spine, while Callen’s jaw clenched and his eyes became as cold as steel.

“O’Rourke? What’s up with him?” the big man asked, preceding his partner.

Nell looked from one man to another. A hint of guilt veiled her eyes. “He’s back in town…”

“What?” the two senior agents almost shouted in unison, jumping to their feet.

“As I said, Eric and I ran a search and we found out that he came back into the US through the Canadian border…” she paused, knowing that what she was going to say was going to unsettle the two men. “… more than two months ago.” She closed her eyes, waiting for their outburst to come.

“He’s been in town for two months and we didn’t know anything about it? How the hell did this happen?” Called cried out angrily, directing it towards the petite woman, but only because she was the one delivering the news. It was not directed to her personally. “Damn it, Nell! That man is a psycho. There’s an international warrant against him… How could he cross the border without being noticed?”

“G, calm down. It’s not her fault…” Sam tried to calm his partner, who looked very agitated.

“I know, damn it! But, you know what all of this means, Sam… in two months O’Rourke could have been working on a plan to get to us again. To get to… oh God… no, no, no…” Without hesitation and with a hint of fear, Callen took out his phone and dialed Kensi’s number again. “Come on, Kens, pick it up…”

Nell cast a worried glance to Sam who told her, “G got a missed call from Kensi tonight and when he tried to reach her, she didn’t answer the phone…”

“I can ask Eric to trace her phone.” She already her tablet in her hand, when she saw the relief on Callen’s face.

“Kensi, where the hell are you?” the team leader almost screamed through his phone.

“Callen?” Kensi’s voice arrived loud and clear from his phone since he had put it on speaker.

“Kensi, where are you? I’ve been trying to call you but you didn’t pick up!” There was an unnatural urge in Callen’s voice, masking a lot of concern.

“I’m at Deeks’… wait a second,” there was a noise of fabric being ruffled and of footsteps before she continued talking. “Guys, we have a problem,” she said gravely.

“I don’t know about your problem, but I think we have a bigger one,” Sam intervened, his voice strong, but calm, at the same time. He didn’t want to send his teammate into a panic. “Kensi, O’Rourke has been in town for at least a couple of months…”

The answer they received was not what they expected. They thought she would go mad and go into protective mode towards her partner, but instead, she was calmer, even if she couldn’t hide her fears. “I know…”

“What? What do you mean that you know?” Nell couldn’t believe her ears.

“It’s a long story, but it seems that he’s been blackmailing Deeks for at least a month, a month and a half,” her voice was tired, but anger transpired from her words. “He had received hundreds of pictures of… of…” she hesitated as a mix of emotions knotted her throat. Rage, sorrow, dread, anxiety… “Of when he had been held captive and… well there were other ones. Hell, O’Rourke is playing with his mind, telling him that… Damn, you haven’t seen Deeks tonight. I… he’s not himself and I fear that what O’Rourke said to him destroyed him more than all the torture the bloody bastard put him through… He’s devastated.”

“Oh shit!” Callen cursed, losing a bit of his composure. His fist connected with his desk, loudly.

“Kensi, don’t move. Stay where you are and keep an eye on Deeks. We’re on our way…” Sam told her. His eyes landed on his partner, seeing his internal struggle “G, let’s go.”

But the team leader ignored his friend’s words. What Kensi told them had hit him deeply, taking him back to old memories that had never left his brain. These old memories were still hurting him and that were resurfacing in full force. O’Rourke’s voice resounded in his head. _Be warned, Agent Callen. Soon I will come back and you and all of your friends will pay for what you’ve done to my family_. So, he was back and, once again, he was targeting one of them to hurt them all… O’Rourke was targeting the one who was weakest in this moment. The one who could succumb to his power easily, but in doing so, he was attacking all of them. The man was smart. He knew that by attacking Deeks, he was able to hurt all of them. They were a team; a close family. What happened to one of them affected every one of them. Sadly he was too smart and always a step ahead of them. Callen clenched his fists tightly, feeling the guilt growing inside of him again. If he had been more alert, if he hadn’t lowered his guard, all of this would never have happened. Once again, he had failed his team, his friends… his family. And once again, Deeks was paying the high price.

“G, are you with me?” Sam asked him, grabbing his arm.

Callen’s blue eyes looked at his partner, almost blankly. “Sam, I… I…” his throat was knotted and words didn’t come out.

“We will find him, G. And this time, we will stop him…” the ex-Seal tried to sound reassuring but he wasn’t sure that his partner believed what he said.

“But what if it’s too late? What if Deeks is already… You heard Kensi. I mean… how… Damn it!” the team leader was trembling, unable to control himself.

Sam grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him to get his attention. “Look at me, G. I said we are going to catch him. Say it!”

Nell observed the entire scene, holding her breath. She had never imagined she would witness anything like that. For her, Callen was a strong and controlled man, who never lost his control. Seeing him so lost and hopeless melted her heart. It was like she was seeing him for the first time.

“I can’t, Sam. He… he…” Callen muttered, but his partner refused to give up.

“G, don’t let him win. This is his game. This is his master plan. He wants to destroy our certainties, our being a team because he wants us to be an easy target. Don’t let him play with you. Only if we work together, can we win. We will get him, G. Together, we will stop him!”

“But Sam, he…”

“He’s a man, made of flesh and blood. He’s using our weaknesses to get to us. We have to use his… But we can win only if you’ll get your head in the game, G. We can win only if we are together,” insisted the ex-Seal. It was the first time that he saw Callen lose his self-control like this and it was pretty scary. Silently he cursed O’Rourke and his evil mind for everything the man was putting his team through. “Come on, G. Say it along with me. We will get him and we will stop him.”

His partner’s blue eyes were locked on his dark ones and finally a hint of recognition, of the old G. Callen, sparkled in them. “We will get him…” he murmured not very convinced, then he added, “We… we will stop him, won’t we, Sam?”

It broke Sam’s heart reading such insecurity in his friend’s words. “Yes, we will. Together…”

Callen took a deep breath, like he was finally waking up from a long sleep. “Ok, let’s go then…”

The ex-Seal sighed in relief, turning towards Nell. “You and Eric check the outside of Deeks’ apartment. Go back through last month’s camera feeds and see if you can find anything. And keep looking for any traces of O’Rourke.”

“On it,” the analyst said, nodding gravely then before moving back to Ops she told him “Keep us updated, about… well about everything and… everyone…”

“Will do,” Sam stated, then he put a hand on his partner’s shoulder. “You ready, G?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Callen bit his lip nervously, then before walking out of the bullpen, he said, “And Sam, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For keeping me in line. For making me reason…”

Sam smiled, gently, “And who else can keep you in line? Come on. Kensi is waiting for us…”

“We have to catch him, Sam. The man is pure evil and… I want to make him pay for what he did to Deeks, for what he did to us!” All his insecurities had disappeared from his expression. Callen’s eyes were now determined.

The ex-Seal didn’t know what version of his friend he preferred, but he was sure of one thing. They had to stop James O’Rourke before he could destroy their team. Sadly the man was still very close to his goal. Shaking the bad feeling away from his mind, he gave another reassuring glance to his partner. “Yeah. Let’s go now.” Then smiling, he added cunningly to break the tension, “And I drive.”

* * *

The gentle light of the morning filtered through the semi-closed shutters and caressed his face like a gentle kiss, but as Deeks cracked an eye open, pain erupted in his head and immediately he shut it again. A wave of nausea assaulted him even though he hadn’t even moved in bed. For a moment, he really thought that he was going to be sick. His eyes were closed, but he felt like everything around him was spinning, making him dizzy.

“What the hell…” he murmured, but his words were slurred and his mouth seemed like it was filled with cotton and sandpaper all together. Wait, he was in bed, but why couldn’t he remember going to sleep? And why did he feel so bad?

Fighting his uncooperative body, he forced his eyes to open and he pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Oh heck…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence because the room became unfocused, whirling round and round. His stomach turned upside down and he made it just in time to the bathroom to throw up, retching dry heaves. _Man, what was wrong with him?_ He thought, resting his head on his arms, he leaned against the toilet, fighting a new wave of nausea. The acrid taste of bile invaded his mouth.

He tried to concentrate, hoping to remember what happened last night to reduce him to such a state, but Deeks’ mind was completely blank. It was just a big black hole that engulfed his brain. The growing headache was not of much help and only increased his discomfort. It looked like the worst of hangover, nothing came to his mind. Did he have too much to drink? _Oh come on, it can’t be so hard to remember…_

The cop pushed himself to his feet and a stabbing agony hit his shaky legs. In spite of the pain and of the weakness, he managed to stand and to reach the sink where he splashed cold water over his face, hoping to wash away the residue of sleep and of the sickness. He didn’t know why, but he had the feeling that he was missing something and a growing sense of anxiety gripped him from the inside, sending cold shivers down his spine.

His reflection in the mirror caught his attention. He looked tired, there were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. Even his hair looked like it had lost its sparkle. His hand was tracing the line of his face on the mirror when a voice made him jerk, almost causing him a heart attack.

“Marty, are you ok?” Wendy asked, stepping into the bathroom.

“Oh damn… Wendy…” Deeks panted, shocked and surprised by her sudden appearance. “Why didn’t you knock at the door? And mostly…” he paused, furrowing his brows absolutely confused. “What are you doing here?”

The nurse narrowed her eyes, studying his expression, looking for a trace of the pain she could read in his eyes and had heard in his voice last night. “You… you don’t remember what happened last night, do you?” she wondered, cautiously, since she didn’t want to cause him another breakdown.

“No, but I… I fear that it has something to do with the stabbing headache that is killing my head at this moment. It’s like there’s a drum session inside right now…” He turned towards the sink resting his arms on it and his head onto them. “Man, can you make it stop? I don’t know if I can go on like this anymore…”

Wendy shook her head, smiling gently. Well, maybe it was not too bad that he didn’t remember what had happened. It had broken her heart seeing him in such a pitiful state, but she had been even more angry because of the new attack he had been subjected too. Her mind wandered for a second as flashes of the pictures she found in the cabinet appeared in front of her eyes. She swallowed hard since she didn’t want him to notice her discomfort, her sorrow. “Come on, Marty. Let me help you. I will take you to bed. Then I will get you an aspirin.”

She was guiding him towards his bedroom when something happened. Something she didn’t expect at all. Suddenly, doing exactly the same things and the same movements he had done last night, he remembered. Deeks froze on his feet, unable to move. His whole body was tense and shaken by shivers that made him tremble, without any control. Panic filled his expression as dark shadows veiled his blue eyes.

“Marty?” the nurse asked, sensing the change in his posture, in his features.

He wriggled from her grip to try to escape, to get away from this situation. “I… I have to… run. He, he will get me… He’s here. He’s here…”

“Marty, please calm down,” the nurse moved his hands to reach him, but the cop retreated from her without a hint of recognition in his eyes. “Marty, it’s Wendy. Please, let me help you…”

“NO! He’s… he’s coming and… no… no…” he muttered, incomprehensibly. Sweat was adorning his face, his heart was beating madly in his chest while his head was pounding so heavily that it seemed ready to explode. “I… am alone and he will get me. Not worthy… not worthy…”

Hearing those words again, Wendy panicked. Not knowing how to help him, she called, raising her voice, “Kensi!”

“NO!” cried out Deeks, looking even more scared. “I’m nothing. They… they don’t care. They left me alone… and he… he hurt me.” Tears were flowing down his face and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He moved backwards so his back was leaning against the wall to support his shaky legs.

“Marty, don’t talk like that. Your friends care for you and you know it…” the nurse attempted to cup his face, to let him know how much she and the others truly cared for him, but Deeks’ reaction startled her.

The young man pushed her away, sliding down along the wall, sitting heavily on the floor, holding his bent knees. “Go away, I’m not… worthy. I know you don’t care… no one does…”

Kensi, with Callen and Sam on her heels, showed up right when her partner was murmuring the last few words. “Deeks, no… you know it’s not true,” she walked towards him, sitting beside him.

The two senior agents watched the entire scene with eyes wide open, seeing one of their worst nightmares come true. A tight knot clenched Callen’s stomach at the sight and once again he felt guilty, sensing the responsibility of his friend’s poor state on his shoulders. No words could make him change his mind. No words could console him. Deeks was just the shadow of the man he usually was. Consumed by the fear O’Rourke had instilled in him; unsettled by the sense of abandonment he was feeling because of O’Rourke’s mental conditioning. The evil man had not only hurt the cop physically, brutally torturing him for days, but he had continued working on Deeks while he was still weak, almost brainwashing him. “Son of a bitch!” the team leader exclaimed, punching the wall with rage.

The sudden noise startled the already shaken cop who covered his temples with his hands, planting his nails into his scalp. “Stop it! Please!” he cried out, shaking his head desperately. “Go away… please go away. I know you don’t want to be here…” There was a deep sadness into his words that touched everyone in the room.

An awkward silence fell in the air. No one was able to say anything that could make him reason; that could make him feel better.

“Deeks, no. You know this is not true,” Kensi finally found the courage to tell him, working on his hands to remove them from his head, but once again he wriggled from her touch, burying his face between his knees.

“Go away…” Deeks repeated with muffled voice.

“No,” she stated firmly.

“I said, go away,”

“I’m not going anywhere, Deeks,” the female agent held her breath, unsure of his reaction. She exchanged a worried look with Wendy who nodded, exhorting her to go on.

The cop lifted his head abruptly. His blue eyes were as cold as ice and veiled with tears. “GO AWAY!” he yelled with fury, but Kensi didn’t look perturbed at all. She looked at him with her mismatched eyes, filled with compassion.

“You can yell as loud as you can, but I am not going anywhere,” she insisted, without even raising her voice. “You’re my friend, Deeks. We’re partners and I care for you, more than you can even imagine.” It was her voice’s turn to break a little. “And there’s nothing that I hate more than seeing you suffer like this. You can yell at me, you can hit me, but I’m not going anywhere, because you’re my best friend and I trust you more than anyone in this whole world. You’re more than worthy for me…”

Deeks stared at her. His body still trembling. His lip twitched nervously. The whole world around him was crumbling down and he didn’t know who he was or what he was anymore. He was too confused, overwhelmed by too many different emotions. “You were not there… and… he hurt me again. I… I can’t take it, not anymore. Why?” he asked desperately, moving his gaze towards Sam and Callen too. “Why did you leave me alone?”

It was the ex-Seal that finally spoke, trying to keep his own feelings at bay. He never imagined to see the shaggy haired detective so broken, so insecure and this melted his heart. “We made a mistake, Deeks. A big one, but I promise you…” he knelt in front of his friend, putting a hand behind the cop’s neck, surprised that he didn’t struggle to get away. “We won’t make it another time. And we’ll get him so he won’t hurt you anymore… You have my word!”

Deeks blinked repeatedly, fighting the tears that, once again, were finding their way out. “I’m… scared. It hurts Sam, it hurts so much… I can’t… I can’t breathe…”

“We’re here now,” Sam hugged the younger man. “We’re here for you…”

Feeling protected in the big man’s strong arms, the cop burst out crying while Kensi made soothing circles on his back.

Wendy had tears in her eyes too and her mind was not even able to process what had just happened. She felt so sad for this man that she loved so much.

Callen wanted to get closer to his teammates, but he couldn’t shake himself from his state. He was too angry and too guilty to even attempt to do anything. He leaned his head against the wall, slightly punching it.

It was then that the phone of Deeks’ apartment rang, startling everyone. Wendy observed what was happening around her and decided that she was the only one who could answer the call. So she moved towards the phone and picked up the receiver. “Hello?” she said tentatively, feeling a bit like an intruder.

“Hello, Nurse Wendy,” a hissing voice, pure evil, greeted her. “I want to talk to Agent Callen.”

Chills ran down her back, the voice gave her shivers. “He… he’s not here,” she tried, surprised by the request.

“I know he’s there. Call him or I’ll start killing everyone in the house and poor whiny Marty will be the first one to die…”

The nurse gave a sudden intake of breath. She was not a cop or an agent. She was supposed to help people, not get them killed. Reluctantly, she called, “Agent Callen, it’s… it’s for you.”

Callen noticed her pale face and immediately heard an alarm bell ring loudly in his head. With slowness, he grabbed the receiver, without saying anything. Slowly, trying not to get noticed by his friends, he walked towards the adjoining room. “Callen.”

“Hello, Agent Callen, it’s been a long time…”

“O’Rourke! You son of a bitch! What do you want?” Callen barely controlled his anger, but he didn’t want the others to hear this conversation.

“You know what I want, Agent Callen. I want you to suffer. You’re a murderer and for this reason, you have to pay!” O’Rourke’s voice was low, almost without inflection, and didn’t let out any emotion.

“Just wait till I get my hands on you…”

“Wow, calm down. You’re in no position to talk to me like that… and you don’t want to upset poor Marty. What a touching scene I’ve just seen. He’s pretty messed up, don’t you think?”

Callen couldn’t contain himself anymore. “You’ll pay for this, you son of a fucking bitch! You will pay for what you have done to him!”

“Again, you’re in no position to threaten me. I just need just to press a button and you and your friends could be all dead. Is this what you want?”

The agent clenched the phone in his fingers so tightly that his nails dug into his palm.

“Oh I see I have your attention now… so we can start talking business…” calmly, O’Rourke continued like he was reading a book or talking to his best friend in front of a beer.

Callen watched what was happening in the other room where finally Sam and Kensi had managed to calm Deeks and were taking him to his room. “What do you want?” he asked.


	21. Chapter 21

Meanwhile, Sam helped Deeks to get to his bed. The cop was holding Kensi’s hand like his life depended on it. Once he was settled in bed, she sat with him, stroking his hair gently, caressing him tenderly. Wendy was at the other side of the bed, checking on the young man.

Deeks’ eyes became heavy and, completely exhausted, drained of all of his energy, he fell into a restless sleep.

The ex-Seal sighed heavily. He was tired, more tired than after a training session at the gym. “Kensi, do you mind telling me what the hell happened here?”

“It’s a long story… but I think I can tell you and Callen about it. Just give me five minutes to sit with him,” she paused, moving aside a golden lock from her partner’s forehead. “Just in case he will wake up…”

“Yeah, G and I will wait for you in the kitchen,” Sam turned round expecting to find his partner, but no one was there. “G? G, where are you?” he called, but there was no answer. He rushed to check in the other rooms, but sadly there was no trace of his friend. When he walked back into the bedroom, his eyes were worried and his body language was expressing his discomfort. “Kensi, he’s not here…” he told his teammate. “Did you see him leave? Because he’s not even outside…”

Kensi could hear the worry growing in his friend’s words and suddenly she started to have a bad feeling. “Sam, Where’s Callen?”

The ex-Seal looked at her with a defeated expression planted on his face, something that didn’t happen very often. “I don’t know, Kensi. I really don’t know…”

* * *

“I am sorry, I didn’t know… if only I…” Wendy muttered, bracing herself. She couldn’t help herself feeling guilty.

“Wendy, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know,” Kensi tried to reassure the older woman who couldn’t forgive herself. “You simply passed a phone call to Callen. You didn’t know that it would end like this…”

“Yes, but when I heard that voice, I should have…” the nurse paused as a shiver ran down her spine “That voice was… it was scary. I panicked when I heard him,” her glance went to Deeks’ sleeping form in bed. The young man had succumbed to the bad hangover and to exhaustion, falling into a restless sleep. He was tossing and turning, mumbling incoherently, as he was trapped in a living nightmare. “I… wonder what it was like for him. I mean, I heard that voice for just a second and it chilled my bones. I can’t even imagine what it was like for him…” Tears formed in her eyes as she imagined what kind of hell her young friend went through when he was in the hands of James O’Rourke. She sighed heavily, “What do you think happened to Callen? You don’t… you don’t think that…”

“Wendy, we’ll find him,” the NCIS agent said firmly, taking the other woman’s hand in hers. “And you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Callen is a highly trained agent and he’s… well, he can take care of himself.”

Wendy nodded, not very convinced. “Well, not that this makes me feel any better.” Once again her eyes moved to Deeks and her stomach knotted. “Look at him… look what that man did to him…”

Kensi knew exactly what the older woman was going through. She felt exactly the same, but she didn’t want the nurse to feel worse than she already felt. They didn’t know whether Callen had left the apartment voluntarily or not. They didn’t know where their teammate was… Hell, they didn’t even know whether he was hurt or not, but sadly they were aware that O’Rourke was behind it and this was not good at all. She had seen what the evil man was capable of. Her partner was still paying the price of what the man did to him. She didn’t want to even start thinking about what Callen might be going through in his hands now. It hurt. It hurt too much. Her train of thought was interrupted by Sam’s arrival.

The ex-Seal was on the phone with Ops, but his face was clearly disappointed. “Eric said that all the cameras outside Deeks’ apartment have been disabled. We don’t have a clue as to where G went when he left this place! Eric also tried to track the phone call, but… nothing, absolutely nothing!” he snapped, clearly concerned and mostly angry because they didn’t have a single trace to follow. “Damn it! Why were we so stupid? We should have known that O’Rourke would make an attempt to get us…”

“Sam, it was too quick. Until this morning we didn’t even know that the man was back in LA,” Kensi told him, sharing his anger and concern.

“I know, but… I feel that we should simply have known. That’s it…” Sam passed a hand over his face, looking very tired. The whole situation was getting to him, more than he wanted to let it. The big man was almost tight lipped about his emotions when it came to O’Rourke, not wanting his friends to know that he was still affected by what happened to him, by his experience with the man, but there was a turmoil inside of him that was draining him of his energy. “The man is evil, Kensi… and he wants revenge. He won’t stop until he is satisfied.”

“We’ll find Callen and we’ll stop O’Rourke. We have to.” Her voice sounded more desperate than she wanted.

Sam moved his head towards Deeks’ sleeping figure. “How’s he doing? He… it was awful watching him being so…”

“I know and this is another reason why we have to get him, Sam. I can’t stand seeing what he did to Deeks. I can’t stand seeing what he turned my partner into. Damn it, Sam… O’Rourke made him believe that he is not worthy! That sick bastard destroyed everything he worked on his entire life!” Kensi’s body was shaken by the fury, meaning every single word she said. “I want him dead, Sam, more than I have ever wanted anything!”

The ex-Seal narrowed his eyes, touched by his teammate words. He didn’t know the entire story, because there were things that Kensi and Deeks shared only with each other, but he had never seen Kensi like this, so angry, so determined. “He… we’ll get him through, Kensi.”

“I don’t know Sam. I… fear that we have lost him,” her eyes watered but she forced herself not to cry. She didn’t show any weakness, she was Kensi Bad-ass Blye. She needed to be strong. “You can’t imagine what… heck, Sam. Being abandoned, feeling like no one cares… feeling like he’s not worthy… all of this brought him back in time, to a place he happily wanted to forget and I don’t know if we will ever be able to get him back…”

“Oh come on you two!” Wendy intervened. She had felt a bit out of place in this situation, but she knew that she had to do something to keep her young friends in line. “Marty always told me that you are the best in your line of work. That you are the best people he has ever met. If there’s someone who can solve this situation, I’m sure it’s you…”

Sam and Kensi looked at her, exchanging an understanding gaze. They nodded to each other, knowing that the nurse was right. They could do that. They could save their friends. Both of them.

“Did he really say that? That we’re the best people he has ever met?” the ex-Seal asked, hiding a bit of surprise. He and Deeks had a rough beginning, but slowly, they came to respect each other and get along with each other, better than they had both expected. Wendy’s words, however, were even more than he had imagined.

“Yes and trust me, he meant it. He respects you all and thinks about you as his family. A real family. I know he never had a great one. He never told me explicitly about it, but believe me when I say that he will do everything for you all. You mean a lot to him.” The nurse stated firmly. “So if you really want to help him, find your friend and find that man…”

“She’s right,” Kensi stated gravely.

“Yes, I know.” A full dimpled smile sweetened Sam’s expression. “Thanks, Wendy.”

“It’s my pleasure,” the nurse felt a bit embarrassed. She still felt guilty because of what happened to Callen and she didn’t think she did that much to help these people.

“Ok, Kensi, I am going to go back to Ops and see if Nell and Eric have found anything useful to get Callen and O’Rourke. You stay here with Deeks… I will ask Hetty to send a team as a protection detail, just in case…” His face was serious now and in full agent-mode. “Do you think you can manage it until they get here? I can wait if you feel the need…”

“No, go and find Callen.” The female agent didn’t have any doubts. Finding their friend was the main goal at the moment. “We’ll be good here.” Her eyes moved once again towards her partner. “And I will keep him safe. I… I owe him.”

“Good, tell him that… well, let him know that he’s still one of us. Don’t let him think less of it… or less of himself!” Sam held her shoulders, looking straight into her mismatched orbs. “Tell him that he’s more than worthy and that the son of a bitch is wrong.”

Kensi bit her lip, nervously. She knew that her teammate was right, that this was what she should say to Deeks, but she couldn’t take her mind away from her partner’s lost eyes, from the hurt, the pain and the deep sorrow she had read into his blue eyes. She truly hoped that it was not too late; that what O’Rourke had forcefully instilled in his mind was not so deep, not so entangled in his brain. It was selfish on her part, but Kensi wanted her partner, her best friend, her… well, she didn’t know exactly how to define Deeks, but she wanted him back. “I will, Sam. I will make him reason, no matter how much it will cost me. I will make him see the truth, even if, right now, he has been blinded by all that crap O’Rourke has filled his mind with!”

“If there’s someone who can do it, it’s you, Kens. No matter what he says, what you two have is special…” the ex-Seal told her with a gentle and warm voice. His lips curved into a kind smile. “I better go now. Keep me updated, OK? And I will make sure the protection detail is here as soon as possible.

Sam’s words hit her pretty hard. What did he mean with that? “Special”? What was so “special” between her and Deeks? They were partners, best friends, probably. He was the most annoying man she had ever met, always talking, always cracking idiotic jokes… who was she kidding? Deeks was more than that. He was the man who had saved her life so many times that she didn’t even remember. He was the man who always had her back and backed her up in all situations, even the worst ones for her. He was the man who could read her like no one was able to. He was the man she wanted to have around, every day… in the field, but maybe… No, she didn’t want to say it. Kensi didn’t need a man in her life… no and mostly not Deeks. He… she… _Damn it!_ Why was it so hard? Why was it so difficult?

“Kensi, are you OK?” Sam asked when he saw his friend lost in her thoughts, miles away from here.

“Yes, I’m… fine. I was just… thinking,” she replied, distractedly. “Let me know what you find.”

“You can count on that! I better go now,” he nodded, saying his silent goodbye and then rushed out of the apartment.

Wendy observed the younger woman and smiled. She had understood her since the very first moment and mostly, she could see what was troubling Kensi. It was so easy to see into the eyes of a woman in love. “Are you sure you’re OK?”

The NCIS agent turned to look at the nurse, sensing that she was an open book for Wendy, especially at this moment. Hiding her true sentiments was almost impossible. “Yes, I… am good,” she gave Wendy a little smile. “And I think that you might need to go home. You’ve been here all night and I don’t think you got much sleep.”

“But Kensi, I… you didn’t sleep that much either and you might need someone when he wakes up…” the nurse protested, but Kensi stopped her, taking once again her hands in hers. “Wendy, this place is not safe for you. Please, I don’t want you to get hurt and Deeks will never forgive me if I put you in danger. He might care for us, but he cares about you as well. You got through to him and trust me, that’s not easy. He can be a cheerful chatterbox, but he doesn’t trust people easily. You made it… you’re special to him too.”

The nurse’s eyes watered hearing what the other woman was telling her. She felt a lump at her throat. “Kensi, I… I care about him. A lot. More than I can ever describe in words. Since my daughter… well, since I lost her, I threw myself into my job, but I kept myself detached from everyone, I kept everyone at arm’s length. Until… well until that day when I saw Marty for the first time in the ER. I… I knew there was something special about him, that he… I told myself that if he made it, I would try to get to know him better. That… and well… it happened. Marty Deeks happened.”

“See? This is why it’s better if you leave. Deeks wouldn’t want to put you in danger,” there was a begging note in Kensi’s voice. Her partner would be devastated if someone he cared for would get hurt and mostly get hurt because of O’Rourke “Please, do it for him…”

Wendy sighed heavily. She understood the younger woman’s point of view and she had to admit that she was terrified by that evil man. Just hearing his voice had shaken her deeply and she was still trying to get over that sensation. “Ok, but promise me that you call me if you need help with him. Any kind of help… or if there is any news of your friend.”

“Ok,” Kensi, without any warning, hugged the older woman who was barely holding herself together. “It’s going to be fine, Wendy. Don’t worry. You just take care of yourself. Get some sleep and I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day…” she was reassuring the nurse but at the same time she was doing the same for herself.

“Thank you, Kensi. Take care of him… and of yourself, right?” Wendy didn’t know why, but she had a bad feeling about this. It was like she knew that the next time she was going to meet these people, things would be different and this didn’t mean necessarily that they were going to be any better. “Please, be careful. Promise me… don’t get yourself hurt or Marty will never survive that. He… lo… cares too much about you.”

Kensi was startled for a moment. Was Wendy really going to say that? Did the nurse know something that she didn’t? Maybe Deeks had told her… no, she was building some castles here. Her mind was simply reading things that weren’t there. “I will. You have my word.”

“Good then. I… I better go now.” Wendy cast one last glance at the sleeping figure in bed and then at Kensi. She couldn’t take this bad sensation away. She couldn’t stop thinking that this sounded too much like a definitive farewell, rather than a simple goodbye and her stomach turned upside down at the idea. She walked out of the room, closing the door of Marty’s apartment behind her. “Please, take care of yourself, you two. Please…”

* * *

“What do you want?” Callen asked, swallowing hard. He realized that O’Rourke was watching them. That he probably had eyes in Deeks’ apartment. And James O’Rourke said that he might kill them all, just with one click. What did that mean? No… he couldn’t risk his friends’ life. Callen knew that, sadly, he had to do what the evil bastard wanted, to protect his team. He failed them once, he didn’t want to do it again. He simply couldn’t…

“Cross the street. There’s a grey building. First floor, apartment 7D. I am waiting for you,” O’Rourke told him with his hissing, slightly accented voice. “Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t say anything to anyone or your friends will be blown up in a second. You have ten minutes.” The call ended and Callen remained with the receiver in his trembling hand. He didn’t have any chance. The man might be bluffing about the bomb, but there was no sense in tempting fate.

Casting one last glance at his friend, with his heart beating madly in his chest, he sneaked out of Deeks’ apartment. So this was how it was going to end… This was how he was going to meet his maker. Not exactly as he envisioned it, even in his worst nightmares.

He took another long breath, then climbed down the stairs, crossed the street as O’Rourke had instructed him and walked into the grey building. Such an irony, Interpol, FBI, NCIS… practically everyone was looking for the man and he was right here, under their noses, plotting and refining his evil plan. Callen clenched his fists thinking that O’Rourke had been here for almost two months, free to do whatever he wanted and mostly free to hurt Deeks again. “Son of a bitch!” he murmured between ground teeth as the fury grew inside of him.

The NCIS agent reached the first floor and, checking his gun more out of habit rather than for a real need, he knocked at apartment 7D’s door. He knew that from this moment he was at O’Rourke’s mercy and not all the weapons in the world could help him to get out of this situation.

A burly man with short red hair, dressed in simple sports gear, opened the door with a gun in his hand. He didn’t let Callen say a single word, but grabbed the agent by the collar of his jacket and pulled him inside. With expert moves, the man frisked the NCIS agent, taking away his two weapons, even the back up one strapped to his ankle, and his phone, before pushing him towards another room.

The inside of the apartment was very dark. All the shutters were closed and only a few lamps were turned on.

Callen was still studying his surroundings, trying to find a possible way out, when three other men joined the party. All of them heavily armed.

“Well, well, well. We finally meet,” a voice that sadly had become too familiar, greeted him. James O’Rourke appeared almost out of nowhere. Grey-sandy hair adorned a tough tanned face, while piercing blue eyes scrutinized the agent from head to toe. “It’s a real pleasure, Agent Callen.” The man was holding his infamous shillelagh, but even without it, there was something devilish in his features, in the way he moved and acted. There was a powerful sensation coming from him that made Callen shiver.

The NCIS agent was not an impressionable man. He had seen too many bad guys in his career, but there was something about James O’Rourke that unsettled him, that gave him chills. The man didn’t need to say anything. He was simply scary. “I have to say that I’d rather not have to meet you… but thinking about it, it’s hard to kill you without seeing each other face to face.” He tried to act defiantly, but he was not sure he made it.

O’Rourke laughed out loud, getting closer, putting his stick under Callen’s chin, lifting it. “You’re trying to look like a tough guy, like you’re not afraid of me, but I know you’re scared, Agent Callen. I can read it in your eyes,” the man flashed an evil grin as he moved the shillelagh down the agent’s neck, stopping on his chest. “It’s your fear that gives me the power.”

“Oh you’re so wrong, O’Rourke. I’m not scared of you… actually I don’t care at all about you, because I don’t care about sick bastards like you…”

O’Rourke’s laugh became even louder now and his distinctive scent filled Callen’s nostrils. “Oh so brave… but I know it’s all an act. You might not be scared for yourself, but you’re terrified for your friends’ fate. That’s your weakness…”

A hint of panic crossed Callen’s expression. His first instinct was to punch the man in his face, but before he could even react, two pairs of strong arms blocked him. “You’re just a son of a bitch!”

“And you’re pathetic, Agent Callen,” O’Rourke moved so his face was just a few inches away from the NCIS agent. “And very predictable… I might be a son of a bitch, but I’m the son of a bitch that will destroy you and your team, not necessarily in that order!”

“Leave them out of this!” Callen struggled, trying to get rid of the two thugs’ tight grip. “You wanted me. Here I am. Leave my team out of this!”

As an answer, O’Rourke slammed his shillelagh against the agent’s chest. “First rule. Don’t yell at me. Rule number two… I’m in charge here and I do whatever I want, with you and with your friends.”

The team leader felt his chest explode in pain as air was sucked away from his lungs. The agony was so intense, even with just one single blow. He could not imagine how Deeks had survived days of abuse coming from the same wooden stick.

James studied his prisoner’s features, enjoying the panic he could see in those blue eyes. Smirking cunningly, he beckoned to his men. “Take him in to other room…” he ordered with a quiet voice. “And make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.”

There was something in the way the man spoke, in the way he looked at his prisoner that froze Callen’s blood. Something sinister lingered in the air, something evil. “What do you want, O’Rourke? Didn’t you want to kill me? Or you’re too much of a coward to do it by yourself…” the agent murmured, straightening up a little not to look too weak or submissive.

O’Rourke didn’t reply immediately, but once again approached his captive, pressing the shillelagh on the younger man’s chest. “What do I want? I want you to suffer until the moment I will end your existence. I want to destroy everything that you care for the most, piece by piece, minute after minute.” He flashed a venomous grin while his blue eyes shone in expectation. “I want to look at your face when you see your friends die a long and slow death. I want you to live long enough to feel the loss, the pain, to let the guilt consume you. I want you to beg me to kill you… You killed my boys and now, you’ll pay!” He turned on his heels, beckoning to his men to follow him.

The thugs dragged Callen to the adjoining room. They threw him on a chair and secured his wrists to the armrests and his ankles to the legs so that he stared at a big screen on the wall. A leather band fixed his head to the high backseat of the chair. The agent could feel his heart pounding in his chest, sensing that something really bad was going to happen.

James stood in front of him, smiling. “I think it’s time to start the show,” he pressed a button on a remote control and the screen took life.

Cold shivers ran down Callen’s spine at the sight of the inside of Deeks’ apartment. The cop was still restlessly sleeping in his own bedroom. Kensi was sitting on the bed, gently stroking his hair, saying soft words trying to calm him down.

They were completely unaware that someone was observing them so closely.

“What a touching scene, don’t you think? Too bad I have to break this magic…” O’Rourke hadn’t finished talking yet when a big commotion exploded in the room. Kensi didn’t see that coming. Five burly men stepped inside; three immobilized her first. She fought back but the men were too strong. One of them took out a taser and shocked her, sending her to unconsciousness.

The other two took care of Deeks who was awoken by the screams of his partner. Before he could even realize what was happening, the two thugs held him down on the mattress, literally sitting on him. They cuffed his hands to the bedpost and his ankles in the same way. Then they blindfolded him and gagged him. When they were satisfied that he was secured, they tasered him.

Callen screamed at the top of his lungs “NO! You little piece of shit! Don’t you dare touch them! You have me… so be a man and deal with me!” He struggled in his bindings, but he only managed to hurt himself.

O’Rourke remained impassible, observing the scenes playing on the screen, absolutely amused. Then, when he saw that his targets had been neutralized, he turned to face Callen. Without saying anything, he slammed the shillelagh on his captive’s knee. The agent cried out as the pain exploded in his leg, taking his breath away. “I told you that you can’t yell…”

Callen panted, lifting his head. “You’re sick, O’Rourke, but whatever you do, it won’t bring your sons back. They’re dead…”

A hint of fury shook James’ body. He knew what the agent wanted to do, but he didn’t fall for his trick. “Good attempt, Agent Callen, but sadly for you, it doesn’t work.” He tightened his grip on the shillelagh, trying to control himself. “You’ll regret what you did, Agent Callen. Every minute, until your death, will be a long agony… but as I have already told you, there are a lot of ways to inflict pain. And your pain won’t be physical. It will be deeper and it will tear you apart! You’ll watch your friends suffer and you won’t be able to do anything to prevent it. They will die, right in front of your eyes…”

Callen couldn’t stop himself from shivering. The man was sick and absolutely unpredictable, not to mention, always a step ahead of them. “You crazy son of a bitch! Stop!” He struggled, trying to wriggle to get himself free, but it was all in vain. His friends were in danger, at the mercy of an evil bastard and he couldn’t do anything to help them. Once again, he failed them…

“You can struggle as much as you want, but nothing will change what is going to happen.” O’Rourke put his wooden stick under Callen’s chin. “Now tell me, Agent Callen, who is going to be the first one I can kill? I had a lot of fun with Marty, but maybe he’s not so… there anymore.” He pointed his finger to his temple, twirling it. “I am sure your lady friend might be very interesting to play with…” His voice was low and poisonous.

“Touch them and you’re dead!” The agent tried to sound menacing, but sadly, he was not in the best position to threaten the other man.

James laughed out loud increasing the pressure on his chin causing further pain to his prisoner, due to the position his head was secured to the chair. “You know… I think that, first, I will finish what I started. I’ll take care of poor Marty, ending his miserable life in front of his girlfriend… and well, of course, in front of yours too. Then, I will have my share of fun with her… maybe I can even let my men have a taste of her, what do you think? Isn’t that a nice plan?”

“You evil bastard…” Callen couldn’t contain his anger. He had never wanted to kill anyone as he wanted to kill James O’Rourke. “You will pay for this…”

O’Rourke didn’t reply to him. He simply hit the agent with the shillelagh, right on his forearm, then he leant towards him whispering, “You’re the one who’s going to pay. You will regret what you did… Now, if you excuse me, I have a job to do…”

White stars danced in front of the NCIS agent’s eyes as the agony spread through his arm to his whole body. He watched with the corner of his eyes, the man leaving the room and, in that moment, he felt that his whole world was going to pieces. A deep void engulfed him. The physical pain of the beating he had just received, mixed with his deepest fear for his friends’ fate, tore his soul apart. And it was too much… tears formed in his eyes and this time he didn’t do anything to hold them.

A voice reached his ears, in the distance. “Mr. McGuire…” O’Rourke referred to the man standing behind the captive. “Be sure he watches everything and if something might happen to me, shoot him. A bullet between the eyes might work pretty fine…”

“Yes , sir,” the man, McGuire, said firmly.

Callen could not see him but he was sure that the man was smiling, foreseeing what was going to happen. The NCIS agent’s eyes were stuck on the screen. He watched as the burly men tied Kensi to a chair positioned at Deeks’ feet. He could not believe that this was happening. He had easily sacrificed himself to save his friends, but once again, O’Rourke’s hand had changed the cards on the table. A simple thought crossed his mind. “I am sorry. I am so sorry. I failed you… please forgive me…”


	22. Chapter 22

It was dark and his head was pounding badly, hammering wildly. Deeks’ mind was still engulfed by a thick fog. Flashes of memories danced in front of his eyes, reminding him of the rough night he had. The acrid taste of bile filled his mouth. “Right, good. Very good. You got drunk…” he told himself as he tried to open his eyes, but something prevented him from doing it. “What the hell…?”

Why couldn’t he see anything? Panic overwhelmed him immediately when he realized that even if he put a lot of effort in the task, he couldn’t move. No… this could not be happening. This was a dream. This was not real.

The cop struggled but he only ended up allowing the metal cuff that secured his wrists and ankles to bite his skin. The realization hit him, as a few more memories came to him. _Kensi!_ He wanted to call for his partner, remembering her screams while some men were holding her, but it was impossible. The dreadful sensation of being blindfolded and gagged again engulfed him and he panicked. Once again, he forced his body to wriggle to get rid of his bindings, but all of his attempts were in vain. He was stuck.

Breathing was getting harder and his heartbeat was so accelerated that he feared he might have a heart attack. It couldn’t be… no, no, no… not again. Please…

“Deeks! Deeks, calm down!” a voice resounded in the dark room, but it seemed so distant, lost somewhere.

Deeks moaned behind the gag, arching his back desperately trying to get himself free. He didn’t care about hurting himself. He only wanted to get away from this situation. One time had been bad enough and the cop didn’t want to repeat the experience. It was just too scary.

“Deeks, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!” the voice insisted, but he didn’t stop. He continued in his struggling until an excruciating pain erupted in his wrist when a loud crack resounded in the air.

He screamed in agony, but what came out of his mouth was just a guttural sound that chilled his own bones.

“Enough, Deeks! Please… stop…” the voice softened, filled with sorrow “Please…”

 _Kensi_ … she was here, with him.

Kensi saw the little change in her partner’s behavior, like he finally realized where he was. Like he finally sensed her presence. “Come on, Deeks. Let me know that you have heard me…”

There was an awkward moment in which the silence was so oppressing that the tension could be easily cut with a knife, but finally Deeks sank back onto the mattress and nodded slowly.

He wanted to call her, to talk to her, to ask her if she was ok, but there was no way he could do that. Once again, he was useless and at someone else’s mercy.

“It’s ok, Deeks. It’s ok.” She tried to reassure him, but her voice cracked, unable to hide her own fear, her own concern.

“I wouldn’t be so sure if I was you, Agent Blye.”

“You?!” Kensi’s body tensed seeing James O’Rourke stepping into the room, his shillelagh in his hand, head up, sure of himself, of his presence. Of his power.

“Are you surprised to see me?” the man walked behind her, touching her face with the back of his hand, deliberately slowly. She retreated from his touch, but he yanked her hair, tilting her head to one side. His mouth came closer to her ears as he whispered, “Aren’t you happy to see me? I bet your Lover-boy over there is absolutely excited…”

James let her go, taking out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. Inhaling the smoke deeply, he then approached the bound figure in bed.

Deeks’ body started shivering as the voice he sadly knew too well became louder as his tormentor got closer. The distinctive scent of O’Rourke pervaded his nostrils, nauseating him and sending him on the edge of craziness. He hated that smell because he associated it to the pain, to the suffering he had been put through. Using the last bit of energy he had left, the cop struggled to get away from the man, to escape, but it was a pathetic attempt that drained him of all of his strength.

“Don’t touch him!” Kensi shouted before one of O’Rourke’s men slapped her violently, splitting her lower lip and making her dizzy.

James leaned towards his prisoner, sensing the fear emanating from every muscle, from every cell of his body. A big grin curved his thin lips. “You don’t have to be afraid, Marty. We’re friends, don’t you remember?” He blew the smoke on his captive’s face, enjoying seeing him struggle. “You know that I am the only one who can save you from the pain. Your so called ‘friends’ can’t help you. They simply don’t care if you’re suffering…”

“Don’t listen to him, Deeks. You know it’s not true…,” Kensi’s voice was weaker than before, the blow she received was still reverberating in her head.

“She’s lying, Marty. She’s here and she’s not helping you…” O’Rourke placed the still lit cigarette on Deeks’ neck, increasing the pressure as the cop started wriggling.

Deeks cried out behind the gag as the cigarette burned his skin. When he thought that he was really going to get sick, James took it away, putting it again in his mouth, inhaling it. Then he placed it again on the other side of his prisoner neck.

“NO!” Kensi screamed desperately watching her partner’s body contorted as it had been hit by electricity “Stop it! Please stop…” she begged.

O’Rourke stopped, staring at her, amused. He burst out laughing. “Well, well, well… so it’s true. You really love him…”

The female agent looked at the man defiantly, but deep inside there was a turmoil of emotion running. She swallowed hard trying not to show all of her true emotions to her captor, but it was hard.

“This is going to be really interesting then… very interesting.” James moved his attention back to Deeks, stretching his neck in expectation. With an evil smirk planted on his face and his eyes shining coldly, he started moving the shillelagh along the cop’s entire body. He cast a look at his prisoner’s Pj’s, shaking his head, “Oh Marty, Marty. You’re such a baby, pissing in your pants…” He laughed out loud, mocking the cop.

Deeks shuddered, unable to control himself and the reaction of his trembling body. He tried to detach himself from the rest of the world around him because he didn’t want to feel any more pain, but sadly he didn’t make it. Fear was gripping his heart tightly, making it hard to breathe, to swallow… to do anything. He was paralyzed, simply scared to death as memories of his last encounter with the deadly wooden stick flashed in his mind. He winced as the shillelagh moved from his chest to his arms, from his legs to his feet, stopping on them. _No!_ he silently yelled, hopelessly, knowing what was coming. He braced himself, waiting for the pain to come.

O’Rourke looked at Kensi, winking at her, amused. She shivered closing her eyes, not wanting to see. But sadly she heard…

He knew it was coming but this didn’t make it any easier. The wooden stick impacted the sole of his bare foot and the pain exploded in his whole body. The cop didn’t even have time to breathe because another blow reached his other foot. _Oh God, not again… it’s too much… please stop…_ he thought as more blows were delivered, making him sick.

Kensi didn’t want to open her eyes, but the sound of the shillelagh twirling in the air, swooshing and then hitting her partner’s feet mixed with Deeks’ pained moans turned her stomach upside down. She raised her head, looking at the result of the beating and her heart melted. “Please, stop… stop hurting him…” she murmured, losing all of her attitude.

“Stop? Why? I am having so much fun…” O’Rourke turned to face her, whilst continuing to hit Deeks. His face was transfigured. His eyes were cold as ice, but the rest of his features were almost relaxed, like he was having a coffee with friends. “And Marty knows that this is all because you were not able to protect him. That you didn’t do anything to stop me from hurting him. He knows I am the only one who can help him, because I am his only friend…” Another heavy blow was delivered.

“Deeks, don’t believe him. You know who your friends are… Deeks!” she called, but her partner was lost in his world of pain, struggling to breathe, to fight the agony consuming him. “Stop it, you son of a bitch! Stop!” she yelled, fighting to get rid of her bindings.

The big burly man standing beside her backhanded her again and this time stars danced in front of her, doubling her vision. She cast another glance at her partner, clearly reading the panic in his movements, in his behavior and a lonely tear ran down her face. “Deeks, please… I’m your friend. Don’t give up… please…” Her words were nothing more than a whisper. She saw the big man staring at her, pleased, before he punched her again, sending her on the edge of unconsciousness.

O’Rourke nodded satisfied. “Ok, much better. Keep her awake though… I don’t want her to miss the big show” He winked in the air, knowing where the camera was. Knowing that Callen was looking at this. Then, deliberately slowly, he moved beside Deeks, grabbing roughly his hair. “So Marty, where were we? We have unfinished business, don’t you think? Why don’t you give your girlfriend a big show she will never forget until the moment you will both die?”

* * *

Sam stormed into Ops startling Nell and Eric who were already working on their computers. “Come on, guys. Tell me you have something!” he said without greeting anyone, too focused on his task.

“Sam, we’re trying to…” the tech started but immediately the ex-Seal interrupted him.

“Eric, if you’re going to use hundreds of your geek words to tell me that you have nothing, you better shut up!”

“Mr. Hanna, I suggest you behave civilly and apologize to Mr. Beale,” Hetty scolded him whilst walking into the room. Her narrow eyes studied her senior agent intently. Wrinkles adorned his forehead. His hands clenched and un-clenched nervously and he couldn’t stop moving his legs. “And Mr. Hanna, being so nervous won’t help us to find Mr. Callen.”

“Hell, Hetty! Callen is out there, probably in O’Rourke’s hands… We need to find him as soon as possible!” the big man protested, but his boss’ impassible face made him realize that maybe this was not the right behavior. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes, putting a hand over the tech’s shoulder and squeezing it brotherly. “Sorry, Eric… I… it’s just that I’m worried.”

“We all know, Mr. Hanna. So now, why don’t you tell us everything so we can start looking for Mr. Callen?” the Operations Manager smiled gently. She could see what was going through her agent’s mind, but they needed to stay focused if they didn’t want to fall into O’Rourke’s trap.

Sam started telling them everything. From the moment they stepped into Deeks apartment; to the moment he walked out of it to go back to the Mission. He didn’t leave anything out. He even told them about Deeks’ attack, his reaction and consequent breakdown. No one liked to hear it, but it was important to find out more about O’Rourke and his bloody plan. “…and when he was gone, I don’t know if G left voluntarily or not. For sure, something happened to him during that phone call to make him leave like that, without saying anything,”

“Mr. Hanna, do you mind telling me what’s really bothering you? It’s not the first time your partner has gone missing, but I haven’t seen you so troubled,” Hetty’s eyes locked on her senior agent’s, going deeply into his soul, hoping to find the answer to her question.

“It’s… it’s G. He… I fear that he’s not objective when it comes to this case. The guilt is killing him. No matter how much we reassured him, he still thinks that he failed us, that everything happened with O’Rourke is his fault…” the ex-Seal paused biting his lip nervously, lowering his voice. “He might do something stupid and I’m afraid that it may cost him too much. Hetty, I am sure that he surrendered to O’Rourke. In any other situation he’d have fought, but this time, I fear that he… that he didn’t. He simply let O’Rourke get him, because he thinks this is the only solution, but sadly it’s not. That sick bastard won’t stop even after killing G! Damn, Hetty, you should have seen what kind of a mess Deeks is! That bastard played with him, with his mind…” He had to stop because a tight knot clenched his throat.

The Operations Manager sighed heavily. She imagined that things were bad, but she didn’t expected them to be so bad. It was a real mess and all of her men were too affected by this “Mr. Hanna, we will find Mr. Callen, take care of O’Rourke and then we’ll get Mr. Deeks back in line.” Her words were calm and absolutely reassuring. Just the way she said them made everyone believe that this was exactly what was going to happen.

Sam nodded gravely, then turning his attention to Eric and Nell, he asked, “Did you find anything about the phone call? Could you trace it?”

The two techs exchanged a wary glance until Nell finally answered, “Once again, he managed to cover his tracks very well. He knows what he’s doing, that’s for sure,”

“So this means that we have nothing.” There was a note of defeat in the ex-Seal’s voice that didn’t get missed by the others. “We don’t have any idea where he might be.”

Eric took a deep breath, glad that at least Sam used the plural, meaning that the big man was not mad with him. Something he really didn’t look for in this moment. “Actually, we might have something. It’s not much, but better than nothing…” He smiled, glad that he could give his friends a little hope. “We managed to triangulate the call, excluding some of the mixed signals O’Rourke sent to confuse us… and we know that the call came from a five mile area around Deeks’ apartment. I know it’s not much, but…”

Sam didn’t let him finish. “No, it’s… it’s not bad, Eric.” He was thinking, trying to find the best way to use this information. “Can you… can you check the cameras in that area, maybe we can spot G somewhere or O’Rourke…”

“On it,” the tech replied, working frantically on his keyboard.

Silence fell in the room, interrupted only by the sound of the keys being pressed. The ex-Seal paced up and down, trying to kill his apprehension and nervousness whilst Hetty stood still, silently waiting for some good news. Nell was giving Eric some support when he needed.

“Nothing, I’ve found nothing!” the tech exclaimed very disappointed. “I checked all the cameras but I didn’t get eyes on Callen or O’Rourke.”

“Oh come on, Eric. They couldn’t have disappeared… They must be somewhere!” Sam snapped. He hated being in the dark, especially now.

“Sam, I’ve double checked, but there’s nothing…”

“Mr. Beale, wait a moment. You checked the cameras in the area from where O’Rourke made the call. You said that the cameras around Mr. Deeks apartment have been disabled…” Hetty was still talking, when Nell rushed towards her own tablet. “Yes, Miss Jones?”

“It can’t be that easy…” the analyst muttered continuing her job without lifting her head.

“Nell?” the ex-Seal wondered puzzled. It was nothing uncommon for the petite woman to do stuff without explaining, but this time the stakes were too high. He needed to know.

“Give me just one second, Sam…” Nell raised her finger, asking for a moment of patience.

Sam silently asked Eric for an explanation, but the tech seemed as lost as Sam was.

“Bingo!” the analyst’s voice resounded loud and clear in Ops, startling everyone.

“Nell, please tell me that you found him!” the big man approached her tentatively. His throat was dry and his tone couldn’t hide his deep concern. The clock was ticking. They needed to do something.

“We have already checked Callen’s phone. It has been turned off, but…” Nell’s eyes were shining happily and she couldn’t wait any longer to give her friends the good news. “The GPS signal was still on when the phone had been disabled, so I managed to find the last location and here it is…” Images of an old grey building appeared on screen.

Sam’s eyes widened at the sight. “Son of a bitch!”

Eric looked at him very confused. “Sam?” The big man didn’t answer him as he was already turning on his heels and running out of the room.

“Mr. Hanna, be careful! I’m sending a support team that will join you and the other team already in place,” Hetty told him with her usual bossy tone. “Mr. Beale, alert Mr. Benson’s team and tell him to join Mr. Hanna. Send him the address Miss Jones just found out.”

“Yes… of course, but Hetty… what has just happened? Where is Sam going?” the tech asked, completely lost.

“Eric, that grey building is right in front of Deeks’ apartment!” Nell said, putting a hand on his forearm, gently squeezing it. Her face was a mask of concern and she was biting her lip apprehensively.

Eric stared at her with his mouth wide open, in shock. “Son of a bitch…” he whispered.

“And Mr. Beale, call Miss Blye and warn her. O’Rourke is too close!” The Operations Manager instructed, moving towards the screen, inhaling deeply.

Eric did what had been told, as quick as he could. He alerted the other team, sending the address, then he called Kensi. Once. Twice. Three times. Then he tried Deeks. Silence. No… no, no, no. He tried again, unable to hide his growing panic.

“Mr. Beale, do you mind sharing your concern with us or are you going to swear all alone?” Hetty tilted her head to one side, sensing the growing anxiety in the young tech.

“Hetty, I called both Kensi and Deeks. They are not answering!” he almost shouted, slightly trembling.

The Operations Manager closed her eyes, murmuring, “Oh bugger!”

* * *

Callen flinched, jumping on the chair as he heard the sound of another blow being delivered to Deeks’ body. Kensi’s pained cries reached his ears giving him nightmares. He didn’t know how long it had been since O’Rourke had started torturing his friends. It might have actually been minutes or hours, but it seemed a lifetime to him. He felt every punch, every blow inflicted on his teammates. O’Rourke’s words cut him like a knife, tearing his soul apart.

The evil man knew he was watching what was happening and was taking his time, deliberately doing everything slowly to prolong Kensi’s and Deeks' suffering. He wanted to hurt him even more, deeper than he already was.

O’Rourke looked in the direction of the camera and smiled devilishly before moving beside the cop and hitting him on his leg, harder than he had ever done. A muffled moan filled the air as Deeks’ body convulsed like it had been caused by an electrical discharge.

“Can you see it, Agent Callen?” the man finally said, moving towards the camera. “You’re doing this. You are hurting your friends!” With a rapid gesture he walked behind Kensi, grabbing her long hair and tilting her head backward. The shillelagh danced menacingly over her exposed neck. “One single blow and she’s gone, Agent Callen…” An evil laugh escaped from O’Rourke’s mouth as he moved the stick inside her shirt, playing with her breasts.

Callen felt sick at the sight. His friends were in this situation because of him and there was nothing he could do to help them. His eyes blinked, fighting the tears from falling, but he failed miserably.

On the big screen, James unbuttoned Kensi’s shirt pulling the buttons away with a quick turn of the shillelagh, exposing her chest and naked stomach to him. The stick touched her bare skin, chilling her to the bone. “I never imagined Federal agents could be so tasty…” He licked her bloodied cheek, amused.

She tried to wriggle from his grip, yelling at him. “Keep your bloody hands away from me, you bastard!”

“Oh what a spirit!” O’Rourke smiled without taking his hands away from her. “She’s feisty, Agent Callen. I like it!”

The team leader shivered watching the man’s aroused expression. His stomach was contorted, clenched in a tight vice. Using all of his strength, he tried to get rid of his bindings, but as he struggled pain exploded in his knee first and then on his probably broken arm. Air was sucked out of his lungs and for a moment, his vision became blurred and he was unable to focus on anything.

Kensi’s scream brought him back to reality. His blood froze, imagining what O’Rourke was doing to her, but when Callen’s eyes finally were able to see what was happening, he stared at the evil man towering over Deeks’ shivering form. The shillelagh was aimed at his head, threatening… menacingly. Too dangerously close.

“No… no, no, no. Please, no!” the blue eyed team leader babbled. The hand of his good arm was holding the armrest tightly His teeth were ground with so much effort that they seemed ready to go to pieces. “NO!” he yelled desperately as he wanted to go through the screen and help his friends, but his body couldn’t move a single inch as he was tightly secured to the chair.

“Now tell me, Agent Callen,” O’Rourke started, “How do you think I could end Marty’s suffering? A blow to the head…” The wooden stick moved over the cop’s forehead “…or, I don’t know, one to his chest to stop his heart…” An evil laugh reached Callen’s ears.

“Don’t you dare touch him again!” the agent shouted, even though he knew that the man couldn’t hear him.

“Or maybe,” James leaned towards Deeks, “I can have some fun with your girlfriend, Marty. She’s a very good piece of ass…” He beckoned to his man who, surprised and pleased at the same time, walked in front of Kensi, groping her, squeezing her breast and kissing her on her neck.

The female agent struggled with her bindings, but the man was strong, too strong.

Callen swallowed hard at the sight, his heart beat madly in his chest, ready to explode. As he heard Kensi’s pained and disgusted moans, he couldn’t stop the tears. “Please, stop… enough… please…”

Deeks, even if almost delirious, heard her voice and finding unexpected strength, wriggled in bed, moaning something incoherently behind the gag. All he could focus on was his partner. Ignoring the pain coursing through his body, he continued to struggle until a curse resounded in the air.

“You little bitch!” O’Rourke’s thug yelled angrily. “You bit me!”

“You deserved it, little bastard!” she said, spitting some blood to the ground.

The man didn’t take it kindly and with all of his strength, he backhanded the NCIS agent, sending her to oblivion.

“Easy!” O’Rourke told his man. “I need her a little while longer…”

A cold shiver ran down Callen’s back on hearing James’ venomous words. The man hadn’t finished yet with his friends, which was good, since he was not going to kill them yet. But this only meant that their agony would be much longer. He didn’t know whether he would be able to take any more of this. Every abuse Kensi and Deeks had been subjected too was on him and he could feel all of them on his own skin, on his own body, on his own soul. His blue eyes reluctantly moved once again to the screen. He had tried not to look at it, but it was simply impossible. Something was forcing him to watch since he was afraid that if he didn’t, the next image of his teammates he might see would be of their dead bodies. And he only wanted them alive. On the screen he saw O’Rourke kneeling beside Deeks’ bed, stroking possessively his hair, whispering something to the cop who tried in any way to escape from the man’s touch, from his presence. It was clear from Deeks’ body language that the blond detective was simply terrified of the man, but he was trying to resist, in spite of all the pain O’Rourke was putting him through once again. James continued in his work, on his touching, his probing… his whispering, until Deeks reacted violently. His back arched as he fought his tormentor with everything he had left, with the few bits of energy left in his body.

O’Rourke’s reaction was violent and quick. He stood up and delivered two heavy blows to the cop’s chest and leg that pushed him into unconsciousness. With rage in his icy blue eyes, James looked directly into the camera. “It’s not over yet, Agent Callen. I have not finished with them. This. Is. Just. The. Beginning!”

Callen felt an overwhelming sense of dread paralyzing him. He had never seen an expression so cold, so furious in anyone else. There was nothing human in O’Rourke’s eyes. There was only hatred and blinded, but calculated, fury. He tried to take a deep breath but it was like his lungs could not get any air. Everything around him became fuzzy and unfocused. “No, please… stop… let them go. Please… take me… please… please…” His world went black and darkness engulfed him.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam didn’t know how he made it to the building so quickly. The trip from the Mission to the place where his partner was supposed to be, was just a blur of images and emotions, everything was confused. His only thought was to get there as fast as he could and to save his friend before it was too late.

When he stopped the car if front of the grey building opposite Deeks’ apartment, Sam was joined by Agent Daniel Benson and his team.

“Agent Hanna, we checked the perimeter. No sign of your man or of Agent Callen,”

“Ok, Benson, send a couple of men to Deeks’ apartment and tell them to report to me immediately as soon as they get there. We tried to contact both him and Kensi, but they didn’t pick up at all.” A dark shadow veiled the ex-Seal’s expression, a clear sign of his worry. Not only was his partner in danger, but Kensi and Deeks might be in trouble too.

“On it!” Benson replied. He relayed something through his comm. “We’re waiting for your instructions, Sir,” he then told Sam.

“Ok, I want a couple of men at the back door, the rest with me. We need to be very careful. Callen might be held hostage and we don’t know how many men O’Rourke has with him!” The ex-Seal wore his bulletproof vest and checked his weapon, looking at the other agents with determined eyes. He felt a bit unsure of doing an action without any of his teammates with him, but these agents had been sent by Hetty to help him. They might be good if they had her trust. “Ok, let’s go!” And with that, he rushed towards the building.

* * *

O’Rourke was stretching his muscles thinking about a new way to take advantage of the situation. He had enjoyed hurting his two captives, but he enjoyed even more the fact that Agent Callen was watching every minute of the torture he had put the female agent and the detective through.

A rush of satisfaction coursed through his whole body, knowing that the man was suffering as much as his friends, maybe even more, because his pain was not just physical, but went deep into his soul.

His icy blue eyes studied, first, Agent Blye’s unconscious figure, tied to the chair. Blood adorned her beautiful face and her bare chest and abdomen were covered in bruises. There were hundreds of ways he could think of to hurt her, to make her suffer, but he knew that she was tough and that she wouldn’t break easily. An evil grin curved his lips when his eyes landed on Detective Deeks’ form. The blond cop was the woman’s weakness. O’Rourke had seen her reaction to every blow he delivered to the detective… maybe he could use this. Oh yes… that would be very funny and entertaining.

A new light sparkled in his blue eyes, brightening his whole expression in expectation. It was time for the final act. Then, after taking care of these two, he could go back to his main target and finally put an end to Agent Callen’s existence.

“Malone!” he called for the big man standing beside Kensi. The same man who had taken care of her, until now. “It’s time to wake her up,” he grinned, knowing how much his man would enjoy this as well.

Malone moved towards the bathroom and came back with a bucket full of water. With pleasure and without mercy, he threw it over the woman who woke up with a start. “Welcome back, bitch!” he told her, leaning towards her and squeezing her breast painfully. “Time to have some more fun…” He licked her face avidly, then moved away from her, straightening his pants as he wanted to show her his intentions.

Meanwhile, O’Rourke was roughly slapping Deeks’ face, “Come on, Marty. Time to wake up and have some more fun,” he said playfully, sensing his prisoner was about to come round.

“Deeks!” Kensi called worried for her partner, knowing that he might be in a panic after the beating he received and the fact that he was still gagged and blindfolded. “Deeks, it’s going to be fine. The others will come soon…” she insisted, hoping to get through to him. Man, she wanted so badly to look into Deeks’ eyes, to reassure him, to calm him.

The cop struggled in his bindings, more as a reflex than for a real intention to free himself.

A fat laugh resounded once again in the room. “You’re so pathetic…” O’Rourke approached Kensi, moving his shillelagh on her bare chest, teasingly.

“You can do whatever you want to me, you son of a bitch, but you will never win! Your sons are dead and you will go to jail for the rest of your life!” she said defiantly, spitting on the man.

James didn’t take it very kindly, but with calculated slowness, he wiped away the spit and then grabbed Kensi’s chin with one hand, leaning towards her, while the wooden stick was pressed against her breasts.

She moaned as pain exploded in her chest, her bruised ribs protested as air was sucked away from her lungs.

“I know you’re a tough bitch, but I know your weakness, Agent Blye,” O’Rourke whispered in her ears. “You might not care about your well-being, but I know how much Marty here means to you…”

“Don’t you… dare touch him… again…” she muttered as much as she could.

“Oh, I’m scared…” James told her, ironically, before releasing her and standing in front of her, smirking cunningly. “Malone, be sure that she watches…”

Malone moved behind her and with a rapid movement passed his arm around her neck while his other hand forced her head to look in Deeks’ direction.

O’Rourke walked slowly towards his blindfolded captive, who sensed his arrival and started struggling. He was trembling like a leaf. “Don’t tell me you’re scared, Marty. A big boy like you…” He yanked Deeks’ hair possessively, lowering the gag without any kind of care. “Why don’t you let your girlfriend hear how loud you can scream?!” With a quick gesture, he straightened up, releasing the hold on his captive and then slammed the shillelagh on the cop’s chest.

Pain erupted in every cell of Deeks’ body and even though he tried not to cry out, he screamed in agony as he tried to curl into a ball but the binding prevented him from doing it.

“Deeks!” Tears formed on Kensi’s eyes, but she didn’t even have time to say something more when the shillelagh impacted once again with her partner’s face. “Stop it, you bastard! Stop!” she yelled desperately. “Please, stop…”

“So Marty, how does it feel, knowing that you’re dying and that your girlfriend here is watching you?” O’Rourke pressed the stick on the cop’s ribcage, knowing full well that this single act was causing immense pain to his captive.

Deeks panted. He couldn’t breathe and everything hurt. “Go… to hell…” he rasped, weakly.

“Ahahahah,” James laughed once again, increasing the pressure, feeling the cop’s body tremble under his touch.

“Mr. O’Rourke!” A man ran inside the room almost out of breath, forcing his boss to reluctantly stop.

“What do you want? Can’t you see that I’m busy? You know that I don’t want to be disturbed when I’m working…”

“Mr. O’Rourke, the Feds are here!” the man said, a bit agitated.

“Told you, son of a bitch!” Kensi grinned before Malone increased the pressure on her neck, making her cry out in pain.

“Ken… si…” Deeks pained voice called hoarsely, fighting the agony coursing through his whole body.

“They’re… coming…” she insisted hoping her partner could hear her.

“Shut up, you little bitch!” Malone shouted, letting her go and moving in front of her. “Would you like me to cut these little tits of yours?” He squeezed her breast once again, feeling her hold her breath, forcing herself not to moan. In vain though, because the pain was too much.

“You’re a coward…” She spat on him and this gained her a new punch to her face that sent her into darkness.

“Kensi…” Alerted by his partner’s yelp, Deeks struggled as much as his screaming body allowed him to do, but soon, O’Rourke was on him again, putting the gag back in its place.

“It’s time to finish this, Marty…” James said coldly. “Say goodbye to the world!” He took the shillelagh and hit the cop’s chest and feet. The blond man lost his senses and fell into oblivion.

James O’Rourke looked at his men, nodding gravely. “It’s really time to finish this. This game is getting too old!” His icy blue eyes sparkled as he cast a glance to his prisoners, pleased. Satisfied. It was time to finalize his revenge.

“Game over, Agent Callen!” He looked towards the camera and grinned evilly. “I won!”

* * *

Sam was climbing up the stars that led to the first floor of the building. The rest of Agent Benson’s team could hardly keep pace. Sam’s blood was boiling in his veins and his heart was pounding so hard that it was almost deafening. When he finally stopped in front of apartment 7D, where his partner was supposed to be, he took a few deep breaths, tightening the grip on his weapon.

The ex-Seal beckoned to the other NCIS agents, silently telling them to get ready storm inside. In his mind, the most disparate scenarios were forming. The first one, and the most horrific one, actually, showed an already dead Callen, alone on the floor, a pool of blood around him. Sam shook his head trying to get the idea out of his head, but the others options were not much better. In one, he found his friends more or less like they had found Deeks in the hold of O’Rourke’s boat; in another, the evil bastard was torturing his partner; in yet another, Callen had been injected with some poison.

The big man closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, in order to clear his mind. This was not the right attitude. He needed to stay positive and be focused on what he was going to do. The life of these other men depended on him and he couldn’t allow himself to fail.

Sam laid a hand on Benson’s shoulder, instructing him to move to the other side of the door, while the rest of the men fanned out to get ready to jump into action. When every agent was in position, everything started.

Silence was broken by the agents shouting their warning, “Federal agents!” while they rushed into the apartment.

As soon as they stepped through the door, bullets ricocheted. The agents had to find cover to not get hit. “O’Rourke, you better surrender. The place is surrounded. There’s no way out for you!” Sam screamed at the top of his lungs to sound as intimidating as he could.

The only answer he received was another spray of gunfire to his direction. “Son of a bitch!” he murmured, hiding behind the doorpost. “Benson, do you have visuals on how many of them are there?” he asked the other agent.

“One, possibly two!”

“Ok… ok…” Without thinking Sam got out of his hiding place and started shooting. His adversary peeked out of his own hiding place, just enough that a couple of well delivered shots hit him straight in the chest. The ex-Seal gave Benson the OK gesture and proceeded towards the other room, followed by the others agents.

Before he could walk through the door, though, more shots were fired. One of them reached one of the agents of Benson’s Team.

“Man down!” Benson shouted, while one of his men helped his wounded teammate to get out of the line of fire.

Sam observed the scene and realized that probably there was still one more man in the other room. He cast a glance at the younger team leader who nodded in acknowledgment. Slowly, the ex-Seal moved to distract their opponent. “You’re alone in there. You know that there’s no way out for you…” he said calmly, moving ahead one step at a time. “You’re outnumbered and you know it!” He was hiding behind the couch now. He had to move closer if he wanted to take the man down.

A series of shots were fired towards the NCIS agents who had to retreat for a moment.

“Oh yes, I might be alone, but I have something you want,” the man yelled in a thick Irish accent.

_Damn it!_ Sam cursed, biting his lips nervously. _Think, think, think…_ he told himself, not wanting to risk the life of his friend. There was no other way, they all knew. They had to take the man down if they wanted to get to Callen. Without reflecting too much, the ex-Seal nodded to Benson and got out from behind the couch, standing up, opening fire.

His opponent answered the fire. A bullet reached him in his shoulder, pain erupted in his whole arm, but he didn’t stop. The stakes were too high. His partner’s life depended on him. Sam continued shooting until his opponent, seeing him in a tight spot, came out of his hiding place. It was his last mistake because he was reached by several gunshots that sent him to the ground in a pool of blood.

Benson’s men checked the other rooms. “Clear!” “Clear!” “Clear!” they yelled triumphantly, until one of them called with urgency. “Agent Hanna, in here!”

Sam ran ignoring the pain that was spreading from his shoulder and when he found himself in the room, his blood froze at the sight. “G!” he called his partner’s name seeing him tied to a chair, unconscious, afraid that it might be too late. He checked for a pulse, glad to find one. “Come on, G. Wake up.” He slapped Callen’s face trying to get him back to consciousness. With a knife he cut the binding that was securing him to the chair. He then cut the leather strap that kept his head steady and straight.

Callen slowly stirred, starting to come round, blinking repeatedly to focus on what was happening around him. As his weight shifted in the chair, pain exploded in his arm and chest and he cried out loudly.

“Easy, G. It’s ok. I got you…” Sam told him, supporting him, noticing that his friend was confused and hurt. “Benson, call an ambulance! He needs medical attention…”

The blue eyed team leader stared at his partner, a bit puzzled, “Sam?”

“Yeah, G. It’s me. Are you good?” the ex-Seal wondered studying his friend’s behavior closely, wondering whether he was hurt worse than he could see.

Callen’s eyes widened and he tried to move Sam aside. His attention was on the big screen in front of him that had been turned off. “Kensi… Deeks…” he muttered as his finger indicated the black screen.

“G, what the hell are you talking about? What about Kensi and Deeks?” the ex-Seal was trying to figure out what his partner was talking about while a certain amount of uneasiness was growing inside of him, a sense of dread that gripped his heart.

“Turn on the screen…” Callen said feebly, fighting the pain in his body.

“G, what…”

“Turn on the damn screen!” the team leader yelled desperately, holding Sam’s vest tightly like his life depended on it.

“Benson, can you make it work?” the big man asked, turning to face the other agent. A couple of bullets had in fact reached the screen and he wasn’t sure that it might work again. Sam couldn’t understand what his friend wanted to see on the screen, but it seemed important to Callen. Too important to be nothing.

Agent Benson worked on the controller and on the screen itself until it took life, almost magically.

Callen stared at the images appearing on screen and his blood froze. “Oh my God... NO!” he screamed trying to get up, failing miserably. “Sam, we need to do something!”

The ex- Seal looked at his partner first, shocked by his horrified expression, then to the screen. The images were a bit blurred but there was a fire and a lot of smoke. He caught a glimpse of something, but he couldn’t get a clear view. “G, what's up? Tell me...”

“Fire...” the team leader muttered, almost unable to talk. “We need to save them, Sam... we need to get them before it's too late!” Once again, he clenched his hands around Sam's vest.

“Who, G? Who do we have to save?” insisted the big man, grabbing his partner's shoulders.

“Sam, those images... they’re coming from inside Deeks' apartment. Kensi and Deeks are in there...” Tears veiled Callen's blue eyes as a sense of defeat clenched his heart, knotting his throat.

“What?” Sam turned towards the screen. His eyes were trying to focus, to see whether he could get a clear view of his friends, but there was too much smoke and the fire was spreading rapidly. “Oh God...”

* * *

She came round, slowly, blinking severally. Her eyes were burning as they tried to see through the fog engulfing everything. Kensi’s head was pounding heavily, a gift because of one of the punches she received from O’Rourke’s thug. “Deeks…” she murmured, but a bout of coughing hit her. What was happening? Why was breathing so hard? Why was there a fire? “Oh my God! Deeks!? Deeks wake up!” she screamed at the top of her lungs before another coughing fit caught her.

The apartment was on fire. O’Rourke was going to burn them alive if the smoke didn’t get them first. The NCIS agent struggled in her bindings, trying to get rid of them, to get herself free. She needed to get out of there and to help her partner. “Deeks!” she yelled again, more desperately, as her eyes watered due to the thick smoke surrounding everything, filling the room. The temperature was rising quickly and the flames were getting dangerously close. “Deeks!” she tried again between coughs.

Through the smoke she finally saw her partner stir, realizing with horror that O’Rourke had gagged him again, so breathing was even harder for him.

Deeks felt the smoke invading his nostrils… he couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t move. No, no, no… and so he panicked. He started struggling, trying to wriggle from the handcuffs that secured him to the bed, but it was all in vain. He only managed to hurt himself. His already broken wrist exploded in pain. The more he struggled, the less he could breathe. His lungs were burning. A coughing fit hit him, but because of the gag it was just an agony. He was suffocating…

Kensi observed the entire scene helplessly. She could understand what her friend was going through, but this was not helping him. “Deeks, calm down, please! You’re only hurting yourself doing that! Calm down!” she insisted but he didn’t seem to hear her, too lost in his own world of excruciating pain.

She focused on her own bindings, hoping that she could get free, but they were too tight and she could sense the blood wetting her wrists.

Smoke filled her mouth and her nose and for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Everything became fuzzy and blurred. Kensi coughed her lungs out, looking for some fresh air, but it was impossible. The atmosphere was getting too hot, the fire was getting closer and the air was stifling. Her strength was leaving her already hurt body that was screaming in agony at every movement, but she couldn’t give up… she couldn’t quit fighting.

“Deeks, please… don’t give up!” she said as loud as she could, but her voice was getting weaker and the mere attempt of talking dried her throat that was burning fiercely. She coughed again. Her eyes were burning as well, filled with tears because of the smoke that was getting even thicker. She was sitting right in front of the bed, but she couldn’t see her partner anymore. She could only hear his struggling that was getting weaker and more sporadic. “Don’t give up… Deeks… please…”

Kensi knew that she was slipping in and out of consciousness. She knew that the energy was leaving her body. She fought it, but it was hard when no air reached her lungs, when the oxygen didn’t fill them. She didn’t want to sleep, to close her eyes because she was aware that would lead her inevitably to death. But she was drained… exhausted. “Deeks…” she whispered feebly, calling once again for her friend, before another fit shook her to the bone, sending flashes of agony through her cramped muscles and nerves. “Please, forgive me…” she continued almost inaudibly. “I’m sorry… I failed you…”

She closed her eyes right when something brushed against her legs, something she couldn’t see. Then she heard a distant yelp, a pained moan. Definitely, not human. “Monty…” she forced herself to say when she felt the dog licking her hand. “Get out of here, buddy…” she told him, knowing that the faithful companion would never leave her or his master. “Please Monty, get out,” but the dog didn’t move and this brought tears to her eyes. She understood that he couldn’t leave, it was in his nature. Kensi was crying because of Monty’s loyalty. “Go to Deeks, Monty. Stay with him… don’t leave him alone.”

The dog stared at her for a moment, then licked her hand again, like he was saying his silent goodbye, before trotting towards the bed where his master was lying, almost motionless. He disappeared to her eyes through the fog. In that moment, Kensi felt more alone than she had ever felt in years. When a new coughing fit hit her, when her lungs demanded for a bit of air that she couldn’t get, she knew that it was over. Sweat adorned her face and the hot flames were starting to skim her body, grazing her skin.

She closed her eyes, hoping that darkness engulfed her and that her last moments would be painless. A silent tear ran down her bloodied face as one last word escaped from her too dry throat. “Deeks…”

And then, everything faded to black.


	24. Chapter 24

Walking out of the apartment was the hardest thing both Sam and Callen had ever done. First, because of their physical condition; the ex-Seal was still losing blood from the wound on his shoulder, not copiously as before, but enough to weaken him. The team leader on the other hand, could barely stand because of the blow that had damaged his knee and because of the other bruises O’Rourke had given him with his bloody shillelagh. But mostly, they could hardly contain their fear since the moment the images of Deeks’ apartment on fire had appeared on the screen. Their hearts were beating madly in their chests. The adrenaline was pumping in their veins giving them strength they didn’t think to have.

When they arrived on the street they thought they were in a movie. There were firemen busily working to extinguish the fire that had spread to a large part of the building. People were running out of the building, looking for safety, while policemen were helping the firemen to get everything under control.

The two NCIS agents searched their surroundings hoping to find the familiar figures of their friends, maybe a bit hurt, especially after what Callen had to witnessed on the screen, but alive, at least. Desperation grew wider as one of Agent Benson’s men approached them.

“A couple of our men tried to get inside Detective Deeks’ apartment, but it was impossible to get in there without any kind of equipment. The flames had already engulfed almost the entire apartment…” the young man stated, sporting a dirty face and a sorrowful expression.

“No!” Callen shouted trying to wriggle from Sam’s arms and moving to go towards the burning building, but the younger agent stopped him, blocking his path.

“I’m sorry sir. The firemen aren’t allowing anyone near the building. It’s too dangerous. A squad has just walked inside…

” “But I… I have to save them…” The team leader was barely holding himself together. His stomach was knotted, clenched in a tight vice as his eyes observed the surreal scene in front of him. “This can’t be true…. This is not real!” he murmured sinking on his good knee and slamming his fist on the ground.

The young agent attempted to move towards him, but Sam made a gesture with his hand. “I… I’ve got it,” he said, sitting next to his friend, putting an arm around his shoulder trying to give him a bit of comfort. Then, lifting his head to look at the younger man, he started, “Agent…”

“Wallace. Agent Bryce Wallace,” the young agent replied proudly, feeling the ex-Seal gratefully look on him.

“Agent Wallace, do you mind looking for a doctor or a paramedic? My partner needs medical attention.” Sam curved his lips into a little smile, silently thanking the young man for his kindness.

“Of course, sir. But I reckon you need some patching up yourself, if I dare…” Wallace bowed his head, a bit ashamed. This time, Sam’s smile widened, “I reckon you might be a bit right.”

The young agent blushed, ashamed. “I’ll go get a doctor and I will let you know if… well… if there’s news about your teammates.” Before the ex-Seal could reply, Wallace was already gone.

The big man checked his surroundings, fighting the dizziness that was catching him. He could feel his partner trembling under his touch, too worried of what was happening in front of him. “It’s ok, G. I’m sure the firemen will find them and they will get Kensi and Deeks out.” His own words sounded strange, even to his own ears; not convincing at all.

“How can you say that, Sam?” Callen’s voice was filled with sadness and a hint of venom. “How can you be so sure, damn it? You didn’t see what I saw… you were not there when… when he was…” Bile rose up through his throat and he couldn’t stop himself from retching. His chest exploded in agony and he had to curl into a ball to fight the pain.

“Hey, take it easy, G…” Sam helped his partner to sit down. He had never seen his friend so discomforted, so affected by anything like he was at this moment. It was shocking.

Callen wiped away the sign of retching with his good hand and looked at his friend with teary eyes. “I… I failed them Sam. What if… he made me watch while he hurt them, as he tortured them, only because he wanted to see me suffer. He used them to hurt me… I couldn’t do anything to help them, to protect them from him. Their screams are still echoing in my head… It’s my fault….” He was shaking like a leaf, unable to control his body. “What if… what if they didn’t make it? How will I be able to forgive myself, Sam? It’s too much… it’s just too much…”

A flash of rage coursed through Sam’s veins seeing his partner so broken. The hatred he felt for James O’Rourke increased even more and for the first time in his whole life, he wanted to kill someone so badly. He passed his good arm around his partner’s shoulders, making him sense his reassuring presence, but keeping his fury at bay was getting almost impossible.

They were still like that when Wallace came back with a paramedic at his heels. “Sir, there’s someone here who can help you both. Please…” The younger agent tried to break the two senior agents apart. It was like they were helping each other to go on, without succumbing to their own injuries.

When finally the two men were separated, the paramedic started working on Sam first in order to stop the bleeding. “Take care of him, first…” the ex-Seal protested but the paramedic scolded him like a child.

“I’m sorry sir, but I need to stop the bleeding, before you collapse! The bullet went through and it seems that it hasn’t damaged anything important, but you have already lost a considerable amount of blood. So shut up and let me do my job… sir!”

The ex-Seal chuckled at the man’s determination. “You have an attitude son.”

“Only with stubborn patients, sir,” the paramedic remarked wittily.

The two men were so busy in their conversation that they didn’t notice Callen staring at something in the distance. His whole body tensed as he tried to force his uncooperative legs to stand up.

“G, what the hell are you doing?” Sam asked, moving aside the paramedic.

“He’s here, Sam…” Even though it looked impossible, Callen got to his feet, unsteadily, but he was standing.

“G, I don’t get it… who is here?”

“O’Rourke, Sam! Look…” The team leader made a little gesture with his head careful not to be caught. Thankfully, an ambulance shielded them from the people standing on the other side of the road. “The son of a bitch is still here, watching the result of his dirty job!”

Sam moved his eyes in the direction his partner had pointed out and he saw it too. James O’Rourke was mixing amongst the crowd gathered around the restricted area. His gaze was on the burning building, in expectation, like he was waiting for some good news. His face was pleased and his expression satisfied. “Bastard!” Sam got up abruptly, fighting the dizziness that immediately caught him.

“Sir, you’re too weak. You can’t go anywhere in your condition… and you too!” The paramedic warned the two senior agents that simply ignored him.

“Wallace, alert Agent Benson. Tell him that O’Rourke is here. Tell him to surround the area while we’ll go get him!” The ex-Seal helped Callen to his unsteady feet. “G, are you sure you’re up for this? You are…”

“To hell, Sam! Shut up and let’s go get the bastard!” Blue eyes sparkled with blinded fury as Callen tightened his grip on his friend’s waist as a support. “Let’s get him…”

Sam nodded and slowly they moved step by step towards O’Rourke’s position; hearts beating with trepidation. This might be the last thing they’d do, but they were going to get O’Rourke and, sincerely, they didn’t care whether they got him dead or alive.

* * *

James O’Rourke was staring at the burning building, amused by his own work. His blue eyes were sparkling in excitement knowing that there was no way out for his former captives, trapped in the fire that was consuming Detective Deeks’ apartment. His satisfaction grew even bigger thinking that Agent Callen was looking at this, unable to do anything.

He only had to wait for the whole situation to calm down and then he could go back to the building across the street and take care of the NCIS agent. For good this time. After that, he needed only to eliminate the last member of the team, Agent Hanna, and his revenge would be finally complete. Once his job was finally finished, he would disappear, maybe even leaving the country again, as he already did in the past.

Around him, people shouted in apprehension when tongues of fire erupted from the windows of the apartment. Splinters and pieces of glass flew all around. The crowd murmured, shocked, as the firemen continued working frantically to get out whoever was still trapped inside.

O’Rourke barely contained his enthusiasm at the sight, feeling a sense of power. The taste of the victory was filling his mouth. He simply lived for this moment. The man was so fascinated, so mesmerized by the images that reached his eyes, that he almost didn’t realize that one of his men was calling him.

“Mr. O’Rourke, I think we’d better go, now,” Malone said with urgency, pointing at a couple of figures that were walking towards them, moving aside the people in front of them.

James tensed when his gaze landed on Agent Callen and Agent Hanna who were looking straight at him with an expression he didn’t like at all. His quick mind started to form another plan, while his tongue played with his lips, nervously. He put his hand in his pocket and, sensing the presence of an object he almost forgot he had, an evil grin brightened his expression.

His blue eyes cast a cold glance at the two agents as he gave them a devilish smile. O’Rourke brought two fingers to his forehead and sent a silent salute to his bitter enemies, before turning on his heels and walking away, followed by his men.

* * *

Sam and Callen caught a glance of the man they were looking for so badly. Their eyes crossed and, for a moment, it was like the world had stopped around them; like they were the only men on the face of Earth. An unnatural silence engulfed them as nothing existed beside them.

Then O’Rourke gave them a two finger salute and walked away.

The two agents tried to move, but there were people blocking their path. People were scared and paralyzed by the scene happening in front of their eyes and, for this reason, they were hard to pass by.

“Move away!” Sam shouted. “Federal Agents!” But this increased the panic in the already shocked crowd.

Callen found his path inadvertently blocked by some people. He literally crashed into a big man and he had to take a moment to get his breath back after the air was sucked from his lungs. His cracked ribs protested violently. Only his partner’s support prevented him from doubling over in pain. “Damn it…” he muttered between ground teeth.

“You ok, G?” the ex-Seal asked, worried. His gaze moved from his friend to the place where O’Rourke had been standing until few moments ago.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His partner stood up a bit unsteadily, but as he managed to straighten himself, he started running after the evil man who had disappeared from their sights. “Where is he, Sam? Where did O’Rourke go?” Panic filled his words when he couldn’t get a glimpse of the wanted man.

“That way… come on. Are you sure you’re up for this, G?” Sam noticed how pale his friend was. He was sure that he didn’t know the complete extent of Callen’s injuries but for sure, his partner was hurting fiercely.

“Yes, I am more than sure.” His blue eyes glittered fiercely as pure hatred shadowed them. “I’m not going to let him get away! Not this time! Not again!” His voice cracked a little, a clear sign of the inner battle going on inside of him. There was a part of him that only wanted to kill O’Rourke without mercy, repaying for what he had done to all of them. Another part, the more rational one, knew that he was a federal agent, and that he had to follow a certain code…

Then, there was another part of him; the one that was bleeding internally, thinking about his younger teammates, praying that they were safe and out of the hell that was Deeks’ building.

Sam stared at him, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop his partner from chasing O’Rourke, not until he’d be captured. “Ok then. Let me help you…” Cringing, he passed an arm under his friend’s shoulders, supporting him.

“Stop it, Sam! You’ll hurt yourself. You didn’t even let the paramedic take care of you!” protested the team leader, wriggling away from the ex-Seal’s tight hold.

“Only because my stubborn partner decided to go for a run while the doc was patching me up! It was not very nice of you!” In spite of the teasing tone, Sam’s face was grave and darn serious.

“Yeah, silly me…” Callen gave him a hint of a smile, before tightening the grip on his gun. “We need to stop him, Sam.” The big man simply nodded, indicating his partner to go ahead, and ran towards O’Rourke’s last known position. They finally passed the area where the crowd was gathered, finding themselves in an almost deserted part of the neighborhood. People had probably moved towards the fire, driven by an unhealthy curiosity.

The two agents walked carefully, side by side, checking for an eventual attack from the men they were chasing.

“Do you see anything?” Callen asked Sam, aiming his weapon at a window where he had seen movement, but fortunately, it was a false alarm.

“No, nothing,” the ex-Seal bit his lip nervously. His finger was caressing the trigger of his gun ready to shoot in occurrence.

They turned right into an alley with their hearts pounding madly in their chests, and ragged breaths. Sweat adorned their foreheads as their trained eyes scanned the place.

It was a dead end. The alley was closed at the end by a tall, brick wall. And right there, standing still, waiting for them, was the man they wanted so badly. The man that had almost destroyed their whole existences.

James O’Rourke was leaning against the wall, nonchalantly. His omnipresent and creepy shillelagh was twirling playfully in the air and he was whistling what sounded like an old Irish song.

Both Sam and Callen froze, aware that this might be a trap. Knowing the man and his tricky mind, he was, for sure, up to something. Something bad.

“Turn around and put your hands where we can see them!” Callen ordered with a voice as steady as he could manage. He was finding it hard to control himself. He tried to look at O’Rourke straight in the eyes, but as he did, flashes of what he had been forced to watch formed in his mind. He could still hear Kensi’s cries and Deeks’ moans echo in his ears, as the evil man beat them, harming them heavily, laughing and enjoying their agony.

O’Rourke had fed himself on the pain he had put his two captives through. Their screams had satisfied him immensely, making him ecstatic. And all of his pleasure was written in his ice blue eyes that were locked on the team leader’s tortured ones. “Well, well, well… Look who the cat dragged in!”

“O’Rourke, turn around and put your hands on the wall!” Sam insisted. He could sense his partner’s hesitation. He could feel him trembling nervously, so he needed to stay in control, but it was not easy. Not even for him. O’Rourke’s voice reminded him of those terrifying moments when he thought that he was dying because of the poison, when he thought that everything was lost.

“Agent Sam Hanna, long time no see, you,” James grinned cunningly without moving a single muscle. “I have to say that I am a bit disappointed that I didn’t have the opportunity to play a little with you. Your partner has been even too easy, so remissive, so prone to listen to me and to do whatever I asked him to do. And your two friends, well… they’ve been pretty entertaining. I can’t deny that I would have liked to carry on the little game we were playing a little longer, but you Feds decided to interrupt me…”

“Shut up, O’Rourke!” Callen shouted, moving a step forward. “It’s over now! So turn around and surrender.”

An evil laugh resounded in the deserted alley. “In your dreams!” O’Rourke affirmed as the sound of guns being cocked echoed clearly from behind the two NCIS agents. “Maybe, it’s over for you…”

Sam and Callen cast a quick glance behind them, finding themselves at gun point. Three thugs were in fact aiming their weapons at them, while another was disarming them.

“What a change of scenario, eh? Don’t you think?” O’Rourke finally moved away from the wall and walked towards the two agents, still whistling and twirling the shillelagh. “Now, how do you want to proceed? Because I can kill you both, right where you stand, or maybe we can continue with our little game.”

The man who took their guns moved rapidly behind Callen and moving his arms behind his back, immobilized him, making him scream when his broken arm was manhandled. Sam tried to react, but O’Rourke hit him with the stick right on his wounded shoulder.

“Sam!”

“I’m… fine…” panted the ex-Seal from the ground where he had sunk in agony after the blow.

The shillelagh moved under Sam’s chin, lifting it slightly. “Not for too long…” O’Rourke raised the shillelagh to hit the big man again, when gunshots resounded in the alley.

The man holding Callen fell to the dusty ground in a heap and so did another one. Before anyone could realize it, Agent Benson’s team rushed towards the NCIS agents, weapons in hand.

The two remaining thugs tried to find some cover, but their escape was not fast enough. They were both reached by several shots before falling lifelessly to the ground.

Sam and Callen retrieved their guns and turned towards O’Rourke who was now walking backwards towards the brick wall. His face had lost all of his confidence and color.

“It’s over, O’Rourke,” Callen repeated once again, but this time his voice was steadier, knowing that finally he was in an advantaged position. “On your knees and hands on your head!”

“You know Agent Callen, you might arrest me, but your life won’t be the same anymore,” the older man said with his vicious, hissing voice, full of venom. His thin lips were curved into a smile.

“Shut up, O’Rourke!” Sam silenced him, aware that the man was still playing his mind game, aware that he was playing the last trump.

“Why, Agent Hanna? I’m simply telling the mere truth…” O’Rourke laughed, throwing his head backwards.

“I said, shut up!” Callen was trembling. The man was driving him to the edge of craziness, hitting a raw nerve. His fingers moved nervously on the trigger.

“Agent Callen…” he smirked cunningly, sending an icy glance towards the NCIS agents. “You haven’t realized yet, but I won. I would like to see how many nights you will spend seeing your friends die, hearing their screams, feeling guilty because it was your fault. Knowing that you caused them all of that pain…” Sam couldn’t stand hearing that voice anymore. He knew that his partner was fighting hard not to kill O’Rourke where he stood. Hell, he wanted to do it himself. “On your knees, O’Rourke!”

But the man simply ignored his words and continued with his talking. “I enjoyed every single moment I put my hands on Agent Blye’s skin, so delicate, so silky. Her tits were so hard, too bad you never felt them.” He licked his lips with his tongue, clearly amused and aroused. “And Marty… it was so fun reducing him to a little whiny, weeping baby. I heard his bones break and it’s simply an amazing sensation… Do you know how much power that sensation gave me?”

Callen couldn’t hold himself anymore and rushed towards O’Rourke, pistol whipping him, using all the strength he could in the gesture. “How does it feel, you son of a bitch? How does it feel being on the other side?”

James O’Rourke stared at the NCIS agent while pulling himself to his feet. Sam and the men of Benson’s team were keeping him at gunpoint, but he didn’t seem to care. There was something in his behavior, something unsettling, that chilled everyone’s bones.

“You still think that you’re the winner, don’t you?” He wiped away the blood from his split lip and laughed, again. It was the most terrifying sound the agents had ever heard. “You’re so wrong, Agent Callen. So wrong…” His hand moved to his pocket, but before he could do anything, O’Rourke was reached by dozens of gunshots.

His body danced like a rag doll for few moments as bullets hit him, before falling to the ground. Blood stained his shirt… but he wasn’t dead yet. His fingers moved towards the object he was retrieving from his pocket and that had fallen down. An object that was not a gun as the NCIS agents had thought at first. His bloodied lips turned into an evil grin. “I won…” he whispered feebly “Your… friends… are… dead…” his finger pressed a little red button on the black object before exhaling his last breath.

Callen’s eyes widened in horror realizing what had just happened, realizing that O’Rourke had just pressed the button of a detonator. “NO!” he yelled desperately, but it was too late.

The echo of an explosion reached their ears as everything around them trembled. A thick dust cloud engulfed everything making breathing very hard.

Callen’s heart skipped a beat. He sank to his knees ignoring the pain erupting from his injured limb. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Few words formed on his mouth as he realized that his whole world had gone to pieces. “You won… son of a bitch. You won!”


	25. Chapter 25

He was forcing himself to detach his body from his mind, to keep his distance from the pain, from the excruciating agony that engulfed every cell, every muscle, every nerve of his system. But it was too hard, almost impossible. Everything hurt, a lot.

His chest was clenched in a tight vice, breathing was almost impossible. His lungs were simply on fire and his throat was so dry that swallowing was another source of unimaginable pain. But these were not the worst of his sensations, sadly.

Deeks could hear O’Rourke’s voice hissing in his ears, whispering to him his venomous words. His nostrils were filled with the man’s stench that made him nauseous, that turned his stomach upside down. He hated that smell, he hated sensing O’Rourke around him, over him. He couldn’t stand the idea of the man touching him, hitting him, sending on the edge of madness. Just knowing that O’Rourke was in the same room with him, made him sick. And mostly, he hated himself for being so weak in front of his tormentor. For his inability to fight back or resist him. Of course the team, the people he considered his friends, the only family he ever had, didn’t want to save him. Of course they left him here, once again, all alone, abandoning him to his fate. He was not worth saving, because he was simply a pathetic excuse of a man. A broken shell, with no soul… He, Marty Deeks, was useless. Maybe he deserved to die. He deserved to suffer because he was so weak that he was not able to protect the one person that really meant the world to him.

_Kensi,_ he tried to murmur, but the words didn’t come out of his parched lips. His partner’s cries echoed in his mind, like twisting knives that cut him deeply through his heart. This was the worst of the pain - the feeling that she was suffering, because of his ineptitude, because of his uselessness. Her moans tore him apart, sending his soul to pieces. _Oh Kensi, please forgive me. Please… I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I didn’t have your back._

Words formed in his head and man, it hurt. God, it hurt so much. How could he possibly outlive this? After what he did or, better, after what he didn’t do. He could hear Sam and Callen mocking him for being such a whiny baby, unable to do his job, telling him that he was not worth their friendship. Yelling at him because he let Kensi get hurt. And here he saw her, looking at him, with her big mismatched eyes that went deeply into his soul; that sent daggers to him. Her beautiful face that slowly became bloodied and harmed…

“NO!” he wanted to shout, but once again, his throat screamed in agony as he was not able to breathe.

Then, as they came, images disappeared and he was back in the darkness with a deep void in his heart that overwhelmed him; that ate him from the inside. There was no sense in fighting, not anymore… and so, he stopped and let the pain take possession of his whole body, hoping that the end would be quick.

When Deeks was finally ready to accept his death as a relief, he felt hands touching him, sending an electrical discharge through his body. “No… no… no…” he was back. O’Rourke was back, because he didn’t have enough of hurting him, enough of making him suffer. He was back to torture him again and he wouldn’t even let him die in peace.

With the little bit of pride he had left, mostly out of desperation, he fought the fingers touching him, the hands keeping him steady . He continued struggling, inhaling deeply, looking for some air, but the precious oxygen didn’t get to his lungs

Oh God, what did O’Rourke do to him this time? Why did he enjoy torturing him so much? _Please stop it… please,_ he stuttered feebly.

Panic grew inside of him when he felt something being put on his face, on his nose and mouth, reminding him of the bloody gag that the man enjoyed so much to put on him and without even realizing, Deeks found strength he never imagined he had. He struggled with all his might. During the process, he even hit his tormentor. One of his fisted hands had reached his target. But it was just a short victory. A strong hold kept his wrists down, preventing him from doing any further movement and the same happened to his legs, blocked under a heavy weight.

Pain erupted from his abused body. _Please, let me die… stop hurting me. You won, you crazy bastard. You won!_

Tears rolled down his cheeks, because he knew that O’Rourke wouldn’t leave him alone until the moment he would exhale his last breath. So maybe the only solution to all of this agony, to this endless torture was to let go and die… It was time to disappear forever, so no one would blame him for anything anymore. No one would ever tell him how useless, how pathetic he was. No one would hurt him anymore. Maybe dying was the first act of courage in his whole life.

No more pain.

Stop fighting.

So this was the end. This was really the end to his useless life. He stopped struggling, stopped feeling the pain. So this was how dying really felt. Well, maybe it was not that bad…

* * *

“Sir, please, calm down!” a young paramedic said to the man he was treating, trying to stop him from struggling and hurt himself. “Kevin, please, I need help with this man!” he asked one of his colleagues who was collecting some equipment from the ambulance.

“I’m coming, Ted” the other man replied, rushing towards his friends, trying to understand what was happening.

The firemen had found this man and woman in the burning apartment and they managed to get them out of there a moment before the explosion took all of them by surprise. It was just a miracle that no one died because of the detonation. There were several wounded people, even amongst the crowd who had gathered to see the fire, but no one was in real danger.

This man and the woman were a completely different matter. The paramedics had found out that they were Federal Agents that had been captured by a dangerous criminal who tortured them, before deciding to get rid of them and lighting the fire in the apartment.

Both the agents were in terrible shape, with bruises and wounds that marked their bodies, but it was the fire and the smoke that had caused the major amount of damage. The woman suffered from minor burns on her legs, one more extensive on her arm, and had troubles breathing because of the big amount of smoke she inhaled before passing out. She was awake, currently, but clearly in pain, and not very aware of her surroundings.

The man was another story. The fire had burnt his arm, but this was the least of his injuries. When the firemen brought him out, he was barely awake, and extremely unresponsive to every stimulation. His breathing was labored and coughing fits shook his already hurt body. Then, when the paramedics had started treating him, he reacted violently, struggling, kicking, waving his arms in the air, like he had been electrocuted.

“Kevin, hold him steady, I can’t even start checking on his injuries,” Ted told his partner, using all of his strength to keep the blond man still on the gurney so he could finally treat him. It was a very hard job since the man continued wriggling, murmuring to let him go, to stop hurting him.

“We’re not going to hurt you, sir, but if you don’t stop you’re going to do it by yourself!” Kevin held the man’s shoulders down allowing his partner to put a mask on the patient’s face, helping him with his labored breathing.

The moment the oxygen mask touched the man’s skin, he reacted even more violently than before. His whole body tensed and his fists moved in the air blindly, hitting Ted’s arm in the process.

“Argh!” the paramedic winced, more out of surprise rather than because the blow had really hurt him. “What the hell is happening here?”

“I really don’t know, but if we don’t do anything, we’re going to lose him. His heartbeat is too elevated and I fear that he might go into shock. His breathing is getting worse…” Kevin hadn’t finished the sentence that a coughing fit shook the patient’s body to the bones. “Oh heck!” without double thinking, he grabbed the man’s wrists and pushed them down the gurney while he literally jumped on the patient’s legs, preventing any further movement.

“Let me get a sedative…” Ted rummaged through his medical bag and right when he was injecting the man with the medicine, something unexpected happened.

The blond man’s body became suddenly still, his blue eyes rolled back and he stopped breathing

“No, no… no! He’s crashing!” the paramedic threw the syringe with the sedative away “Damn it, this is useless now! He’s not breathing!”

“We need to intubate him!” his partner started working on the unresponsive patient, putting a tube in his mouth and connecting it to the oxygen in the meantime Ted checked his pulse.

“Oh hell, not this too,” and without waiting for anything else, he started compressing on the man’s chest.

They worked hard for a few moments, but there was still no heartbeat. “Oh hell to this!” Kevin yelled disappointed, retrieving the defibrillator and shocking the patient.

One time.

Two times.

“Deeks…” a feeble voice called, making the paramedic turn to look where it came from.

The woman in the other gurney, even if hurt and between ragged breaths, was extending her arm towards the man, as she wanted to touch him. A female paramedic that was taking care of her tried to stop her from moving, but the woman stubbornly, stretched her arm even more.

“Deeks, don’t give up…” she spoke with a weak voice. Tears veiled her almost unfocused eyes.

The paramedics shocked their patient another time. No beating.

They looked at each other, unsure of what to do, when the woman pushed herself into a sitting position and tried to get up to approach the man “Deeks, please. Fight… you have to fight it.” She collapsed in the female paramedic arms, too exhausted to do any further movement, but she didn’t lose consciousness. Her arm was still stretched towards the man. “Deeks, please… don’t give up…”

Another shock. Beep…. Beep… The monitor finally took life as the man’s heart started beating again. Feebly, maybe, but at least he was still there. Alive.

The woman grabbed the paramedic’s wrist, looking at her with teary eyes. “Please, can I… can you get me… closer?” she begged before a bout of coughing caught her unprepared.

“Madam, I am…”

“Please…” the woman insisted between a cough and another.

The female paramedic understood how important this was for the woman and moved her gurney closer to the man’s, until her hand could touch his and her fingers entangled with his.

“I’m here, Deeks… don’t you dare… give up…” the woman murmured. The sound of the heart monitor reached her ears and she finally sensed that his heartbeat was getting stronger, she allowed herself to fall into oblivion, not before adding few other words, “I’m here… for you, Deeks…” then she finally succumbed to her weariness.

The paramedics barely held the tears at the scene, touched by what they had just seen.

“Ok, we need to get them to the hospital. They are stable but they need medical attention. Now!” Kevin ordered, shaking himself from the overwhelming feelings engulfing him and focusing back on the job. Their patients were still alive, but if they didn’t take them to the hospital quickly, they might be in more serious trouble.

Ted looked at him, nodding, as he ran towards the cabin of the ambulance, ready to start the engine.

A few minutes later, two ambulances rushed along the busy streets of Los Angeles with their precious cargo, headed to the nearest hospital.

* * *

Hetty Lange was sitting in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs waiting for news. She almost couldn’t believe that all four members of her team were here, all of them hurt in one way or another.

The last few hours had been hectic, since the moment they found out about O’Rourke being back in LA. From Mr. Callen’s abduction and Miss Blye’s and Mr. Deeks’ kidnapping, everything went wrong.

She should have prevented this. She was better than this. She was Hetty Lange. She was always a step ahead of everyone, but this time, she had failed and her men had paid the price.

Taking a deep breath, she got up, pacing up and down the corridor, trying to break the tension of the waiting.

Eric and Nell had been left in Ops, keeping a connection with LAPD and the Fire Department. The two techs couldn’t help themselves and they called the Operation Manager almost every ten minutes because they wanted an update on their friends’ conditions. Sadly, Hetty didn’t have anything to say at the moment.

How could it end like this? How could it happen that she had been spending so much time at the hospital lately? Maybe she was getting too old for this job. During her career, she had seen so many bad things, but she never got used to see her men, the people she cared for, get hurt. And the affection she harbored for Mr. Callen’s team was something she found hard to explain with words. She simply cared for all of them. Deeply. And for this reason, being here once again, hurt even more.

Hetty leaned against the rail running along the big window facing the parking lot, closing her eyes, reflecting on the events that had brought them here and a deep sadness engulfed her heart. She was supposed to be strong, to be the only person that would keep the whole team going. She was the boss, but right now, right here, in this hospital waiting area, she was just a woman with her feelings, with her own weakness, worried for her extended family. And surprising even herself, she felt her eyes veil.

“Miss Lange?” a voice called, startling her, taking her away from her thoughts.

“Yes?” the Operations Manager turned to see someone she didn’t expect to find here. Another woman, worried for someone she cared.

“Mrs. Addison, I can’t say it’s a pleasure to meet you here under these circumstances.” She gave Wendy a little smile, moving towards her.

“It’s Wendy, Miss Lange…” the nurse smiled back, but it was a sorrowful smile since she was unable to hide her concern. “A friend who works here called me to let me know what happened. How’s Marty? And the others? I couldn’t find anyone who could tell me anything about what happened to them!”

“Please, Wendy, come and sit with me.” Hetty took the other woman by her arm and guided her towards the line of chairs. “And it’s Hetty, by the way.”

The nurse nervously followed the diminutive woman, barely holding herself together. She could sense that something bad happened and she was not sure she wanted to know the entire story. “Hetty, I left his apartment and he was pretty shaken and all, but beside a really bad hangover, Marty was not doing too bad, physically. How did he end up here? And Kensi… and the others… please tell me, what happened?” She was holding back the tears, but it was getting harder by the minute.

The Operations Manager sat beside the other woman, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes. “James O’Rourke happened,” she said gravely, not looking at the nurse, knowing how much that name could affect her as well.

“Yes, I… I know that he probably got Callen, but…” Wendy felt a pang in her heart as a sense of guilt caught up with her. O’Rourke’s voice was still stuck in her head and she couldn’t help herself but feel that it was her fault. If she hadn’t passed the phone to Callen, maybe…

Hetty sensed what the nurse was thinking so she put a hand over hers. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent this and I am glad you were not in Mr. Deeks’ apartment or you would be hurt yourself.” She waited a moment, allowing the other woman to process her words and have a better understanding of their meaning, then she went on talking. “O’Rourke captured Mr. Callen, forcing him to watch as he… as he went to Mr. Deeks’ apartment and…” She took a deep breath, not liking at all what she was going to say “…as he hurt him and Kensi in front of a video camera.”

“Oh my God! NO!” Wendy took her hand to cover her mouth, shocked because of what she had just heard. She couldn’t believe that the evil man had hurt Marty again and in front of his friend. How much more could the boy take? He was already at the end of his rope, on the edge of a mental breakdown, how could he survive this again? And if Kensi had been hurt in the process, he would go crazy, because he cared so much about that girl. The nurse was aware that even if he never said anything, Marty loved Kensi more than anything in the whole world and he would not survive seeing her hurt. “Please, tell me that… that…” words died in her throat as tears formed in her hazel eyes.

Hetty lowered her gaze, unable to lie to the other woman. “I’m sorry, but… both Mr. Deeks and Miss Blye have been hurt again by O’Rourke who even lit a fire in the apartment to cover his escape. But… but Mr. Hanna and Mr. Callen got him. They finally got him and now he can’t harm anyone anymore.” There was an unusual hardness in the Operations Manager’s voice that didn’t go missed by the nurse’s receptive mind.

Wendy’s expression hardened, her jaw clenched. “I know that it’s not ethical, but I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad he won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore. I saw the pictures, I saw what he did to Marty.” She found herself trembling remembering those horrible images that Marty had taken in the closet. Cold shivers ran down her spine. “And a man so evil doesn’t deserve to live…” she paused covering her face with her hands. “Oh man, what am I saying? This is against everything I have always done in my whole life, it’s…”

Hetty put a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “I know and it’s a perfectly human reaction. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The man was pure evil, a monster. What he did was barbaric and gratuitous… and no one deserved to suffer because of him. No one.”

The two women were so lost in their conversation that they didn’t realize that someone had approached them, towering over them. “Hetty, Wendy…”

“Mr. Hanna, how do you feel?” the Operations Manager jumped to her feet, standing closer to her agent and staring at his arm in the sling.

“Nothing too serious, just a flesh wound. News on the others?” he wondered, worried, exchanging a concerned glance with the two women.

“Nothing yet,” Hetty told him, gesturing him to sit down. “What happened, Mr. Hanna? Agent Benson gave me a brief report, but…”

“He’s dead, Hetty,” Sam said gravely as he was taking a heavy weight away from his shoulders. “But I don’t know if it’s really over.”

“What do you mean, Sam?” Wendy intervened. She had met the big man when Marty had been taken to the hospital the first time and she had learnt to read him pretty well, so she could see that something was bothering him; something he was afraid to say.

“Until the end he played with G’s mind, using the guilty card and after he pressed that damn button on that detonator, I saw how G reacted, I saw his face. He was devastated, I’ve never seen him like that…” the ex-Seal’s voice was nothing more than a whisper as he passed his good hand over his tired face.

“We’ll get Mr. Callen back in line. I have already taken some arrangements to get some further help,” the Operations Manager stated without divulging her plan at all. “What can you tell me about Miss Blye and Mr. Deeks?”

Sam’s face tensed, his eyes saddened and he had to bow his head, biting his lips nervously. “I don’t know how the firemen got them out of the apartment in time. It was a miracle. Hell, it was a real miracle that no one died because of the fire or because of the explosion, but… when Benson’s team and I managed to get G to the ambulance, the paramedics were already driving them to the hospital. I… I heard that they were…” once again the ex-Seal paused, swallowing hard. “He said, G said, that he had to watch him torture them, that he had to hear them scream…”

Hetty stood, still wearing the hard mask she learnt to wear during the long years of her career. Wendy was simply too shocked to talk; once again her hands moved to her mouth, covering it , not allowing herself to cry out loud in horror.

“Excuse me, Miss Lange?” a voice called for the Operations Manager and after receiving a nod from the diminutive woman, continued, “I’m Dr. Crocker and I supervised the teams that took care of your agents. My boss told me to talk only with you and to be very reserved about everything.” The man smiled, flashing a kind but timid smile. He was in his forties, tall and lean, with black hair, black eyes and a perfectly trimmed goatee that made him look older than he probably was.

“Dr. Crocker, I’m Hetty Lange. You already know Agent Hanna and this is Wendy Addison.” Hetty greeted the doctor, noticing his skeptical expression, so she added immediately, “She is a friend, don’t worry.” Smiling at the doctor’s zeal.

“I’m a nurse at County Medical Center, so please be honest with me… with us,” the nurse told him, studying his face, cautiously.

“Ok, good then.” The doctor nodded solemnly, taking a deep breath. “Agent Callen has a broken ulna that has already been set, a broken rib and a knee that will require surgery to repair the damaged kneecap. There are other minor injuries but they are very superficial. Once the orthopedic surgeon has performed the surgery, which will happen in the next couple of days, he will be released from the hospital. He will need a lot of rest and some physiotherapy, but he will be fine.”

There was a collective sigh of relief that welcomed Dr. Crocker’s words. Everyone knew, especially after what Sam said before, that Callen’s mental state would need some work too, but this was another matter.

“What about Kensi and Deeks?” the ex-Seal asked frowning concerned.

Crocker looked at him with his deep dark eyes, unable to hide the worry. “Agent Blye suffered from a second degree burn on her left arm and some minor burns to her legs. She was lucky because if the firemen didn’t get to her quickly, the fire would have done major damage to her. She has some contusions, cuts, bruises all over her body, a couple of cracked ribs and probably a mild concussion. She inhaled a lot of smoke, but her lungs are not compromised. We’re helping her with some oxygen, but it’s just a precaution at this time.”

“Good God,” Hetty muttered.

“What about Marty?” Wendy couldn’t wait anymore. She needed to know about the man that had grown so much to become a son to her.

“Agent Deeks…” the doctor started, but Sam interrupted him promptly.

“Detective Deeks,” he corrected.

Dr. Crocker looked at him warily, lifting an eyebrow skeptically, but decided not to investigate. “Well, Detective Deeks is another story. The paramedic reported that he went into cardiac arrest and that he was not breathing on his own after they started treating him. When he arrived here, he had been stabilized, but the situation was not very good.” He took a long, deep breath “He’s not responding very well to the treatments and it’s like… it’s weird, but every time one of us touch him, his heartbeat goes crazy. He had been subjected to a bad beating and inhaled a lot of smoke, so we’re keeping him sedated and under a ventilator, but he’s still in a critical condition. For now, this is everything I can tell you… I’m sorry.”

“But he will make it, won’t he?” Wendy asked, shaking like a leaf.

“It’s all up to him now. It’s like he’s not fighting and he’s letting himself slip…” the doctor explained gravely, freezing everyone.

“Oh hell, let me talk to him and I’ll…” Sam started but Hetty, stopped him immediately.

“Mr. Hanna, I figure it’s better that when Dr. Crocker will allow us, you will go see Mr. Callen and I will see to Miss Blye.” Then turning towards Wendy, she said, “Wendy, due to your skills, do you mind taking care of Mr. Deeks? I think he would appreciate your presence beside him.”

“Yeah… of course I can,” the nurse replied without hesitation even if her heart was beating madly.

“Well, it’s set then. Dr. Crocker, please let us know when we will be able to visit your patients,” the Operations Manager nodded before sinking back into the chair. She was exhausted, as she had ever been in ages. She removed her glasses for a moment, sighing. “What a mess…” she whispered. “What a damn mess.”


	26. Chapter 26

“So, is it really over?” Eric asked while checking some files LAPD sent them regarding O’Rourke’s demise. He leaned against the back of his chair, stretching his muscles. It had been stressing for him, being confined in Ops while all of his friends were in danger. The tech was not a man of action, that was for sure, but knowing that he couldn’t do anything to help his friends sometimes really unsettled him.

“Yeah, he’s dead and he won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore,” Nell replied, putting a hand on her partner’s shoulder whilst sitting beside him. Her expression was darker than usual, which wasn’t missed by her friend.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You said it yourself. It’s over. O’Rourke is dead, so why the dark face?” Eric furrowed his brows in apprehension. Seeing her so distressed was something he was not used to and he didn’t like it at all.

“It’s just… well… yes, he’s dead, but is it really over? I mean, I can’t imagine what could have been like for Callen - watching what he was forced to see, unable to help Kensi and Deeks while…” she stopped as a lump formed in her throat, “and what about them? I don’t think Deeks was really over his previous experience with O’Rourke and now he has to face this and this time Kensi was involved. You know those two… you know how close they are. I… am scared for them. You heard what the doctor said…”

“Hey,” Eric took Nell’s hand in his, gently, looking straight at her. “I know, but we will be there for them. We’ll take one step at a time and we’ll fix things.”

“And what if we can’t fix them this time, Eric? What if this time was really too much?” There were tears in her eyes, something she didn’t allow too often.

The tech’s heart melted. He hated seeing her like this. Hell, he hated seeing any of his friends suffer. This whole experience had touched everyone deeply; messing with their minds, with their sentiments. What O’Rourke did to the whole team had been cruel and devastating because it had mined their certainties, changed the equilibrium among them. His evil plan was to destroy them and even if he was dead now, he almost reached his goal. It was up to them to prove him wrong and to get out of this situation, stronger than before.

Without thinking too much, because probably in any other situation he wouldn’t have dared do it, Eric engulfed Nell in a tight embrace, comforting her as much as he could. “We will get through this, because we care for each other. We won’t allow O’Rourke to win… never.”

The petite analyst lost herself in his arms, relaxing a little, feeling protected. “We will do that, won’t we? We will beat him again and we will do it all together. That’s our strength…” her voice was feeble, but steady, as she found strength from her own words.

“Yeah,” Eric broke the embrace, staring at her, smiling. “Now, what do you think if we shut everything down and go pay a visit to our friends? I don’t know about you, but I need a breath of fresh air… and I need a change of scenery.”

“I say, I like your suggestion,” Nell wiped away the tears that had rolled down her cheeks and nodded, giving him the best of her smiles. “Come on, Mr. Beale. Out of here.”

The tech was on his feet before she could finish her sentence, offering his hand to help to get up. “But you drive…”

“Of course, I drive or we’ll get to the hospital tomorrow.”

“Hey, are you saying that I am a bad driver?” protested Eric, stopping where he stood, pretending to be very disappointed.

“No, I’m just saying you’re a slow driver… well, you’re a bit slow when it’s not a matter of a computer and all,” she winked at him, walking past him and getting out of Ops.

The tech stood there startled by what she said. What did she mean? Shaking his head, he decided this was not the right moment to investigate and so he simply followed her, walking out of the room.

* * *

“Kensi, you can’t get out of that bed. You heard the doctor, the risk of infection is still too high. Not to mention the fact that you’re too weak even to stay awake for more than fifteen minutes straight!” Julia Feldman told her daughter, almost exasperated. Since the moment she woke up, Kensi had asked for the same thing, over and over. It was understandable after everything she went through, but everyone feared that she might not be ready, physically or mentally for it. On the other hand, Julia knew how stubborn her daughter was and if there was something she wanted, she would fight to get it, at any cost.

“Oh I don’t care about that, mum. I need to see him,” Kensi said with a shaken voice, broken once in a while by a cough. The high amount of smoke she inhaled had weakened her lungs and this was the result. But it was not only because of this weakness that her voice cracked. There was more. “Please mum, I need to see Deeks. Please…” The unshed tears she wanted so desperately to hold, veiled her eyes. Her mum, Hetty, Sam, even Nell and Eric said that her partner was alive, that he was healing relatively well, but no one had told her how he was really doing. She knew how bad it had been for him; how much the new encounter with O’Rourke had affected him. She had seen his reaction when the man was around him, hell, it was bad for her, she can’t even start imagining how much worse it had been for Deeks.

Julia observed her daughter intently and her heart melted. She was aware of the bond between Kensi and the blond detective. She even had the impression that it was far beyond a professional relationship. She didn’t want to break the news of the young man’s real condition, because she knew that Kensi would not take it very well. But on the other hand, her daughter deserved to know. “I… Kensi, sweetie, I…”

“Mum, what are you not telling me? Everyone said that he’s doing better, but no one really wants to talk about him. What’s wrong? Please tell me… I need to know…” Kensi begged, sensing that her mother was the only one she could really push to obtain something. “Mum, how’s Deeks? And I swear to God I will stop taking care of myself if you don’t tell me!” she almost screamed, before a bout of coughing hit her, making her curl up in pain when her broken ribs protested vehemently.

“Kensi! See? That’s why you shouldn’t get too agitated. The doctor told you that you’re still too weak…” Julia jumped on her feet to move to her daughter’s bedside, holding her hand and making soothing circles on her back to help her breathe.

When the fit finally ended, Kensi lifted her head with tears in her eyes. “Mum, please… tell me about Deeks. Please, then I will go back to sleep, but please… I need to know.”

Her mother sighed heavily, helping her back on the pillow, gently stroking her hair, as only a mother could do. “Oh sweetie…”

“Mum, please…” she insisted, determined to have her answers.

Julia caressed Kensi’s face, tenderly, then closing her eyes, she started. “Kensi, Marty’s wounds are healing relatively well, even if he was in very bad shape when he arrived here.”

The NCIS agent bit her lip nervously. _Of course he was in bad shape! Damn, the bastard beat him mercilessly, again, with that bloody shillelagh!_ She shivered at the memory, reliving for a moment what happened at Deeks’ apartment that day. How helpless and hopeless she had felt, shaking at the memory of the man touching her, of his hands on her.

Her mother saw her lose her color and tremble. “Kensi, dear, are you ok?”

Kensi tried to shake herself, blocking the memories away. “Yes, I’m fine. Please, go ahead,” she said with a weak voice that didn’t sound like hers, even to her ears.

“Kensi, he’s… not responding very well to treatment. The doctors said that it’s like he’s lost in his own world, no one can touch him because he freaks out, screaming and struggling. To take care of him they have to sedate him because they are afraid he can hurt himself,” Julia allowed her daughter to digest her words before going on talking “Only Wendy can get close to him, but the poor woman is exhausted. She almost never left his side and when she can’t be there for and with him, they have to even restrain him…”

“No, no… this is so wrong!” Kensi put herself into a sitting position and fighting the dizziness that immediately caught her. She tried to take off the IV line connected to her hand and to get out of the bed.

“Kensi, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!” her mother tried to stop her and to force her back to bed.

Her whole body protested in agony, but she was determined to see her partner, now more than ever. “Mum, let me go. I need to see Deeks, I need to!” she yelled desperately as tears formed in her eyes. “Please mum, you know why I have to do that, please… let me go see him…”

Julia hugged her daughter, feeling her sob in her arms. “Sshhtt, calm down now… calm down now,”

“Mum, I’ll be good. I’ll do everything the doctors say, but please, I need to see him, just for a few minutes,” Kensi’s voice sounded so child-like, so broken, that her mother was not able to resist her.

“Look, I will talk to the doctors and if they say that it’s not going to cause any problem for the two of you, you will be able to see him… ok?”

“Thank you mum,” Kensi murmured, allowing her mother to caress her and comfort her.

Julia realized how weak she still was. How badly hurt she was because of what that man did to her; to what he did to them and she felt her tears flow as well. She had been so close to losing her daughter. “Oh, you don’t have to thank me, sweetie, just… don’t scare me like that anymore, please? I can’t lose you, Kensi… I simply can’t…”

“Love you, mum,” Kensi simply murmured, before falling asleep in her mother’s arms.

Julia guided her towards the mattress, tucking her in. She stroked her dark curls then she kissed her forehead sweetly. “Love you too, sweetie. Love you, too.” She took a seat in her chair, holding Kensi’s hand and gently talking to her even though she was sleeping, seeing her relax at the sound of her voice.

* * *

Callen was getting restless. He had been stuck in this bed for ages after the surgery to repair his kneecap. He couldn’t even use crutches to move because of his broken ulna. “Oh damn it, Sam! I need to get out of here or I’m going to kill someone!” he sighed, frustrated.

“G, you know the drill, so shut up and try to get some rest. It’s the only way you can get out of here sooner,” the ex-Seal replied, a bit amused. He knew his partner too well not to enjoy a little of his frustration and frankly, he would be exactly the same if he had been stuck in a hospital room as long as his friend.

“I don’t care about it at all. I only want to get out of here and…,” he paused, his whole body trembled. He had to brace himself to calm down.

“G, hey… what’s up?” asked Sam, concerned by his partner’s change of attitude. He realized immediately after his words left his mouth what was really going on inside Callen’s head. “No, G. Stop it. We’ve already had this conversation. They are going to be fine… and you know it’s not your fault. What can I do to get it into that thick head of yours?”

“Oh yes, of course it’s not my fault that O’Rourke got them and tortured them in front of my eyes only because he wanted to see me go crazy. It’s not my fault that the whole team had been targeted more than once just because of me… It’s not my fault that I couldn’t protect all of you!”

The ex-Seal watched his partner starting to tremble, unable to control himself. His blue eyes were shut as he wanted to push away the memories that were still haunting him, day and night. “G, you have to calm down, please…”

But Callen didn’t seem to hear him. He was paralyzed, moving was impossible exactly like when he was in that apartment, tied to that chair and forced to watch what O’Rourke was doing to his friends. His breathing was getting troubled. His fists were clenched so tight that his nails were digging into his palms.

“G, come on, look at me!” Sam insisted, but it didn’t work.

Suddenly, someone showed up behind him, placing a hand over his shoulder. “I’ve got it, Sam.”

The big man turned around and his eyes met an unexpected gaze. “Nate?”

“I think Hetty was right when she said she needed some help over here…” the psychologist smirked, moving beside Callen’s rigid form. He put a hand on the other man’s good arm and started talking calmly. “Callen, I know you can hear me. You can relax now. Everything is under control. You’re safe and if you open your eyes, you can see it by yourself. It’s just Sam and me, no one else. Come on… take my hand. Do it. There’s nothing to worry about. Everything is fine…”

At first, Callen didn’t react, still lost in his living nightmare. Then, when Nate squeezed his arm, he slowly opened his eyes, blinking several times, still panting. He stared at the figure towering over him, smiling at him. “Nate?”

“Yes, told you it was just me and Sam…”

Seeing his partner’s body slowly relax, Sam calmed down too. He released the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“What… what happened? And when… what are you doing here?” the blue eyed man asked the psychologist, clearly puzzled.

“Why are you all surprised to see me? Can’t I come home visiting my friends once in a while?”

“Hetty,” Callen stated, defeated, sinking back into the pillow, exhausted.

“Hetty.” Nate gave him a smile, patting his hand. “And I think she was more than right when she called me telling me you needed help.”

“I don’t need help!” the team leader snapped, regretting it immediately when his ribs protested.

“Typical example of someone who doesn’t need help at all…”

“Stop doing that, Nate. I don’t need help, for real,” Callen insisted, causing in the process a brusque outburst from his partner.

“Really, G? Are you sure? If I remember correctly, you’ve just blacked out… You were hyperventilating and you didn’t even know where you were. I don’t think it’s normal. Not to mention the fact that you have just crucified yourself, blaming yourself for something you couldn’t prevent or do anything about! Damn it, G! Stop playing the hero! You’re killing yourself!” Sam yelled, ending his speech, almost out of breath.

“And here’s something else Hetty told me …” Nate passed one of his hands over his face. When Hetty had contacted him, he was not sure he could come soon enough. The situation the Operations Manager had painted was grave, but he didn’t expect it to be so bad. And he hadn’t visited Kensi and Deeks yet…

“I’m good. I don’t need lecturing,” the ex-Seal raised his hands in defeat but he was welcomed by a flash of eyebrow furrowing “Hey, I was just trying to put something into his thick brain! Damn it! He’s so stubborn!”

“He’s not the only one, I see…” Nate smirked.

“I really don’t know what you mean…” Sam shook his head a bit disappointed, but aware that maybe the psychologist was right.

Nate locked his eyes on Callen, studying him, observing his behavior, his tense posture and his nervous features. The man was clearly mentally exhausted. Probably at the end of his rope, but he would never admit to needing help. It was in his nature, in his DNA, something that life taught him, day after day. He had been so used to relying only on himself for so many years that sometimes he forgot that he was not alone. Sometimes, the sense of belonging, his sense of duty towards his friends had an upper hand, getting the best of him and then, all of his certainties went to pieces. His balance was completely gone.

O’Rourke had played with it, getting inside Callen’s head, playing with his mind. Filling it with guilt and blame towards himself. If someone didn’t put him back on track, it might be detrimental and very dangerous, because it would be like a point with no return, something that would drag him down without any opportunity to get up again.

“How do you really feel?” he asked the team leader, trying to force him to take down his mask.

Callen hesitated, biting his lip. His good hand unconsciously clenched around the sheet covering the lower part of his body, while the one in the cast rested on his abdomen. “I said I am ok and I don’t need you in my head. Whatever Hetty told you, it was wrong…”

“And since you’re ok, you’re trembling, you’re having black outs and all… I got it,” the psychologist smirked cunningly, knowing exactly what buttons he could push.

“What do you want me to say, Nate?” Callen’s blue eyes became as cold as ice, but there was a deep sadness in them. A dark shadow veiled them. “You want me to say that I’m freaking out here… that I feel bad for whatever happened to my team? That I feel responsible for everything O’Rourke put them through? That I feel guilty because Kensi and Deeks almost died?”

“That’s exactly what you just did…” Nate stated calmly, looking straight into the team leader’s blue orbs with knowing gaze “This is eating you. It’s consuming you. You feel like you failed them; that you failed your friends. You’re carrying all the weight on your shoulders, but I am sure that they are the first ones that would tell you not to do it. Because they know you and they know that you would do everything in your power to keep them safe … Sadly, you didn’t have the power. O’Rourke stole it from you… He used the fact that you cared for your friends and he used it as a weapon against you.” He saw a little crack in the wall Callen had built around himself so he went on, knowing that he was on the right path. “He knew that you’d do everything for them and he used it to hurt you. Callen, no matter what you did, he would have hurt Kensi and Deeks anyway… If you didn’t offer yourself, he would have killed them anyway. It wasn’t the sense of revenge O’Rourke had towards you that hurt your friends, it was his hate. That man was only trying to find an excuse to hurt someone, to blame someone and release his anger, his hatred, so you shouldn’t blame yourself, it was because of his obsession, his calculated madness…”

Tears formed in Callen’s eyes. “But I let him do it… I didn’t do anything to stop him…”

“Callen, there was nothing you could have done that would have stopped him. That man was determined to kill you all, to hurt you all in the worst way possible. Surviving, you defeated him. You won…”

“No, he said that… that he won… because he… hurt them and he hurt me… he won, Nate. He won and I lost…”

“He knew he was dying when he said that. It was his last chance to play with your mind. If you really think that he won, well… he made it, but look on the bright side. You are alive, Sam is alive, Kensi and Deeks are alive and he’s not. This is what I call ‘a win’…” The psychologist could understand what the team leader was going through, but he needed to shake him, to make him see that he did good in the end. “You stopped him and now he won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore. Your friends are safe. This is the only thing that matters…”

“Oh yes, tell it to Kensi! Or tell it Deeks… He’s…” Callen couldn’t go on, words died in his throat.

“He’s alive, G,” Sam intervened. “And we are here to help him get through this. He might be a bit messed up, but he’s not alone. We’re a team, G, and we solve things as a team.” His dark eyes burnt with fierce determination. “And you are not alone as well. We defeated O’Rourke as a team, because together we’re stronger…”

“Sam is right. There’s a reason you’ve been put together, to work side by side…” Nate flashed a bright smile that seemed to go through Callen’s shield, finally.

“Do you… do you really mean it?” he asked tentatively. “When you say that… that they don’t blame me. They should…”

“They know you. They know that you did everything you could and trust me, I am even sure that they might be worried for you…” The psychologist put a hand over Callen’s good one that finally released the hold on the sheet. “What you need to do is to talk to them when they are up to it. You’ll see with your own eyes, that no one is holding a grudge against you. Actually, it’s quite the opposite… It’s O’Rourke you have to blame, not yourself. Don’t forget this… Do you think you can give this a thought?”

The blue eyed man stared at Nate, a bit unsure of his next move. This was something so out of character for him that it almost scared himself. He had never been so uncertain, so afraid of something as he was at this moment and he hated O’Rourke for this.

The psychologist noticed the anger growing inside his friend and nodded. “Use that anger, Callen. Use it against O’Rourke not against yourself. Use it to defeat him one last time.”

“I… I will try…” tentatively said Callen.

Sam studied his partner’s expression and finally released the breath he was holding. This was a big step. Of course, there was a lot of work to do, they all had to keep Callen in line, but at least it seemed that now he might see things from another point of view. Now he might see the light at the end of the tunnel, which was a big improvement.

“Good, very good. I think that now, you need to get some rest, though. You look like you need some…” Nate smiled, relieved.

“But I…”

“G, don’t try to protest!” Sam scolded him in a brotherly fashion.

Callen moved his gaze from one of his friends to another, knowing that he didn’t stand a chance. “Ok, I can get some rest, but Nate, you have to promise me to have a long talk with this big guy, too. He will never admit it, but… he’s not taking the whole story very well.”

“I don’t need a shrink!” the ex-Seal protested vehemently, walking backwards from his friend’s bed, like he wanted to find a way out of the room as soon as possible.

The psychologist looked at him, tilting his head. “Maybe not, but for sure you need a friend to talk to…”

Sam sighed heavily, closing his eyes, defeated. “Well, I… I can talk to a friend…”

“So, out of here. I’m starving. You know I arrived just a couple of hours ago from Europe and I haven’t eaten in… ages…”

“Ok, but I’m not buying, Nate!” the big man stated seriously.

“Hey, this is not fair… we haven’t seen each other in months! You should be kind with me…” retorted the psychologist a bit disappointed.

“Ok, you buy the food. I’ll buy the drink. Deal?”

“Now you’re speaking my language, Sam!” Nate turned to say his goodbye to Callen, happy to find him asleep.

“Will he be ok?” Sam wondered, worried.

“Yeah, I think so, if he has his friends around to remind him about the important things in life.”

“Don’t worry, Nate. I will do that every day.” The ex-Seal patted the psychologist on his shoulder. “Now, out of here.”


	27. Chapter 27

Saying that she was impatient was an euphemism. She literally couldn’t wait any longer.

Kensi looked at the clock on her phone for the umpteenth time, hoping that someone would show up to take her to see her partner. She had promised her mother that she was going to do everything the doctors told her to do, if they allowed her to go and see Deeks. And so she did, but now, she was getting restless.

“Oh come on,” she murmured, trying to slide her long legs down the bed and to get on her feet.

“And where do you think you’re going, young lady?” A kind and, by this time, familiar voice scolded her. “You know that if you put that foot down I’m not going to take you out of this room?”

“Wendy, thank God you’re here!” the agent said, relieved, staring at the wheelchair the nurse was pushing. “You’re not thinking I’m going to use that thing…”

“It’s this or nothing, Kensi,” Wendy stopped where she stood, putting her hands on her waist, in a challenging way. “You might feel better, but you can’t stay too long on those legs, the doctor has made that categorically clear! They are still too weak… and he doesn’t want them to get infected. So I warmly advise you to wait for me to help you to sit in the wheelchair…”

Kensi inhaled deeply, not very fond of the idea of getting to Deeks’ room in a wheelchair. Her partner didn’t need to see her like that, not after everything they went through.

Wendy approached her bed, smiling gently. “I know what you’re thinking, sweetie, but you can’t risk your health and compromise your recovery. I know how important all of this is for you and for him too, but you have to think about yourself first. You won’t be of any help if you’re going to get sick again…”

“But… Wendy I… I don’t want him to see me weak. He doesn’t need this. He…” her words didn’t come out as easily as she imagined. A lump formed in her throat thinking about Deeks, about what he was going through, about what they both went through because of O’Rourke, about how close they had been to die, to lose each other.

The nurse sat on the bed, caressing her face, careful not to touch her healing wounds and bruises “Marty needs you. Your name is the only name he says, well mostly is the only word he says…” Her eyes watered. She had been the only person who had been able to get closer to the young cop after he had been admitted to the hospital. The only person he allowed to touch him without screaming or freaking out, but Kensi had been the only person he was asking for. He was simply lost in his world and probably Kensi was the only thing that kept him attached to reality. “I think he only wants to see you. I am sure he will be happy to see you.”

“Is he that bad, Wendy? No one, not even my mother, wanted to tell me the whole truth… Not even Hetty!”

Wendy sighed heavily, bowing her head. She knew she had to prepare the younger woman, but how could she tell her that her best friend, the man that meant so much to her, probably more than she even realized, was unresponsive, living almost like a vegetable… and that the doctors feared that he might not get any better; that they were afraid that his mind had been too badly damaged by O’Rourke’s mind game? “You have to prepare yourself, Kensi, because it’s worse than bad… Marty is…” once again, she barely held back the tears.

Kensi bit her lip, nervously, determined not to cry herself. She needed to be strong, for herself and for Deeks too. “I don’t care how he is now or where he is now, Wendy. He will… he will come back, because he promised me and he always keeps his word!” she affirmed with blinded resoluteness. She didn’t care what other people said. She knew Deeks and she knew that giving up was not his style. “I know that he will come back… I know it.”

The nurse admired the young agent’s spirit. She admired how much she trusted her partner, how much she loved him, in spite of everything. They had been through hell together, but the fact that they survived together, made her sure that everything will come back to normal. Kensi didn’t care about what everyone said, she simply knew that Deeks would get through this. “I wish I could be as positive as you are…”

“I know Deeks, Wendy and for me it’s enough.” She gave the older woman a small smile. “Now, do you mind helping me get into that thing? Or do I have to do it myself?”

“Don’t you dare! You know that Marty would never forgive me if something happened to you…” Wendy’s lips curved into a grin, but her hazel eyes were serious, mirroring the gravity of the situation.

“You’re here to take care of me. Nothing will happen to me…” Kensi took the nurse’s hand in hers, squeezing it, seeing the tears rolling down her kind face. “He will make it, Wendy. He wouldn’t have made it till now if he wanted to give up. He has always been a fighter and he won’t stop now. Trust me… and trust him…”

Wendy wiped away the tears with her free hand. She hated herself for showing so many emotions. “I… Marty has become like a son to me. I care for him as much as I did for my own daughter. He helped me feel whole again after so many years. I am not ready to lose him because of what an evil bastard did to him. When I found out what happened to you both, I was terrified. I feared that history was repeating itself. That someone I care so much about was going to be taken away from me again. Trust me, it was worse than when I lost Lizzie, because with her, I knew I did everything I could to save her. It wasn’t enough, but at least I tried. With Marty, I… I couldn’t do anything and it killed me…”

Kensi sensed the deep sense of love this woman felt for her partner and she could only sympathize with her, because she felt exactly the same towards Deeks. “He has this effect on people… he takes your heart and you’re done. Him and his silly grin, his stupid jokes, his surfer attitude… his compassion… his big heart…”

“You do really love him, don’t you?” the nurse asked nonchalantly, taking Kensi by surprise.

“I… don’t even know what loving someone means anymore. It has been too long, but…” she hesitated, forcing herself to be honest for the first time in a long time about her sentiments, about how she really felt for Deeks “…but I know that my life without him would not be the same. It would be absolutely empty…”

Once again, Wendy caressed gently her face. “He got us pretty bad, didn’t he?”

The agent chuckled, passing her tongue on her upper lip. “Yeah, I think so… how did it happen that we fell for such a non-stop-talking surfer?”

“Come on, let me help you. I think you’ve waited long enough…” With great care, being careful not to hurt her, Wendy helped Kensi to get into the wheelchair. “Ready?” she asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She touched the nurse’s hand with hers. “I’m a bit nervous, Wendy, but…” she paused taking a deep breath “But, let’s do it…”

“It will go well, sweetie. Don’t worry. I’m sure Marty will be happy to see you…” Wendy leaned towards her, whispering in Kensi’s ear .“Because trust me, that boy is crazy for you!” and without waiting for a reply, she pushed the wheelchair out of the room leaving a startled Kensi to deal with the meaning and the weight of her words.

* * *

The two women were moving towards the area where Deeks’ room was situated, talking to distract themselves.

“I wonder if hospital policy would allow dog visitations, because Monty misses Deeks so much… Sam told me that the poor guy is always sleeping in front of the door of his house like he is waiting for Deeks to come and get him…” Kensi muttered, nervously.

“And Marty would love to see that furry guy…” Wendy said with a little smile on her lips. “I know Sam and his family are taking good care of him, but Marty and Monty are so close.”

“Yeah, I… I know. You should have seen him that day, Wendy. I ordered Monty to leave, to get out of the apartment. There was fire and smoke everywhere, but he didn’t… he wanted to stay with Deeks and so he did. I still wonder how he managed not to get hurt in the process.” The agent’s voice cracked a little, remembering that day. Cold shivers ran down her spine.

The nurse put, once again, a gentle hand on Kensi’s shoulder, feeling her discomfort. “Someone was keeping an eye on you all from up there, probably.” Her finger indicated upwards. “I’m not very religious, but I still think it’s a bit of a miracle that you all made it out of that place and right in time before the explosion…”

Kensi sighed heavily, closing her eyes. She had tried to push the memories of that infamous day away from her mind, but no matter how hard she forced herself not to think about it, pieces and images still haunted her. Swallowing, hoping to get some control over her emotions, she said feebly, “Yeah…”

They were almost in sight of their destination when they heard a commotion and a sound of metal objects scattering to the floor. Followed immediately by screams and pained cries. A familiar voice echoed in their ears, freezing them.

“No! Don’t… touch me!”

“Deeks…” Kensi whispered, attempting to stand up.

“Stop! Kensi sit down!” Wendy ordered her, pushing the wheelchair towards Deeks’ room, towards the source of the commotion.

When they walked into the room, they found the bed empty. A tray full of medical equipment was scattered on the floor and a nurse was moving towards the corner of the room.

“Mr. Deeks, please, I’m here only to change your bandage…” the nurse was talking to a figure curled on the ground with a pair of scissors in his trembling hand.

“Don’t… touch me! No more… no more…”

“What the hell happened here?” Wendy asked, almost yelling as she and Kensi approached the scene.

The young nurse turned to look at the older woman with an exasperated expression planted on her face. She had a little cut on her arm, but it didn’t seem anything too bad. “He was sleeping, so the doctor sent me in to change the bandage on his feet, but when I touched him, he woke up, freaking out. He threw the tray to the floor and after pulling out the IV and the cardiac electrodes, he jumped out of bed, screaming…”

Wendy put a gentle hand on the younger nurse’s back. “We’ll take it from here. You better go and let someone check on that arm.”

“But… he… it might be dangerous. He grabbed the scissors and…”

“I said it’s ok. You just go… we’ve got it,” insisted Wendy, moving the other nurse aside.

Kensi watched her partner in horror. She had expected him to be in bad shape, but she never imagined this. “Deeks…” she murmured weakly, trying to get herself together.

Deeks was leaning against the wall, shaking like a leaf, with a pair of scissors in his trembling hand. His other arm was in a cast to keep his broken wrist together. Heavy bandages circled his bare chest while the ones on his feet were getting bloodied since he had probably walked on them. But what shocked his partner the most was his eyes. They were filled with pain and pure terror.

“Marty, hey… it’s ok. It’s just me, Wendy,” the nurse said, slowly moving towards him.

“Go away!” Deeks shouted with a shaky voice, lifting the hand holding the scissors.

“No one is here to hurt you, Marty. We’re here to help you…” she insisted, making another step forward.

“Go away!” he repeated with unfocused blue eyes, lost in his own world. “You’re lying… no one can help me…”

His words were like a dagger in Wendy’s heart. “No, Marty. That is not true. I’m your friend and you know it…”

“NO!” he yelled desperately as O’Rourke’s words resounded in his brain, _I’m your only friend Marty, your only friend, the only one who can stop the pain,_ as he beat him mercilessly. Tears rolled down his cheeks, unable to stop them. “No friends… not worthy…” he mumbled.

The nurse was attempting to speak again when Kensi stopped her, slowly standing on her trembling and weak legs. “Kensi, what are you doing?”

The agent didn’t even answer her question, but moved towards her partner, her eyes locked on him. “Deeks, it’s ok…”

“No, no… please, stay away from me…” he murmured, tilting his head right and left as he was fighting an inner battle against an invisible enemy.

“No, I can’t Deeks. You know I simply can’t. I want to help you…” she was close now, very close.

Wendy observed the whole scene, holding her breath. She was aware that the only person who could get into Marty’s mind was Kensi, but she couldn’t deny the fact that the situation was very scary and it terrified her.

“NO! He’s going to hurt me… and hurt you,” Deeks’ voice was just a feeble whisper now and his hand was trembling even more, a clear sign of his increasing discomfort and nervousness. “I… can’t protect you…”

Kensi felt her heart beating madly in her chest as a tight knot formed in her stomach. “Deeks, we’re safe. He’s gone. He’s really gone…”

“NO! He’s here!” the cop screamed lifting the scissors, aiming them at the invisible demon haunting him. “I… I can’t take it anymore… it hurts… please stop it…” Tears flowed copiously on his bruised face, burning like fire.

She finally reached him and, as slowly as her injuries allowed her, she sat in front of him. Her body was just a few inches away from the raised scissors. “He’s gone, Deeks. There’s no need for these. Give me the scissors… please…”

He shook his head, closing his eyes as he wanted to block away the images and memories. “No, he’s here. I… I can feel it. His smell is all over me… and he’s talking to me. He’s here…” He opened his blue orbs, filled with panic.

Kensi stretched her good arm, trying to touch him, but he retreated pressing himself against the wall.

“No, don’t touch me, please… go away, not worthy. I’m… not worthy…”

Deeks was trembling so violently that his partner feared he was going to have a seizure.

“Deeks, you have to calm down. It’s ok. You’re safe now. I am safe too. He’s not going to hurt you here… not anymore. He can’t harm anyone any more…” she repeated, hoping to get through to him, to finally reach him, but the reaction she had was not the one she expected.

“NO! I’m… alone. They left me alone and… he hurt me again. They don’t care. They don’t care for me, useless… I’m useless… nothing…” It was like he was having a conversation with himself. He was not here, but miles away.

It broke Kensi’s heart seeing him like this, but she was determined not to give up on him. Deeks was too important to her to let him drown in his sorrow, without fighting. “Oh shut up! You know this is just bullshit!” She changed her approach in order to shake him from his pitiful state. “You have friends that care for you, that would do everything for you. Whatever he said was just a mind game, Deeks, to break you…” she paused, swallowing hard. “You have me, Deeks, and you know I will never leave you as much as you promised not to leave me… Fight! Don’t let him win! Just fight!”

“I… I can’t Kensi. It’s too much… it’s just too much…” he let his hand fall to the ground, releasing the hold on the scissors. His shoulders were shaken by his sobbing. “It hurts…”

Kensi pushed the scissors away from him, then moved towards him. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes as well. Simply watching her partner break up in front of her was so painful. Anger grew inside of her thinking about O’Rourke, about what he did to Deeks; how he turned her confident, goofy partner in this troubled man, scared of everything and everyone, scared of even simple human contact. Her hand stretched to touch him and once again, he tried to escape it, to retreat, but she was insistent. She was not giving up this time. This was Deeks and she’d do anything to help him. Anything. “Deeks, it’s ok. You trust me, don’t you? You know I will never hurt you…”

He brought his hand towards his head, as he wanted to protect himself, but allowed Kensi to lay her fingers on his arm first, then on his shoulder. He flinched, trembling, but he let her do it. His eyes were closed as he was expecting the pain to come.

“Open your eyes, Deeks. Look at me…” she said, gently, dragging herself closer.

Wendy could feel her heart beating madly at the exchange. She bit her lip, praying that everything would go well, that finally Kensi could reach him, that she could finally touch his soul.

“Deeks, look at me…” the agent said, taking Deeks’ hand away from his head and caressing his cheek. “Please, look at me. It’s all right. Everything is going to be fine…” she smiled, remembering when her partner told her the exact same words.

He shook his head, but he didn’t try to push her hand away. He allowed her to make contact, to touch him.

“Deeks, I know you want to do it, so do it. Open your eyes and look at me! I know you trust me… come on Deeks, do it for me. Let me see those blue eyes of yours…” her voice softened. She really needed him to open his eyes, to look at her, to let her know that he was still here, still the same man so important to her.

Tentatively, Deeks finally did what Kensi asked. Still trembling, his blood shot eyes fluttered open and locked onto hers.

She thought that she had never seen anything so sad, but at the same time so beautiful. “There you are…” her smile widened as she continued to caress his check.

“Kensi… I… what’s happening to me?” he asked childishly. “I am… I am so scared. I can feel him, all the time. He’s here…” his hand grabbed his scalp like he wanted to get something out.

With a steady movement, she guided him towards her, allowing his head to rest on her shoulder, while she gently stroked his hair. “I’m scared too, Deeks, but trust me, he is gone, forever. He won’t hurt you any more…” She felt his tears soaking her hospital gown, but she didn’t care at all. She knew he needed to let it go, to release all of his fears, his frustrations.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Deeks raised his head. His eyes were still locked on hers. His lips just few breaths away from hers. The back of his hand danced tenderly over her face, over the still fresh bruises “Are you… did he hurt you badly?” he wondered in a mix of pure concern and kindness. “I… couldn’t protect you, I wanted to…”

Kensi put a finger on his lip, silencing him. “I’m fine Deeks. He didn’t hurt me too much,” she lied a little for her partner’s sake. “Don’t blame yourself, you’ve been brave, Deeks. You resisted him. You didn’t give him the satisfaction to break you… You’re still here.” She looked at him, with a watered gaze, but full of pride and with a feeble voice, she added, whispering, “With me…You’re here with me and I am so proud of you.”

“Proud? How can you be proud of me? Look… look at you…” his hand brushed again her face, afraid that his touch could hurt her.

Kensi took his hand in hers. “James O’Rourke was an evil man, a monster. He is the only one we have to blame… damn it, Deeks! He almost killed you, I… I… There was nothing we could do to stop him, but now he’s gone. Callen and Sam took care of him… so please, don’t let him hurt you again. Don’t let his memory destroy you, I wouldn’t be able to stand it, because I… I need you Deeks…” she didn’t know why she said that. She didn’t know if it was for his sake or for hers, but the fact was that that she truly meant it. She meant every single word she said to him.

Deeks stared at her, confused, lost, unable to process what he had just heard. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, his head was pounding, his whole body was still trembling with fear, with terror, but Kensi told him that she needed him. Tears once again formed in his eyes as he swallowed hard.

Wendy felt like an intruder in that moment. She was aware that the two partners needed to sort out things together, but she couldn’t stop worrying, even if leaving would have been the best move to do, to give them the privacy they longed for. The nurse in her didn’t allow her to walk out of the room though. They both had been badly injured recently. What if one of them needed help and no one was there to help them? So she moved towards the door, as she wanted to keep guard, giving them space, though, observing them with the corner of her eye, smiling. Once again she had the confirmation of how they were so good for each other, to each other, of how they were perfect together.

“Kensi, I… I am so terrified. There’s a voice in my head that tells me that he’s dead, that it’s over, but I still can feel him all over me. Every time someone gets close, I hear his voice, his smell invades my nostrils and… I can’t breathe. It’s…” As a reaction, his breathing became labored and troubled.

“Sshhtt, it’s ok, relax… there’s no one here. Just you and me…” She guided him, once again, into her arms. “See? I’m touching you and nothing happened…”

Deeks encircled her back with his arms and his good hand grabbed her hospital gown, tightly, even if still shaking. His eyes were closed.

Kensi started making soothing circles on his back, sensing the tension gripping every muscle, every nerve of his body. “It’s ok, Deeks. Don’t worry… we’ll get through this. Together… together we will make it through all of this…”

If possible, he held her even tighter, making her wince a little when her ribs protested, but she didn’t say anything. He needed this. He needed to feel safe.

“Don’t leave me Kens, please don’t leave me alone… I’m scared, I am so scared…” he murmured.

“I’m not gonna leave you, I’m here and I will always be here for you …” She felt his breathing finally relaxing a little until he succumbed to his exhaustion and fell asleep in her arms. Slowly and carefully not to hurt him and worsen his injuries, she leaned him against the wall, cupping his face and kissing his forehead. “Don’t worry Deeks, I will never leave you. I promise you…” She moved beside him, holding his hand and leaning her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes and soon she succumbed to tiredness as well.

When Wendy approached them she could only smile at the sweet scenes of the two partners sleeping side by side, hand in hand, her head on his shoulders, his resting on hers. “Who’s going to tell them that we have to separate them now?” she murmured, deciding to wait a little bit before calling the nurse and the doctors. “Aaaawww young love…”


	28. Chapter 28

The Mission was quiet, almost silent. Most of the agents and people working busily during the day had already left for their homes and families. Lights had been turned off. All of them, but not the one in Hetty’s office. The diminutive woman was sitting at her desk, working on her computer, completing some reports the Director had asked for. A cup of steaming hot tea was resting on her desk, waiting to get to the perfect temperature before being tasted. Nothing could be compared to the pleasure of having a great cup of tea, well nothing, but a glass of English Scotch, maybe.

Hetty’s lips curved in a smile at that thought as she brought the cup to her mouth. She sipped it then laid the tea down.

“I see you found your way home,” she said, smiling at the man standing in front of her. “Don’t tell me you were feeling homesick, Mr. Getz.”

“Maybe, I was just missing you…” the psychologist smirked, taking a seat in the chair facing the Operations Manager.

“Cheeky!” Hetty gave him a cunning grin. She became serious when her eyes landed on the folder in Nate’s hands. “Did you bring me a gift?”

The psychologist put the folder down on the desk. Silence fell between them as they both realized the gravity of the moment. They both knew where their conversation was going and the subject was a bit thorny, as it was about the people they both cared for and that they considered family.

“How are they, Nate?” Hetty finally asked, not sure she truly wanted to know. She had visited her team and she had witnessed with her own eyes the mess James O’Rourke’s attack had made. She couldn’t deny the fact that she was very worried for all of them; for their mental sanity.

The psychologist leaned on the back of the chair, inhaling deeply. “Direct as usual.”

“And I would like a direct and honest answer, as always, Mr. Getz.” Her eyes locked on him, making him uncomfortable, as usual. She always had the ability of putting a man on edge with only a single glance that never changed during the years.

“It could be worse,” finally Nate stated, straightening up. “But it could be much better. What happened to them, affected all of them, on different levels. Everyone is trying to react in his own way, but for sure, it will take time. For some, more than for others.”

“Is it bad if I ask you to be more specific? The Director has asked me for a report and, sincerely, I have to be very specific.” There was a bitter note in her voice. Hetty hated writing this kind of report for the Director. It was impossible to condense in just a few cold and detached words the devastating effect and emotional rollercoaster that this experience had been on her team.

Nate sighed, moving uncomfortably in the chair, trying to find a better position for his long frame. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Mr. Hanna, for example…”

“ Sam is probably doing the best out of all of them. Maybe that’s because he didn’t experience first hand the last encounter with O’Rourke, but he is still feeling guilty because he left his friends alone to face that man. He is trying to be strong for everyone, trying to be the rock of the team. But he’s more fragile than he thinks, mostly because he has not yet overcome his close encounter with death due of the poisoning. He sees that as a weakness that he can’t afford to show. His lack of control in those moments is what is affecting him the most.” The psychologist paused, noticing Hetty’s eyebrow lift skeptically, so he hurried to continue, “But being there for his friends, giving them help and support is helping him as well. He can feel useful and completely in control and this helps him get over his sense of guilt and the survivor’s syndrome…”

“What does that mean?” the Operations Manager asked, worried.

“The fact that Callen chose him, instead of Deeks, shouldn’t be underestimated. Sam feels he was saved from all the pain that Deeks went through because Callen chose to save him first. But Sam is a very strong man, physically and mentally. He found his way to deal with his sentiments, with his emotions, simply by helping his friends. We have only to check on him, not allow him to overdo it and he will be fine, eventually…”

Hetty wrote something down on a piece of paper, then, lifting her head she said, “Mr. Callen?”

“The good thing about how Callen is doing is that since he couldn’t move too much and was stuck in bed because of that knee, I managed to talk with him a lot and I have already seen some improvements. The first time I saw him after coming back to LA and visiting him, Callen was having a panic attack. Something literally paralyzed him… Talking to him, I realized that the guilt was really killing him, eating him from the inside. What O’Rourke did to him had a devastating effect on his mind. It took away his certainties and challenged his role as a leader. Hetty, he was really thinking of quitting because he didn’t see himself fit to protect his teammates, his friends. Rest assured, that if something worse happened to Kensi and Deeks, I really don’t know if we would have been able to save him from himself. O’Rourke put all the blame on Callen’s shoulders, telling him that everything he was doing was because of him… and sadly Callen started to believe it.”

“But do you think he can get over this? That he might be back as steady as he was before…” Hetty stated, reading between Nate’s lines.

“It will take time. I think the first operation after they all get back to work will be very delicate. Knowing that he was the one who stopped O’Rourke and that his friends are still alive, is a good start, but we still need to work a lot on this aspect. I was thinking to convince him to see me or one of my colleagues once or twice a week.” The psychologist slumped his form in the chair, exhaling heavily.

Once again the diminutive woman took note of what he said, then leaned herself into her chair. “What can you tell me about Miss Blye?”

Nate closed his eyes and a sad smile curved his lips. “This is tough one…”

“Tough? Is Miss Blye not coping well with what happened to her?” Hetty’s inquisitive look studied the man in front of her, seeing his forehead wrinkle with concern.

“It’s not that she is not coping well. Considering what she’s been through, what Deeks and she have been through, she’s doing well, but only because she’s trying to stay strong for him.” The psychologist passed a hand over his face before continuing on talking. “It’s hard to talk about Kensi without talking about Deeks. What happened to them, what’s still happening to them, tightened their bond, pushing them closer…”

“Do you mind that they might be sentimentally involved?” wondered Hetty, not very subtly.

Nate chuckled hearing those words. “Oh yes, as you didn’t know about their… thing…”

“Mr. Getz, I reckon that there’s always been a certain attraction between Miss Blye and Mr. Deeks, but I don’t know if this is the place or the occasion to talk about it!”

The psychologist tensed, feeling like he had just been scolded by a teacher. “But, I… you…”

Hetty flashed one of her mischievous grins, sipping her tea.

“I… I think it’s been too long since I’ve been around you. I forgot about your pungent sense of humor…” Nate shook his head and then, taking a deep breath, went on “The fact is that it’s impossible to talk about Kensi without talking about Deeks and vice versa. How one of them is doing is related to how the other is. I know that Kensi has been hurt, that what happened in that apartment has been traumatic, even if she will never admit it, but she is holding herself together because she knew that otherwise Deeks might go to pieces.” Once again he paused, reflecting on his own words “I just hope that she won’t go to pieces first…”

“Do you have the feeling that this might happen?” the Operations Manager understood perfectly what the psychologist was telling her. She had seen herself in first person how her two younger agents were close, how they found strength into each other.

“Sooner or later she will have to face her own demons, but I know that she won’t be alone doing that and for sure that will help her. A lot… and of course Deeks’ mental state will be another factor. They went through this together, they need to come to terms to it together,” his voice became even more serious if it was possible “The kidnapping, the beating, the fire, hearing each other’s screams and cries… this is more traumatic, even for the strongest people. Kensi is very strong and in his own way so is Deeks, but this kind of experience leaves a deep mark in the minds of who is forced to live through it…”

“And Mr. Deeks had to go through that hell, not once, but twice, without mention all the psychological torture O’Rourke put him through…” for a moment the wall of imperturbability that the Operations Manager usually built around her cracked imagining the living hell the blond detective went through, surprised that he didn’t lose completely his sanity. “Nate, honestly, how’s he doing?” her words were soft, sign of her deep affection for the cop.

“Honestly, he’s a mess. But he is still fighting and this is good. Of course having Kensi’s constant presence beside him is of great help, but it’s inside of himself he had to find the strength to fight his demons. O’Rourke messed up with his mind, badly, taking away what he had longed for his entire life, the sense of belonging, of being accepted, of being a part of something… of a family. And he did it with violence, ripping it away from him poisoning his mind. I have to give credit to that man because he used all of his cards perfectly, using his power on Deeks. The only fact that he had always kept him gagged and blindfolded, depriving him of his senses, was another form of torture, subtle, but very effective, that last longer than the physical pain. In his mind Deeks was forced to paint his own figure of O’Rourke, associating it with a particular smell, with a particular noise. Sensing one of them sends him on the edge, like he was back there in the hands of his tormentor. He’s like O’Rourke still possesses a part of Deeks’ soul. We’re working on this point, to give him enough trust on himself, on his friends so he could find a way to re-appropriate of his soul, of his own self…”

Hetty nodded seriously, before asking “And is it working?”

“I am sure it will… but it won’t be a quick process. It will take time…”

The Operations Manager signed down some notes again, then stared at Nate, gratefully. “Thank you, Mr. Getz, for your honesty and of course, for coming back so quickly after my call.”

“Well, let’s just say it was not an offer I was able to refuse,” he tilted his head, winking. He still had in his mind the not so subtle tone with which Hetty had gently asked him to come back and help her with a certain delicate situation. He truly didn’t need convincing. He would come back all the time if Hetty or any other member of her team asked for his help. In a certain way he still felt part of the team.

“Oh don’t be silly, Mr. Getz. It was just a nice conversation between two old friends…” she poured herself another cup of team, inhaling its intense aroma. “Tea, Mr. Getz?”

“No, thank you… I think I better go and get some sleep. Tomorrow I will have a little bit of work to do with the guys.” He stood up, attempting to leave when the diminutive woman stopped him with another question.

“Do you think things will ever go back to normal?

Nate stood still for a while, staring at her intently, before his lips curled into a grin. “Yeah, I am sure they will. Just give them some time… you know, you did a great job with them, putting them together. I wouldn’t have given it a cent, but they’re good. Very good…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Mr. Getz. It was destiny that brought them together,” Hetty took a long sip of tea, satisfied with what she just heard. “Good night, Nate.”

“Good night Hetty,” the psychologist turned on his heels and left, casting one last glance at the empty bullpen, sure that, soon, it will be filled with laughter and jokes, just like it was in the past.

The Operations Manager watched him walk away, then she took a furtive glance at the notes she wrote down, at the name of her agents, at the little symbols she had put next to every name. “Thank you, destiny…” she murmured, smiling cunningly.

* * *

The first lights of the day filtered through the window of the hospital room, gently caressing Deeks’ face. He was sleeping in bed, not exactly restfully. His mind was lost in places he easily wanted to forget about. His good hand was clenched around the sheets and his forehead was all sweaty, wrinkles adorned it. His lips moved, mumbling words incoherently, incomprehensible to everyone.

He was tossing and turning when he woke up with a start, panting heavily, looking around trying to understand where he was. Confused. Shaken.

“Marty, hey…” Wendy’s kind voice told him, jumping to her feet, approaching him without touching him. She still had in mind his reaction of a week ago, when a nurse had tried to take care of his injuries. She didn’t want to repeat that experience, so she left him time to realize about his surroundings.

Deeks blinked repeatedly, attempting to focus his blue eyes, still filled with panic and fear.

The nurse was getting used to this behavior every time he woke up, especially when he woke up after a rough night or nap time, but she didn’t like it at all. She hated seeing him so defenseless, so fragile, so vulnerable. “It’s ok, Marty… it’s ok,” she reassured him with a big sweet smile of hers.

“Kensi… where’s Kensi?” he asked, clearly in panic for his partner’s absence. He was pushing himself up, into a sitting position ignoring the screaming and the aches of his still healing body.

“Calm down, Marty. Kensi is fine…” Wendy pushed him gently back to the mattress but he fought her, not convinced by her answer.

“No… I need to see her. Where’s Kensi?” Tears formed in his eyes and his whole body was trembling violently.

“Marty, look at me,” the nurse entered his vision field to get his attention. Praying that he didn’t freak out, she cupped his face, motherly, softening her tone. “She is fine, really. She simply needed to get some sleep too. Don’t worry, knowing her, she will be here soon.”

Deeks stared at her, still shaking, biting his lip nervously. “She’s ok…” his voice was so uncertain, so childish-like that it was hard to understand whether this was a question or a statement.

“I would never lie to you, Marty. She’s really fine…” Wendy saw his body relax, his features lose all of the tension, while he slumped on the pillow, sinking into it, completely exhausted.

He had just woken up, but his sleep was always restless; haunted by the nightmares and his body could not get the repose it needed. Between this and his emotional state, his unstable and delicate psychological condition, he was a real mess, close to the end of his rope. Only Kensi’s presence seemed to give him a certain sense of balance, of stability that usually kept him calmer. But the NCIS agent needed to rest as well, still affected by her own injuries.

Deeks locked his blue eyes onto Wendy’s hazel ones and he couldn’t hold the tears any longer, bursting out crying. “I’m… I’m such a mess. Look at me, I can’t…” he was staring at his trembling hand like he wanted it to stop. “Wendy, what if… what did I become? I… I’m scared. I am so scared…” he sobbed, cringing in pain when his chest protested.

“I know,” the nurse rushed to his side, sitting on the bed and gently stroking his hair, using her gentler voice. “I can imagine you’re scared, but you’re doing good, really. Just give yourself a little bit of time…”

He raised his head, wiping away the tears from his face. “Wendy, can you… do you mind…” he hesitated feeling so ashamed of his pitiful state, of his emotions “Do you mind giving me a hug?”

The nurse felt a lump forming in her throat. She had wanted to engulf him in an embrace since he had woken up in this bed the first time, but she had always been afraid of his reaction. She didn’t want to hurt him, physically, but mostly, mentally. She could only imagine how hard it was for him to accept human contact when the last ones he had were only intended to hurt him and to make him suffer. “Oh come here, son…” she said without thinking, holding him in her arms, fighting her own tears.

They remained in each other arms for what looked like a lifetime, until Deeks broke the hug. “You… you called me son…” he murmured, startled, feeling his heart beating madly. “But I… you…”

Wendy caressed his cheek, taking away the last trace of tears that adorned it, smiling tenderly. “Yeah, I know, because…” she paused, fearing to invade a mine field. She didn’t want to step in anyone’s shoes, but she truly saw him like her son, like someone she loves like a son. “Because I truly mean it… you became important to me, more than I expected myself, but you can’t choose the people you love. It happens… and you can only accept it.”

“But I… I can’t… I am not Lizzie and I can’t… I don’t even know who I am. How can I give you something? I’m such a…” he wanted to go on talking but the nurse silenced him, simply passing a gentle hand on his bruised face, tenderly, as only a mother could do.

“I know you’re not Lizzie. She was who she was and you are who you are, but this doesn’t mean that I can’t love you, Marty. I love your courage, your loyalty. I love the way you have a smile on your face. I love your fragility. I love the fact that you’re still yourself after everything that happened to you. You might be damaged, as you say, a real mess, but your heart didn’t change. Look at the way you care for Kensi, for your friends… In spite of everything, that monster put you through,” her voice cracked a little, imagining what he went through; what he was still going through because of O’Rourke’s torture. “You’re still here, because you want to live. You told me once that you would be happy if you were able to put a smile on people’s face. So be happy, Marty, because you always put a smile on my face, on your friends’ and on all the people around you. This is a gift; cherish it, with all of your soul. You’re special and mostly you’re special to me… But if you’re not feeling the same way towards me, I can understand. I don’t want to jump in anyone’s shoes and…”

It was Deeks’ turn to silence her, engulfing her in a big embrace. He enjoyed losing himself in Wendy’s comforting arms. It had been too long since anyone showed him some unconditional love and man, it felt good. It felt really good.

A wave of mixed emotions almost overwhelmed the nurse’s heart when the young man hugged her, literally losing himself in her arms. She could feel his heart beating madly, in happiness. It was weird how the worst situations could bring you the best of gifts. If it wasn’t for O’Rourke’s evilness, she would have never met Marty Deeks and her life would have been probably emptier. Now it was her time to repay the young man for giving her back something to live for, to smile for. It was time to give him some love.

Breaking the embrace, she looked at him, smiling gently and wiping away his tears. “Better now?” she asked, kindly.

“Yeah… better.” Deeks paused, swallowing hard, his expression serious. “Will you stick around me? I know I’m not a… happy camper right now…”

“Stick around? Are you serious? I was talking with your Hetty lately and I suggested to her that you might spend some time at my house when you’re discharged from the hospital. At least until you find another apartment and you feel better… You still need some help with your medication and all. I know that Kensi offered you to stay with her and that you might prefer her company, but…”

“Wendy… Wendy…” he tried to stop her rambling, taking her hand in his. When she finally stopped, he flashed one of his sweetest smiles. “It’s ok for me. I’d be… honored…”

“Really?” She couldn’t contain her joy.

The blond man simply nodded, biting his lip, then he added, “And Kensi needs to take care of herself, too. She can’t do it with me around…” There was such an affection in those few words that melted the older woman’s heart.

“You two need to talk, for real, Marty,” she told him, grinning cunningly.

“What… talk? Why? We… and I… well…”

Wendy’s hand moved once again through Deeks’ blond hair then danced on his face. “See? This is the reason… you two are so in love with each other! It’s crystal clear to everyone, but you…”

The cop froze, hearing those words. Was he really in love with Kensi? How could he give her love when he didn’t even know who he truly was and what he truly wanted in his life at this moment? The scars of what happened with O’Rourke were still too deep and too painful and he was not able to focus on anything else right now. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t want to drag Kensi down with him in this pitiful state he was; in this deep sorrow that was consuming his soul.

“I know that right now you can see only the dark side, but soon things will get better and you’ll be happy to have someone special in your life.” Wendy cupped his face, kissing his forehead. “Don’t shut the door before looking outside and see what’s waiting for you. You might be surprised… You and Kensi deserve some happiness, don’t throw it away.”

The cop looked at the nurse trying to process what she had just told him. Maybe she was right, maybe he needed to give it a thought at least… maybe… yes maybe Wendy was right. But Kensi? Really? Did she really feel the same for him? He passed a hand over his tired face, realizing that he was finding hard to keep his eyes open, simply exhausted.

“Time to get some rest, Marty,” the older woman said, tucking him in.

Once again, Deeks took her hand, gratefully. He couldn’t find a way to express with words his gratitude to this woman, for everything she did for him, so he squeezed the hand he was holding, in such a meaningful gesture, before finally allowing sleep to catch up with him.

Wendy didn’t want to break the contact with him and waited until he was deeply asleep. She then took her place in the armchair at his bedside, observing him, studying his features that finally relaxed. His face looked much more serene.

And Deeks slept for the first time in such a long time without a nightmare haunting him, without the bad memories scaring him.


	29. Chapter 29

It had been a month since they finally wrapped up the O’Rourke case and things were starting to get back to normality. Sam and Callen were back to work, even if just for some desk duty, in spite of their protests. Deeks and Kensi had been finally discharged from the hospital and were continuing their recovery at home; she at her mother’s and he at Wendy’s. Both of them were still being followed up by Nate and a close friend of his who took over when he was forced to leave due to an impending job. According to the psychologist, things were going well, slowly, but at least in the right direction. And this was all that mattered to them all. Time was not an issue, not at all, especially after everything happened to all of them.

Hetty was still sitting at her desk, ready to shut her computer off and go home, when she noticed a limping figure approaching her office, walking with the help of a cane. She smiled, indicating to the man to take a seat in front of her. “What can I do for you, Mr. Callen?” she asked gingerly. She had an idea of what her agent wanted to discuss with her and she was pleased that he finally managed to find the courage to talk to her.

“What? Can’t I just come to you and enjoy your simple company?” he retorted, smiling back, but his expression was still very serious.

“Of course you can, Mr. Callen. You know it’s always a pleasure!” Her grin became even wider as her eyes narrowed foxily.

Callen nodded, without saying anything else, simply staring at his hands, nervously. “I… I wanted to thank you,” he started with a very quiet and low voice. “For bringing Nate back and… well, you know, for everything…”

“You’re welcome Mr. Callen, but I didn’t do much. You and your teammates did all the hard work,” she stated firmly as she poured herself a cup of tea from the omnipresent pot on her desk. “Tea?”

The agent shook his head, passing a hand over his head.

Hetty noticed a little trembling in his gesture, a sign of uncertainty that she had hardly seen him doing over the past years. “You should know by now that you couldn’t have done anything differently and that no one blames you for anything that happened. I hope all the hours you spent talking with Mr. Getz helped you to get through that part!” She then curved her lips into a faint smile. “Or I will have to scold Mr. Getz for not reaching his goal…” she added, before sipping her tea.

Callen chuckled, amused by her way to say things, by her directness and perceptiveness. “No, Nate did a great job,” he replied, sighing deeply. “I got it. It was not my fault, but I can’t stop thinking that maybe if I was a bit more cautious, a bit more attentive, well maybe, we could have found out about O’Rourke’s plan before he even captured Sam and Deeks the first time. Do you think that…” his blue eyes darkened, veiled by a shadow as a frown wrinkled his forehead. “Do you think that I got a bit lazy? Or too confident? I think, maybe I became a bit too comfortable around here, with so many people watching my back, with so many people… caring for me. Do you think that maybe I should…”

“Mr. Callen, you are one of the most attentive people I have ever met on this job, always checking behind your back and watching every move you make. You know that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. O’Rourke was very smart, we all noticed it. He had time and patience to develop his plan and to make it work. We were coming out of a rough period, with tough cases one after another. It was normal that you were focused on something else other than waiting for the attack from an old enemy we didn’t even know existed!” the Operations Manager truly meant what she was saying and she hoped that her words could go through her agent’s mind. “You know very well that you can’t predict everyone’s move. If you were able to do it, there wouldn’t be any criminals around here and our job would be much easier. Don’t you think?”

The agent remained silent for a moment. He was pondering on what she just told him. “I know, Hetty. I know. Everyone tells me that and trust me, I believe it myself, but every time I see Kensi and Deeks, I… I can’t think about how close we went to lose them both; how hurt they had been… and it breaks my heart.”

Hetty stretched her hand touching his that was resting on the desk. “This is what happens when you’re part of a family; when you have people important to you, that you care about. And trust me, I am glad you can finally see this, because there was a time in which I was losing my hope with you, Mr. Callen. I thought you were going to end up being just a lone wolf who buried himself in his job and nothing else.”

“But it hurts, Hetty. I never imagined that it would hurt so bad!” he protested, struggling. It was clear that there was a battle going on inside of him.

“I know, Mr. Callen. I know that sometimes being on your own might be easier, but being part of something, of a family, is much more fulfilling. I am glad that first, Sam, and now even the rest of your team, broke the wall you built around yourself. Now, you can truly start enjoying what you didn’t have for so long… for too long.” She looked at him, going deep into his soul with her knowing eyes. “Being part of a family might be tough, painful sometimes, but look on the bright side. Look at the fact that wherever you go, you have always someone with you, caring for you, being worried for you. Look at the fact that you’re not alone anymore, facing your past or looking towards your future. A family is what makes you stronger, without your family you wouldn’t have survived O’Rourke and the aftermath of his attack, you all wouldn’t have survived. Because as a team, as a family, you are stronger… and you, are a better man now…”

He swallowed hard, unable to find the right thing to say; the right words to reply to her, because Hetty was right. He felt much better having people he cared for around him. People that made his life whole, that made life worth living. “So, you think that… that no one holds a grudge because of what happened? Not even Kensi?”

“Why do you think Miss Blye might be mad at you?” Her eyebrows raised skeptically, as she curiously waited for an answer.

“Because I remember how she reacted when she came back from Washington and found about Deeks… She yelled at me and…”

Hetty laughed, throwing her head backwards, surprising Callen who seemed mortified by her reaction. “And how would you react if you were in her shoes? If you came back from an assignment and found out that your partner was missing and maybe dead? Wouldn’t you be mad as well?”

Silence fell in the air, as he bowed his head. “Yeah, at first I would be angry, but then I’d realize that it wasn’t anyone’s fault…”

Hetty’s smile became wider and more cunning. “I think you just answered your own question, Mr. Callen…”

He shook his head, relieved. It was like a heavy burden had been taken away from his shoulders. “Yeah, right…” he said, nodding. His eyes sparkled and finally a full smile curved his lips. “But I don’t have the same interest in Sam as much as Kensi has in Deeks though…” he winked, playfully, a clear sign that he was ok with everything that had been said between them.

“I have to agree with you, Mr. Callen. They are quite a pair,” she stated, regaining a bit of composure.

“And I don’t think you have anything to do with it… Deeks came under your radar by chance, didn’t he?”

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Mr. Callen. You know very well that we needed a liaison…” she insisted, but her eyes had that mischievous glance Callen knew very well.

“Of course…”

After few moments of silence and a few more sips of tea, Hetty finally spoke, “Go home Mr. Callen. Relax and when you can, talk to them if you need more confirmation… I think it will be of a mutual benefit.”

The agent bit his lip, nervously, but then smiled. “I bet I won’t have too many problems finding them together, don’t you think?”

“Let’s just say that Miss Blye and Mr. Deeks are enjoying and taking a great advantage of each other’s company…” Hetty couldn’t hide her pleased and amused expression anymore. “Obviously, a great advantage for their recovery…”

Callen got up, almost unable to stop himself from laughing. “And here I thought that Cupid was a little male cherub with curly blond hair!”

The Operations Manager opened her eyes widely, then burst out laughing. “Ahahah I’m sorry, but I don’t have wings… but I wouldn’t mind showing up naked… I did it in the past, once…”

The Agent stared at her in horror. “Please, too much information. I don’t think I can handle any more!” he lifted his hand, the one that was not holding the cane, in the air as he wanted to surrender.

“But it’s such a nice story, Mr. Callen…”

“Another time, Hetty. Another time…” He was walking away, turning on his heels when she called him back.

“Good night, Mr. Callen,” she simply told him, moving her attention to her tea.

He looked at her, smirking. “Night Hetty…” and then he left, still shaking his head in disbelief.

“Oh bugger, that would have been a nice story to tell… but maybe the world is not ready to hear it yet …” She finished her tea, closed her computer and with a big smile planted on her face, she turned her lamp off and left as well, satisfied that things were finally better. She was sure. Her team made it again. They survived and they were even stronger than before. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…”

* * *

The sun was shining high in the sky and even though the air was crisp, the temperature was pleasant, allowing them to stay outside, enjoying the day.

Monty was playing in the garden, running after the little ball, while Deeks observed him with a serene smile planted on his face. He was sitting on the rocking chair under the porch of Wendy’s backyard filling his lungs with the salty air coming from the not so distant ocean. It was invigorating and made him miss the beach a little less.

It had been almost three weeks since he had left the hospital and he couldn’t deny the fact that he was finally feeling like he was getting better, physically, at least.

The nurse had been very attentive to his needs. Helping him in any way possible. The cop couldn’t deny the fact that it was good having someone who took care of him after such a long time of being on his own.

Twice a week, he had therapy with Nate, who was working hard to re-build everything O’Rourke had destroyed - his certainties, his confidence, his trust and his self-respect. It was hard and tiring and the whole process wore him out easily, especially considering that he was still healing from his injuries. But finally, Deeks was starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Some of the old feelings were coming back and well, it felt good.

Nightmares still haunted his nights and more than once, he woke up screaming, in a bead of sweat, shaking like a leaf, almost unable to focus on where he was; on the fact that he was safe now; that they were all safe from any threats.

The worst hallucination his mind created regarded Kensi and his inability to save her from O’Rourke. Her screams echoed in his brain, making his head ready to explode and his heart to stop at the thought. Coming out of this kind of nightmare took him twice as long, not to mention a lot of effort on Wendy’s part, to calm him down. Sometimes he was so shaken and terrified that they had to call his partner in the middle of the night to reassure himself that everything was fine, that she was safe and not hurt at all.

Fortunately these episodes were getting a little less frequent, even if there were moments in which he tended to lose focus, to space out. His mind wandered, finding itself in places he easily liked to forget. He found himself in terrifying situations, facing his tormentor once again… facing his own demons.

And once again, Wendy was there, with her constant presence and support, reassuring him, making him feel sane. The woman was always ready for him, waking up in the middle of the night, giving him what he needed in that moment, a caress, a kind word, a hug… a smile.

Deeks inhaled deeply, sensing the fresh, salty air, filling his lungs and closing his eyes, he smiled. Monty’s tongue, licking his hand, brought him back to reality. “Hey buddy…” he caressed the dog’s head, happy to have him around and that even his faithful companion had survived his apartment’s destruction. “You wanna play again, buddy?” he asked as Monty offered him the little ball that he readily threw away.

“Still lazing around, partner?” A familiar voice reached his ears and all of his features brightened up.

“Hey Fern, I was waiting for you to do some… physical activity,” he attempted to wink, but as always he didn’t manage to do it, making Kensi laugh at the funny scene. “What? You’re not fair, Kensi… my face still hurts, you know I can’t do it properly right now!”

“Excuses! You should pray that the success of an operation won’t depend on a wink, because you’d be screwed, Deeks. Admit it, you can’t wink. Period…” she joked, sitting in the wicker chair beside him.

“Still not funny…” his eyes met hers for the first time and as always he lost himself in her mismatched orbs. Embarrassed, he bowed his head, playing with his tongue on his lips. “I hope you didn’t drive by yourself. The doctor was adamant. Driving is still forbidden for you!” Even if he was teasing her, there was a concerned note in his voice that didn’t go missed by her partner.

“No, my mum drove me here. She’s talking with Wendy. Those two seem to get along very well…” Kensi observed him intently, glad to see him a bit more relaxed and with a more restful expression on his face. “Did you have a good night?” she asked, without even realizing it.

“Yeah, it was fine,” he simply said, smiling sweetly.

An awkward silence fell between them as they simply stood, lost in their thoughts. It was Kensi that finally broke it. “It’s beautiful here, very peaceful…”

Deeks reflected before answering, watching Monty running towards them as he had just realized that a guest had arrived. “Yeah, Monty loves it.”

“Hey there, buddy,” she greeted the dog who was wagging his tail in happiness. “And what about you? Don’t you like it?”

“I…” he hesitated, biting the inside of his mouth, nervously. “I kind of miss my place. I know, that apartment sucked, but… I had been living there ever since I finished College. It was in my neighborhood, just a few blocks away from where I lived when I was…” once again he stopped, his mind suddenly catapulted back in time. “I’ve always lived there… it felt like home…”

Kensi felt his struggle and a knot formed in her stomach. This was something else that O’Rourke took away from Deeks, not only his apartment, but his roots, the sense of stability in life that living in the same place for your whole life could give you. “I’m sorry…” she simply murmured, stretching her hand so she could touch his.

“It was just an apartment…” his words were filled with sadness, but he tried to smile as their eyes locked to each other. “Hetty said that she’d help me to find a more suitable abode in the same neighborhood… and you know how she is…”

“More suitable? What did she mean by that?” she looked at him skeptically, with a hint of worry. “You sure you’re ok, Deeks?”

His smile grew wider, touched by her concern. “It’s Hetty, Kens. You know how cryptic she can be!”

Unconsciously, she sighed in relief. Deeks was right. Hetty could be hard to decipher, but she always had the well-being of her men in mind, so she didn’t have to be so worried about her partner. He was in good hands, that was for sure. “So, how do you really feel today? Honest answer, please…”

“Better, I think. I can’t wait to start doing something more than sit in this chair or on the couch all day. Man, I miss surfing, I miss running, I miss… working…” his gaze stopped on Kensi’s face, on her smile, on her lips and suddenly he felt something moving inside of him. Hundreds of different emotions engulfed him, overwhelming him. “I miss you…” he admitted, whispering.

Kensi was surprised by his words, mostly shocked. She didn’t expect anything like that and she was not emotionally ready for that. He caught her off-guard and she didn’t have time to raise her shield, so her reply came out as honest as it could ever be. “I miss you, too.” Her hand reached his, once again, and squeezed it.

He looked at her, staring at her with his ocean blue eyes that went deeply into her soul, touching her like no one had ever done before. “What’s happening here, Kens?” His voice was nothing more than a whisper and had that mellow tone she couldn’t resist.

“I… I don’t know,” she murmured, biting her lip nervously. “But… it sounds, well, I… I don’t know, it’s just that… it’s been too long and I don’t know how to… process this. I…”

“I’m sorry,” Deeks muttered, breaking eye contact, feeling ashamed and guilty.

“Hey…” Kensi dragged the wicker chair closer to him and laid a gentle hand on his face, on his cheek. “There’s nothing to be sorry…”

He looked so vulnerable in that moment, so defenseless and it almost melted her heart.

“I… I shouldn’t have said that. I was stupid, but…” His gaze crossed once again with hers and in that moment, he knew he was screwed. “I truly mean it, Kens. I miss you. I miss spending all my days with you, I miss talking to you all day, I miss bickering with you… darn, I even miss you hitting me.” His eyes became even deeper, even more intense than normal. “I miss you Kensi. When… when we were there, in my apartment, and I couldn’t see you, I was terrified. I was afraid of losing you and it hurt, it hurt more than every blow he delivered to me; more than all of his poisonous words. Just the idea of losing you broke my heart… sending it to pieces.”

She felt like someone had sucked the air out of her lungs. She couldn’t believe this was happening. In the years she had known her partner, she had never heard anything so honest, so open, coming from him. If possible, Deeks was even more reserved than she was when it came to personal matters, to emotions. He usually hid behind a joke, behind a smile, but this time there was no walls, no barrier. He was sharing his inner emotions, his feelings with her, putting his own heart on the table, right in front of her. And she truly didn’t know how to take it, because she was scared… scared of her own feelings, of her own emotions that mirrored his.

When she was watching O’Rourke hurt Deeks, she had felt like her world was being destroyed. She was devastated at the idea that her partner could die under that evil bastard’s blows. In that moment, she knew that her life and Deeks’ were linked, entangled, more than she had ever admitted them to be.

“Sorry, I… I did it again,” he muttered, turning away from her. “I’m such an idiot…”

As an answer, she cupped his face and looked at him straight into his blue eyes filled with unshed tears and then, without any hesitation, she gently put her lips on his, kissing him softly. Her heart started racing madly, almost exploding in her chest, when she sensed him kissing her back, with deep affection… with love.

When they broke apart, they rested their foreheads on each other’s, breathing heavily, still incredulous of what had just happened.

“You have your way to silence people…” he told her, teasingly, as his lips curved into a grin.

“Not all the people, just you…” she replied, using the same mocking tone.

They remained like that for few long moments, then, Deeks passed the back of his hand on her check, gently, tenderly. “What now?” he wondered with a feeble voice.

“I think we can take things as they are… coming to us. Do you have any regret?” she asked, holding her breath, fearing he might say that he regretted something about the kiss.

“Oh yes…” he started seriously. “I regret waiting so long. I regret that I needed such a close call to listen to my heart. I regret that I… didn’t kiss you first, before you could do it…” he stopped abruptly, his throat knotted. “I regret that I’m not so sure that I can give you what you deserve, Kensi…” His hand moved to the back of her head, through her hair, playing with it. “I am so broken inside. Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am and what I am. The fear is paralyzing. I have moments in which I still feel him and all I want to do in those moments is to let go and drown into the sorrow and the pain…”

Kensi put a finger on his lips, slowly getting up and sitting on his lap as one of her hands moved behind his neck. “Sshhtt, don’t, please. There’s no other place I would like to be other than here, with you, Deeks. I know who you are and what you are. You’re my partner, my best friend, the man I will always want to have at my side, the man who makes my life better. The man who makes me want to start living again… who makes me start loving again.” She kissed his right eye, then his left one, moving down to his cheeks and nose, finally stopping on his lips. “I am here with you, Deeks and together, we will make it through all of this. I know you are scared, because trust me, I’m terrified as well. I still hear his voice, feeling his hands on me, touching me, but I know he’s dead and I want to feel your hands touching me. I want to feel you around me, on me… you’re the cure that will heal me and I want to be your medicine as well. Please, allow me to do it… I want to heal your soul, Deeks, as much as you’re doing it to me.”

Deeks felt the tears forming in his eyes and a great joy filling his soul. He never expected that she had some deep feelings for him. Kensi was not a woman who showed her emotions so openly. Maybe this bad experience had affected her too, making her see what she was missing. “Are you… sure? I really don’t know how I… I don’t know if I will ever be whole again. I don’t want to drag you down with me and trust me, sometimes I really go down, almost to the bottom… I don’t want to ruin your life.”

“Look at me,” she told her once again, cupping his face, losing herself in his troubled blue eyes. “Do you trust me, Deeks?”

Barely holding himself, he simply nodded.

“Good, because I’m not going to tell you, you won’t fall, but even if you stumble, I will be there to help you on your feet. You’re worthy, Deeks, no matter what O’Rourke told you, you’re more than worthy and I care for you as I never cared for any other man in my whole life!” she paused letting her words going through his brain. “You’re the man I want to spend my life with, no one else…”

Tears started rolling down his cheeks as he engulfed her in a tight embrace, holding her as he had never held anyone before, afraid that he could wake up, realizing that this was just another dream, another trick his mind played to him. “Is it real, Kensi? Are you real?” he wondered with a childish tone that almost broke her heart.

“Yeah, all of this is real. You are real. I am too…” She wiped away the tears from his face once they broke the embrace and once again, her lips looked for his.

“Kensi Marie Blye, you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into…” Finally, a big grin lightened Deeks’ expression as he realized that this was real.

“Someone, save me, please…” she remarked cunningly, punching lightly in his shoulder, before snuggling into his arms, leaning her head on his chest. She was comforted by his steady and accelerated heartbeat as he held her tightly.

They stood there for such a long time, oblivious to everything happening around them. They didn’t see Monty sprawled at their feet, wagging his tail in happiness sensing the peaceful moment they were experiencing.

They didn’t see Wendy and Julia, Kensi’s mother, observe them with a big smile and a few tears on their faces as they exchanged a knowing glance. They were finally relieved that they had come to their senses, allowing their true emotions to surface and to have let go of their stubbornness.

They simply enjoyed each other’s presence, the warm feeling of their bodies pressed together, the sound of their hearts beating in unison like they were one single person. They enjoyed being alive, that was enough. For now…


	30. Chapter 30

The long shadows of the incoming evening were starting to engulf the beach, so people started to leave and go back home. It had been a nice and sunny Sunday and the place had been crowded, full of joyful voices filling the air. Kids had played happily along with their relaxed parents, boys and girls had enjoyed the warm water, surfers had ridden the waves on their colored boards. A simple perfect day, even for the two figures still on their towels, watching the waves crashing on the beach, lulled by their sound.

Kensi was resting her back on Deeks’ chest as he was holding her from behind. They had spent the entire afternoon here, on the beach, just enjoying it. They were both still unable to go inside the water because of their still healing injuries, but just being here had brought a smile to their faces that were finally regaining a bit of natural, tanned color – something that they had lost in the past months.

She shivered when the fresh air caressed her warm skin and so she snuggled into his arms.

“Are you cold?” he asked a bit worried. “I can get you your sweatshirt…”

She buried herself into his hug even more, moaning pleased. “No, not yet. I don’t want you to let me go. I’m so good here where I am… You’re warm enough.”

“I thought I was steaming hot, not simply warm!” Deeks joked, holding her even tighter. He was enjoying the way she was engulfed in his embrace and he truly didn’t have any intention to be separated from her so soon. His lips kissed the top of her head, gently, causing her to turn around and kiss him back, on the lips this time. It was a tender, romantic kiss between two people absolutely and completely in love.

Two months had passed since that afternoon at Wendy’s house, when they finally decided to face their feelings and since that moment they had been practically inseparable. The worst experience of their lives as partners had turned into something amazing, something fulfilling, something that was giving them a new strength to face their fears and to start living again. With Kensi’s constant presence in his life, Deeks was finally getting better, so much better that Nate felt safe to leave and go back to his job abroad, where his skills where more needed. He had told them the day of his departure.

Yes, finally, everything was starting to get back to normal; to where it was before the O’Rourke’s affair. What happened was not easy to forget because it had left so many scars, but the whole team was trying to go on with life, supporting one another and being there when one of them needed help.

“You’re hot enough…” Kensi murmured, locking her mismatched eyes on Deeks’ blue ones, with a mischievous grin curving her lips.

“I know that grin, Miss Blye. I know what you have in mind, but I don’t think this is the right place for such a private performance…” he smirked back, as the blue of his orbs sparkled with burning desire.

She lightly punched him in the shoulder before allowing her lips to make contact with his. Her fingers ran through his hair, feeling her own desire growing.

“Ehm ehm…” a fake cough broke them apart.

“What do you think, Sam? Are they at risk of being arrested for obscene acts in a public place? I mean, there are kids around here, I wouldn’t like them to be traumatized by such a public display of… affection…” Callen said with a high dose of irony in his voice.

“Oh well, I think we can give them a simple warning this time…” Sam moved his serious gaze towards Deeks, “But, Shaggy, you better keep your hands where I can see them...”

“Hey! This is not fair. She started it! Why do you always pick on me?” the cop protested. Even if he knew that the ex-Seal was not really threatening him, he couldn’t deny the fact that Sam always scared him a bit.

“Oh poor baby…” Kensi’s hand danced on Deeks’ chest and once again, she couldn’t stop kissing him, teasingly.

“Ok, ok… now I know who’s the boss in your relationship!” Callen turned his face away, feeling a bit like an intruder. “Too many information, my mind can be blown!”

The all laughed as the two senior agents sat on the fresh sand of the incoming evening.

“What did you bring us?” Kensi asked excitedly, sensing her stomach grumble.

“Mexican. Is that good for you? Sam wanted to get some salads and macrobiotic stuff, but I stopped him before it was too late!” the team leader opened one of the paper bags he had just laid on the ground and the spicy aroma of the food invaded their nostrils.

“Oh Callen, I love you! I’m starving!” she hardly contained her excitement.

“Hey, do I have to be jealous? I thought you loved me…” Deeks pinched her on her side, making her jump. A big smile brightened his whole face at her reaction. “Oh payback is sooo sweet! This teaches you not to hit me…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence because she hit him again, on the other shoulder. “Oh yes, payback is sweet indeed!” she winked cunningly. “Now eat, I want you in shape later…” she whispered in his ear, making him blush.

Deeks bowed his head, almost embarrassed. He still couldn’t believe that this was really happening; that this woman was really his; that she truly loved him. He took the offered food and started eating it, in silence.

They ate the delicious food, drank beer, talked and joked, all enjoying one another’s company.

Callen observed his teammates, realizing that the longer the night went on, the more silent Deeks became. After all that had happened, the team leader was now more protective towards his friends, especially towards the cop who had suffered a heavy mental breakdown because of what O’Rourke put him through. So seeing Deeks so silent put him on alert, afraid that he might have another episode. Another moment in which bad memories would come and get him.

“You ok there, Deeks?” he asked, offering the detective another beer.

Both Sam and Kensi moved their gazes towards Deeks who cast his glance away towards the ocean, locking his eyes on the immense blue of the sea, losing itself into the dark sky of the incoming night.

“Deeks?” Kensi took his hand in hers, finding it too cold for her taste. Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed his jacket and put it on his shoulders.

The cop turned to face her, their eyes met, and her heart melt at what she saw, at the deepness of his gaze, at the serenity she read into those blue orbs she loved so much. And so she knew… she knew he was fine. There was no need for words for her.

“I’m fine, Callen. I was just thinking…” Deeks said with a feeble voice.

“You? Thinking? Hard to believe,” joked Sam, trying to ease the situation a bit.

The cop could only chuckle, grateful for this. “Yeah, hard to believe, I know.” He agreed even more jokingly.

“What were you thinking about?” Callen insisted, sensing that there was much more than a simple joke behind the cop’s behavior.

Deeks took a deep breath, wearing the jacket Kensi had just given him, bracing himself, as his eyes landed on the team leader’s ones. “About O’Rourke, about what he… told me…” His words came out more pained than he intended them to be, but it was too late to take them back.

“Hey, you know that he only said them to hurt you, to…”

“Callen, it’s ok. I know and now, I know that everything he told me was just a lie. I know that… that you cared…” the cop interrupted him, smiling kindly.

A knot clenched Callen’s stomach. It still hurt, everything about O’Rourke was still a fresh wound. Too fresh, sadly.

Deeks moved his glance towards the ocean, inhaling the salty air deeply. “It’s just that I feel stupid, because I believed him, because I believed everything he told me, because I doubted you all. How could I be so stupid? I mean, I know that at first, not one of you really liked me, but things changed. We slowly became a real team and a team always sticks together… in good and bad times…” He felt Kensi’s hand on his back, making soothing circles, calming him.

“Deeks, you know that you don’t need to go back there.” She felt him shivering, aware that his mind might take him to remote places she wanted him to stay away from so badly.

“Yes, Kensi’s right, Deeks. It’s over, now. You can forget about him, about every word he said, about everything he did. O’Rourke was pure evil, but we won against him.” Sam’s voice was firm and proud. He was the usual rock for all of them, in spite of his own insecurities, of his own memories.

“Yeah, I know… we won.” A veil of sadness came through Deeks’ voice, but it was just for a moment. “We won, because we were a team. We showed him our strength…”

Callen put a hand on the cop’s shoulder, forcing him to face him, blue eyes met blue eyes. “We won because we were… we are a family, Deeks. And you are an annoying younger brother we can’t stop having around!”

Sam’s hand moved to Deeks’ neck, with affection. “Oh yes, a very annoying one, I admit…” A dimpled smile curved his lips, softening his whole expression.

“And we can’t stop having him around…” Kensi caressed his cheek, before planting a chaste kiss on it.

The cop’s eyes watered, but this time, they were happy tears. He truly felt like he was belonging, as he never did in the past. His throat was clenched in a tight vice, but he managed to whisper a simple “Thank you…”

“Hey guys, we brought dessert!” a cheerful voice came from behind them.

“Oh, Nell, I… I think we have interrupted something…” Eric said, looking at Nell, who felt a bit guilty.

“No, you… you didn’t interrupt anything that can’t be shared.” Surprisingly, it was Deeks who spoke first. “We were just enjoying the fact that we are a family. You showed up just in time, because you’re a part of it, too.”

“And what about me, Mr. Deeks?” Hetty appeared out of nowhere with a bottle of Scotch in her hand.

Deeks smirked, amused and happy at the same time. “You’re our lovely mother…” he remarked, with a cunning smile.

“I appreciate the fact that you said, ‘mother’ and not ‘grandmother’, Mr. Deeks.” The Operations Manager sat between Callen and Sam, admiring her team, pleased. She couldn’t be more satisfied of what they had become, of how close they had grown.

“Oh don’t worry, Hetty. ‘Grandmother’ is a word that can apply only to Sam here!” the cop exclaimed, waiting for a fierce reaction from the ex-Seal who burst out laughing instead.

“Be warned Deeks, Gramdmas always spank their Grankids…” the big man winked, raising his eyebrows playfully.

Everyone, but the cop, laughed out loud.

“Deeks, I think you’re just about to faint!” Callen stated, seeing the color being drained from his younger teammate’s face.

“Don’t worry, Deeks, I will take care of you!” Kensi leaned her head against his shoulder, looking at him with an amused smile.

“I… I thought you could defend me in the first place, instead of taking care of me after the damage has be done!” Deeks protested, but he couldn’t hide his smile. He never felt as good as he was feeling now. He might be damaged, he might be a bit broken, but for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he had a family. A real family. People who accepted him for who and what he was, not for something he pretended to be. And, man, it felt absolutely good.

They spent the night together, talking, laughing, simply enjoying the good company; simply enjoying the fact that no matter what might happen during their line of duty, they would never be alone.

* * *

The silent figure walked among the graves, moving with uncertain pace, as he was looking for something, hoping not to find it at all. It was raining heavily, but the man didn’t care about carrying an umbrella. He was too focused on his task.

The rain soaked him from head to toe; his blond hair was sticking to his face and his drenched, white t-shirt, revealed all the details of his chest.

Deeks didn’t really know why he was here or why he had this sudden urge to come here and look for the grave. He had woken up that morning determined to finally find closure. He was tired of being a victim, tired of being scared of a ghost, tired of living his life afraid of an invisible shadow lingering over him.

And here he was, walking slowly with unsteady legs, towards James O’Rourke’s grave. His voice had trembled when he had asked information from the keeper at the entrance. He had tried to keep up his stoic face; to keep his mask in place.

As he approached the grave though, the more his agitation grew and the more his stomach knotted.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he muttered stopping on his feet, debating whether to go on walking or turn around and go back home. His fists clenched tightly as he closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “Don’t be an idiot! You know why you’re here! You know why you have to do it, so be a man and do it!” he continued his inner conversation, hoping to push himself to collect his strength and to gain some control over his emotions. Too bad it was very hard, too bad he felt almost paralyzed.

Four months had passed since the day Callen and Sam finally put an end to the team’s worst living nightmare. Four months since the day he and Kensi almost died because of James O’Rourke. Four months since he almost completely lost his mind. Four months and he was still fighting a battle against the memories of that experience, against his own fears. It was really time to write the words _The end_ to this bad story.

Deeks had thought that coming here would help him to find the closure he was looking for, that it was the right idea. But now that he was standing in front of the grave of the monster that had haunted his sleepless nights after torturing him for months, he was not so sure anymore.

Just reading the name on the gravestone sent chills through his bones and turned his stomach upside down. He had to force himself to take deep breaths, not to get sick, not to hyperventilate or allow the panic to spread through every cell of his body. No matter how hard he tried, he knew that it was coming, that soon he would not be able to control himself. A sad, familiar smell assaulted his nostrils and suddenly, he fell on his knees, retching dry heaves, holding tightly the grass in his clenched fists. The hissing voice that had terrified him for too long, echoed in his brain and pain exploded in his head, like a knife sinking into it.

_Look at you, Marty. Always pathetic. You’re not worthy, never was, never will._

Another wave of nausea caught him, as bile rose up through his throat. Deeks coughed, shaking his already trembling body.

_No one cares for you, Marty. No one cares for a failure like you. No one cares for a pitiful excuse of a man like you are!_

Once again, the words resounded in his mind, reverberating through every part of himself. It hurt. God, it hurt… Tears started rolling down his cheeks while his shoulders were shaken by the sobs.

_You’re nothing, Marty. I broke you in the end… and I won. No one will ever love you, because you don’t deserve to be loved. I was your only friend and now, you’re alone._

A chilling laugh came from nowhere… no, it was not possible. He was dead. O’Rourke was dead.

Deeks tightened his fists even more, releasing his frustration on the ground, punching it hard. “You’re dead, bastard! You’re fucking dead, you son of a bitch!” his voice was unsure at first, but then gained strength when Kensi’s smiling face appeared in front of him. “You’re dead and I am still here. You might have broken me, but you didn’t win. I am not alone, not anymore… because I have a family, people who really care for me, no matter how damaged I am. No matter how pathetic I may be. They. Care. For. Me! You lost, bastard!”

_This is what they make you believe. This is what they want you to believe. But you’re still not worthy, Marty. Sooner or later they will realize what kind of weak, whiny baby you are. How worthless and useless you are and they will leave you alone! You will never belong, Marty. No one will ever want someone like you in a family. Just live with that!_

A low, guttural laugh escaped from Deeks’ throat. He found the energy to put himself in a sitting position with his face to the sky, allowing the rain to roll down his cheeks. “I’m not alone, you little piece of shit! You can rot in hell knowing that you don’t have any power on me. Not anymore. I might be useless or worthless, but I know that they care for me… and this is enough! You’re not the monster that terrified me, you’re not a demon. You’re just another son of a bitch who deserved everything that happened to him! You brought it on yourself and on your sons. You ruined their lives… you must be proud of yourself! You succeeded, even where my father failed. He didn’t destroy my life, my future. I didn’t allow him, because I… I never wanted to follow in his footsteps. You did… you killed your sons the moment you dragged them along with you. The moment you told them that there was only your way in life! You didn’t give them a chance and look what happened… You are all dead, whilst I, the failure, the worthless brat, am still alive, enjoying my life…” There was a lot of sorrow in his voice, though, with a hint of satisfaction. “Give me a favor, you bastard. If you see my father in hell, tell him…” he paused, suddenly out of words. His throat dry. “Tell him that… that I win even against him… That he didn’t succeed in ruining my life!”

Deeks burst out laughing while tears mixed with the raindrops falling over his face. For the first time in such a long, long time, he felt in control over his life, over his emotions and over his feelings about what happened with O’Rourke, about what happened during his childhood. For the first time in such a long, long time, he felt really ready to face his future with a real smile on his face, not the one he created to protect himself, to shield him from what was outside his shell. And he couldn’t do anything other than to burst out laughing hysterically.

Kensi found him like that -sitting in front of O’Rourke’s grave, laughing. The heavy rain had soaked him, giving him the appearance of a drenched puppy. She should have been worried, thinking that maybe coming here had not been a great idea, fearing that he might go crazy. But the moment she saw Deeks’ eyes, she understood. She knew that everything was fine and mostly that everything was going to be all right.

There was a sparkle in those blue eyes she loved so much that she had never had seen before. A light that brightened his whole expression, in spite of the tears that filled his blue orbs. It was the consciousness to be alive, to be ready to live the life, the will to live. Deeks had finally beat his demons that had almost destroyed him and his newly found family.

“Hey…” she greeted him, kneeling so their gaze could meet.

“Hey,” he said back, flashing one of the sweetest smiles she had ever seen on his face, before his lips found hers and he kissed her. Passionately, as he had never done before, with desire. With love. “I missed you…” he whispered.

“I missed you too,” Kensi replied, unable to break eye contact with him. “You ok?” She had to ask it. She needed to be sure he was truly fine. She had been so scared when he told her what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go. But she had trusted him and let him do it. Now, seeing him here, under the rain, crying on O’Rourke’s grave with a satisfied and relieved expression planted on his face, Kensi knew this was the right thing to do. But in spite of all of this, she needed to hear him say that he was good.

Deeks simply stared at her, caressing her gently, brushing away her hair from her face. “I will…” without waiting for a reply, he guided her into his embrace, sobbing. “I will be ok, Kens.”

Tears formed in her own eyes, understanding the deep meaning of those few simple words. For the first time in a long time, she truly knew that things were going to be fine and that he will be back to who he was before this experience. “So, are you ready to get out of this place? I know a little bistro just few blocks away where there have the most amazing donuts ever…”

“Why is it always about food for you?” he asked, smiling and still crying at the same time. Emotions were overwhelming his heart and even his soul. He didn’t expect coming to this place to be so hard, but in spite of the pain, of the bad memories, it had been worthwhile. He had fought, once again, against his demons, but this time, they didn’t hurt him. This time, he won, and he could go away carrying himself proudly. His expression became more serious when he told her, “Yeah, let’s get out of here…”

Kensi took him by his hand and slowly, they started walking away, leaving the grave of their worst nightmare behind their backs; leaving the past behind them. It was time to start a new chapter of their life. Together.

While leaving the graveyard, Deeks stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath, thinking about everything happened to them. And few words came to his mind.

_One hour is a drop in the ocean, but one hour can change a man's life or the life of an entire team, of an entire family. For good._

He looked at the wonderful woman walking side by side with him and smiled. Life was so worth living when you were surrounded by loved ones… when you were not alone. When you were part of a big extended family.

 

The end

* * *

And this is all. Thanks for reading and showing me your support. I think I will post a sequel soon. Stay tuned.

 


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